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BEING DADRICHARD HOBOEvery Dog Has It’s DayBy the time you read this, Father’s Day 2013 will have been and gone. Someof you out there may well breathe a sigh of relief at this, as to some people,Father’s Day is nothing more than a vacuous marketing opportunity, but toany fathers out there, it is an opportunity to revel in greatness.Personally, the first thing I lookforward to on Father’s Day is theobligatory breakfast in bed. Bacon,eggs, toast, tomatoes, mushrooms,coffee. Maybe even a present ofsomething that Lorna wants for thehouse and some hilarious homemadecards from the girls. No socks, as Ibought five pairs of Ferrari red ones ina bargain sale bin a couple of weeksback, so I’m well sorted for worksocks. Likewise, I found a few pairs oflurid orange and electric blue undiesinexplicably reduced by a massiveamount, so bought up large when Isaw them too.After I’ve opened my presents, Lornaand the girls will lose interest, leavingme to eat in peace. Once that job isout of the way, I’ll call my Dad. Allgoing well, he’ll probably be proppedup in bed too, reading the paper. He’llalways inform me which order I am inthe order of Hobo offspring to contacthim on this hallowed day. It’s a fineart to get in first, to beat the otherfour siblings, but not call too early.Preferably just as he’s eaten his lastpiece of toast, but still has half a mugof coffee on the go. This is known asThe Golden Minute.Pretty much every Father’s Day atour place so far has involved me goingout somewhere with the girls, leavingLorna in peace, (which oddly enoughis exactly what we do on Mother’sDay too), but not this year. For someunknown reason, we were all up earlyand came up with the brilliant planof heading into town to buy Father’sDay breakfast, instead of staying homeand eating the food we already owned.It was great though, seeing so manypeople out and about celebratingthe old man and in the true spiritof Christmas, Easter and capitalistcelebrations in general, all the cafesin town were offering “Father’s DaySpecials” for breakfast, lunch, or infact, any time of day. Just come inand let us feed the old boy before hekeels over.It’s hard to know what to buy someonewho’s given up their life for you, andthis is where Dads get to see theiroffspring’s imagination kick in. Ashovel to dig over Mum’s vege patchfor the new season, or maybe a socketset to fix the kids bikes. I’ve alwaysbeen amazed by the ambition of someretailers in relation to the supposedgenerosity of people in search ofa gift for the old man. Ladders,workbenches, barbecues, cordlessdrills, surround sound systems,trailers, spa pools, gigantic plasma TVsfor the man shed, chainsaws, doublecab utes; all running into hundredsand even thousands of dollars andany Dad would be over the moon toreceive any of them.But what’s always puzzled meis where on earth do all thesepeople get so much money tosplash out on these presents?Their Dads must be loaded.animals in the familyfor 30 years477 St aubyn st, new plymouthphone: 06 7513000 (24 hours)www.staubynvet.co.nzOwned and operated by animal loversMerle and Grant DoughtyThe Pet Motel offers personalisedtop quality services where careand cuddles are guaranteed.Dogworkz Taranaki specialisein top quality mobile bathingand grooming services.374 Junction Road, New Plymouth (opposite Burgess Park)Phone 758 9078. Mobile 027 248 008420 I LIVE MAGAZINE I SPRING 2013