STANMORE & CANONS PARK SYNAGOGUE - Stanmore and ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Aviva Landau
A Yahrzeit commemoration with a twist
Having noticed articles in previous
editions of Habimah about lifecycle
events – mainly simchas, I thought I
would share something a little
different. Here is a brief account of
how my family and I found a
meaningful way to commemorate a
grandparent’s yahrzeit.
As my grandmother’s yahrzeit approached
this year, I felt sad that the day would not
mean anything to my children. My
grandmother was taken from us eighteen
years ago following a brief illness, so
unfortunately the next generation does not
remember her.
My children don’t know what we mean
when we discuss Safta Clare’s warmth,
her sense of humour or her courage to
innovate, which was behind her role in
founding the Jewish Marriage Council.
Having never tasted her delectable
“Auntie Bessie’s biscuits”, lovingly
mailed to us when we were at camp or
having never heard her exclaim “men are
just big babies” and other such
witticisms that my Mum is now fond of
repeating, I felt my children do not really
have a connection with their past and
with their own roots.
With these thoughts in mind, I recalled
something I had learnt a couple of years
ago, which gave me a new dimension to
the understanding of life after death.
The way that people live on after death is
through the extension of their actions.
When a person leaves behind descendants
who have been educated to impact the
world in a positive way, the actions of
these descendants are an extension of the
essence and soul of the deceased.
This continuity is not limited to
descendants but includes any people that
were touched, helped or inspired in some
way by the deceased. Similarly, any
mitzvot performed which have ripple
effects years down the line are a
perpetuation of the very being of the
deceased. Their persona is still present
in so many ways in this world.
With this in mind, I decided to bridge
past, present and future by marking my
grandmother’s yahrzeit with an
expression of the commitment to Jewish
values which she instilled in her children
and grandchildren.
My children and I decided to host a
“blessings party”, celebrating the various
blessings we make over food. A trip to
the most exciting aisles of the kosher
store (the snacks section), a flurry of text
messages and a mass gingerbread men
production later and twenty five of my
children’s friends were sitting on my
dining room floor in a circle. They each
received a host of goodies and took
turns at making the relevant blessings
out loud before eating each of the foods.
All the children called out “amen”
together beautifully at the end of each
blessing.
As I looked round the room and saw the
precious young faces smiling back at me,
saying their “amen”s with contagious
enthusiasm, I felt touched and hoped
that my grandmother was getting
“nachas”.
A few words were spoken about the
importance of being grateful for
everything we have – something we
express by blessing before we eat –
although admittedly some of the small
pairs of eyes were already on the gigantic
platter of sour sticks.
We concluded the nosh fest by declaring
that all of the mitzvoth performed
should serve to elevate the soul of Chaya
Rivka bat Aron Shlomo, of blessed
memory and then shepherded our young
guests out of the house before too much
of the sugar high kicked in.
We hope to do this again another year,
perhaps with a get-together themed
around a different mitzvah. It certainly
was a nice way of bringing my
grandmother into my kids’ lives, whilst
also doing something positive for her to
mark the day.
Please be in touch if you have done
something similar – I would love to
hear others’ ideas!
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