Style

20 THE STANDARD STYLE / FAMILY / PARENTING
August 17 to 23 2014
Teen
PART
Drinking
3
and
Smoking
Prudence Muganiwah
THE last point in last week’s issue
was on teen proofing your
home in order that your ever
adventurous teen may have
limited access to your stuff that
they may end up abusing – stuff like
your alcohol.
But then you ask, how practical
is this? And how do you draw
the boundary from a warm home
wherein your son/daughter feels
welcome to use everything at their
freewill, and having limits and rules
in terms of what they have access
to and how they use it. Is there a
need to draw a boundary in the first
place? And is there a need to give
your teen privacy?
As a parent, you probably often
wonder where to draw the line with
your teen, especially after you find
out that they may be using substances.
But remember, this is your home
hence privacy is a privilege as opposed
to a right.
There is a difference between you
reading your fifteen year old’s diary
in search of her reaction to her
not getting a birthday party this
year, and you going through her
shelves and drawers because you
have seen alcohol bottle tops or an
empty packet of cigarettes. It is still
your home, your child is still your
responsibility and they still live under
your roof thus privacy simply
goes out the window. And the simple
reason is that your child is hiding
something, hiding a bad behaviour.
After all, if it was clean there
would be no reason for them to hide
it, would there? After finding whatever
substance in your child’s room,
there will be a need for you to decide
what course of action you’re going
to take. What decision you make is
based upon your previous parenting
approach, the kind of culture
and rules your family follows, and
above all, what kind of a child you
have. You know your child best, thus
you will know how best to approach
the issue with caution to get positive
and progressive results.
Whilst for some kids, depending
on the type of substance abuse, frequency,
recurrence, and character
of the child, it may suffice to let
them go with a stern talk, for some
others it may become necessary to
even call the police! So the judgement
call is really on you as you
assess what kind of child you are
bringing up.
There should obviously be a difference
between first time offenders
and repetitive ones – as with some
it would be a purely childish mistake
stemming from their sense of
adventure. In such cases you may
decide to just let your child know
that you are having none of it ever
again. However, if you’re concerned
that the substance abuse or lies have
reached a level where more severe
disciplinary measures should be involved,
you may choose to do that if
it means that it helps you drive your
point home more effectively.
Because the bottom line is, no matter
how mature your teen may look,
their mind is still full of lots of childish
and sometimes detrimental ideas.
They are a child – your child. So
the call is on you.
Feedback: pmuganiwah@alphamedia.co.zw
Bullying
Survival Tips
for your
Little One
PART
3
Prudence Muganiwah
SO you have finally established
that your child indeed
is being bullied in
school. Her/his behaviour
has confirmed it – or maybe he/
she has come outright and told
you. What to do? After all you
don’t actually spend the day with
her/him. So how do you control
it? Can you even control it? Of
course you can – in the very least
you can help improve the situation
by giving your child a few
tips to use when they face bullying
in your absence – they will
need to be independent seeing as
they are growing up, fast. Here
are a few tips:
Walk away:
Whilst most may take this as a
cowardly response to bullying,
reacting this way sends a direct
message that you’re not vulnerable
and you are bigger than the
bully. Bullies thrive on the reaction
they get from their victims, and if
you cry or show that they have affected
you by grabbing your sandwich
or your soccer ball, you are
only giving them more power over
you. Rather walk away and ignore
hurtful insults. This way, you are
telling the bully that you simply
don’t care and soon they will get
bored with you.
Catch them unawares:
As previously stated, most bullies
aim at getting you really upset – they
like knowing that they have control
over your feelings and emotions.
So in a scenario wherein you have
been bullied and you find it hard to
walk away, use humor instead – this
is an easy way to throw the bully
off guard as he/she will most probably
not be expecting it. Laugh at
their insult, joke along with them
instead of pushing for a fight to occur.
In fact, in the long run this may
even pave way for the bully to make
friends with you or simply stop bullying
and become a happy child.
Don’t fight:
There is a common misconception
that when a bully hits you, you
should hit back. “It’s part of growing
up,” it is often said. This is not
necessarily true. Because besides
degrading you down to their standard,
this also simply perpetuates the
behaviour from the bully, the grudge
worsens and the rift between you
and them grows wider. Besides, you
can never be too sure of the strength
a bully might have so you risk getting
hurt or getting into trouble just
because you want to prove a point.
Thus violence in return for victimization
is never a solution.
Be Confident:
Last but definitely not least, you
need to learn to be confident at all
times, but especially around your
bully. It is vital that you feel good
about yourself as an individual, be
proud of your looks, your ponytail
or haircut, your background, your
morals, your family and parents,
and your beliefs. If need be, practice
ways to respond to the bully verbally
or through your behavior and
attitude.
Although this is not an exhaustive
list of ways to combat bullying, and
neither are the tips applicable to all
cases of bullying, they might help
your little one to cope with bullying
at school. And if your child is
facing this, and it might help, then
why not try it? Who knows, it may
go a long way in ensuring happier
days for your little angel at school!