DECEMBER 2009 FAMILY - UK Fibromyalgia

Page five - Pam Wright
GET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT AT
CHRISTMAS
by Life Balance and
Health Coach
Pam Wright, author of
“The Fibromyalgia
Coach”.
The Christmas season is well
underway with all its social pressure to
buy the perfect gift, plan the perfect
celebratory meal and entertain lavishly
with every detail sorted out – perfectly,
of course! For anyone who is still
‘trying to do everything right’ according to the rules of others, as
well as deal with chronic pain, these perceived pressures can feel
like a nightmare. Less than perfect is unacceptable it seems. So
what’s it all about And how can you have a great time without
joining in with the commercial hype and feel good about doing
things well without compromising your health still further
If you feel at all pressured, ask yourself whose rules are you living
by Could it be that your value system needs an update Are you
carrying around extra mental baggage that is actually restricting
the ability to respond well to your present and today’s reality
Some DOs and DON’Ts to help you feel good about everything and
everyone (including yourself of course).
DO
• Ask yourself what would be the perfect Christmas
and New Year scenario for you this year
• Take into consideration your health needs and reality
at this time.
• Recognise that it’s time to minimise, delegate or share
out the workload
• Work out what truly matters and find ways of achieving
those priorities
• Remember to be kind to yourself and also to have your
Fibro-speech ready at all times.
DON’T
• Try to be too heroic or go into martyr-ish behaviour!
• Pretend that you have no health issues to deal with.
• Forget that you need recovery time in between social
events.
POSITIVE ACTION
• Communicate! Be upfront, realistic and open about your
fears and worries.
Ask for support and help (more than once if necessary!)
• Enable youngsters to take more responsibility by giving
them more choices than normal (you’ll be giving them
confidence along the way by enlisting their help).
• Think outside the box by asking others what changes
they would like.
• Use words like ‘how can we make it great in a different
way’
• Notice any feelings of ‘should’ ‘ought’ and ‘must do’ and
remember to let go of any old values that no longer
serve you well.
• Do what’s right for you and yours.
• Think creatively about how you spend your money.
Sometimes the gift of conversation is worth more than
a present.
Jenny, who has teenage children, worked on this idea successfully
last year. She talked over how she normally runs out of energy
after doing all the preparations and has to retire to bed for the rest
of the day. Not much fun for her or the rest of the family. So they
ditched the idea of a full turkey dinner and had a ‘rolling buffet’ of
all sorts of wonderful food on the go all day. The whole family
took a trip to a well-known frozen food store and turned what had
been seen as a problem into a fun time for everyone. The kids
thought it was really cool, the washing up was minimal and
everyone had a good time. Their Christmas had truly become a
family time again.
But what if your family link is no longer strong, how can you deal
with any negative feelings of being ‘different’ from the marketing
men’s view of Christmas in which everyone appears wealthy, fit,
well fed and happy only in the company of others
Think about what is the essence of your best personal Christmas.
It could be as simple as being warm, comfortable and having
some peace. Make those things a priority, then whatever else
happens, you will feel fine. This is part of looking out for what is
right for you. You are also giving yourself a great Christmas present
by actively caring about what happens to you at a time that
reflects the notion of Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All. Have a
good talk to yourself about this. You’ll get the best answers!
An elderly man I once knew was inundated with well-meaning
friends and family wanting to invite him to Christmas Dinner. He
agreed to go away to a hotel with some friends but that had to be
cancelled when the friends caught the ‘flu. Was he downhearted
No, he saw it as a blessing in disguise and spent one of the best
Christmases ever in his own home. He made sure that he had his
favourite food and consciously behaved as if he was on holiday.
He changed his routine, stayed up late, got up late, watched TV,
prepared himself some nice meals, read things he’d been meaning
to get around to for ages and enjoyed the peace and quiet of no
phone calls - everyone thought he was away!
My Christmas wish for you all is that you find your inner strength
to take control of situations that, for whatever reason, you have
felt unable to tackle during 2009. Keep working on yourself, and
believe that you can and will come through whatever you are
dealing with. Take time just ‘to be’ during the holiday season and
if you have a quiet moment remember the words that help me in
my personal life and also my work as a life coach ‘God grant me
SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change COURAGE to
change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference’.
Happy Christmas
Pam
Coaching Gift certificates for personal coaching and “The
Fibromyalgia Coach” book are available from my website
www.pamwright.org These are long-lasting, positively lifechanging
gifts. Need more information Just phone 01227 277217