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Cover Issue 5.indd - the paper

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page 10 <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong> april 24, 2013<br />

The Long and Winding Road to Becoming HBIC<br />

by Lauren Duca<br />

Deaditor-in-Chief<br />

I’ve wanted to be a writer since second<br />

grade - prior to which I had my sights<br />

set on being a pony. Ever since I won a<br />

poetry contest for a sonnet about a dentist<br />

with onion breath, I knew I wanted<br />

to make a career out of pushing nouns<br />

and verbs toge<strong>the</strong>r. Initially a hopeful aspiration,<br />

I soon settled on writing as my<br />

only post-college option. Yet, despite my<br />

fi ercely determined, Hermione-esque<br />

approach to all things in life, I struggled<br />

to devise a plan. I was accustomed to<br />

success in a structured environment,<br />

but I saw immediately this would not<br />

be quite as straightforward as earning<br />

straight A’s.<br />

At <strong>the</strong> club fair freshman year, I hopelessly<br />

wandered around Eddies in jorts,<br />

until zeroing in on a table of gangly kids<br />

with lots of Photoshopped pictures of<br />

Fa<strong>the</strong>r McShane combined with various<br />

animals: I’d found <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong>. I wrote<br />

my fi rst article, and lost sleep <strong>the</strong> night<br />

before <strong>the</strong> issue came out. Seeing my<br />

name in print was a vaguely religious<br />

experience. I read my article aloud to<br />

everyone who would listen, cut it out<br />

and hung it on my dorm room wall next<br />

She’s more Streep than<br />

Hathaway nowadays<br />

to approximately thirty-seven photos of<br />

Johnny Depp (I was 18, sorry). I would<br />

spend <strong>the</strong> next three years locked in<br />

Writing my own instruction manual for success<br />

<strong>the</strong> print shoppe on all <strong>the</strong> most beautiful<br />

days, crafting personal essays about<br />

everything from Norwegian policy to my<br />

boobs. #MakingTheBreastofIt<br />

My work at <strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong> soon<br />

led to my Executive Editor position,<br />

which eventually became<br />

an internship at Allure. I was<br />

overwhelmed and overeager:<br />

<strong>the</strong> plan was beginning to take<br />

shape! Dreams of <strong>the</strong> “fashion<br />

closet” danced through my<br />

head. I pictured fresh orchids in<br />

Tiffany silver, a wall of Loubitins,<br />

and at least one byline. I arrived<br />

bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and<br />

vaguely resembling someone’s<br />

concept of “business casual.” I<br />

was going to be <strong>the</strong> best intern<br />

Linda Wells had ever seen.<br />

Needless to say, I was<br />

shocked when I left my fi rst<br />

14-hour day covered in blood<br />

(seriously, I cut my hand on a<br />

broach), sweat, and, as soon<br />

as I reached NJ Transit, tears.<br />

My title was Editorial Intern,<br />

though Unpaid Box Boy would<br />

have been more<br />

appropriate. It<br />

wasn’t that I<br />

felt I was above<br />

schlepping garment bags<br />

across town, but <strong>the</strong>re<br />

was no way to stand out<br />

or even be noticed outside<br />

of fucking up. I was<br />

treated like a less-cute,<br />

less-pale, less-dating-<br />

Adrian-Grenier version<br />

of Anne Hathaway in The<br />

Devil Wears Prada.<br />

Carting Donna Karan<br />

back to <strong>the</strong> offi ce mid-<br />

June, someone tapped<br />

me on <strong>the</strong> shoulder. I<br />

whipped around, my prefabricated<br />

“What <strong>the</strong> fuck<br />

do you want” glare ready<br />

for action. Then I saw <strong>the</strong><br />

atrocity: lea<strong>the</strong>r pants, a<br />

silk top, and a lamb skin<br />

vest, littering <strong>the</strong> cross<br />

walk like a Hansel and<br />

Gretel trail of designer goods. I made<br />

an adrenaline-fueled dash, scooping<br />

up each piece, as cars rushed forward.<br />

It was like being on a Japanese game<br />

show, with everything to lose and literally<br />

nothing to win. After ga<strong>the</strong>ring <strong>the</strong><br />

loot – worth more than my value in <strong>the</strong><br />

Taken slave trade – I collapsed on <strong>the</strong><br />

sidewalk, wondering what <strong>the</strong> hell I was<br />

doing.<br />

The rest of <strong>the</strong> summer was not much<br />

different. I ruined a few dresses, but<br />

I stuck it out. The hard-earned Allure<br />

I would spend <strong>the</strong> next<br />

three yers locked in <strong>the</strong><br />

print shoppe on all <strong>the</strong> most<br />

beautiful days, crafting personal<br />

essays about everything<br />

from Norwegian policy<br />

to my boobs. #MakingTheBreastOfIt<br />

line on my resume soon led to ano<strong>the</strong>r<br />

internship, and by <strong>the</strong> time I was Editorin-Chief,<br />

yet ano<strong>the</strong>r at my dream publication,<br />

New York Magazine, where I am<br />

treated like a real person and almost<br />

never sweat profusely! I think that’s<br />

what <strong>the</strong>se fi rst few post-grad years will<br />

be like – sweating, while carrying garment<br />

bags. I’ve often been frustrated<br />

that I have all of this talent and over-eager<br />

willingness to work my ass off, but<br />

Ring a ling<br />

nowhere to put it. I am desperate for a<br />

well-mapped explanation of <strong>the</strong> ladder<br />

I need to climb to my coveted senior<br />

editor position, with each rung clearly<br />

footnoted and explained in a 57-page<br />

Word document. Unfortunately, writing<br />

and editing is nothing like being a CPA<br />

in that <strong>the</strong>re is no instruction manual<br />

for success, and also that I’ll probably<br />

never have dental insurance.<br />

I suppose what I’ve learned is that<br />

things have a way of working out. If we<br />

work hard (and do some o<strong>the</strong>r stuff, like<br />

play active roles in whatever communities<br />

we end up contextualized by), well, I<br />

think our lives will turn out pretty great.<br />

Connecting <strong>the</strong> dots is much easier in<br />

retrospect, but <strong>the</strong> future ultimately<br />

cobbles itself toge<strong>the</strong>r. Honestly, if I<br />

hadn’t found this scrappy little publication,<br />

I would probably still be hopelessly<br />

wandering around Eddies in jorts! So, in<br />

conclusion of four snarky years: Thanks,<br />

<strong>the</strong> <strong>paper</strong>. Stay irreverent. I’m off to set<br />

a workplace on fi re.

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