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JUNG at HEART, No. 43 - Inner City Books

JUNG at HEART, No. 43 - Inner City Books

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The Magical Other, says<br />

James Hollis, is in ourselves<br />

An excerpt from his book on rel<strong>at</strong>ionship, THE EDEN PROJECT:<br />

In Search of the Magical Other (title 79, 160pp, $18)<br />

One of the gre<strong>at</strong> ideas th<strong>at</strong> drives humankind<br />

is the fantasy of the Magical Other,<br />

the notion th<strong>at</strong> there is one person out there<br />

who is right for us, will make our lives<br />

work, a soul m<strong>at</strong>e who will repair the<br />

ravages of our personal history, know wh<strong>at</strong><br />

we want and meet those deepest needs; a<br />

good parent who will protect us from suffering<br />

and spare us the perilous journey of<br />

individu<strong>at</strong>ion. Virtually all popular culture<br />

is fueled by this idea and its fallout—<br />

the search for the Magical Other.<br />

Behind the search lies the archetypal<br />

power of the parental imagos. Our first<br />

experience of ourselves is in rel<strong>at</strong>ionship<br />

to these Primal Others, usually mother or<br />

f<strong>at</strong>her. Consciousness itself arises out of<br />

th<strong>at</strong> splitting of the primal particip<strong>at</strong>ion<br />

* 5 more by Hollis *<br />

THE MIDDLE PASSAGE<br />

From Misery to Meaning in Midlife<br />

(title 59, 128pp, $18)<br />

UNDER SATURN’S SHADOW<br />

The Wounding and Healing of Men<br />

(title 63, 144pp, $18)<br />

TRACKING THE GODS<br />

The Place of Myth in Modern Life<br />

(title 68, 160pp, $18)<br />

SWAMPLANDS OF THE SOUL<br />

New Life in Dismal Places<br />

(title 73, 160pp, $18)<br />

CREATING A LIFE<br />

Finding Your Individual P<strong>at</strong>h<br />

(title 92, 160pp, $18)<br />

<strong>JUNG</strong> <strong>at</strong> <strong>HEART</strong>, <strong>No</strong>. <strong>43</strong>, Spring/Summer 2006<br />

mystique which characterizes the infant’s<br />

sensibility. The paradigms for self, for<br />

Other, and the transactions between, are<br />

formed from the fortuities of these earliest<br />

experiences. They are hard-wired into our<br />

neurological and emotional network, and<br />

l<strong>at</strong>er projected onto potential partners until<br />

someone comes along who can c<strong>at</strong>ch<br />

and hold them.<br />

Sometimes one will be aware of a certain<br />

quality th<strong>at</strong> derives from the field of<br />

conscious rel<strong>at</strong>ionship with the parent.<br />

The partner sought must be steady and<br />

trustworthy, for example, or offer the sense<br />

“The search for the Beloved is both a romantic search for our<br />

soul m<strong>at</strong>e as well as a spiritual search for God.<br />

We often confuse the two, looking for God in all the wrong<br />

places. Somehow, we’ve got to look within ourselves.”<br />

of security a parent once did. More often,<br />

the p<strong>at</strong>hology of the parent-child rel<strong>at</strong>ionship<br />

is calling the shots. How many abused<br />

children have formed rel<strong>at</strong>ionships with<br />

abusers, helplessly replic<strong>at</strong>ing the primal<br />

paradigm? How many adult children of<br />

alcoholics find addictive personalities with<br />

whom to bond? Often these p<strong>at</strong>terns slumber<br />

in the unconscious and do not emerge<br />

for decades.<br />

Wh<strong>at</strong> is repetitive, of course, is the<br />

psychodynamic of the rel<strong>at</strong>ionship, not its<br />

outer appearance. Who in their right mind<br />

would seek out someone and say, “I want<br />

you to repe<strong>at</strong> my childhood wounding. I<br />

will love you because you are so familiar.”<br />

It is truly frightening to realize how<br />

unconscious one is in the form<strong>at</strong>ion of<br />

intim<strong>at</strong>e rel<strong>at</strong>ionship, how powerful is our<br />

programmed desire for wh<strong>at</strong> we have<br />

known. Wh<strong>at</strong> is known is wh<strong>at</strong> is sought,<br />

even if wh<strong>at</strong> is known is wounding.<br />

So it is th<strong>at</strong> the Magical Other is loaded<br />

up with all the detritus of our psychic<br />

history. If there is an enemy th<strong>at</strong> owns us,<br />

it is the power of th<strong>at</strong> history, with its<br />

ability to usurp consciousness, warp perspective<br />

and contamin<strong>at</strong>e choice. Among<br />

the several tasks of psychotherapy is the<br />

confront<strong>at</strong>ion with such history, <strong>at</strong> least as<br />

much as may be brought to consciousness<br />

through the examin<strong>at</strong>ion of behavior p<strong>at</strong>terns,<br />

symptom<strong>at</strong>ology and dreams.<br />

The explor<strong>at</strong>ion of this theme obliges<br />

us to explore the polyfaceted character of<br />

rel<strong>at</strong>ionships. We need to acknowledge<br />

th<strong>at</strong> the character of all our rel<strong>at</strong>ionships<br />

arises out of our first rel<strong>at</strong>ionships, which<br />

we internalize and experience as an unconscious,<br />

phenomenological rel<strong>at</strong>ionship<br />

to ourselves as well. Out of th<strong>at</strong> rel<strong>at</strong>ionship<br />

comes the depth, tenor and agenda of<br />

all others.<br />

If there is a single idea which perme<strong>at</strong>es<br />

this book it is th<strong>at</strong> the quality of all of our<br />

rel<strong>at</strong>ionships is a direct function of our<br />

rel<strong>at</strong>ionship to ourselves. Most of the drama<br />

and dynamics of our rel<strong>at</strong>ionships to others<br />

and to the transcendent is expressive of<br />

our own personal psychology.<br />

Paradoxically, then, the best thing we<br />

can do for our rel<strong>at</strong>ionships with others,<br />

and with the transcendent, is to render our<br />

rel<strong>at</strong>ionship to ourselves more conscious,<br />

and to assume responsibility for our own<br />

journey of individu<strong>at</strong>ion. ✪<br />

— <strong>No</strong>w an audiobook —<br />

The Middle Passage<br />

by James Hollis<br />

4 CDs, $US 24.50<br />

Order from BMA STUDIOS:<br />

P.O. Box <strong>43</strong>3, Monterey, MA 01245<br />

Tel. 413-528-0253<br />

www.bmastudios.com<br />

page 3

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