SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide - American Association of ...

“
Moving On
Life goes on.” “Time heals.” “Tomorrow is another day.”
If you haven’t already, you will likely be offered these
time-worn adages until they make you want to
scream. But our discomfort when faced with these tiny
kernels of truth may come from a reluctance to see our lives
move past this tragedy—as if continuing to live is an affront
to the memory of our lost loved one.
Conversely, one shouldn’t try to “move on” until truly
ready to. Trying to bravely brush aside your feelings of grief
and pain will only prolong them.
When should we start getting on with life? The answer is
different for each one of us. First and foremost, it’s essential
that we confront the confusing and troubling emotions that
suicide has left in us. Some survivors might come to a
reasoned and acceptable understanding of their tragedy
within a few months, but most will take a year to get
through the toughest parts, and a year or two more to truly
feel ready to live again.
It’s a good idea to refrain from making any major life
decisions in the first year. (You are likely to regret rash
choices made in an hour of grief.) However, life has a way of
moving us forward, ready or not. New events and
happenings unfold; new faces enter our lives. Sometimes the
very arrival of these new developments only serves to remind
us that our loved one is not here to share in them. It might
even feel like you are “leaving” them behind. But you will
never leave the memory of your loved one behind any more
than you can take their physical being with you. With time
and healing, you will be able to cherish fond memories of
them—celebrating their life as you continue to live yours.
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