Berlin Logs July 2015

26 Night Life
HAVE WE MET BEFORE?
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO
BERLIN’S NIGHT OWLS
By Karmijn Simons and Sarah Coughlan
For those new to Berlin’s famous nightlife, things
can be a little daunting: aside from the constant
fear your new pals are going to try and get into
Berghain without speaking a single word of
German, and the maddening sound of minimal
techno (you’ll get used to it) there’s all these new
people. People unlike those you’ve met before,
from all walks of life, shaken and stirred in the
Berlin milieu. Don’t feel lost, we’ve conducted an in
depth study of the most common night owls in the
city, which you’re welcome to use until you’ve got a
more nuanced approach.
The Old Timer
Appearance: Almost aggressively German. Usually
a man, although they also come in female, this is
an original Berliner (or Easterner) who has lived
in this city longer than you have lived. Formerly
bewildered by the sight of all these newcomers,
The Old Timer is now mostly resolved to haunting
the pubs that you’re trying to gentrify and ordering
Bockwurst and sadly muttering into their beer.
Your opening line: Nothing. Do not approach
unless spoken to first, especially in English.
The Evangelical Vegan
Appearance: Equal parts male and female, The
Evangelical Vegan is probably a very highly
educated German between 25-35 years old. Liable
to be wearing hemp clothing, sandals, and may or
may not have dreadlocks, these guys are so at one
with nature that they don’t have to change their
clothes according to the weather. Typically not
drinking, these guys will be your best friends when
future drunk you needs to find your way home.
The downside is you’ll have to help them hand out
pro-vegan leaflets every other Sunday all summer.
Your opening line: No, my shoes aren’t leather,
and I’m very interested in hearing about your
homemade sustainable rucksack.
Fried Startup Underlings
Appearance: These guys only ever appear in packs,
and everyone is under 35. Definitely enormously
drunk, because they started drinking in the office
at 3:30pm and haven’t had any food since lunch,
these guys live their jobs and are talking (badly)
shop. This is fine for two reasons. The first is
you might need a job, and befriending one of
these drunk messes is your way in (yep, that
22-year-old hot mess over there is the ‘Head of
Culture’ somewhere, Berlin, eh?) and secondly
because start-ups are Anglo-friendly so you
don’t have to feel like a jerk in English.
Your opening line: What do you do? You won’t
have to say anything else, and boom, friends.
The Fashionable drinker
Appearance: You can recognise this type from
far, far away. Holding an eco-friendly mixdrink
in one hand, their phone for Instagram pictures
in the other, this lot are checking their hair and
/or beard on the hour, every hour.
They look like they just came from an fashion
shoot. Or they look homeless, but never in
between. They speak in a language that is
too cool for the average Berliner. Most of all,
they are interesting to watch. You can find
them at private parties, fashion events and in
mysterious clubs where they know the door
keeper. Keep your eyes open, because they are
everywhere in Berlin.
Your opening line: I know where you can get an
authentic Old Fashioned.