SO YOU WANT TO BE MAYOR? NOT UNTIL YOU GET PAST ANTIGRAVITY. WE GRILL EIGHT CANDIDATES ABOUT MIXTAPES, HUBIG’S PIES AND THE MEANING OF LIFE. MODERATED BY DAN FOX ?
A crawfi sh juice-stained noses. Mayor of New Orleans. Two dozen candidates looked out across the soaked landscape and, like Goldie Wilson in Back To The Future, exclaimed: “You wait and see, Mr. Carruthers. I will be mayor! I’ll be the most powerful man in Hill Valley New Orleans. And I’m gonna clean up this town. Mayor! I like the sound of that!” The selection of candidates might make you feel like crawling into a dark, moldy hole, but let’s make one thing clear: for a Louisiana election, we could be doing a lot worse. At least David Duke’s not on the ballot, and for that we can all be thankful. If you watched the last two debates then no doubt you were frustrated that many of the candidates seemed incapable of answering a simple question. “How do you get working class people into affordable housing so this city can wake up again?” would be answered with a twenty minute diatribe on how “we” need to [bland, abstract phraseology] about [subject that’s miles away from the question] but hey, thank you for having me. So we here at ANTIGRAVITY have devised a way to get some real answers out of these guys and girls. Sure, we could ask some hard-hitting “political” type questions about things that “matter” to the voting public and beyond, but what would that solve? We don’t publish a phone-book sized rag every month and we sure don’t want them thinking they haven’t called their in-laws in a while. So instead we asked some simpler questions to get to the root of the matter. Levees shmevees, what are these people doing with their lives? The candidates chosen for the AG treatment were picked one simple way: do they have a website and an email address? Technocentric and ageist, probably, but c’mon, how are you going to run a cross-country campaign with no web presence? Mayor Nagin, where’s your site? I know being an international rockstar has its time constraints but at least get a Myspace account. Also Reverend Wilson’s response was still downloading at the time this issue went to press, so we’ll have to run Volume I in the next issue. So, without further ado, the <strong>2006</strong> ANTIGRAVITY Mayoral Debate, with your moderator Foxy Dan. ANTIGRAVITY: What is the best dish that you, with your own hands, can prepare? F. NICK BACQUE (Blogger, Schoolaholic): To date: a bowl of cereal. But I fi gure if I actually tried, I could prepare something truly spectacular. JAMES AREY (Radio Announcer): White Chocolate Cheesecake (Must be made a day ahead of time, to allow time to cool.) LEO WATERMEIER (French Quarter Activist, Jesuit High Graduate): Crawfi sh Pie. My secret is Mam PaPaul’s crawfi sh pie mix. Add a pound of frozen crawfi sh tails and frozen pie crusts and you can’t fail to impress. RON FORMAN (Zoo Tycoon, Monopoly Wizard): Bar-bque shrimp. VIRGINIA BOULET (Businesswoman, Peace Corps Volunteer): Crawfi sh etouffee. PEGGY WILSON (City Councilwoman, Good Catholic): Campaign Trailmix, run off style. ROB COUHIG (Zephyrs Owner, Landrieu Family Historian): Anything in a cast iron pot, particularly red beans, chili and gumbo. MITCH LANDRIEU (Lieutenant Governor, Another Good Catholic): Andouille Sausage Gumbo. JOHNNY ADRIANI (History Major, House Gutter): Shrimp Fettucini Alfredo—from scratch. AG: If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you put it? BACQUE: No tattoos here, and I’m not planning on getting any either. However if I was forced, I suppose I’d have something along the lines of “NOLA 4 LIFE” across my chest, much like 2Pac’s “Thug Life” tatt. AREY: Don’t have one. If one was in my future, it might be a small Irish fl ag on my shoulder. WATERMEIER: We had only two rules growing up–no smoking and no tattoos. And I never cared to do either anyway. I still don’t fi nd tattoos cool. FORMAN: My mom still won’t let me get one. BOULET: I have no tattoos at the moment. If I got one, it would be a pelican on my ankle (the ankle best withstands the aging process…) WILSON: Don’t have one, but if I did it would be “504 we’re back” COUHIG: Haven’t done it, won’t do it. The time has come and gone for me to engage in body art. LANDRIEU: I can’t say. ADRIANI: It would be on my right shoulder—scales of justice. AG: If you could join any of the Jazz Fest performers on stage, who would it be and what would you be playing? BACQUE: Irvin Mayfi eld…I took piano for 13 years, so it’d be an honor to back him up. AREY: I’d be singing backup for the late Warren Zevon. For someone who’s still with us...I’d sing behind Irma Thomas. WATERMEIER: I’d play piano for my neighbor John Boutte, the best male jazz singer in town. FORMAN: Fats Domino; harmonica. BOULET: Bob Dylan. I’d play the harmonica. WILSON: Bruce Springsteen with Born to Run; saxophone (I wish!) COUHIG: Jimmy Buffett. “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” LANDRIEU: I would be singing in the gospel tent. ADRIANI: Charmaine Neville—but give me [New Orleans Coroner] Dr. Frank Minyard and I’ll play bass! AG: What is your 2nd favorite city and what do you like about it? BACQUE: Tie between New York and San Fran. New York because it’s the center of the universe, and San Fran because pictured: Jude Matthews’ newly crowned belly it shows a glimpse of what New Orleans could be. AREY: Boston—the Red Sox, the transportation system, Harvard, Fourth of July along the Charles River with the Boston Pops. WATERMEIER: If heaven is half as nice as Paris, I’ll be happy. Wherever I travel I visit gardens, and Paris has the best neighborhood parks anywhere—all very well used and lovingly maintained. Luxembourg Gardens is probably the best park in the world. We could revitalize New Orleans just by taking better care of our parks. FORMAN: San Francisco. BOULET: Boston. It’s a great university town. WILSON: Not Atlantis. COUHIG: New York—the intensity of the business atmosphere, the plays, restaurants and museums. LANDRIEU: My fi rst and second favorite city is New Orleans. ADRIANI: Manhattan/New York City. AG: Have you ever made a mixtape or mix CD for someone and what were some of the best tracks on it? BACQUE: Of course. I was the fi rst one in town with a CD burner….any kid I went to high school with, and they’ll give you some favorites. No Method Records baby. AREY: Hmm...Must’ve been in the 1980s. I’m sure songs by Corey Hart, the Eurythmics and Human League were on there. WATERMEIER: No. I don’t even own a CD player. At home I prefer quiet. FORMAN: Yes—“Brown Eyed Girl,” “Ride Sally Ride,” and “What a Wonderful World.” BOULET: Anything by Van Morrison or Pavarotti (is that totally uncool?) WILSON: I thought about it: favorite track would be “New Orleans Ladies,” then “City of New Orleans,” next favorite would be Harry Connick, Jr. with “Do You Know What it Means to Miss New Orleans?” COUHIG: Haven’t done it. LANDRIEU: “Always on my Mind,” by Willie Nelson; “Positivity” by Stevie Wonder. ADRIANI: Who has got time for that? AG: It’s 2 AM and you can’t sleep. What book do you pick up to read? BACQUE: Regrettably, by 2 AM, I’ve read enough, and I reach for the TiVo remote. AREY: Underworld by Don DeLillo. WATERMEIER: Ay, Cuba!: A Socio-Erotic Journey by Andrei Codrescu. Visiting Cuba is high on my list of things to do before I die. FORMAN: Tom Piazza’s Why New Orleans Matters. BOULET: Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot by Al Franken. WILSON: [Andrew Kirtzman’s] Rudy Giuliani: Emperor of the City. COUHIG: Euclid’s Window by Leonard Mlodinow. LANDRIEU: The World is Flat, by Thomas Friedman. ADRIANI: [Robert Penn Warren’s] All the King’s Men or the Bible (both sit next to the bed). AG: Lastly and for all the chips, what is your favorite Hubig’s Pie flavor? BACQUE: They’re all pretty good…But I’d roll with apple or lemon. Old School. AREY: Coconut. WATERMEIER: Apple–in 7th grade I spent my lunch money on them everyday. FORMAN: Apple. BOULET: If forced to choose….Blackberry. WILSON: Lemon. LANDRIEU: Apple. ADRIANI: The two I actively look for are Chocolate and Strawberry (seriously) though chocolate may not be the best response. antigravity: your new orleans music and culture alternative_11
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