thursday,august 8, 2013 - County Times - Southern Maryland Online

39 Thursday, August 8, 2013The County TimesWanderingsof anBy Shelby OppermannContributing WriterI suppose I overdid a bit listening to the band last Saturdaynight, especially since I even got out and danced to a fewsongs. Sunday morning I was moving a bit slower than usual –which with the present state of affairs in my body was 100 mphbehind the speed of sound. I’m not really used to that yet. I’vealways pushed past the pain and tried to do more than 5 times thespeed of sound. But I’ve seemed to come to a grinding halt thelast eight months, and yes, I’m having my own little pity party,thank you very much. But, just as in the stages of death, I believeyou also go through stages of grief when your body is fighting youevery step (literally) of the way.So Sunday morning I was in a heavy pity party stage ofgrief/anger/hatred of my joints, and lying in bed with tears in myeyes. As anyone who knows me, knows, I am my most productivein the morning, and up until last year sometime, was hell onwheels in the morning creating paintings, writing, and makingjewelry, etc. I could still jump, relatively speaking, out of bed androll like wildfire through my day. Now, just the thought of puttingfeet on the floor takes a few moment’s contemplation andpep talks. Not every day is like this. Believe me if I wake up, andthink, Hey, I feel pretty good – I roll until exhaustion…and payfor it later.You can see the state of my mind anyway by Sunday morning35 minutes before the 10:30 church service was set to begin.My husband was coaxing me into hopping in the shower so wecould leave. All he heard in return was, “Noooooo, I don’t wanna’go” Like a petulant, whining teenager. I got myself togetherand we made it to church very close to being on time. We have awonderful Priest who gives us lively, engaging sermons, so I waslooking forward to a little learning and laughing at the same time.Instead we found that a Ms. Joey Rick was slated to give the sermon.Ms. Rick is a vibrant, young (well a little younger than me)woman, who you would think at first glance has had the world ather feet her whole life, but of course as she said after recountingher career, and the fun filled life of her early 20’s in NYC, “Lifehappened”. Ms. Rick had such a heartfelt and optimistic spinon rethinking your blessings in life by likening all the sad andtragic events to a mantle we wear that eventually begins to defineus. She spoke beautifully about bringing joy back into her life. Iknow I am wearing a heavy mantle right now, and I need to turnthis around. I want the simple joy of living to course through meagain. Her sermon I hope was a turning point for me. I have askedif she would lead one of our women’s retreats – I’m ready now.This sermon resonated so much to me, especially since afterchurch we were heading to a Virginia hospital to visit a friendwith terminal cancer. Yes, many of us do that quite often, whatwas so hard is that both husband and wife have cancer; thoughto visit them you feel in every cell of your body their optimism,humor, and love. They found joy in every moment. I used to alwaysfeel that everywhere I was is not where I was truly meantto be – I didn’t always feel present in the moment. My feelings onthat changed when I spent every day for months with my Motherin the hospital as she was dying 13 years ago – I began to live inevery moment. Sunday, was one of those days where everywhereI was, was where I was meant to be. I wish for us all more dayslike this; to be present, to be joyful, and to be right where we aresupposed to be.To each new day’s adventure,ShelbyAimlessMind“It Is ThereWhen YouNeed It”Please send your comments or ideas to: shelbys.wanderings@yahoo.com or find me on facebook: Shelby OppermannLaura JoyceContributing WriterWho We AreA few years ago I read a post onFacebook in which its author talkedabout what the world would be likeif everyone wore a sign—I imaginedthe signs like giant pendants danglingfrom each person’s neck, thefirst thing we’d see when we lookedat each other. As we went about ourbusiness each day, these signs wouldtell the real story about our life. Onesign might say, “I’m about to lose my home,” and anothermight read, “My husband died defending our countrylast year.” Others would be more mundane: I just got aspeeding ticket; I’m coming down with a nasty cold; myteenagers act as if I’m invisible (gee, where did that lastone come from?!). The idea of the posting was that eachof us has a story and a set of experiences that not onlycontribute to who we are, both within ourselves and inrelation to others, but that these stories and experiencesmight explain our behavior at any given time.I’ve thought about this idea ever since, especiallywhen I encounter someone who seems inexplicably angry;we all know people like that, who seem to operatefrom a place of bitterness and disappointment. They oftenproject their rage onto others, seeing anger or meanspiritedintentions in another’s actions when, in reality,that person is kind and well-meaning. The test of thisseems simple to me: when only one person experiencesyou in this dark light, and when they seem to have similarnegative interactions with many others, you can be fairlycertain that they are seeing themselves reflected in themirror that is you. Knowing this makes it easier to disengagefrom the hostility and negativity that is projectedMEGA YARDSALETo BenefitLocal ShelterLeah’s House a local Women & Children’s Shelter issponsoring a MEGA YARD SALE stockedwith lots of goodies, large and smallLocation: 45200 Happyland Rd., Valley Lee, MDBe sure to stop by—Time: 7:00 AM until12:00 NoonContact person: Belinda at 301-994-9580onto you.More important, though, seeing the damaged personinside of another—the unloved child, the insecure adult,the rage-filled person who has been betrayed or disappointedby life—makes it possible to feel sympathy, andeven empathy. Sympathy, which can imply a subtle superiorityon the part of the person feeling sorry for another,is a starting point, but empathy, which involves steppinginto another’s experience, the proverbial ‘walkingin another’s shoes,’ is far more challenging, and yieldsa far greater connection, I believe. Still, it’s hard to beempathic when someone glares at you or yells obscenitiesafter they cut you off in traffic; it’s even harder whensomeone causes you ongoing hassles or heartache whenyou’ve done nothing but occupy the same space they do.I’m working on trying to see the message when thathappens, trying to visualize a big, neon sign worn likea sandwich board that advertises their suffering. SometimesI succeed. Sometimes, I can see the sign flashingthe words, “I’m hurting, and I don’t know what to doabout it.” In those moments, the other’s hostility and badbehavior, and my own desire to strike back in some way,if only in my thoughts, recedes into the background.Seeing what someone else is truly feeling and experiencingmay not excuse their bad behavior, but it doesmake it easier for me to turn the other cheek. Even more,it reminds me to be grateful for the fact that my own signboard,despite containing the usual human share of challengeand fear and grief, also has a postscript (in big, boldletters) that says, “I have family and friends who don’tneed a signboard to see who I am, and they fill my lifewith blessings.”I love hearing from you; feel free to contact me atthewordtech@md.metrocast.net if you have comments orquestions about the column.Date: SaturdayAUGUST 10, 2013Sponsored by Leahs HouseVolunteer Staff & the very specialFriends of Leah HouseRemember proceeds are to benefitthe shelter