Punch Magazine

HULK ON HOMES
Article by Jeff Kocur, Art by James Zintel
Years ago, the Incredible Hulk
became a household name
by showing puny humans how
devastating his strength could be
when pestered by the military and
superhuman villains. Nowadays,
the Hulk has focused his rage on
poorly constructed homes. His
team of approved home inspectors
is providing the most thorough,
high quality
home inspection
services available.
A heart-wrenching
letter has led The
Hulk to the front
door of a homeowner
named Mike Steel. His
trailer unit and those in his trailer
park, located close to super-villain
prison The Raft, sustained major
damage from the latest super-villain
breakout led by Electro which
freed all the prisoners.
“Hulk get stupid letter. Hulk see
if trailer worth saving”
The damage done to the trailers
is the fourth time in the last 3
years that a prison breakout has
affected Mr Steel’s home.
“Hulk not laugh so hard since he
punched Galactus in rear end.”
Starting with the roof, Hulk suggests
some changes.
“Maybe use admantan, andaman,
alamanta, umm Wolverine bits to
hold roof together. Hulk hit Wolverine
hard and he not break.”
Moving onto the interior lighting
and wiring Hulk suggests some
changes.
“Hulk rip out lights. Actually
Hulk hit head on lights, get mad
and rip out lights.”
“HULK NOT LAUGH SO HARD
SINCE HE PUNCHED GALACTUS
IN REAR END.”
Checking the flooring, Hulk
observes some problems with the
original construction.
“Hulk find lots of holes in floor.
Look like Hulk footprints.
Oh... They are Hulks footprints.”
A further inspection on the interior
walls reveals improper fitting
and mudding in the drywall.
“Hulk can see where poor workmanship
has led to problems.
Not enough care was taken in
the fitting and cutting stage. Ha
ha. Hulk sound like Holmes on
Homes.”
Going around the back, Hulk sees
the patio concrete pad is uneven
and cracked.
“Look like result of Umar** and
Hulk wrestling match.”
Finally, Hulk gives his opinion on
Mr Steel’s trailer home.
“Hulk think trailer not worth
saving. Easier to smash then buy
new trailer.”
Hulk then gives some final tips
that might help Mr. Steel when
future prison break-outs occur.
“Maybe move. Hulk not live
near prison. That is dumb.”
** Umar: A vastly powerful,
sadistic and hedonistic, immortal
sorceress, and sister of the mystic
entity Dormammu.
She finds the Hulk attractive,
and has tried to make him into
her personal enforcer and sexslave.
Jordan Ratzlaff
page 8