april-13 - Lochwinnoch Online

From The Editor’s ChairWell the desk got such a high profile lastmonth that the chair has been consumedwith jealousy since. It can’t compete withthe desk in the glamour stakes – black,wooden arms, castors – but it’s comfy soI wouldn’t want to hurt its feelings.Come April First and people do lots ofcrazy things, some crazier than others.The Chatterbox team are mostly a wellbehavedbunch (chance to misbehavewould be a fine thing) but occasionallytemptation becomes too much. So far,one team member has been restrainedfrom ‘improving’ copy each month butI’m afraid to say this month therestraints didn’t hold (should have usedhandcuffs) and there have been‘improvements’.Computer years are a bit like dog years.My trusty pc is, in human terms,geriatric and like some valued, maturemembers of the community it suffersfrom constipation. Today was a bad dayand with a diet of too many, fat emails itssystem just couldn’t cope and an almostterminal stoppage resulted. I’m afraideuthanasia can’t be far off (but only forthe pc!) unless I can find an electronicequivalent to Senna.We are in the season of Easter which formany means Easter eggs, egg hunts,chocolate (makes me think of Ex-Lax)and a holiday weekend. I hope you enjoythe holiday and manage to avoid trafficjams, snow and sunburn (got to cover allthe bases, given our weather, you neverknow...).30 Shades of BeigeMarieI stood exposed, it seemed, in a swirlingsea of humanity.“Are you ready?” he demanded. Hismanly form raking me with his darklyintense gaze. He seemed to be lookinginto my very soul.I felt heat rise through my body “Notyet!” I pleaded.“Tell me what you want!” he probed,slowly licking his sensuous lips.A shiver ran down my tense spine.“I need some more time, this is difficultfor me” I gasped, blushing.“I think you’ve had enough time now” hegrowled. “I need to know yourpreference. Tell me!” He scowled at meand I shrank from his penetrating eyes.I looked pleadingly at him as he loungedagainst his gently throbbing instrument.“Help me, please!” I whimpered.“It’s not just about you” he said “thereare others you know.”“I’m sorry, but I’m new to this, please bepatient “ I held back the tears ready tospill from my eyes. “You see there’s nogoing back for me once I choose.”He growled.I took a deep faltering breath. I neededthis man, but I didn’t want to.“Perhaps Jamaican Bronze” I quivered.He looked quizzical. “Or maybeLabrador Sands?”He growled again.“Would you say I was more a FrostedDawn or a Nude Glow? “ESTABLISHED 1989He snorted (rather rudely I thought)“Why don’t you just pick up a tin ofMagnolia?”He could be so nasty. Why wouldn’t heforget last week’s little incident!“Okay, make me want somethingspecial” I sighed.He thrust out his toned chest, grabbedmy arm and drew me to his instrument.I’ll give you something special he leeredand you’ll like it! With that, hemanipulated the controls and gleefullyincreased the throbbing. I stood shaking,hoping it would be alright.He thrust it at me: The label said ‘GypsyBloom’“Oh thank you that’s just what I need!” Icried. “I don’t know what I’d do withoutyou but you aren’t at all nice to me.”“Well, you are frustrating. You can’tmake up your mind. Are you sure you’recut out to be an interior designer?” Hechortled.“Well I did think of becoming a nun butthe outfit didn’t suit me.” I chirped“Would you like to come and see howGypsy Bloom looks on my wall?”Scarlette du Lux22 YEARS IN BUSINESS AND THE RECOMMENDATIONS GO ON AND ON…UPVC WINDOWS AND DOORSMAINTENANCE FREE UPVCROOFLINE AND FULLWINDOW REPAIR SERVICEHINGES, LOCKS AND MISTEDAND BROKEN GLASS REPLACEDOUR PRODUCTS ARE INSTALLEDIN OVER ONE HUNDREDLOCHWINNOCH HOUSEHOLDSContact—PETER McGARVEYTel: 01505 614654UPVC DOORS FITTED FROM £43020