Safe Haven - Regis College

that allows for other pursuits.Mary Reilly Potter says that,“Retirement for me has been sweet.David and I live seven months inVenice, Florida, and five in KitteryPoint, Maine. I keep busy by walkingthree miles every day, doingwater aerobics five times a week,reading, quilting, sewing, knitting,and having fun as much as Ican. I remember my dad’s words ofwisdom: ‘Enjoy every day while youcan—old age is not for sissies.’”Remaining active is importantfor many of us. Sheila BrownHealy is “so thankful to be the FunGram to my five grandchildren—toswim, waterski, play basketball,and still shoot better than they do!”While her activity level is high,it comes with some support. “Ingeneral, I’m in good health, buthaving to put my blood pressureand other medications into thatplastic Monday-through-Sundaycontainer, I’m thankful I can stilluse the small one with the smallletters, not the foot long one withthe inch-high letters.”Ruth Crotty Little reinforcesthe idea that we may have reachedour Medicare years, but as with somuch that we’ve done in the past,we will reinvent these years aswell. “End of days?” By no means.“Time to refresh, rejuvenate,recapture the essence of life, andstrongly march on into the twilightof what we have strived for allthese years.”Our generation has blazed a trailto see just how many proverbialhats a woman can wear at onetime. On the employment front,we function as designers, lawyers,teachers, corporate executives,nurses. Often at the same time,we’re wives, mothers, and daughters.We’re volunteers and communityorganizers. We’re the glue thatholds a household together.And the role juggling continuesin our current stage of life. As ageneration, those of us in our sixtiesare breaking new ground inbeing responsible for the care ofparents in their nineties. Exceptin unusual circumstances, our parents’generation did not strugglewith these issues.My parents are both in a nursinghome on the North Shore. Mymother has Alzheimer’s and mydad is what they refer to as a “twopersontransfer” due to his frailty.Fortunately, it is a well-run facilitythat provides excellent care, butthe cost for both of them is inexcess of $700 per day. In manyways, transferring their daily careover to a care facility has easedmy physical involvement, if notmy worry about them. Trying toanswer their increasing needs overthe last few years, while living over100 miles away from them, hasbeen a challenge. And it’s a challengethat I see repeated aroundme every day.Though the challenges areobvious, the rewards can be rich.One day my neighbor was visitingan assisted-living facility withher elderly aunt, and they weretaken out to lunch by a “nice mannamed Sergio.” On the way homeshe made an off-handed commentto her aunt that Sergio’s name didnot really fit him. “I was thinkingthat the comment would go rightover her head, particularly as sheis hard of hearing, and I was really“I remember my dad’swords of wisdom:‘Enjoy every day whileyou can—old age isnot for sissies.’”just musing to myself and not takingthe usual effort to make myselfheard. All of a sudden she said tome, laughing, ‘Yes, he should havebeen taller, thinner, and moreromantic.’ I can only hope that at95 I can still tell the difference!”As those of us in our mid-sixtiesbegin to come up with new ideas toprovide the best possible care forour aging parents, perhaps, in theprocess, we will make choices thatwill make our own aging a littleeasier for ourselves, or at least forour kids when it’s their turn to dealwith us.A sweet young thing at aDunkin’ Donuts in Wellfleet gaveme an automatic senior discountlast week, so maybe I look olderthan I think I do. Note to Dunkin’Donuts: tell your staff to wait untilsomeone asks for a senior discount.The thing is, I don’t feel that old.Okay, there are a few things. I’mgrateful to be healthy, which issomething I once took for granted.I’m much more careful on ice andstairs than I used to be. I prefermovie matinees. I’ve traded in theregular one-piece bathing suit forswim shorts.But as the conventional wisdomsays, the more things change,the more they remain the same.I’m 65. It is what it is. Time togo forward. As with most things,attitude is all.Mary Jane Maciewicz Fernino,BA ’68, MAT ’97, is a retiredEnglish teacher. Her blog isfeatured on Falmouth Patch(www.falmouth.patch.com).21SPRING 12