Psychotherapy Service booklet - SLaM National Services

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South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation TrustKerry“ I’ve always had a sense things were notquite right.”I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety since childhoodand, though I think I always knew something was wrong,I felt I was to blame for it... like all I really needed to dowas pull my socks up.I grew up as the eldest child in a working class Muslimfamily and, around the age of 37 or 38, when I soughthelp for the first time, my siblings seemed to be doingso much better than me. They were married with homesand savings and I was single and felt I hadn’t doneanything with my life. I’d passed a couple of degreesand had worked in publishing and different areas of law,but hadn’t been able to hold down a steady career.My siblings and I had all come through the same familyso I wondered what was wrong with me.I reflected on it and came to the conclusion that I setgoals but never achieved them. That was probably thething that made me look for help initially; why did I setmy sights on things but never get there?“ I suppose it’s more difficult when thereare no external signs.”On the face of it, I’ve always looked quite well. Thedepression may have affected me inside, but most of thetime I probably looked cheerful on the outside. I slepta lot too, but I always felt that was just a mixture of badhabits and not feeling motivated.My situation had been the same since secondary schoolor earlier so there wasn’t any kind of onset in adulthood.My sister took antidepressants when she went througha divorce, but taking the medication was a result of anobvious change in her well-being. That never happenedfor me. I’d been the same for a long time – chronic, likea kind of shutdown.At first, I saw a counsellor linked to my GP surgery andhad some psychotherapy from a local pastoral service.I was with the pastoral service for a while and it was quitesuccessful in some ways because it revealed childhoodthings I didn’t realise still upset me, plus it was clearto me that something was wrong. I was looking fora different kind of service though, which was why Iwas referred to the Maudsley.“ The Maudsley offer all types of therapiesand I was really hopeful from the firstmeeting.”The psychiatrist I met for my assessment was great. Hecame across as having high levels of academic training,which gave me lots of confidence, and I knew I’d get onwith him. It was clear he was going to help so I decidedto wait to work with him specifically, even thoughappointments came up with other doctors.26
National Services: Psychotherapy ServiceI really felt that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)would suit me best at the time. He didn’t disagree butrecommended a mixture of CBT and psychotherapy –that we should try this approach over 20 or 30 sessionsand then assess things again. This was different to otherservices I’d experienced. What’s great is that the treatmentat the Maudsley doesn’t have to be confined to one typeof therapy or theory; instead, two or three can becombined to suit different parts of someone’s condition.All of this made me really hopeful, and my hopewasn’t misplaced.“ The changes have been way beyond whatI thought possible.”One of the biggest relates to personal relationships. I’venever had a problem meeting people, but I’d only dateda few guys and could never maintain a relationship. Addedto that, when things went wrong in a relationship it alwaysreaffirmed the negative thoughts I had about myself.After a year of therapy, I met someone and we’re stilltogether now, two years on. He’s a really special personand has stuck by me through one or two difficult times,but the success has also been down to me – I haven’t leftwhen difficulties have surfaced, which was the first thingI used to do before, and I now find it easier to see thingsfrom someone else’s point of view. It’s lovely and feelsso natural.I’ve also managed to focus on one career for the last twoyears and I’m getting the day-to-day chores done moreeasily too. For instance, I have a bit of obsessive compulsivedisorder (OCD) and used to struggle to keep the houseas spotless as I wanted it. Now I get up early every dayand get things done.“The Maudsley has made a huge differenceto the quality of each day. I’ve startedto feel pleasure again.”The therapy has improved my professional life, mypersonal relationships, my home life and relationships withall members of my family. A lot of mental illness relates tofamily set-ups not working for a particular person, and Iknow there are some issues with my family that have beendifficult, but I’ve put things behind me and I’m at anotherlevel of relationship with my family now.I’ve also started to feel pleasure again, which is a reallyimportant thing to mention. I used to go out a lot, butnow I enjoy things more. Like everyone, there are somethings that make me happier than others and I’m ableto be more discriminatory so I can focus on the thingsI like. The happy things give me energy.I’ve never looked forward to things as much as I donowadays. Life used to be just being one long continuum,but now I experience it more genuinely with all its upsand downs. I smile a lot more too! 27
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Psychotherapy Service booklet - SLaM National Services

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