A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids about Sex ...

Chapter 1: It’s a Tough Job, but Someone Has to Do ItAt the very start, we want to commend you for taking the time andmaking the effort to become better informed and better equipped. Somany parents take the ostrich approach, burying their heads in the sandwhile they hope their children come out okay.That’s flat-out dangerous. As soon as your children hit puberty, theyare actively thinking about their bodies, talking about sex, and sortingthrough the conflicting messages they get from their peers and society.If you leave them to do this on their own, you’re abandoning them tothe lure of their hormones, the seduction of false and twisted information,and the painful reality of inappropriate sexual activity.An Ongoing ProcessParents often ask us when to start talking about sex, but sex education—orbetter stated, puberty education—is an ongoing process ifyou’re doing the job correctly. If you reduce this education process tosimply having “a talk,” you’re missing the point. Being close enough toyour child to talk meaningfully about sex is more about nurturing anongoing, open, loving relationship than having a onetime discussion.Kids today need this from parents as urgently as ever.Here’s an example of what we’re talking about: the success we havein talking about sex with our kids is heavily influenced by how we handlethe other changes happening in their bodies and by the openness wecultivate with them in general. A common mistake that many parentsmake is to focus on the “bathing suit” areas of the body when approaching“the topic.”Can we make a suggestion? The best way to begin opening the doorsof conversation is to focus on the neck-up issues of preadolescence, thearea many kids refer to as “first base.” Both of us have seen many kidswho frankly feel shocked when their previously silent parents suddenlystart talking about issues “below the belt”—the “third base” and “homeplate” regions for kids. These moms and dads haven’t earned their children’sconfidence, but in a desperate attempt to make up for lost time,they stumble through an embarrassing “talk.” The end result usuallyfeels uncomfortable for both parent and child.During early puberty, kids focus far more time and attention on theneck up, and by spending time with them on these seeming crises—keepingzits at bay, bad-hair days, cracking voices, and their cursed clumsiness—you’llestablish openness, a track record, and the confidence to13