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the bigger picture
Pramada Menon
no clue. I am not talking about those who have progressive
parents, but the many others who don’t. Tampons are not
discussed in the Indian context, since many people believe
that inserting a tampon may result in the hymen getting
punctured (which is not true at all) and we do not want
non-virgins wandering around. The arranged marriage
market would be very seriously affected! Very clearly, no
understanding that the hymen can be ruptured by cycling,
strenuous exercises – any mundane physical activity and
does not need any sexual activity to be performed.
Menstruation also brings about the recognition that one
is now fertile and therefore the process of control and
protection sets into automatic motion. Without any
explanations given, girls find themselves being sequestered
in girls-only spaces, warned about men, and told that they
should not be out late at night, and nowhere in the sermons
delivered is there any true explanation of the act leading
to pregnancy. Dire stories of pregnancy are recounted and
girls are led to believe that looking at a man, touching a
boy would all result in pregnancy. I believed that if I necked
my boyfriend I would get pregnant and that my mother
would instantly get to know. The closest I got to getting any
information on this subject was the entry of Johnson and
Johnson, the pharmaceutical company, into our school and
the screening of a film that explained to us how we were
now ‘women’. The film was so academic and so pedantic
that none of us truly understood what was going on, and
then, to our shame, we were all handed a small packet with
two sanitary napkins in it. All of us walked out of the hall in
silence. Too embarrassed to even catch each other’s eye.
Growing up is never easy – especially since one has to deal
with the hormones that are racing around the body and the
fact that crushes for someone or the other develop every
day. My college life was full of stories of heterosexual gaiety
and finding anyone expressing their desire in a way that was
not the ‘usual’ was almost an impossibility. We gossiped
and proscribed gayness to those we thought behaved
‘femininely’ whatever that indicated to us at that point. I
do not recall any stories of women who were lesbian, or,
may be, at that point in time I did wear blinkers and was
unable to conceive of any relationship other than one that
involved the penis in some way or the other. Sexuality was
not discussed in Delhi University, except may be as part of
the English or Hindi Literature courses and that too, in a
manner that was completely academic and lacking any real
passion. This was the early 80’s. The situation is completely
different now.
Years of talking and working on issues of sexuality and
gender have opened up spaces within colleges in Delhi. I am
amazed to see the number of colleges that have discussions,
film shows, plays on these issues, and across disciplines.
Ingenious ways have been thought of to introduce the
subject within fora in women’s colleges. Sexuality and the
law was a hot topic for some time – precisely because the
subject was vague enough for the introduction of the issue
in plainspeak · ISSUE 1 · ‘09 · 29