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each one as he does, first against the air and then against<br />

the punching bag.<br />

I catch on as we practice. Like with the gun, I need a few<br />

tries to figure out how to hold myself and how to move my<br />

body to make it look like his. The kicks are more difficult,<br />

though he only teaches us the basics. The punching bag<br />

stings my hands and feet, turning my skin red, and barely<br />

moves no matter how hard I hit it. All around me is the<br />

sound of skin hitting tough fabric.<br />

Four wanders through the crowd of initiates, watching<br />

us as we go through the movements again. When he stops<br />

in front of me, my insides twist like someone’s stirring<br />

them with a fork. He stares at me, his eyes following my<br />

body from my head to my feet, not lingering anywhere—a<br />

practical, scientific gaze.<br />

“You don’t have much muscle,” he says, “which means<br />

you’re better off using your knees and elbows. You can put<br />

more power behind them.”<br />

Suddenly he presses a hand to my stomach. His fingers<br />

are so long that, though the heel of his hand touches<br />

one side of my ribcage, his fingertips still touch the other<br />

side. My heart pounds so hard my chest hurts, and I stare<br />

at him, wide-eyed.<br />

“Never forget to keep tension here,” he says in a quiet<br />

voice.<br />

Four lifts his hand and keeps walking. I feel the pressure<br />

84

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