A CHRISTIAN TRANSPOSITION OF THE ENNEAGRAM: WITH ...

it were. They are there in the back of my mind while I am focussing on something else. I can
readily bring them to awareness. For example:
a) While fully engaged in a certain task, there may be some discomfort nagging away at me,
trying to grab my attention. I can choose to change the focus of my attention, deal with the
discomfort and then return to my main concern.
b) Or else a pervasive mood may possess me because of a recent unpleasant encounter, and I
can promote it to central focus and try to dispel it.
c) Or else I can choose to turn the focus on myself and on what I am doing when I attend to any
object or event. In this case I am attempting to objectify my very own self which mysteriously
illuminates all that comes within my focused awareness. To be able to do this in a steady and
clear way is the accomplishment of many years of human maturation.
d) Or else I may become aware of various habitual dispositions which affect how I function.
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Normally such habits stay in the background, though I am aware of them subliminally, but I
can choose to focus on them.
e) In any event my focus often shifts from one object to another as I carry out a complex
project. Often, if I am on a roll, the moving in and out of focus can take place with ease. But at
times, especially when dealing with myself and what goes on within me there is a struggle and
a difficulty in moving from potential to focussed awareness. This leads us to the next category:
3.2.3 Repressed Awareness: Further away from the illuminated centre, as one moves
towards the total darkness, there are objects or events or parts of my total self which are
difficult to summon to my attention, because I have repressed them in some way, not wanting,
consciously or unconsciously, to deal with them. Often they result from negative events of my
past which I do not want to face. This repression continues to have a toxic effect on me. I am
unable or unwilling to integrate what I have repressed into my fuller self. Thus I will remain in a
comfortable rut, satisfied with a six cylinder engine with only three cylinders in action, the
other three having being shut down for many years. Without prompting, pedagogical guidance,
or therapeutic intervention I can scarcely bring to the light that toxicity and its sources. This
toxicity involves a fixation or compulsion, and in Christian terms can be referred to as a capital
sin. My mind is prone to misinterpreting or misjudging in accord with this characteristic
toxicity, and I will fail to notice how it affects my behaviour, my reactions, my attitudes, unless
the effects of this toxicity are really dramatic. I am caught in a vicious circle.
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To clarify terms: I don’t have to be actually doing mathematics to be a mathematician. If I am
actually doing something else, I still remain a mathematician, with a habitual knowledge of mathematics
that I can readily call on when I need it. Some habits are disordered, and they can end up spoiling my
life. I must bring them to the light, judge them for what they are, and do something about them.
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