No 34 - December 1937 - Southgate County School

-40 Southgate County School Magazine
to be infallible and it is quite simple. You just hold a threepenny
bit under your tongue. But of course you must be a Scot. Another
tale relates that some time ago an Aberdonian was taken to
hospital with a wireless loud speaker jammed over his head.
When at last the encumbrance had been sawn away, the surgeon
asked the man how he/had managed to get into such an extraordinary
situation. " Weel," said the man, " it was this way—
1 was sitting at home listening to a religious service, and suddently
I heard ane o' the sidesmen drop the collection plate."
Marriage also proves a fruitful subject for ironical pleasantry.
One notices that the joke is nearly always against the bride—or
the bride's mother. But there are one or two against the bridegroom,
and'as a defender of my sex, I must mention one. it
concerns Mrs. Harker and her weekly woman. " Them's lovely
pearls you've got on, Missis," said the woman admiringly,
" Yes," said Mrs. Harker, ".I ought not, perhaps, to be wearing
them about the house but pearls need wearing, you know or else
they, lose their lustre. They were my husband's wedding present
to me." " An' did 'e give you a wedding present?" asked the
weekly woman. " Of course," replied Mrs. Harker. " The
bridegroom always gives the bride a present. Didn't your husband
give you one?" " Not as I remembers," said the charlady,
"though in a manner o' speakin', 'e did. At any rate 'e 'elped
me with the washin' the first fortnight."
I must be fair to the opposite sex and tell a little tale about
a newly married couple—a tale which .amused me considerably.
The marriage ceremony was being held up as the Minister had
failed to arrive. The bride and bridegroom and their friends
. were anxiously awaiting him. The minutes passed and still he
did not come and things began to look serious. At last, however,
he turned up and the ceremony was performed. Some months
later he met the husband and, in the course of conversation,
remarked jocularly, "Remember the fright I gave you a few
months ago?" " Yes," said the husband, " and I've still got
her."
One reads many amusing stories about the little humorists
at school and, this being a school magazine, I feel justified in
recording one or two. At a certain school the children on reassembling
had been .accustomed to sing a short hymn or
" grace " commencing with the line
" Weak and sinful though we be."
On a new up-to-date mistress being appointed to the class,
she soon discovered that nearly half the class was innocently
rendering the line as—
" We can sing, full though we be."
Children are very apt to mishear difficult or unusual words
and certainly the girl who went into a booksellers and asked
for a volume entitled " Milk and Asparagus Lost " had misheard
the direction of her English mistress.
Teachers and scholars alike are familiar with the ordeal of the
inspector's visit and will I think appreciate the tale of the youth,