Breastfeeding - Mandy Mazliah

Culture
What Mothers Do - book review
Sophie Broadbent reviews
What Mothers Do by Naomi
Stadlen
‘The best book on parenting –
brilliantly insightful’ – Guardian
‘Naomi Stadlen writes with
understanding, deep insight and
humour’ – Sheila Kitzinger, Childbirth
Educator, Mother.
Website for background, events and
opportunities to meet the author:
www.naomistadlen.com
This book totally changed the way
I think about being a mother. It
made me feel proud of the everyday
work I’m doing ‘just’ being a mum,
and it helped me understand how
important the little things I naturally
do are to my baby. As a new mum
I’m constantly searching for ‘the
answer’ to so many things, and this
incredibly reassuring and thoughtprovoking
book holds all I really
need to know – that the small things
that I do are worthwhile, that it’s ok
to be overwhelmed by becoming
a new mum, that other women
experience similar things to me,
and listening to my individual baby
will give me the key to a fulfilled
and happy relationship with her.
Mostly, it’s given me confidence and
made me feel like a good mum. It’s
released me from the pressure of
worrying about what I ‘should’ be
doing, and allowed me to feel proud
of what I’m actually doing as the
unique parent to a unique child.
My copy was calmly lent to me with
a knowing look and a glowing review
by a neighbour and mum of a 14
month old boy when my daughter
was newborn, but although I was
26 Newsletter Spring
ploughing through huge epics like
‘Gone With the Wind’ while feeding
her in her early months, I’ve always
preferred story-led books to factual
ones and didn’t pick this up to read
until she was 9 months old. I wish
I’d done so sooner! It’s not a factual
book – it’s more like listening in on
a conversation. Any time is good to
read this amazing, inspiring insight
into the realities of moving from the
world of full-time work to becoming
a new parent for the first time – and
all of the new experiences and
questions that brings.
Naomi is a mother of three and
a grandmother of two. She is a
psychotherapist and breastfeeding
counsellor and published this book
in 2004. It is made up of quotations
from dialogues with new mums
she has met during her years as a
counsellor, grouped into chapters
with titles like ‘Nothing prepares
you’ and ‘So tired I could die’ – both
of which are feelings I recognise!
Naomi explains her thoughts on
the emerging themes drawing
similarities between mothers’
comments, and offering thoughts
and explanations of the cultural
background of issues and why new
mothers may feel the way they do.
Most of the mums Naomi’s worked
with live in London and came
straight from a full-time career into
parenting for the first time. Because
they’ve been working, they’ve had
very little intensive contact with
babies until they had their own
and although most of my family
and friends have children, I fall
into this category too. Naomi made
me realise why - even though I did
what I could to prepare by going to
antenatal classes and speaking to
friends - I experienced such a sense
of shock at the birth of my first child.
She’s shown me how I can feel
proud of the time I’m spending with
her now – and how valuable my dayto-day
mothering is to my child ‘even
when it looks like nothing’.
It’s impossible to impart all of this
book’s wisdom in this short review,
but I’m certain that everyone who
reads it will take something different
and empowering away with them.
Now when I’m in the supermarket
I stand proud and say to myself
“I’m not just shopping here today,
I’m teaching my child about the
world around her – no matter how
mundane it may feel to me or appear
to others”. And when people at work
ask me what I’ve been doing for the
last few months I won’t say “I’ve just
been at home with my baby” – I’ll
say “I’ve been mothering my child
and working hard for every second
of the day and night bringing up a
new person in our world”. Thank you
Naomi.