Cover Issue 5.indd - the paper
Cover Issue 5.indd - the paper
Cover Issue 5.indd - the paper
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page 10 <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong> april 24, 2013<br />
The Long and Winding Road to Becoming HBIC<br />
by Lauren Duca<br />
Deaditor-in-Chief<br />
I’ve wanted to be a writer since second<br />
grade - prior to which I had my sights<br />
set on being a pony. Ever since I won a<br />
poetry contest for a sonnet about a dentist<br />
with onion breath, I knew I wanted<br />
to make a career out of pushing nouns<br />
and verbs toge<strong>the</strong>r. Initially a hopeful aspiration,<br />
I soon settled on writing as my<br />
only post-college option. Yet, despite my<br />
fi ercely determined, Hermione-esque<br />
approach to all things in life, I struggled<br />
to devise a plan. I was accustomed to<br />
success in a structured environment,<br />
but I saw immediately this would not<br />
be quite as straightforward as earning<br />
straight A’s.<br />
At <strong>the</strong> club fair freshman year, I hopelessly<br />
wandered around Eddies in jorts,<br />
until zeroing in on a table of gangly kids<br />
with lots of Photoshopped pictures of<br />
Fa<strong>the</strong>r McShane combined with various<br />
animals: I’d found <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong>. I wrote<br />
my fi rst article, and lost sleep <strong>the</strong> night<br />
before <strong>the</strong> issue came out. Seeing my<br />
name in print was a vaguely religious<br />
experience. I read my article aloud to<br />
everyone who would listen, cut it out<br />
and hung it on my dorm room wall next<br />
She’s more Streep than<br />
Hathaway nowadays<br />
to approximately thirty-seven photos of<br />
Johnny Depp (I was 18, sorry). I would<br />
spend <strong>the</strong> next three years locked in<br />
Writing my own instruction manual for success<br />
<strong>the</strong> print shoppe on all <strong>the</strong> most beautiful<br />
days, crafting personal essays about<br />
everything from Norwegian policy to my<br />
boobs. #MakingTheBreastofIt<br />
My work at <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong> soon<br />
led to my Executive Editor position,<br />
which eventually became<br />
an internship at Allure. I was<br />
overwhelmed and overeager:<br />
<strong>the</strong> plan was beginning to take<br />
shape! Dreams of <strong>the</strong> “fashion<br />
closet” danced through my<br />
head. I pictured fresh orchids in<br />
Tiffany silver, a wall of Loubitins,<br />
and at least one byline. I arrived<br />
bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and<br />
vaguely resembling someone’s<br />
concept of “business casual.” I<br />
was going to be <strong>the</strong> best intern<br />
Linda Wells had ever seen.<br />
Needless to say, I was<br />
shocked when I left my fi rst<br />
14-hour day covered in blood<br />
(seriously, I cut my hand on a<br />
broach), sweat, and, as soon<br />
as I reached NJ Transit, tears.<br />
My title was Editorial Intern,<br />
though Unpaid Box Boy would<br />
have been more<br />
appropriate. It<br />
wasn’t that I<br />
felt I was above<br />
schlepping garment bags<br />
across town, but <strong>the</strong>re<br />
was no way to stand out<br />
or even be noticed outside<br />
of fucking up. I was<br />
treated like a less-cute,<br />
less-pale, less-dating-<br />
Adrian-Grenier version<br />
of Anne Hathaway in The<br />
Devil Wears Prada.<br />
Carting Donna Karan<br />
back to <strong>the</strong> offi ce mid-<br />
June, someone tapped<br />
me on <strong>the</strong> shoulder. I<br />
whipped around, my prefabricated<br />
“What <strong>the</strong> fuck<br />
do you want” glare ready<br />
for action. Then I saw <strong>the</strong><br />
atrocity: lea<strong>the</strong>r pants, a<br />
silk top, and a lamb skin<br />
vest, littering <strong>the</strong> cross<br />
walk like a Hansel and<br />
Gretel trail of designer goods. I made<br />
an adrenaline-fueled dash, scooping<br />
up each piece, as cars rushed forward.<br />
It was like being on a Japanese game<br />
show, with everything to lose and literally<br />
nothing to win. After ga<strong>the</strong>ring <strong>the</strong><br />
loot – worth more than my value in <strong>the</strong><br />
Taken slave trade – I collapsed on <strong>the</strong><br />
sidewalk, wondering what <strong>the</strong> hell I was<br />
doing.<br />
The rest of <strong>the</strong> summer was not much<br />
different. I ruined a few dresses, but<br />
I stuck it out. The hard-earned Allure<br />
I would spend <strong>the</strong> next<br />
three yers locked in <strong>the</strong><br />
print shoppe on all <strong>the</strong> most<br />
beautiful days, crafting personal<br />
essays about everything<br />
from Norwegian policy<br />
to my boobs. #MakingTheBreastOfIt<br />
line on my resume soon led to ano<strong>the</strong>r<br />
internship, and by <strong>the</strong> time I was Editorin-Chief,<br />
yet ano<strong>the</strong>r at my dream publication,<br />
New York Magazine, where I am<br />
treated like a real person and almost<br />
never sweat profusely! I think that’s<br />
what <strong>the</strong>se fi rst few post-grad years will<br />
be like – sweating, while carrying garment<br />
bags. I’ve often been frustrated<br />
that I have all of this talent and over-eager<br />
willingness to work my ass off, but<br />
Ring a ling<br />
nowhere to put it. I am desperate for a<br />
well-mapped explanation of <strong>the</strong> ladder<br />
I need to climb to my coveted senior<br />
editor position, with each rung clearly<br />
footnoted and explained in a 57-page<br />
Word document. Unfortunately, writing<br />
and editing is nothing like being a CPA<br />
in that <strong>the</strong>re is no instruction manual<br />
for success, and also that I’ll probably<br />
never have dental insurance.<br />
I suppose what I’ve learned is that<br />
things have a way of working out. If we<br />
work hard (and do some o<strong>the</strong>r stuff, like<br />
play active roles in whatever communities<br />
we end up contextualized by), well, I<br />
think our lives will turn out pretty great.<br />
Connecting <strong>the</strong> dots is much easier in<br />
retrospect, but <strong>the</strong> future ultimately<br />
cobbles itself toge<strong>the</strong>r. Honestly, if I<br />
hadn’t found this scrappy little publication,<br />
I would probably still be hopelessly<br />
wandering around Eddies in jorts! So, in<br />
conclusion of four snarky years: Thanks,<br />
<strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong>. Stay irreverent. I’m off to set<br />
a workplace on fi re.