Volume 39 Number 14 - Computer Science

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Problems, politics and pimplesNtzrde rz lfaces' XVzennD aIISo the November exams arealmost upon us and you think thatyou've got problems? You'refailing two subjects and youhaven't thought about the fourprojects due for Monday. Youhave to fast on Saturday, your carwas stolen and you think you've gotproblems.But why this sudden obsessionwith things unpleasant? Why focuson problems which have facedstudents from time immemorial?Simply because they pale intoinsignificance when comPared withthe crisis currently afflictingNurden A Scamota.Before him lay a political careerin ruins and behind him, onlymisery. All around him his peerswere cutting inroads into theirprofessions. One is a twelfth of adoctor, another is an eighth of anengineer, whilst still another, whochose the army, is not half a man.He could have been the Big Boss,the Chief Medicine Person, IlDuce of the SRC, but for a brieflocalised failure of reality in histime-space continuum.A vision of "Nurden The Great"flashed into his swampy mind and asmile oozed over his face. Hervould have ruled magnanimouslyfrom the President's throne. Thedeath sentence for parking violatorswould have been reduced tc20 years hard labour. Slap chipswould've been sent to obediencetraining and a cable car from thelibrary lawns to the Boz would'vebeen built...But alas it was not tcbe!Somehow, Nurden remainedcalm and collected, for in a verYspiritual way, he felt slightlYdifferent, it was the dawning of anew era of mediocrity, a return tosameness, the humble beginningsof an average student.Suddenly, his grasshoPPpersground to a halt, sending Nurdenface first into an Abandon MoralStandards poster, which urged allstudent-creafures to vote "Yes".Vote! Nurden's spirits dropped,r) r,I?'' tt'1'-)),-4""a? )/splat.It couldn't be the SRC or SAUJSelection again!Poor Nurden had voted twice inone week. Was the AMS brewing aheinous plot to strain stewdentsthrough too much democraty - aprocess known as Democraticburn-out? Sureiy, Democracy istoo good to bandy about soindiscriminately.But... no - the ECC were holdinga Conscription Referendum?"This is where I make my standas an apathetic student," Nurdendecided, with his heart beating alittle faster.Placing a glazed,'uncaring lookon his face, he began his "Fuck offquick as a flash" routine, butbefore he could make his getaway,he was surrounded by a crackplatoon of pimply-faced, knockkneed,rendy, callow youth - ECCshock troops."Colly Gosh," he thought as onepretty, brazen pacifist brandishedgreen superperson stickers in hisface.t\//^tlrlrL',(y s tE .!J ril vry€ithie FIHEDragging a reluctant Scamota tothe voting table is no mean feat, butmaking him vote four times is agreat tribute to the strength of aliberal, academic upbringing."At least its was MultipleChoice," commented Nurden laterto his Crandfather AmbivalenceScamota, who was staffing a.battery of red telephones connecteddirectly to the capital cities of theworld.Every hour, on the half hour, hewould emit a terse series ofclassified facts and figures. "Paris,rain, 12 degrees; London, snow,four degrees; Kabul, bombs, fairlywarm; Everton 2, Arsenal 0. ;Diddely pooh; diddely pooh."The old boy had vowed not toleave his bed until the sun shone onall of Africa, with the possibleexception of Potchefshoom.Meanwhile, back at Univenity,all four Senate House lifts werehovering close to the eleventhfloor. Settling down ol1 theLibrary Lawns , our hero caressedthe heavenlv words of AthenaEACH TABLET CONTAINS: Caffeine C/T 90mg Caffeine A/K g0mg Mag Sillcate 3mg Tartrazine trace.Ablepersyn, that were stillmeandering through his cerebralcortex.She had just addressed a"Discrimination Against WomenOn Campus" meeting andhad said ..."wot" said Nurden. as asuspiciously medicallooking creatureinterrupted his steam-train of' thought. Comrade Avid Mikidanskifluttered an SRC Survey into hislap. "We're coming down tostudents," he boomed, "We wantyour miserable ideas, NOW!"Nurden balked at the order andmeekly'sharpened his finger andfilled in the form."All these questions andanswers." Nurden muttered. Thisseemingly innocuous statement setof a spontaneous word-associationreaction which went somethinglike: question/answer - greentomatoes - Atheha's knee -textbook - CrandfatherAmbivalence - Exams - pimples -"Exams!" yetped Nurden. Thesuddenness of his outcry sent AvidMikidanski scuttling into the safetyof the Students' Union. as well ascausing ten library lawn pigeons tolose all their feathers. But Nurdenwasn't around to see this - he wassomewhere deep within theWartenweiler Library.NEXT WEEK:* What happened to the originalstoryline of this saga?* Why is the author of Nurdenallowed to walk about fteely?* Why are Security Policemen sougly?* Will Nurden incur the wrat}of Sfuff-All Botha's CensorshipBoard?* Will next week's episode be thtlast?
A mental asylum-withan entrance examBruce Saunders is the new stationmanager at Voice of Wits. He seesthe university as a mental asylumwith an entrance exam and whenhe's not in the VOW offices, canusually be found, firmly attachedto a beer bottle, at Jameson's.Wits Student interviewed himabout VOW and its role oncampus.Q: llhat are your aims as astation dit'eclor?A.' To relinquish the station as Ifound it - in a quasi stable state;any slight movement could send itcrashing into the abyss of quasichaos.Q: IYhat are your anbitions?A.' To get another room, to get alarger SRC grani (look outBerenice). Also to broadenlistenership ...Q: Are you going tb make anychanges to station policy?A.' Not enormous ones. I'd liketo create more of an awarenessamong our listeners of what kindof music is played on the stationand when. We have manyspecialist shows - from Classicalto lleavy Metal, which should beadvertised.Q: How isVOW frmded?A: VOW funds itself. It is oneof the only self-sufficient societieson campus. Money is generatedthrough advertising and concerts.Q: How does VOW spend itsntoney?Sffiproposing^^l.i:o:"a codeconduct offor all C6sro (ca_l'-1t-"iti"g wrgantsationStudenr R;J;) affiliates. wasbtockedl.j^.:dl ar the Narionaluosro Corulerenceof.,11:,.".0:conducrtne-pnnciplessupporredof ,ron_racism, non_non_mititarismiiii.:andnomoptrobism.non_A motion support_righr,of:ii-rl.all affijiares rorhese::T:principles.unarumouslywasaccepted.A.' PARTIES! Nor seriously, wespend a fortune on records. Atabout R30.00 an album. this addsup to a lot - there are about 2 500records in our collection. The restgoes on equipment which isincredibly expensive and ongeneral running costs - so we stillneed that grant!Q: What is yourrole on campus?A.' Communication, educationand entertainment. We are not acommercial station. We are aradio station in our own right,with our own style of music. Weaim at introducing students to awide range of music, includingthe very latest.VOI{ reaches more students ona daily basis than any otherexisting structure on campus.(Except the grapevine, with whichwe have strong ties!)We supply invaluable equipmentfor mass meetings and culturalevenls on campus.We have our own magazine, Voxy!91 nas a wide range of appeal.VOW has introduced a numberof new, Iive music venues, such asTop of The Town, as well asmaintaining traditional ones. Wehave hosted the campus tours ofartists such as llotline, ManpoGroove, Sipho Hotstix Mahuseand Zia, at the Flower Hali onWest Campus.In this way VOIV promoresSouth Africaa music - especiallyA rare moment. Bruce sans beer bottleup and coming talent. I_isten outfor the demo tapes we play. Lookat practically any entertainmenton campus and you'll findVOW!Q: Does VOW ain to beapolitical?,'1.. lVe are as apolitical as it ispossible to be in South Africa andas far as it does not interfere witlrour social consciences, we have tomaintain a degree of mediaorns in staiOe._Lt:rto:1, of Cosro and UCTDirecror,:j:i::ran Koenrgfesr,sard that there was u ,,rpti, trnguisricongrounds.,,Cosrohas l1:::i:1",u, from EnglishAftrl(aansunJcampuses. ,,ihecampusestiberaland lhe (Jruversitvlf/estern of rheCape are movl;]g _ The University of rhtat a Freelt-ll.i l*"thansrare,the;;lAtiikaans;";;,|o"li:harrassed, rhey a.ueged.unrversiries,prrnciple of.especiallypotch,,,non_m.ilitari.r.noenrgfest said. Cosro' trr.r. Membersrsof,thea miiitary MU delegationschoolhas onbeentheir commented campus, rnar:i!:-r-*d becausecurrendy and many theirof irsstroenmlinks withu-re fight ls to have*|fl:T more Engiishuniversiries,of a miliraryon thefl,tilLri.hecommando. radroadded,and for::l,ret:thar StetlenboschtandneldRAUa 'more .^tr_19]..raoio stario'n-Ju, ,..n ,o accessrorohaveoe poiitical.*.;[:\',fin:hprogressivethey wouldIine.,,ltunding and rheir ,,.rt 'rlTinitJs srarion has recenrty had imobjectivity. We are an ECCa ffil i ate.Q: Con you comment on thCosro "Right I'o Be HeardContpaign and u'ould you ',gpirate" if it shouldfail?A,' Mmmmm ...... We need athe support we can get for tlcampaign. lf it fails, rve will Iforced to consider othtalternatives ..., 'fl ift iff *t ilJ; Ji.l,lift ,1Tjjiiilil:.il ;i: T,:ff::ila_^radio ham complarned abourlll:r:n.yinterferences. Theroll?l.9rTobrain broadcasringnghts, is "extreme.lycumbe.some,isays Koenigl-est.,,Thtproc e dure jn tt:;.#ro,ments." ".."t,,-'i:- i -surprise move. VaarTechnikon.,::IS,"a campus wirtr:H #11'1fla radio:.sruderus oand oPeraringyer. has b,." ;;;;;;;;ilc"l1 I.,., r,?il;# :,ij:::H;Krerk:s,il:,,ilfis anord pupii.,13.1S1".t said that UCT radiorlT_b. accounrable ro rheir:-":T:.,{serves and strives ronar p;:,rosramlT_."H.rio mes, jr.,l. same conr.erence.Cosro;l::,',ru:' il
Page 1 and 2: wtlDTUASASPU AFFTLTATE -
Page 3 and 4: tRacist Witsiesassault studentsBeer
Page 5 and 6: Black student elected onto LSCA bla
Page 7 and 8: A: How is Wits Student run andhow d
Page 9 and 10: Hanged for acting@I\TEWS-sutferinTh
Page 11 and 12: At the Saujselection circus RaelLis
Page 13 and 14: 'llmentundo the damageItlVits Strtd
Page 15: I)lelndhisent)verseowitoby:il ?eise
Page 19 and 20: -ort the-truths;implysai d) nonansc
Page 21 and 22: AFI-|-E|-e,lYrtd;Itsbrrthialb'sIher
Page 23 and 24: IEFUFIIr;more,t50,00tion ofing thei

Volume 39 Number 14 - Computer Science

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