June 10, 2007 - Pingry School

The DestructivePower of FearWhen I first walked into thisschool, I was a nervous wreck. Ididn’t feel comfortable aroundanyone, and it almost felt likeevery moment of my life waspart of some grand test that I wasfailing. Sometimes that came outas timidity, sometimes as hostility.For instance, I can remembera number of times refusing toreveal bands that I liked, for fearthat the other person wouldn’tlike them too. But I can alsoremember angrily making funof another friend for never havingheard of Rancid. So, I wasbasically somewhere between anincredible coward and an incrediblejerk because I was too afraidto be anything different.Four years later, I still feelmuch the same way, if in a muchsmaller degree. I still think I havepeople I need to impress and agonizeover how others will react ifI do the “wrong” thing. In short,while I’m certainly much closerthan I was as a freshman, I amstill very far away from beingthat genuine human being that Iwant to be.I think this search for greaterand greater authenticity will bethe quest of the rest of my life.Indeed, I believe it is ultimatelywhat all of us are seeking. Weare the happiest, the most satisfied,when we connect with thatnatural essence of ourselves thatis untainted by all of our experiences.How, then, do we achievethis? Is it simply a matter ofmaturity—as we age, as weexperience more, do we becomemore sure of ourselves and morewilling to show the world whowe actually are?I think this is part of the equationbut ultimately a minor piece.Being yourself sounds so simple,and yet it so hard for almost all ofus. What it really takes is a singlemindeddetermination to be whoyou are. There will always be fearfor all of us, but our highest valuemust be courage.Whether this is about doingBy SAM ADRIANCE (VI)THE PINGRY RECORD SENIOR REFLECTIONS JUNE 10, 2007the “right” thing or doing whatwill make you the most satisfiedis meaningless. In fact, I wouldargue that they are one and thesame. Either way, the less we letfear be a motivator, the better andhappier we’ll be.That doesn’t mean that we gosky-diving, or wear crazy clothingor spill all our darkest secretsjust to overcome our fears. Thosethings may have their value, butour true goal is to simply removefear from the equation. Thisdoesn’t mean you pretend yourfear doesn’t exist, just that you tryto act like you would if it didn’t.You rationally ask yourself,“What do I want to accomplish?”and act in accordance with that,ignoring how scared you are.Of course, this is not an easytask. But in some ways, youmight be shocked how easyit seems after the fact to askthat girl on a date or genuinelyapologize for the wrong you’vedone. “What was I so afraid ofagain?” you’ll ask yourself. Andthat consciousness will hopefullymake the next time a little easier,and the next time after that eveneasier.But we must never rest on ourlaurels. The minute we decidewe’ve done enough and it’s timeto take a break is the minute wetake another step back. The pathto satisfaction, enlightenment,heaven, whatever name youwish to call it—for I think oursearch for the infinite is exactlythe same as our search for trueauthenticity—is not an easy one.Nor would we, in our heart ofhearts, want it to be. One of thehighest truths of life is that hardwork and determination leadsto great results, and why wouldwe want it to be any different?The greatest satisfaction comesfrom knowing you gave yourall and produced exactly whatyou wanted. So as we moveforward, whether we’re at Pingryor beyond, let’s give our all andsee what happens. I bet you’ll bepleasantly surprised.Who Are You if You Aren't Your Choices?By HEATHER BENJAMIN (VI)This is my fifth rewrite ofthis piece, and I’ve decided toabandon my original intent tosomehow try to convey myfeelings while simultaneouslypleasing the majority of Pingrystudents and affiliates by wateringdown my opinions.I started Pingry in fifth grade.I was immediately sucked intothe whirlwind of attempting to fitin, my frustration at being awkwardand embarrassed aroundthe cool kids, and my family’sfinancial status, which was belowthe Pingry norm. I didn’tknow where I was supposed toshop to get the bright pinks andgreens, I was baffled at howthe pretty girls got their hair sostraight and shiny (I still am), andI definitely didn’t know where toget the right kind of North Facebackpack. I made wonderfulfriends, but they weren’t in theelite circle of Pingry familieswhose parents go on golf outingsand whose mothers spend theirdays planning parties, decoratingtheir houses, and playing tennis.Slowly but surely, I became okaywith my social status, althoughI did get into a fair number offights with my mom over thattight, expensive Abercrombiet-shirt I had to have in sixthgrade, and how badly I wantedto have my hair permanentlystraightened in seventh.Then, around eighth grade,things changed. I started to strayoff the beaten path. I began thinkingabout my everyday choices,my options, my reasons. I reevaluatedmy lifestyle, thoughtabout the choices my Pingryclassmates made, and comparedmy ideas to theirs. I don’t knowexactly why this change tookplace for me, but at the end ofmy senior year, I’m looking backand I’m so glad it did.Since ninth grade, I’ve madea lot of decisions that are prettyun-kosher around Pingry—Idecided not to get my driver’slicense, and have walked orbiked to school a fair amountthis year. I went vegetarian acouple of years ago, and thisyear I went vegan. Needless tosay, I have abandoned my pursuitof the Abercrombie T-shirt oranything like it, and I love myhair the way it naturally is. Morerecently, I decided to take a gapyear next year before going tocollege. And I chose a really ambitious(possibly too ambitious)ISP—painting abstract murals inthe cafeteria.I don’t mean to sound highand mighty. I am proud of myself,but of course my lifestyleisn’t for everyone. I can tell youtruly, though, that it feels great tomake choices thatI’ve spent manyan afternoon lyingin the grasspondering; it feelsfantastic to makedecisions basedon my concernfor the environmentand my compassion for allbeings. It’s an amazing feelingto be dedicated to my ideas, tohave created them, to own myown mind. I can truly say thatI have formed a concrete set ofbeliefs, ethics, values—whateveryou want to call them—in thelatter part of my Pingry career,that were quietly growing eversince I came here.Don’t get me wrong, I’m notsaying that my “eccentric” lifestylechoices are right for everyone.I’m not saying that anyoneshould be like me or do whatI do. What Pingry needs is notnecessarily more people like memaking the choices I made—itneeds people who think, rethink,and create. Innovators,creative minds. People whoreevaluate everything, especiallythemselves. People who aren’tapathetic and ignorant—peoplewho have opinions and stand upfor them. If you have somethingto say, go up to the podium atmorning meeting on Mondayand say it. People have the mostrespect for unashamedly creativeminds. It’s a free country, andPingry is a safe school. You canexpress yourself! And if youdon’t, nobody will.Set an example. Park in thefar lot even if there are spotsin the senior lot. Try biking toschool if you live close enough.By MATT LAUD (VI)The worst way to liveyour life is with apathy.Don't let your life fallinto a mindless routine.Explore what walking aroundschool barefoot feels like. If youdo none of those things, at leasttake a solo walk in the woodsbehind Pingry in the middle ofwinter—I’d have to say that’smy favorite Pingry memory.Keep yourself under scrutinyat all times. Give yourself plentyof time to think and imagine.Think about all the choices youmake—why do you bother doinghomework? Do you want to goto college right away? Why doyou eat meat? Why do you needyour own car?Even if you don’tmake the samedecisions I have,it’s vital that anydecision you doend up making isone that you canjustify well, andin depth. Who are you if youaren’t your choices? Who areyou if you can’t explain thoseEDITORIALIt feels strange that I was once admiring the eloquentwriting of the op-ed contributers and editors just four yearsago. I remember Robert Zacharias’ advice to eat more frozenyogurt, and I thought to myself, “Wow.” I wondered wherethey found their inspiration. Who was their muse?I’m still wondering now.But I think I’m starting to piece together my four yearshere, and the past doesn’t seem so much like a bitter, stressfulcesspool.Naturally, graduation day hasn’t completely enabled meto see my Pingry experience through rose-colored glasses.High school was, undoubtedly, a rollercoaster ride of emotions.And to tell you the truth, it was not a pleasant experiencemost of the time. When I think back, it was just a yearago that I was utterly miserable. I had four APs, four SATIIs, final exams, newspaper work, and auditions. It felt likethere was an overabundance of everything except sleep.I suppose, it really hasn’t been all that bad, and even thepainful memories have taught me some meaningful lessons.And it’s true, I’ve learned a lot. The one thing the school hasdone so effortlessly is cushioning my falls and leaving meexposed so that I could become stronger on my own.By this, I mean that when I got a bad grade, a teacherwould point out my faults, help me fix them, and encourageme to keep trying. When I was feeling stressed, a friendwould offer to take me to Coldstone for some cheesecakeice cream. When I made that announcement in morning assembly,I would fumble over a word. When I was faced withan ethical question, I had to wade through it on my own.It would be these frustrating, painful moments that wouldtruly direct the course of my growth. I suppose I could say Icame to this realization during one of these not-so-glamorousmoments.It occurred during one of those sparsely attended instrumentalconcerts that no one really knows about but theperformers and music teachers themselves. No matter howsmall the audience, however, I felt that it was importantthat I nail the solo in one of the pieces for the group and formyself. And I was confident I could. It wasn’t hard—I justhad to remember how to exactly navigate the page with codaand repeat signs. I practiced it with the orchestra severaltimes and never skipped a beat.It was the last piece on the orchestra’s program, and itstarted off fine. Then I forgot to repeat to the beginning, sowhile I was on my merry way through the page, the orchestrawas noticeably out of sync with my playing. Oops. Theconductor was whispering, “Go to G. G!” When I finallyrealized my mistake, I stopped moving my bow in mid-air,madly searched for my place, winced a little, and beganplaying again.After the piece was over, my conductor and fellow orchestramembers were clearly disappointed. I, on the other hand,felt uncharacteristically nonchalant. I was disappointed, forobvious reasons. But not really. And that surprised me.As many of my closer friends could probably tell you, Ihave had and still have a tendency to freak out and obsessover little missteps and glitches. That has, however, lessenedover the past few years, and mostly noticeably, in mylast year here.Pingry’s relatively unforgiving pace has made me stop“sweating the small stuff.” That doesn’t mean I will justglance over a minor, factual detail in my research paper orfail to google an esoteric term, but it means I’ve becomea little less neurotic. Well, at least enough to maintain mysanity.Maybe I could have become so comfortable with myself—withwho I am and where I am—and maybe I wouldhave encountered the same amount of academic stress at mylocal public school. And sure, I would be the roughly thesame person, just round up to the nearest tenth. But I likemyself just the way I am, to the very last hundredth.—Catherine Chongchoices well, to yourself and toothers?The worst way to live yourlife is with apathy. Don’t letyourself fall into a mindless routine.Try to catch yourself mindlesslygoing through the motionsof being a Pingry student, andstop right away! I could rambleon, but the best advice I can giveyou is to be true to yourself,explore everything all the time,and be as loving as you possiblycan. It’s cheesy, but I saw it mostthis year, especially being a partof the Peer Leadership program—love is all you need.With love and acceptance andbeing true to yourself, everythingfalls into place. So groove yourway through high school andtry out everything you can,learn as much as you can, beas compassionate as you can.Be yourself—it’s what’s bestfor you, and it’s what’s best forPingry.Travels on a Bumpy Road