Asking the right questions 2 - Rainbow Health Ontario

People who have faced familial rejection may have different supportsystems or “chosen” families, made up of friends and past or currentpartners and lovers. For people of colour, family can represent a shelterfrom racism. If LGBTTTIQ people of colour experience lack of support ordiscrimination at home, it can be particularly isolating for them. Theymay also need to create a chosen family, which includes people fromtheir own marginalized communities. Counsellors/therapists shouldalways validate clients’ chosen families.For some LGBTTTIQ clients, sexual/romantic relationships are not alwaysthe most significant ones in their lives. For example, someone may beemotionally closer to a biological sibling or a chosen family memberthan to any short- or long-term lovers.LGBTTTIQ people may also create families of their own by becoming parents—this should be acknowledged by clinicians. LGBTTTIQ parents often facestruggles in choosing how/when/if to come out to their children. Thechildren also face societal discrimination, and the parents sometimeshave to help them cope with this.Some people may be unable to form other social contacts and supportsystems once they have been alienated from their families.In spite of support systems they may have, some LGBTTTIQ people mayuse substances or other harmful coping strategies (e.g., problematiceating, overspending, self-harm) to cope with the pain of rejection, isolationor conflict related to their sexual orientation or gender identity.For Internet resources on family issues, please see the Resourcessection (page 50).CLIENT PERCEPTIONS“My daughter has a rough time in highschool. She goes to Pride every year withme and if she wears her Pride T-shirt toschool, other students are nasty and cruel.She has short hair and they say, ‘Well,I guess you’re going to be like your mom,’even though she’s not gay. And if she is,so what? I’m going to be proud of her nomatter what. My kids put up with morethan I have sometimes.”THERAPIST/COUNSELLORPERCEPTIONS“When you add a mental health issue ontop, you have twice the risk of not onlyhassle, but being disowned from the family.Some families are not exactly supportiveof mental health issues either. So thenyou’ve got a double whammy.”“Trans people have a difficult time withtheir families, because they are trying toget acceptance from their families. And insome cases, for example, a transwoman’sfamily members are not able to make theshift right away to using the correct pronoun.So they have these ongoing struggles toget family members to acknowledge whothey are and to use the correct words torefer to them.”B4B4 27