Private Dancer PDF - The Pattaya Pages

Stephen Leather Private Dancer
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bar and the girls are under strict instructions to photograph anyone doing anything stupid. There
are pictures of guys being sick, guys unconscious, guys baring their chests or worse, guys with
girls, guys with guys.
I'm in half a dozen photographs. Most of them were taken during Thai New Year when
everyone goes crazy. The Thais reckon it's good luck to sprinkle each other with water - good
news because it takes place in April which is just about the hottest time of the year. We've raised
it to a whole new level, though. We get tooled up with state of the art water pistols and it's like
open warfare. We drench people. Soak 'em. I led a few raids into the Siegfried Bar, down the
road from Fatso's. Went in with a bucket of water and played havoc with the Germans. Just like
the SAS, that's me. Short and stupid. No sense of humour, the Germans. You'd think we wanted
to start World War Three the way they went on. The owner came out and tried to read the riot
act, but we soaked him. Then a couple of German tourists came out to complain and we got
them, too. Bloody funny.
Big Ron really got into the spirit of the festival. He had a big drum of water outside the bar
and we dumped people in it as they arrived. He covered anything important with sheets of
polythene and let the girls wear swimsuits. Bloody brilliant.
The Fatso's girls are something else. For a start, they all speak good English, which is unusual
in Thailand. They're all lookers, too. I mean, they're not bar girls or anything, you'd get a slap
across the face if you tried to pay their bar fine, but Big Ron has them in short black skirts and
tight-fitting red jackets. Bloody gorgeous. They remember your name and what you drink, and
they make a bit of a fuss of the regulars. I always make sure I give them a big tip. The last of the
big spenders, me. It pays off, though. There's a tradition in Fatso's called Big Glassing. If you
have four untouched drinks in front of you, they're poured into one of those long glasses they use
for a yard of ale, then topped up until it's full. Then you have to drink the whole lot in one or lose
face. It's a bugger if you're drinking vodka and Coke, I can tell you.
There's an old ship's bell hanging close to where Big Ron sits, and if you ring it once you buy
everyone in the bar a drink. Two rings and you include the staff, three and you include anyone
upstairs, too. It can get really competitive some nights as we all try to get each other Big
Glassed. But whenever a Big Glass gets put in front of me, I know the girls'll have done their
stuff. It's almost pure Coca Cola, no alcohol, so I can drink it without any effects. Well, I burp
like crazy for an hour or so, but I don't fall down dead drunk like the rest of the guys. That's the
way it works in Thailand. So long as you keep shelling out the bucks, everything goes your way.
It's a great country.
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