BIRDS OF PREY - Jeffersonian

Ballistics
And Ray Guns
John Barsness
because they send off a spray of sparks
every time they hit something other
than a bad/good guy. This can be a car
body, a crate in a customs warehouse,
or a swimming pool. Only rarely,
however, do these sparks set anything
on fire, probably because they were
designed by personal-injury lawyers, or
perhaps a Democratic sub-committee.
Sparking bullets would seem to
be a great aid to shooting. In the old
days a bullet didn’t even leave a mark,
either on a bad guy or a poker table,
so there was no way for the shooter to
correct his hold. As that noted American
handgunner Elmer Keith once
noted, “To hit is history, to miss is
mystery.” But a good guy whanging
away with spark-bullets at a Russian
drug smuggler or Islamic terrorist
should be able to see
how he’s missing, and
work things out.
However, skill with
firearms has declined
considerably since the
days when a white hat
could knock an Indian
off a horse at 100
yards just by poking
his Colt single-action
forcefully in the Indian’s
direction. Today
it takes several highcapacity
magazines,
each holding 600
rounds, to hit one bad
guy, who then must
be choked to death.
Apparently ceramic-magnesium bullets
don’t kill all that well, another
indication liberals will eventually
neutralize the Second Amendment by
wimpifying ammunition.
Something must be
wrong with today’s
guns. The Lone Ranger’s
held upward of 60 shots,
today’s only allow six.
Hey, what gives?
“Stick ‘em up!” And yes,
John’s fingers are indeed on
the triggers of his sixguns.
But please, don’t write me
any letters about it — even
if you are a certified NRA
firearms instructor ...
A box of genuine
Sparking Bullets,
proof they are
made for the
movies. Don’t
try to deny it,
Remington!
I figured out how New York Giants
wide receiver Plaxico Burress shot
himself in the leg in a New York
nightclub. Agent J (Will Smith) often
sticks his ray-gun in the waistband of
his pants, just like Plaxico did with
his .40. You’d think a movie star
would know better, especially after
his senior partner Agent K (Tommy
Lee Jones) has already warned one
space alien: “I’m gonna shoot you
where it don’t grow back ...”
In Men In Black recoil becomes
even more violent than in Dirty
Harry, proving the basic principles of
physics can be taught without frying
pans. Like all young guys Agent J
wants a really big gun, but instead
Agent K issues him the “Noisy
Cricket,” about the size of a needlebarrel
derringer. When the Cricket guys. During Agent J’s testing, he and
goes off, J is blown across the room other MIB applicants shoot at a big
by the kick, and Cricket-rays blow screen full of evil-lookers. Instead of
away various vehicles and buildings. shooting a monster or a mobster, however,
The really big technological
he blows away a little girl with
Ray Guns
advance in Men In Black, however, is
nobody ever has to reload. That’s good,
pigtails, and then proves his reasons for
shooting were correct. In a world like
The handguns I want, though, because the line between the good guys that we need handguns that can continue
to shoot even longer than a Colt
are the models used by the Men In and bad guys has grown even more
Black, though after watching the first confusing than it was in the late 1960s. single-action in the hands
movie again to pick up some pointers Sometimes the bad guys aren’t even of a cowboy in a white hat. *
“
Australian-screen gangbangers have to hold their
autos tilted the other way to compensate for the
Coriolis effect in the southern hemisphere.
”
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