Prides - Shout!

-Finding yourself at fortyYes dearest reader, yours truly haspassed into the twilight zone and hasmatured nicely into a very ripe 41 yearold. I still feel 17 inside, but this illusionis immediately dispelled when glancingin a mirror - or anything else with a shinysurface. The peaches-and-cream, unblemishedskin - gone! The thick, glossyginger mane - gone! The perky full bosoms...well I never quite had them anyway.Heidi reckons my age is the wrongway round as most of the time I act likea gawky 14-yearold boy, especiallyaround rather alluring women... whenactually I’m just copying her.But seriously, hitting my forties has notjust been about decaying flesh. Underneathall the bravado and ego-mania, Iam actually quite a spiritual person andI try to learn from my mistakes,viewinglife as a journey. I don’t suit a yashmak,and I drop off when meditating, but I doSpeaking the truthRecently O’Hooley & Tidow were interviewedfor a national music magazine(how exciting!) and amongst questionsabout our career, new album etc, wewere asked whether we have experiencedany homophobia on the folkmusic scene. Belinda kindly handed thisquestion over to me (thanks a lot!).It’s a tricky one, and it took a while forme to come up with a response, as itseems to be a touchy area in the entertainmentbusiness. It’s well known, thatmany actors, musicians and sports starsconceal their sexuality for fear of their careertaking a nose-dive (see my previousarticle on Jessie J - still available to readon Shout!’s website atwww.shoutweb.co.uk)Belinda and I have been performing onthe folk scene for a few years now andit’s well known that we are a couple - wemake no secret of this. We often rambleon stage about our cats, make irreverentcomments about each other like an oldmarried couple, and try to be role modelsfor the LGBT community. Most of ourtry to incorporate some of the Buddhistprinciples into my life - for example tryingto live in the now, rather than wishingmy life away or dwelling on the past. Thiscan at times be a struggle, especially ifthe now is difficult, and fixating on a holidayor a future purchase can sweetenthe moment.I’ve also learnt that from an early age, Ibecame what’s commonly known as “apeople pleaser”. This is someone who alwaystries to put the other person’sneeds first, regardless of whether this fitsin with my own needs and desires. Ifsomeone in authority is telling me whatto do, I find myself nodding and grinninglike the village idiot rather than puttingmy own view point across or disagreeing.I wonder whether this inability to put myselffirst stems from my childhood -where I hid my sexuality from my friendsand family, putting their need for me toaudience members come toour gigs for the music and thesongs; a large proportion ofthem are straight. We don’tactively court the gay musicscene or try to slot ourselvesinto any particular category.Rather, we welcomeanyone who wants toenjoy a musicalevening with us.So after some pondering,my response wasthis: “Good question! Doyou know, we’ve never hadany outright homophobia towardsus, overall the folkworld has been accepting andencouraging of our music.However, there have been timeswhen we’ve sniffed some prejudice;occasionally we get the impressionthat we’re passed overfor a festival or a gig, or amagazine feature forsomeone deemed morebe “normal” in front of my own “normality”.Hiding my own needs and desiresbecame second nature, so much sothat it has taken reaching my fortiesfor me to recognise this behaviourand start to make changes. The shiftinside feels good as my self-esteemand inner pride push me to be moreassertive. I wonder if this is a commonproblem for LGBT people.And finally, as I trundle into my dotage,I’ve started to not give a flying fannyabout what people think about me.Life is much more fun when you careless about how other people viewyou and actually do your own thing,wear what you want, say what youwant. Maybe I’m just catchingup with the rest of you on this -but if not, try it.Belinda O'Hooley-Tidow‘suitable’. People are oftensurprised when they findthey like our music, as ifthey were expecting not tolike it based on who we are.It sometimes feels like wehave to worktwice as hardto prove ourw o r t h .We’d liketo bej u d g e don ourm u s i ca n do u rsongwriting,rather thanseen as‘lesbianf o l ksingers’. However, we do not hide whowe are, because we shouldn’t have to -we’re out and proud, and we won’tchange that to please anyone.”Just before the magazine hit the shelves,I felt really anxious about my response. Iwas worried that people may read it andthink that I have a chip on my shoulderbecause I’m gay, and that I may haveportrayed myself as a victim. To haveworn my heart on my sleeve and admitto some thinly-veiled homophobia towardsus was a risk, as it could actuallyencourage more prejudice. The age-oldadage “I don’t mind gays as long as theydon’t rub my face in it” kind of thing.Well the magazine has been out for aweek now, and I still feel anxious when Isee someone reading it on the train. But,as someone recently said to me: “to bestrong, you have to be vulnerable”.So to wipe out this disease that is homophobia,we have to be honest and findthe courage to speak out. Out and proud.Heidi O’Hooley-TidowLeeds Gay Menis a free social group offering events and socialopportunities for gay and bisexual men.Smallprint - 88mm wide x 62mm highWe organise a range of activities including linedancing, discussion groups, cinema evenings,dining out, hiking, weekend trips, camping andanything else that members want.Please join us today atwww.meetup.com/LGMGroup10