Talk Soon Talk Often book 2014 FLIP

I think my child is gay
For whatever reasons, you have begun to think that
your child might be gay; that is, attracted to people of
the same sex. Sometimes, worry and love for the child,
and a history of hearing that ‘gay = bad’ causes parents
to feel they need to do something. Even a behaviour as
harmless as a boy playing with dolls can cause some
parents to panic. It is very sad that our history of male
and female stereotyping and fear of homosexuality
causes so much worry about natural and normal
behaviour in children. So here’s what you can consider
to continue being a loving and helpful parent:
It is common and normal for kids to dress up in
parents’ clothes without it meaning they are gay or
straight.
It is common and normal for boys to play with dolls
and girls to play rough without it meaning they are
gay or straight.
It is common for young people to express their
sexuality with others of the same sex but it doesn’t
mean they are or will be gay or bisexual.
While it is less common to be gay, lesbian or bisexual (about
one in ten people) 2 , it is normal.
How do I suppor t my child?
You can’t control your child’s sexual orientation. It is not caused by
you and it can’t be changed by you.
A child may not ‘know’ they are gay until they are much older. Give
them time to grow up and find out who they are for themselves.
Remember, what you do and how you respond can really make a
difference. Don’t panic, get information from Parents and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) or the youth service, Twenty10. See
page 62.
Aim to be a ‘tellable’ parent: give your children some positive
messages that you are open to talking. For example, use something
in the media to make a positive comment about gay people, or
about parents who support their kids, or about women and men
who follow their interests, careers and passions outside of narrow
gender stereotypes. Your child may even ask you a question to ‘test’
you. If you don’t know what to say, it’s OK to be honest. Saying
something like, ‘When I grew up it was rarely talked about, so I
feel like I’ve got a lot to learn’ lets your child know that you haven’t
closed the door on the discussion.
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