March/April 2013 Newsletter - SouthernStar Home
March/April 2013 Newsletter - SouthernStar Home
March/April 2013 Newsletter - SouthernStar Home
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8<br />
Installment Three of the<br />
Ongoing Adventures of<br />
Tango Man<br />
(Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s<br />
everywhere)<br />
by Ace Dance Crime reporter Rudy Dancealot!<br />
It was a balmy, breezy Wednesday evening in December<br />
on the Tropical South Pacific island of<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo. As we know, Tango Man was<br />
missing at the last <strong>SouthernStar</strong> dance in Tampa. It<br />
seems that Tango Man had been sending in box<br />
tops from his favorite breakfast<br />
cereal (General Mills Cocoa Puffs<br />
because they are MmmmMmmm<br />
Cocoalicious) for the last 23<br />
years, and it finally paid off – he<br />
won an all expense paid trip to<br />
the fore mentioned tropical island.<br />
Tango Man questioned if he should leave<br />
Tampa at the mercy of the despicable crimes of The<br />
Man in Black (TMIB), but Tango Man’s Mother (he<br />
still lived at home) told him this was the first and<br />
probably the last thing he would ever win, and he<br />
was by god going to make use<br />
of it – besides she needed a<br />
break from the little whisper of<br />
a man hanging around the<br />
house all day.<br />
As we look upon Tango Man<br />
on the beautiful tropical island,<br />
we see that the Humpada-poopoo<br />
natives are performing<br />
a ceremony that will elevate our mysterious<br />
crime fighter to the status of a god. It seems that<br />
Tango Man has been making quite a splash here -<br />
literally. He is the only man in the last<br />
117 years to successfully dive off the<br />
magnificent Humpa-da-poopoo Poopoo-ma-danga<br />
sea cliffs and successfully<br />
survive the plunge into the blue<br />
Pacific waters while doing a triple<br />
oblique summersault with a double-<br />
Ganger accentuated Salchow followed<br />
by a tip of the hat to the good fairy<br />
Tinkerbell to end the dive (in actuality, he had<br />
tripped and fallen off the Humpa-da-poopoo Poopoo<br />
-ma-danga cliffs while looking down at the magnificent<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo Poopoo-ma-danga cliff<br />
dwelling birds more commonly referred to as the<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo-tanga-duu-monga swallows – for-<br />
tunately Tango Man is so light and wispy that he just<br />
floated down into the water like a dry leaf, and then<br />
a friendly Dolphin helped him back to shore – so<br />
long and thanks for all the fish). The Natives were<br />
very impressed with this. When Tango Man (always<br />
truthful) attempted to tell them it was all a mistake,<br />
the natives just poopoo’d his objections. What<br />
clinched Tango Man’s celebrity was his uncanny ability<br />
to completely drain all the Humpa-da-poopoodeedee-ta-taataas<br />
juice from the sacred Humpa-dapoopoo-deedee-ta-taataas<br />
cactus without passing<br />
out or even slurring his words. It seems that the<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo-deedee-ta-taataas juice from the<br />
sacred Humpa-da-poopoo-deedee-ta-taataas cactus<br />
is the most potent alcoholic beverage known to<br />
man, and for the Humpa-da-poopoo natives, to completely<br />
drain the Humpa-da-poopoo-deedee-tataataas<br />
juice from the sacred Humpa-da-poopoodeedee-ta-taataas<br />
cactus is much like, for us, pulling<br />
a sword out of a stone; no one has<br />
been able to accomplish this feat<br />
for the last 1387 years – and thus<br />
his elevation to a god. As for why<br />
Tango Man could drain the Humpa<br />
-da-poopoo-deedee-ta-taataas juice<br />
from the sacred Humpa-da-poopoo<br />
-deedee-ta-taataas cactus with no ill effects – we do<br />
not have an explanation – he has never even had an<br />
alcoholic drink before in his life (he usually drinks<br />
Shirley Temples in Tampa), and we know that Tango<br />
Man would never take Humpa-da-poopoo-deedee-tataataas<br />
cactus juice drinking enhancing drugs,<br />
unlike some people we know. It is just one of those<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo mysteries that will probably<br />
never be solved. So let’s get back to the ceremony.<br />
Tango Man is thinking that maybe he could enjoy<br />
spending the rest of his life as a pampered god on a<br />
tropical Island, but then he starts thinking about all<br />
those good, kind dancers in Tampa who depend on<br />
him to rid the dance floor of the Rhapsody Ballroom<br />
of hideous, unthinkable dance crimes. He also starts<br />
thinking about his Mother living all alone in that big<br />
old house (in reality she has been having wild parties<br />
every night since he left, but we will not tell<br />
Tango Man that). Suddenly he comes back down to<br />
earth and accepts reality; he knows his place in life.<br />
He silently gets up and throws off the sacred ceremonial<br />
robe made of a combination of<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo Humpa-da-poopootanga-duu-monga<br />
swallows feathers and<br />
Humpa-da-poopoo Dinga-da-mango-poodanga<br />
fur (a native weasel found only on<br />
the island of Humpa-da-poopoo) and starts<br />
walking toward the Humpa-da-poopoo Fly-dinga-da-<br />
(Continued on page 9)