June 2016- From the Father's Heart

Comedy with a 

Purpose 

Interview with Michael Jr 

June 2016 

Parenting in 

2016 

Have Times Truly 

Changed Regarding 

Parenting? 

Victory over 

Negative Environments 

How do you 

overcome a bad 

past? 

Parenthood 

How to prepare for 

the arrival of your 

little blessing! 

Helping Families Live Victoriously in Christ

Contents 

Features 

Spiritual Mothers..........61 

The role of a spiritual mother is 

to guide another woman in her 

walk with Christ. Find out how 

these women can be an asset. 

benefit of spiritual 

fathers..........................72 

Spiritual fathers are valuable to 

Christian men. Learn why you 

need one in your life. 

Honor your parents....11 

What is honor? We expolore 

how children and adults should 

honor their parents. 

Role Reversal.................18 

As parents age and may 

experience the effects of aging, 

Discover ways to continue to 

honor them- even when things 

get tough. 

Roles of MOther and 

Father in the home.........28 

Biblical roles of parenting are 

discussed over generational. 

Male or Female...............34 

Learn about the attributes of 

God- both male and female. 

What are God’s characteristics? 

flight arrangements of 

the Single Parent..........42 

Discussion of how single parents 

can bridge the gap when the 

other parent is absent and the 

effects of mentoring. 

Nurturing: relegated to 

just moms?........................50 

Discusses the effects of 

nurturing in the home. Is the role 

of nurturing solely for mothers or 

can fathers be nurturers too? 

Nurturing generates 

Winning environment....59 

An environment of caring goes 

a long way to the emotional well 

being of those in it. Learn how 

understanding can positively 

influence others in your sphere. 

so you’re going to be a 

Father.................................76 

Discussion on preparing for the 

joys of fatherhood. 

Benefits of sowing into 

people’s lives..................79 

People are one of our most 

valuable assets. Learn the 

benefits of mentoring. 

God’s Parenting Principles.......................................7 

This article asks whether scripture 

is applicable to today’s parenting 

challenges. 

how is the weather in 

your home.........................68 

Negative home envirioments 

don’t have to impact your future. 

Discover how to live in freedom. 

nurturer, comforter, 

mother...............................82 

Learn how to cultivate godly 

mothering skills before the 

arrival of your liffle blessing!

father’s daughter........86 

Ladies, does the love of Christ 

flow through you for others? 

Learn how to do so. 

developing parenting 

skills..................................88 

You can learn parenting skills to 

help others without having kids. 

Interviews 

What’s in a Name............106 

Do our names define who our 

children are? Discover the biblical 

importance of a name. 

Comedy wih a purpose..14 

Interview with comedian Michael 

Jr. 

7 steps to Courage.......22 

Interview with author Ann White 

Music Spotlight..............38 

Interview with Jody McBrayer 

Issues of the Heart.........47 

Interview with author Tim Rowe 

discussing the importance of the 

heart. 

New money mindset........54 

Interview with author Brad Hewitt 

regarding financial responsibility. 

cynthia Ruchti discusses 

Fiction novel song of Silence.....................................64 

Interview with Cynthia Ruchti on 

her latest fiction book, Song of 

Silence 

what if every Christian 

believed they were 

called into full time 

ministry..............................91 

Interview with author Jeff 

Vanderstelt 

parenting: the times may 

have changed but the 

principles have not.......94 

Have the roles between parents 

and kids changed? 

Interpreting the voice 

of God...............................110 

Learn how to teach your children 

to gain revelation through 

scripture. 

artist jason fowler 

discusses recovery 

from addictions...........100 

Interview with musician Jason 

Fowler

EDITORIAL 

PUBLISHER 

Michelle Danko 

mcdanko@eyeworship.org 

ASSISTANT PUBLISHER 

Vernita Simmons (Interviews) 

vsimmons@eyeworship.org 

Kathy Smith (Features) 

kathy.smith@eyeworship.org 

Natasha Gboleeweefaa (Reviews) 

ngboleeweefaa@eyeworship.org 

Roslyn Ashford (Business & Leadership) 

rashford@eyeworship.org 

Lynn Dunn (Entertainment/Events) 

ldunn@eyeworship.org 

EDITOR 

Jill King 

jillking@eyeworship.org 

Robin Glover 

rglover@eyeworship.org 

Sabrina Smith 

ssmith@eyeworship.org 

SALES 

Mark M. Danko 

mmdanko@faithfilledfamily.com 

IMAGES: 

COVER PHOTO 

Graphic Stock 

PHOTOGRAPHERS 

Cello Armstrong, Michael Jung, rolffimages, Nikki Salewski, Gino 

Santa Maria, Scott Griessel, ysbrandcosijn, and Andy Kieselev @ 

AdobeStock.com 

All others courtesy of GraphicStock.com 

SUBSCRIPTIONS AND FEEDBACK: 

For subscriptions or feedback, please visit our website at : 

www.faithfilledfamily.comIinfo@faithfilledfamily.com 

© Faith Filled Family Magazine, June Edition, Yumpu 2016

Publisher’s Letter 

This issue was entitcled, From the Father’s Heart, and I 

was very blessed to have our Assistant Publisher, Kathy 

Smith who does our Features select our topics for this 

edition. 

These articles will touch you with God’s love and inspire 

you to victory in your journey. Many of these articles are 

on very popular topics of discussion, and will cause you 

to examine the Bible in a very different light as you will 

gain deeper revelation into the Word. 

Our dedicated team of writers and leaders have gone 

above and beyond with this issue. I am confident that 

you will be blessed by reading it. 

Be Blessed, 

Michelle Danko 

Publisher 

Faith Filled Family Magazine

God’s 

Historians say that the 

Bible was completed 

almost 2000 years ago. 

How in the world could it still be 

relevant to parents raising children 

in the year 2016? Do the 

thou shalt nots and the blessed 

are theys still have a place in 

the way that we live and function 

in today’s society? 

The truth is that God’s word 

is alive and active. Our God 

is steadfast and constant. 

Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus 

Christ is the same yesterday 

and today and forever. Because 

He is unchanging, we know that 

His word is unchanging as well. 

It is sharper than any two edged 

sword and cuts right through the 

junk of this world to get right to 

the heart of what matters. God’s 

word is, and will always be, relevant 

to us. It is even more so as 

we seek to navigate an increasingly 

crazy world. 

Parenting 

Principles 

By Bobbie Schaeperkoetter 

I can think of no other place 

where God’s word is more necessary 

than in raising our children. 

They are to be the future 

generation. They will keep the 

message of Christ going out into 

the world long after we are gone. 

They will plant seeds of faith into 

their children, into their communities, 

and into their world. 

Ensuring that our children know 

the principles of the word of God 

and can apply them in their lives 

ensures that the message of the 

gospel goes forth for years and 

years to come. 

How do we do that? How do we 

make our children see the Bible 

for the living, breathing word 

of God that it actually is? How 

do we teach them that this old 

black book contains all that they

will need to know to live a life 

that honors God and gives them 

a hope for the future? 

As parents, we often search long 

and hard for the perfect solution 

to parenting. We read self-help 

books and search for tips and 

tricks to raise our children up in 

the best way possible. We desperately 

want to be good, godly 

parents and raise good, godly 

children. This is all well and 

good, and possibly even helpful, 

but I believe that we are making 

it way more difficult than it needs 

to be. Like most of his truths, 

God made it plain and simple. 

However, in its’ simplicity, it often 

confounds us. Let’s erase the 

confusion and look at the word 

of God. 

I believe the key to raising up a 

generation of children who will 

love and serve God is laid out 

plainly in Deuteronomy 11:18- 

20. My Crossway ESV version 

says it like this: Deuteronomy 

11:18 “You shall therefore lay 

up these words of mine in your 

heart and in your soul, and you 

shall bind them as a sign on your 

hand, and they shall be frontlets 

between your eyes. (19) You 

shall teach them to your children, 

talking of them when you are sitting 

in your house, and when 

you are walking by the way, and 

when you lie down and when you 

rise. (20) You shall write them on 

the doorposts of your house and 

on your gates.” 

God’s word says that the best 

way to teach your children to 

love and serve God is to walk it 

out in a way that is very clear in 

our own lives. As parents, we 

are called to engage in the word 

of God and to store his word in 

our hearts and soul. Our Christianity 

should be as visible to our 

children as a sign on our hand or 

frontlets between our eyes. 

Not only are we to engage in 

God’s word and walk it out in 

our lives in a visible way, we 

are called to bring God into our 

everyday lives and our everyday 

conversations. As we are sitting 

in our house, as we are walking 

by the way, as we lie down, and 

as we rise; we are to bring the 

things of God into our daily lives. 

Our homes should be a place 

where the Lord is welcome to 

freely dwell. This shows our children 

that God is a part of everything 

that we do and therefore, 

His word, His statutes, and His 

principles are relevant to how we 

live. 

I realize that this is very broad, 

and because of that, it can seem 

a bit overwhelming. How do we 

bring God into the every day? To 

combat that sense of the overwhelming, 

I want to look at five 

real life principles and how we 

can apply Deuteronomy 11:18- 

20 to them. There are so many 

more principles in the word of 

God that parents can look to, but 

these five are ones that I try to 

apply daily in my home. I think 

they are a good place to begin. 

I would like to encourage you to 

study God’s word and carefully 

choose which principles you 

would like to apply in your own 

home. Proverbs is a great place 

to begin to study. Chances are 

that if there is something that you 

are struggling with in the arena 

of parenting and you need Biblical 

wisdom to guide you, you 

can find it nestled in the book of 

Proverbs. 

Let me begin by telling you that 

I have two boys that I desperately 

desire to see grow into 

godly men. I want them to be 

husbands, daddies, community 

members, church members, and 

workers who love God and seek 

to serve him with their lives. 

Because of this desire, there are 

certain scriptural principles that 

I work diligently to teach them. 

I’m not always successful and 

I don’t always parent perfectly, 

but I do work hard to plant seeds 

and then I trust God to produce 

the fruit in their lives. 

The principles that I try to teach 

my children most are integrity, 

self-control, a good work ethic, 

love for others, and a love for 

God and his word. I try to not 

only actively walk out these principles 

in my life, but to talk about 

them and tie them to God’s word 

when I parent. I also try to provide 

as many opportunities as 

possible for my children to practice 

these principles as I can. 

My hope is that they will begin to 

make these principles a part of 

their lives. By actively engaging 

in their practice, they will be creating 

habits that they will carry 

with them throughout their lives. 

Without claiming to be a parenting 

expert, I would love to share 

each of my five principles with 

you and tie them into scripture. 

I’d also like to give you some 

examples of how I engage these 

principles in our daily lives. I 

hope that by doing this, you can 

see how simple God’s design for 

parenting is and how clearly he 

has laid the foundations for us in 

scripture. The book of Proverbs 

is so full of practical wisdom that 

I am going to use it as a reference 

for all five of my parenting 

principles.

1. Integrity: Proverbs 28:18 

says that “Whoever walks in 

integrity will be delivered, but 

he who is crooked in his ways 

will suddenly fall.” Proverbs 

2:21, 10:9, 11:3, 19:1, 20:7, 

28:6, and 28:18 all speak to the 

value of being a person of integrity. 

Verses like these show how 

much God values us showing 

Integrity by being honest and 

fair. Our words and our actions 

matter to God. 

I am continually reminding my 

children to “watch their words” 

or to “listen to their words” and 

then to restate something that 

they just said in a different, more 

appropriate way. Sometimes we 

get so caught up in the moment 

and in being heard that we say 

things that we don’t mean or 

things that are untrue. I want 

my boys to grow into men whose 

words have value. I want people 

to know that they will stand by 

their word and follow through 

with what they say. The simple 

act of slowing down and taking a 

moment to consider our words is 

very powerful in exercising control 

over them. When we think 

about our words and frame them 

in the context that honors God, 

we are practicing the principle of 

integrity. 

2. Self-Control: Proverbs 4:23- 

27 speaks directly to the issue 

of being self-controlled. These 

verses remind us to (4:23) “keep 

your heart with all diligence, for 

from it flows the springs of life. 

(24) Put away from you crooked 

speech, and put devious talk far 

from you. (25) Let your eyes 

look directly forward and your 

gaze be straight before you. 

(26) Ponder the path of your 

feet; then all your ways will be 

sure. (27) Do not swerve to the 

right or to the left; turn your foot 

away from evil.” These verses 

cover it all. Put simply, we are 

to guard our hearts, our mouths, 

our eyes, and our feet from any 

evil. We are to exercise selfcontrol 

over what we allow into 

our hearts. If it is not edifying, 

we need to question its necessity 

in our hearts. The same goes for 

our mouth and our eyes. If the 

things we are saying or seeing 

aren’t good for us, we need to 

guard ourselves from it. If our 

feet are going places that God 

wouldn’t want us to be, it is our 

responsibility to stop them. 

This is a big one in our home. My 

boys are 13 and 9. Now, more 

than ever, my boys need to learn 

to exercise self-control. I’ve 

had many chances to sit down 

with them and talk to about how 

important it is for them to form 

this godly habit now in order to 

guard themselves against future 

sin and temptation. We’ve gone 

so far as to sing the children’s 

song that contains the lyrics “Oh 

be careful little eyes what you 

see…Oh be careful little mouth 

what you say…Oh be careful 

little mind what you think…Oh 

be careful little feet where you 

go…” just to drill that concept 

into the core of them. 

When they are watching TV and 

a commercial comes on that is 

not appropriate, I remind them 

that as children of God, it is our 

responsibility to guard ourselves 

against even little things like 

TV commercials. The principle 

applies to music, the internet, 

our conversations, the places 

we spend our time, and even 

who we associate with. Learning 

to exercise self-control is a 

tool that they will continue to use 

throughout their lives as Christians. 

3. Good Work Ethic: Proverbs 

6:6-11, 12;11, 12:14, and Proverbs 

13:4 are all great passages 

that demonstrate the value that 

God places on a good work 

ethic. Proverbs 12:11 tells us 

that “Whoever works his land will 

have plenty of bread, but he who 

follows worthless pursuits lacks 

sense.” Proverbs 12:14 says 

that “the work of a man’s hands 

comes back to him.” 

I hope that my boys will grow 

up to be husbands and daddies 

one day. I want them to be good 

workers who can provide well 

for their families. Because I 

value this, I try to instill a good 

work ethic in them now. They 

have daily chores and are often 

required to help out with odd 

jobs for their daddy and their 

grandpa. They shovel snow for 

the neighbors, help friends and 

relatives with odd jobs, and are 

given many other opportunities 

to practice this principle. I want 

to teach them the importance of 

hard work and the satisfaction 

found in a job well done now, so 

that they carry it with them as 

they grow into men. 

4. Love for Others: God’s word 

has much to say about loving 

and serving others. Proverbs 

14:21b says “blessed is he who 

is generous to the poor.” Proverbs 

14:31 mirrors this by saying 

that “whoever oppresses a poor 

man insults his maker, but he 

who is generous to the needy 

honors him.” Proverbs 19:6, 

19:17, and 28:8 all repeat to the 

same sentiment.

Verses that focus on the 

importance of love and service 

to others are scattered throughout 

scripture’s pages. It is obvious 

that God wants his people 

to have a heart for service. 

Because I want my boys to have 

that kind of a heart, I’m trying to 

teach them to serve early. As a 

family, we volunteer at our local 

food pantry on a weekly basis. 

We look at the people in our lives 

and seek out ways to bless them. 

We babysit for friends and family 

members, cook meals for others, 

and do various other things to 

help the people God has placed 

in our lives. Children have such 

tender hearts, that this principle 

is often an easy one for them to 

grasp. 

5. Love for God and His Word: 

I saved this principle for last 

because if I succeed in teaching 

only this to my children, it will be 

more than enough. Every other 

thing that I teach them will hinge 

on this one principle. Proverbs 

14:27 tells us that “the fear of the 

Lord is a fountain of life, that one 

may turn away from the snares 

of death. Proverbs 3:5-8 says 

to “trust in the Lord with all your 

heart and do not lean on your 

own understanding, in all your 

ways acknowledge him, and he 

will make straight your paths. 

Be not wise in your own eyes; 

fear the Lord, and turn away 

from evil. It will be healing to 

your flesh and refreshment to 

your bones.” Proverbs 1:7, 1:29, 

2:5, 8:13, 9:10, 10:27, 14:26, 

14:27, 15:16, 15:33, 16:6, 19:23, 

22:4, 23:17, and 29:25 all speak 

of the value of fearing the Lord. 

God must place a high value on 

this principle to speak about it 

at least 15 times in the book of 

Proverbs! 

I want my children to have a 

consuming love for God. I want 

them to seek him first in all that 

they do. I want them to passionately 

love his word and his ways. 

The only way that I know to teach 

this is to live it out as their example. 

I’ve already told you that I’m 

not a perfect parent, but I know 

that my boys know that above 

all else, I love the Lord with my 

whole heart. I strive to be daily 

in prayer and in my Bible. I’m 

involved in ministry and speak 

often of the value I see in learning 

and teaching God’s word. 

We pray as a family every day, 

several times a day. Our homeschool 

curriculum has a biblical 

foundation and we do devotions 

and scripture memory together. 

I desire for these things to 

become a lifelong habit in the 

lives of my boys so that when 

they become men, these things 

are ingrained into who they are. 

More importantly, I want them to 

engage in the word of God and 

in prayer now so that they can 

get to know their Savior and love 

him with their whole hearts. 

Mamas and Daddies, the scriptures 

are packed with godly 

wisdom to help us along in our 

parenting journey. The book 

of Proverbs, especially, is filled 

with these clear principles and 

many others. These principles 

are more relevant now than they 

have ever been and the importance 

of teaching them to our 

children is greater now than it 

has ever been. Take a moment 

to read Deuteronomy 11:18- 

20 again. Deuteronomy 11:18 

“You shall therefore lay up these 

words of mine in your heart and 

in your soul, and you shall bind 

them as a sign on your hand, and 

they shall be frontlets between 

your eyes. (19) You shall teach 

them to your children, talking 

of them when you are sitting in 

your house, and when you are 

walking by the way, and when 

you lie down and when you rise. 

(20) You shall write them on the 

doorposts of your house and on 

your gates.” 

Store those words deep into 

your heart. Let them penetrate. 

As parents we need to make a 

commitment to lead our children 

by example. We need to clearly 

walk out godly living in our daily 

lives. It needs to be a part of our 

every day conversations with our 

children. Our faith needs to be so 

evident that they see it in everything 

that we do and can’t help 

but to catch some of our habits. 

By pressing in close to Jesus, 

getting in his word, and walking 

in his way, we are sowing seeds 

of faith into our children’s hearts. 

Proverbs 22:6 tells us that if we 

“train up a child in the way he 

should go; even when he is old 

he will not depart from it.” Let’s 

claim this truth and work diligently 

to plant seeds of faith into 

the lives of our children. 

Love and Blessings, 

Bobbie 

Bobbie is a wife, homeschooling 

mama of two boys, and a 

woman who is just doing her 

best to honor him in the craziness 

of life. She would love for 

you to stop by her blog at www. 

bobbieschae.com and say hello! 

While you are there, take a peek 

around and see what else she is 

writing.

Honor 

Your 

Parents 

By Clarissa Lee- 

Kennerly 

Honor thy father and thy 

mother…Is one of the most 

popular commandments found 

in the Bible. Most often than not 

everybody knows that verse. 

Parents use it to get their children 

to obey. It has been used 

for the title of movies, songs, 

and images. It has become a 

part of our society that is said 

more than it is done. Could it be 

that people do not really know 

what the word “honor” actually 

means in that context? Or 

do they simply believe to honor 

means to be good to your parents 

if they are good to you? Or 

to honor your parents as long as 

they give you what you want…? 

In Exodus 20:12, we will find 

this commandment given with 

a promise. It says ‘Honor thy 

father and thy mother: that thy

days may be long upon the land 

which the LORD thy God giveth 

thee.” In Deuteronomy 5:16, 

the Bible repeats this sentiment 

again with the same promise in 

place, but adds “…that thy days 

may be prolonged, and that it 

may go well with thee, in the land 

which the Lord thy God giveth 

thee.” Not all commandments 

in the Bible gives you a promise, 

but this one does. I’m not 

saying that this commandment 

is more important to God than 

the others but instead of honoring 

our parents just as a reasonable 

service–there is a reward 

for it! I believe that it is special to 

God for us to honor our parents, 

and I don’t think that it is an easy 

thing to do in all circumstances– 

which might be why He attached 

a promise to it. Either way, it is 

something that we must do at all 

times. 

As a child who grew with her 

father being absent the majority 

of her life, I understand the challenge 

in this verse. How can 

you honor someone that you 

don’t know? How can you honor 

someone who has hurt you and 

caused you to feel unimportant? 

Someone who has lied to you 

and caused you pain that you 

yourself don’t really understand? 

Or how about someone who was 

abusive to you physically, mentally, 

sexually–when that person 

was supposed to protect you, 

nurture you, teach you? How do 

you honor someone who spews 

hate instead of love and abandons 

you instead of being there 

for you? But wait, did He say 

honor? The word “honor” used 

in Exodus 20:12 in Hebrew is the 

word “kabad”, which means “to 

glorify” amongst other definitions 

which include honor and honorable. 

In Webster’s dictionary the 

word “honor” means “to esteem 

highly”, “an expression of 

respect”. I remember my father 

using the fact that he was my 

father as a means for me to give 

him respect even though I never 

had the opportunity to know him. 

As a teen/young adult, I had 

probably only seen my father 3 

or 4 times that I remember, and 

spoke to him only a few times 

more than that. In contrast, it 

was easy to honor my mother. 

She’d raised me, was always 

there for me, and she loved me. 

Even though there were times 

that we disagreed and I may 

have used a disrespectful tone 

a time or two–asking my mother 

for forgiveness and working to 

honor her was an easy feat. The 

problem is that the Bible doesn’t 

say to “honor your parents as 

long as they are (you fill in the 

blank here).” It just says to honor 

them–and for some that is easier 

said than done. 

I don’t know about you, but what 

I have come to realize about the 

Bible is that it is all about growth. 

It requires us to do things that 

you might not feel like doing 

because they seem unfair. It 

feels for me at times that being 

the victim does not get you any 

perks or any free passes. My 

father wasn’t there for me, but 

instead of getting to stick it to 

him and hate him for the way I 

felt due to his absence, I have 

to love him, respect him, and 

forgive him. That’s our wonderful, 

omnipotent, unconditional 

loving God! He loves us so 

much–that no matter what the 

circumstances, He wants the 

best for us. What good does it 

do us to dishonor our parents? 

What good does it do to be filled 

with hate, bitterness, and unforgiveness? 

It will only make our 

lives miserable! And what about 

the promise? He wants us get 

it! We cannot do that without 

obeying the command to honor 

our parents–and that is why it is 

there to begin with. It doesn’t 

get any easier with maturity–for 

your part or for theirs. 

The Bible does not say to stop 

honoring your parents after the 

age of 18. God understands that 

you are an adult, but that does 

not mean you get to be disrespectful. 

Honoring and being 

obedient are two different things. 

As an adult, you will be making 

your own decisions–true–but 

honoring ones’ parent includes 

respect, forgiveness, and love. 

Another verse that comes into 

play is Genesis 2:24 which says 

“Therefore shall a man leave his 

father and his mother, and shall 

cleave unto his wife: and they 

shall be one flesh”. When you 

cleave to your wife/husband, 

you guys begin to build your 

family. Your parents become 

your spouse’s parents and their 

parents become yours. You 

must work just as hard to honor 

in-laws as you honor your parents. 

“But you don’t understand, 

my in-laws hate me!! They are 

impossible to get along with!” It 

doesn’t matter! We are to honor 

them. That doesn’t mean agreeing 

with everything they say or 

doing everything the way they 

do. It means respecting them, 

loving them and forgiving them. 

If you can’t do it for them, do it 

out of your love and obedience 

for God. This is what He commands 

us to do. 

As we mature and get older so 

do our parents. With age, some-

times forgetfulness and a change 

of personality follows. It is important 

that during this time in our 

parents lives that we continue to 

honor them as well. We should 

pay them extra attention, speak 

to them often, not point out their 

physical issues but cover them, 

help them and respect them. All 

of these are ways to honor our 

parents. 

Being a parent is not easy. 

There’s no handbook that tells 

you what to do step by step. It is 

all about making decisions and 

being the best that you can and 

doing the best you can for your 

children, young or old. Honoring 

a parent is not easy either 

but the growth and the promise 

of God for doing so is worth it, 

not to mention that this is what 

God commands us to do. Just 

like in every situation–prayer is 

key. If you are not sure if you 

are honoring your parents, pray 

and ask God to reveal to you if 

you are doing it, and if so, how 

you can improve, and if not, how 

you should do it all. If you are 

struggling with unforgiveness 

and anger towards your parents 

ask the Lord to help you to move 

past it and to give you the grace 

to honor them. See–we don’t 

deserve God’s grace and mercy. 

We don’t deserve His unconditional 

love and forgiveness and 

we didn’t deserve to have our 

sins washed away due to Jesus’ 

death on the cross, but God 

has given all of this to us freely. 

And even though we can never 

match His giving, honoring your 

parents is definitely a step in the 

right direction towards growing 

to be all that God has called us 

to be. 

Clarissa Lee-Kennerly is the 

author of the non-fiction book 

My Husband’s Not Saved and 

the newly released 1st book of a 

young adult trilogy, The Kennedy 

Chronicles: Losing Rylie. Both 

titles are available at Amazon,

Comedy 

with a 

Purpose 

Interview With 

Michael Jr. 

“ 

Michael Jr., is one of the featured 

comedians on the new 

Dove Channel Original, Chondra 

Pierce Stand-Up for Families 

Comedy Series 

Chonda Pierce Stand –Up for 

Families Comedy Series is a 

new family friendly series exclusively 

on the Dove Channel 

Original network. This comedy 

series which premiered on April 

5, 2016, is the first of its kind 

on the new original programming 

initiative launched by the 

network. Chondra Pierce, also 

known as the “Queen of Clean”, 

along with her host of hilarious 

friends, Bone Hampton, Brad 

Stine, PJ Walsh, Nazareth, 

Joby, Saad, Michael Joiner, 

Taylor Mason, Anthony Griffith, 

Sandi Joy, Kay Dodd, Lisa Mills, 

Chinnitta Morris, Cleto Rodriguez, 

Rik Roberts and Michael 

Jr., bring a fresh new face to 

comedy by presenting clean 

fun for the entire family to enjoy 

together. 

We had the opportunity to chat 

with Mr. Michael Jr. about being 

a part of this new series and 

his career as one of the greatest 

clean comedians of our 

time. Michael Jr. tells us how 

he discovered his talent at a 

young age in front of nearly 400 

people. He received his “big 

break” which led to him becoming 

the first comedian to appear 

on The Tonight Show with Jay 

Leno. Michael Jr., husband and 

father of 5, is truly a man of God 

with the heart and desire to help 

others to see their purpose in 

life. His slogan is “Catch with 

the comedy, keep them with the 

truth” 

Mr. Michael Jr., thank you for 

agreeing to interview with me 

today. Let’s get started. 

So you were recently asked to

do stand-up comedy on a new 

series on the Dove Channel 

with Chondra Pierce called 

Stand Up for Families: what 

was that call like when you 

received it? 

You mean like the ring tone? 

(LOL) I know Chondra pretty 

well, she’s a great person. She 

actually sent me a text asking if 

I would do the show. I talked to 

my people internally (meaning 

the Holy Spirit), my team and 

told her yes, I would do it. It was 

fun and they are great people to 

work. 

It’s amazing that we finally 

have a show where families 

can sit down and enjoy 

a wholesome comedy show 

together. I love the thought 

of bringing family value back 

in the homes. With you being 

a father of five children how 

does that make you feel? 

I love it. Actually when I started 

my comedy career, I told my kids 

anything I said on stage, they 

can repeat it. That was even 

before I was a Christian, which 

created some built in accountability. 

I always wanted my kids 

to come to my shows. Ever since 

the beginning, my youngest, 

at the time was four years old, 

would come to the comedy club 

with me. He and his sister would 

sit in the green room and watch 

the show on the monitors. I love 

my kids way more than I like 

doing comedy so I want them to 

be a part of whatever I am doing. 

Saviela: I always say laughter 

is the universal language. It has 

the power to change a person’s 

attitude and demeanor. Even the 

bible refers to laughter as medicine 

for the heart. (Proverbs 

17:22). What is laughter to you? 

Michael Jr: My definition of laughter 

is tangible evidence of hope. 

If someone can laugh, then you 

know there is hope. My thing is 

just to try to 

be a conduit 

to their hope. 

I can’t give anyone joy but I 

can spark it to remind them 

that it’s there. You never know 

what’s going on in your audience 

there could be someone 

there contemplating suicide, or 

a couple who just got married 

and are happy and celebrating. 

Sometimes at my show 

there have been people who 

haven’t laughed because of 

losing a loved one or someone 

who just received a bad diagnosis. 

Everyone has a story 

so whether I’m performing at a 

comedy club or a church or the 

Tonight’s Show, ABC, or even 

the homeless shelter, I try to 

bring my best show to them. 

What was the most powerful

testimony you received from 

someone who was touched by 

your talent? 

I remember two instances. The 

first one, I was at an abused children’s 

facility doing a comedy 

show for the children and their 

caretakers. There was a little 

boy there who was abused by 

his mom who was on drugs. His 

grandma was telling 

me his story 

which was a really 

sad story. She 

told me he was so 

afraid of his mom 

that he would put 

on his Spiderman 

costume. So I listened 

to all the 

children’s stories. 

They brought all 

the children in 

the room and I 

had to do comedy 

for them knowing 

their stories. 

It’s one thing to 

do comedy for a 

group when you 

don’t know who 

they are but it’s 

another thing to 

do comedy for 

a group when 

you know what 

they have been 

through. When I 

started my show, 

I noticed right up 

front this little boy 

in a Spiderman costume. In the 

midst of people laughing at my 

jokes, I heard a kid’s voice say, 

“My name is Roman” and he 

pulls off his mask and introduces 

his self to me. It was one of the 

most powerful moments in my 

stand-up comedy career. 

There was another time when I 

was in Northern California doing 

stand-up comedy at a church. 

I was giving my audience a 

little insight on purpose which 

is what I am called to do; to 

inspire people to walk in purpose 

through comedy. I was explaining 

that God has a purpose and 

a plan for them, but that they 

have to be in line with His plan. 

At the end of my show, a guy on 

the security team from that location 

approached me and said, 

“Hey there is this guy that really 

wants to talk to you and he looks 

pitiful.” So I say ok, and the guy 

pulls me to the side and explains 

to me that he is a fugitive that 

came to church because he was 

desperate. He listened to my 

message and now wanted to 

turn himself in as a result of what 

took place that afternoon. I was 

able to pray with him and then 

he told the guards and turned 

himself in. That completely blew 

me away. 

I read about the time when you 

did an impromptu show at a 

crowded Grand Rapids, Michigan 

movie theater 

to calm an 

angry audience 

due to a malfunction 

with the film. 

Did someone 

encouraged you 

to go up there or 

was it something 

you decided to 

do on your own? 

Yes, a friend 

dared me to go tell 

a joke. We were in 

high school at the 

time and the lights 

came on and my 

friend, who was a 

German exchange 

student at the time, 

dared me to go up 

on stage and tell 

a joke. So, I got 

up there and told 

this joke and for 

the first time ever 

I felt this high. I’ve 

never done drugs 

before or drank 

any alcohol and 

even until today I 

haven’t…well I had some Nyquil 

once (LOL). When I told this joke 

everyone laughed and I felt this 

amazing feeling. As I look back 

at that moment, seeing all those 

people laughing and having a 

great time; it really gave me a 

glimpse of what I was called to 

do. Before I got up there to tell 

the jokes the people were angry

and mad. I was able to make 

them laugh and their whole attitude 

changed. All I did was give 

them a part of me that did not 

cost them anything. It was just a 

gift that was given to me and I 

realized a gift is only a possession 

until you give it to someone 

else. 

You are truly a ground breaking 

comedian as you were 

the first comedian to appear 

on The Tonight’s Show with 

Jay Leno on live TV. Did you 

always do clean comedy and 

if not when was the moment 

you changed and why? 

Yes I’ve always done clean 

comedy, even before I became 

a Christian. When I became 

a Christian, I had an “aha” 

moment and then it all made 

sense. I remember after doing 

a show and George Wallace 

coming up to me saying, “Wow 

you do comedy, you’re funny 

and you’re clean.” Then he 

asked “why don’t you curse?” I 

told him, “I don’t know, what if 

my grandmother walked in”. I 

really didn’t have a reason not 

to curse; it was just something I 

didn’t do. When I was 14 years 

old, I made a deal with a friend 

that we would not curse anymore. 

If he heard me curse he 

would hit me in the chest as hard 

as he could and vice versa. Well, 

the dude hit pretty hard so I just 

stopped cursing and it just stuck 

with me. So when I started doing 

comedy it was naturally clean. 

I had no desire to be dirty even 

now, because, I have a better 

understanding of the importance 

of clean comedy. Comedy is not 

about getting laughs, it is about 

giving people the opportunity to 

laugh and if the comedy is clean, 

then more people will be able to 

enjoy it. This is really what the 

Chondra Pierce Stand-up for 

Families Comedy Series is all 

about. 

Let’s talk about the #1 Christian 

Movie of 2015, War Room. 

You played a character that 

was best friends with one of 

the main characters, Tony 

Jordan, played by TC Stallings. 

Did the amount of support 

for this movie catch you 

by surprise? What was your 

favorite scene in this movie? 

The support was cool. I knew 

after seeing the movie in the first 

cut that it was going to be powerful 

because I cried. I saw the 

movie, helped make the movie, 

and I still got all choked up the 

first four times I saw it. I was like, 

this movie is awesome. My favorite 

scene is when Priscilla Shirer, 

who plays Elizabeth Jordan, 

kicks the enemy out of her 

house. That part was really well 

done. The Kendrick Brothers did 

an amazing job. It was so cool to 

witness people being moved as 

a result of this film. There were 

people creating war rooms in 

their homes. Home Builders and 

Contractors were receiving specific 

request to have war rooms 

to be built into houses. It was a 

cool experience. 

War Room was all around a 

stellar film! There were so 

many funny scenes throughout 

the movie. Were you able 

to help write some of the 

comedic scenes in the movie? 

Yes, they did let me contribute 

and let me do my parts the way I 

wanted to do it. They also let me 

add something funny to the parts 

that I wasn’t in. They trust God 

and the people around them to 

help contribute to the movie as 

a whole and it worked out great. 

I must say you are a very powerful 

comedian that has a way 

of delivering a powerful message 

within your show. Was 

there ever a time when you 

doubted your gift? 

No, I never doubted my gift. I 

knew I could bring laughter to 

people. I’m just getting a better 

understanding of how to do 

it and what it means to break 

down walls. When people laugh 

it’s like you are opening up their 

heart. You just don’t open their 

hearts just to open it but, there 

is a purpose for doing so. I just 

want to make sure I’m making 

the right deposit. So I am trying 

my best to listen and be a good 

steward of my gift and make the 

right deposits into my audience. 

Lastly, how can our audience 

connect with you? 

They can go to my website www. 

Michaeljr.com. We have a new 

comedy special we are working 

on now so they can be on the 

lookout for that soon. I am also 

writing another book that will be 

out next year. They could also go 

to the Dove channel and check 

out the Chondra Pierce Stand- 

Up for Comedy Series. And I 

am on all social media platforms 

(Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) 

as MichaelJr Comedy. 

Thank you Mr. Michael Jr. for 

your time it has indeed been a 

pleasure talking with you today. 

I would also like to thank your 

Public Relations Representative, 

Amy Sisoyev for facilitating 

the interview. On behalf of the 

Faith Filled Family Magazine we 

thank you for your time and pray 

God’s continual blessings upon 

you both.

Role Reversal 

Honoring 

Aging 

Parents 

By Lisa Carter 

Honor is a Command, Not an Option 

The Fifth commandment found in Exodus 20:12, 

reads, “Honor your father and your mother, that 

your days may be long upon the land which the 

Lord your God is giving you.” We want to teach 

our children to honor and obey. They learn obedience 

just as we hope, we were taught to obey. 

To honor as children means to obey. When we 

become adults, we are no longer obligated to 

obey what our parents tell us to do. The relationship 

has changed because we have passed 

into adulthood and no longer need our parents to 

guide us in the same way. 

We still need them, however. The roles have just 

changed to where instead of parenting us, they 

will hopefully learn to be there to give advice 

when needed, and just be a friend to us. We no 

longer obey them, but we are obligated however 

to honor them for life. I noticed the Word doesn’t 

give us a pass if the parent was absent, or even 

not a good parent. I know it’s God’s will that every 

parent take their job as parent seriously and do 

their very best. However, we know this is not what 

every parent does. 

In any case, we, as their adult children are to honor 

them regardless. I know this is hard for many to 

do. Maybe your mother or father was an alcoholic, 

or a drug addict, and was absent for much 

of your childhood. No matter what kind of parent 

they were, we have an obligation to honor them. 

Honor is a form of respect. It is a graciousness 

given by a humble spirit inside of you. You recognize 

this person was the instrument used to help 

give you life. How deep that level of respect is 

would depend on the level of influence that person 

has had in your life. 

Were they a parent that has always been there for 

you? Were they someone you could count on for 

wisdom and good advice? Were they loving and 

kind and showed mercy to you even when you 

didn’t deserve it? Did they lovingly discipline you 

when you were out of line and restore you so you 

knew that no matter what, you would always be 

loved? If you were blessed with that kind of parenting, 

then you are devoted and dedicated to 

loving them and honoring them even beyond their 

death. You will honor them in their grave by telling 

your children about them, and your grandchildren

about them because of their faithful and lasting 

impact on your life. 

On the other hand, maybe your childhood experience 

was not a good one. Maybe you were the 

product of a not so loving home environment. Perhaps 

your parent left the home and family when 

you were young. Maybe they were present in the 

home, but absent when it came to involvement 

with the family, with you, your siblings. Maybe they 

didn’t care to discipline you as they should have. 

Maybe they disciplined you too much, and you 

received punishment you didn’t deserve. Perhaps 

they were too harsh and unkind with their words. 

Maybe they didn’t show you the love you desperately 

craved as a child. If this describes something 

similar to your experience, know that you are not 

alone. 

There are many others who can attest to your 

story. They too have cried many tears that they 

felt no one has seen. God has seen those tears. 

And He has fathered you even when you didn’t 

realize it. He was there when you didn’t even necessarily 

feel His presence. He is the reason you 

survived. According to Psalm 68:5, He is a “Father 

of the fatherless…” so He was always there. He 

said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” in 

Hebrews 13:5. So He is a Father we can count 

on even when we’re at our worst, even when we 

disappoint Him. His promises are sure. 

And even though it may be impossible to accept 

it, you the believer, are not released from your 

obligation to honor that parent who failed you. As 

stated before, your level of honor, and respect, 

may vary. But it needs to be there. There should 

be peace when you speak to them and see them. 

God expects for those of us He calls His children 

to be the peacemakers. This doesn’t depend at all 

upon the actions of the other person. It is strictly 

about us, His children. We honor Him as Father. 

And because we call Him Father, we can honor 

others even when we feel they don’t deserve it. 

Memory impairment 

only for myself as a form of therapy, if you will, but 

also for those of you reading who are on this journey 

along with me. 

Memory impairment has become somewhat of 

an epidemic in these last days. According to the 

National Center on Elder Abuse, “Approximately 

5.1 million American elders over 65 have some 

kind of Dementia,” and “Close to half of all people 

over 85, the fastest growing segment of our population, 

have Alzheimer’s disease or another kind of 

dementia.” There wasn’t a name for it back in the 

days when an older person of the family became ill 

and began to show signs of getting old. They were 

considered “senile” or just “not the same.” 

People didn’t know what to think of their grandma 

or grandpa sitting off in a corner to themselves 

having a conversation with no one, mumbling to 

themselves, or laughing out loud at inappropriate 

times. The shame and embarrassment this 

causes other members of the family is painful. You 

feel badly for even feeling this way toward your 

loved one. You realize it’s not their fault, but you 

can’t help how you feel. Mental illness has long 

been associated with isolation due to the stigma 

attached to it. People often just don’t know how 

to deal with it, and often are ill-equipped to handle 

it. So our loved ones are moved into hospitals 

and facilities where trained professionals care for 

them. 

Though many are good treatment facilities, there 

are those that are not. It’s up to the families to find 

a good home for their sick loved one. This includes 

This is truly one of the most difficult articles I have 

ever had to write. But I write it knowing there are 

many who are dealing with the hurt and pain of 

a parent suffering from Alzheimer’s, Dementia, or 

related illnesses. Therefore, I write this article not

one that will help them thrive even in their state of 

mind, so they can live out their last years comfortably. 

My own mother became memory impaired many 

years ago. It has been a struggle, and a challenge 

coming to terms with her illness. Just going to visit 

her is very difficult because I want to see her and 

spend time with her, but I wish I didn’t have to see 

her in an “old folk’s home”. 

Part of me wishes things were the way they used 

to be, when she was healthy or at least as healthy 

as I remember her. I now realize that her illness 

could have been affecting her for much of my adult 

life, and we just weren’t aware of it. There aren’t 

always signs or symptoms that are noticeable to 

others. They may or may not be noticeable to the 

person who has it either. Sometimes the person 

suffering notices a change in their ability to recall 

things, but they don’t take it too seriously and 

perhaps most of the time it isn’t serious. We all 

occasionally misplace things and don’t remember 

where we put them – our keys, etc. This isn’t 

always a sign of illness, just a reminder that our 

earthly bodies are only temporary. 

It’s difficult to come to terms with aging because it 

makes us all realize we can’t go back to the way 

we were. Time goes on. It’s the only thing we can 

spend and never gain back. Once it’s gone, it’s 

gone forever. The good news is when we spend 

time in Eternity; we will be outside of time as we 

know it. That time will go on forever, and will never 

change. That means we can never age. What a 

glorious time that will be! 

However, here in reality, we have these struggles 

to face. My mother talks and acts like herself a 

lot. She is who she is, and she has not changed 

as far as she’s concerned. But I know she’s different. 

Sometimes her sentences don’t make sense. 

Sometimes her words are jumbled and garbled. 

Sometimes she recognizes me when I enter her 

room, sometimes she doesn’t. She may call me 

by my name; she may call me by another name. 

I never know when I see her what she may say 

or do. This is understandably very nerve-wracking 

for some who are going through this. It’s very difficult 

to accept that your relationship with your own 

mother, your parent, or grandparent, the one who 

loves you so very much, is forever changed. 

The relationships we’ve had all of our lives is what 

helped to form our personalities. It’s what helped 

define us as human beings, it’s our foundation. 

When that is no longer the same, what happens to 

us? Does that mean we are no longer the same? 

Yes, and no. I believe it does mean we are changing 

as we are coming to terms with our loved ones 

illness. It means we are challenged daily with what 

we see them have to go through. It’s strengthening 

us even when it feels like it’s weakening us. 

It’s helping us grow in our faith walk by keeping 

us on our knees in prayer. Meanwhile, we can be 

assured that if our loved one knew the Lord going 

into this phase of their lives, that does not change. 

Be encouraged that no matter their behavior on 

any given day, they have Him in their hearts forever. 

The Dishonor of Elder Abuse 

It is a travesty and a sad reality, but as dishonor 

and disrespect increases, the greater the chances 

for abuse to occur in families. This is especially 

true where the elderly are concerned. Some families 

have chosen to care for their loved one in the 

home and do so with great care and honor. Others 

unfortunately, dishonor their elderly loved ones in 

the home and cause great harm to them. Sometimes 

the harm comes in the form of fear with 

threats to do them bodily harm. And sometimes, 

they carry out their threats and cause them bodily 

harm. Neither is okay. Anger and rage are so 

common in families in these last days. Yet there is 

never an excuse to harm others because of anger 

and strong emotions. 

God understood we would get angry at those 

we love, but we are not allowed to cause harm 

to anyone – not with our words, and not with 

our hands. He said, “He who curses father and 

mother, let him be put to death,” Matt. 15:4. The 

elderly should be enjoying their last days on earth. 

They shouldn’t be living in fear of son, daughter, 

or grandkids who seek to do them harm. They 

shouldn’t be going to the court to get a restraining 

order against family members they love that 

want to hurt them. Yet abuse among the elderly is 

high with only a small percentage of cases being 

reported.

•According to the National Center on Elder Abuse, 

“an overwhelming number of cases of abuse, 

neglect, and exploitation go undetected and 

untreated each year.” 

•One study estimates that “only 1 in 14 cases of 

elder abuse ever comes to the attention of authorities. 

The New York State Elder Abuse Prevalence 

Study found that for every case known to programs 

and agencies, 24 were unknown.” 

The rates are even higher in elderly persons with 

memory impairment or other disabilities. This is 

dishonor at the extreme and it is unacceptable in 

our society or in any other. We must get back to 

honoring God as a nation. Once we do that, we 

will begin to see more clearly how the world is in 

such desperate need of the Father’s love. They 

dishonor others because they disrespect themselves. 

It’s the Father’s love that they need, and 

that is what we all need. 

The Word of God promises that their “latter days 

will be greater” than their former days. I can tell 

you honestly when I look at my mother and see 

her condition today, I don’t see “greater”. Sometimes 

I can’t help but wonder when the greater 

part is coming in. Then I looked at it from a different 

perspective. Maybe the “greater” means she 

would have greater faith, greater peace, a greater 

sense of His presence? It could mean her impact 

on others will be greater in her last days because, 

although ill, she may be aware that her time is 

near. 

It could be that God would place her on the hearts 

and minds of those whose lives she has touched, 

and they will be fervently praying for her. This 

would benefit her in a greater way than if many 

were not praying collectively for her. Often times 

someone will come up to me at church and ask 

how my mother is doing. Then they proceed to tell 

me a story about how she encouraged them, or 

impacted them in some way. This is an encouragement 

to me and lets me know her time on 

earth was purposeful. It reminds me that I too want 

to impact others for good. It also reminds me that I 

want to be found honoring her and giving her flowers, 

while she lives. 

______________ 

Sources cited: 

http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/library/data/

“when one person stands 

firm in their decision 

to implement healthy 

attributes into a relationship, 

and chooses to 

communicate their decision 

through truthinlove, 

it encourages the 

remaining partner to 

embrace a healthier 

more functional relational 

lifestyle..“ 

By Helen Murray 

I’d like to talk first about the word courage. It’s not 

a word that is often used these days. For me it 

conjures up the old knights in shining armor slaying 

dragons and fearlessly rescuing maidens 

in distress. Where are they now? 

Many courageous princes and princesses are 

hibernating in the souls of countless men, women 

and children––waiting eagerly to be set free! 

Courage is an attribute we all need. It’s the ability 

to say yes to positive challenges and no to 

unhealthy choices. It’s taking a necessary risk 

while at the same time trusting God with the outcome. 

When we choose to exercise our courage 

muscles, we strengthen our ability to overcome 

fears, set healthy boundaries and embrace the 

abundant life God offers. 7 Steps to Courage 

(7STC) offers practical steps to guide our inner

Seven Steps to 

Courage 

Interview with Ann White 

What did your mask look like? 

Like a lot of us, I wore many 

masks. In Chapter 5 of the book 

I talk about the Top 10 Masks We 

Wear. At any given time, I 

dawned at least one or more of 

these top ten. A few I wore on a 

regular basis were; the rescuer, 

the pleaser, the achiever, and 

the perfectionist. 

“We wear masks to cover up various aspects 

of our lives we think people won’t accept. Out 

of a fear of being genuinely known, we attempt 

to hide the real us by brandishing a false identity. 

” 

What were the walls of protection? 

My walls of protection were internal, 

consisting of isolation and 

princes and princesses to courageous 

freedom! 

This is the story of your own way 

of dealing with life in the fast lane 

of ‘success’ and the masks with 

which we cover ourselves. 

Why do we hide behind 

masks? 

We wear masks to cover up various 

aspects of our lives we think 

people won’t accept. Out of a 

fear of being genuinely known, 

we attempt to hide the real us by 

brandishing a false identity. We 

often spend years outwardly 

projecting an image of what we 

think others want to see, rather 

than repairing damaged emotions 

and learning to embrace 

our true God-given identity. For 

me, it was all about doing what 

I believed I had to do to be 

accepted and keep peace. I discuss 

this topic in 7STC and challenge 

readers to identify their 

own masks and experience the 

freedom God created us to live 

in when we choose to remove 

them once and for all. 

masks. When we fear beinghurt, 

abandoned or rejected, we 

either try really hard to please 

people around us or withdraw 

and isolate ourselves to avoid 

being known. In the book, I give 

examples of how I adopted these 

unhealthy coping skills and challenge 

readers to adopt healthy 

ways of dealing with fear and 

anxiety. 

What did it hide? 

My masks hid my dysfunctional 

marriage and hurt that stemmed 

all the way back to my childhood.

What were the toxic relationships 

you mention? 

As a result of growing up in a 

very dysfunctional home, I never 

learned the necessary skill of setting 

healthy boundaries in relationships. 

I was so consumed 

with my need for acceptance. 

I spent an exhausting amount 

of time trying to earn the love 

of others. Unfortunately, this 

caused me to place an unrealistic 

expectation on myself to 

care for, rescue and even enable 

family, friends and co-workers. 

Therefore, I created lots of toxic 

relationships, including my relationship 

with my husband, children, 

other family members and 

even friends. 

What sort of energy does it 

take to be successful managing 

a toxic relationship? 

It’s an exhausting never-ending 

dance we will continue to engage 

in until we gain the courage and 

take the steps to change our 

behavioral patterns.. 

What made you do it? 

No one person or thing makes us 

do, enter or stay in a toxic relationship. 

As I discuss in 7STC, 

we learn and adopt healthy or 

unhealthy behaviors and belief 

systems throughout our lives. 

When our behaviors and 

beliefs are unhealthy or distorted, 

we simply dive headfirst 

into unhealthy relationships. 

Unless we develop the courage 

to change, we will continue to 

repeat the same bad habits and 

make the same poor relational 

choices. 

You speak of ‘my distorted 

belief that a good wife accepts 

and accommodates the 

behavior and choices of her 

husband … good, bad or indifferent 

… doesn’t have her own 

identity.’ 

Lots of women might relate to 

this. We are taught to be submissive 

but there’s something wrong 

with that teaching. Results can 

be scandalous. What is it? What 

should be taught instead – or 

– what is the Bible teaching on 

submission really about? 

This is an important question, 

one I have prayed over and 

studied for years because occasionally 

it is used by Christians 

to encourage victims of verbal, 

emotional and physical abuse to 

remain in unhealthy, even dangerous 

relationships. 

In Ephesians 5:22-33, God’s 

Word compares marriage to 

Christ’s relationship with the 

Church. According to this passage, 

wives are to submit to their 

husbands, “as to the Lord,” and 

husbands are to sacrifice for 

their wives, “as Christ did for the 

church.” Sometimes people 

speak of the wife’s role without 

any mention of the husband’s 

role. 

Submission and sacrifice are 

both attitudes of the heart, a 

choice that stems from a deep 

and abiding love for one another, 

not an act of obedience toward 

an oppressive or controlling 

partner. 

Nowhere in God’s Word do we 

find Him instructing us to submit 

to abuse or sin. Quite the opposite, 

God detests abuse and sin. 

Therefore, neither wives nor 

husbands should accept or 

accommodate the bad behaviors 

and choices of their spouse. 

On page 18 your concept of 

‘restorative freedom…enables 

us to experience closeness 

and connection on a new 

level.’ Can you expand on that 

a little? 

Until we let go of the baggage 

caused by the Four Pests of 

Pressure (fear, hurt, sin, and 

shame) we limit our ability to fully 

embrace our relationships with 

God and others. For Mike and 

me, we’ve learned to accept and 

even appreciate our differences 

and how to respect one another’s 

space and desire to pursue 

individual dreams. We’ve developed 

a new level of trust that 

allows us to enjoy our time apart 

and treasure our time together. 

I found the traits for health – 

spiritual, physical, emotional 

and relational – very helpful, 

like a mirror with which you 

can check your person before 

going out and presenting yourself 

to the world. Have other 

people found they can identify 

their issues in this way? 

Yes. In the book I’ve provided 

helpful charts and exercises 

that make it easy for readers 

to assess their current level of 

health. These four fundamental 

areas of health affect one 

another and are critical to our 

overall quality of life. The more 

informed we are about our health 

and the more aware we are of 

areas that need repair, the more 

prepared we will be to make 

necessary courageous changes 

that will improve our spiritual, 

emotional, relational and physical 

health. 

Page 34: ‘Healthy relation-

ships are grounded in the 

overall health of each person 

in the relationship, the ability 

of each to discern the difference 

between safe and unsafe 

relationships, and the ability 

to set healthy boundaries.’ 

What happens when one participant 

is not interested in 

such determinants? 

When one or both people in a 

relationship choose to exercise 

unhealthy habits and behaviors, 

or neglect to implement healthy 

boundaries, the relationship will 

ultimately be infected with dysfunction 

and disunity. However, 

when one person stands firm 

in their decision to implement 

healthy attributes into a relationship, 

and chooses to communicate 

their decision through 

truthinlove, it encourages the 

remaining partner to embrace a 

healthier more functional relational 

lifestyle. Many couples 

read 7STC together and choose 

to courageously implement the 

exercises, which will lead them 

both toward a healthier, happier, 

more God-honoring relationship 

and life. 

An important point to remember, 

also found in the book, is we can 

only change one person— ourselves. 

Therefore, if our partner 

does not desire or choose 

to change their boundaries and 

behaviors, we cannot force them 

to. We do not have the power to 

change another human’s heart, 

only God does. However, we can 

choose for ourselves to implement 

healthy boundaries and 

habits whether or not our partners 

make this same choice or 

not. The choice is up to us and 

we must leave their choice up to 

them. 

Concerning individual counseling 

you state, ‘I began to 

reveal things I had never told 

anyone before… to realize just 

how many things I needed to 

change.’ What sort of changes 

did you find you needed to 

make? 

I needed to realize there are 

people I can trust with my secrets 

and that issues must be brought 

into God’s light where they can 

be healed, not kept in isolation 

where Satan can provoke 

fear, shame and pain. In 7STC I 

describe how I chose to find the 

strength to let go of my fear of 

rejection, abandonment and failure 

and pursue the God-given 

courage to embrace God’s 

grace, mercy and gift of freedom. 

God’s Gifts are available 

and attainable for everyone, no 

matter what age, circumstance 

or situation. 

I had to laugh when you said 

that you avoided your own 

need for change by trying to 

‘fix’ others – ever so lovingly 

of course!. I think we are all 

guilty of that. What does it take 

to comprehend that we are the 

one who needs to change? 

Through personal reflection, surrender, 

and a willingness to genuinely 

embrace the “A” step in 

Courage; Accept the Things We 

Cannot Change we can influence 

others, but we can only 

change one person –– us. 

It always amuses me that we 

adopt our cultural attitudes 

(glass half full/half empty) 

when the Bible says our cup 

is running over! How much 

do you think we weakened by 

assuming cultural attitudes 

these days and needing to 

return to Biblical knowledge 

and attitudes? Any examples? 

The “R” step in Courage 

addresses our need to replace 

worldly lies with scriptural truth. I 

dedicate an entire chapter to 

identifying common worldly lies 

and providing a counseling exercise 

that helps readers implement 

a practice of replacing 

them with truth from God’s Word. 

One lie that I adopted was the 

need for approval from others to 

feel valued. This lie kept me in a 

vicious cycle of wearing masks, 

many of which I discussed earlier. 

In order to gain freedom I 

had to learn to embrace the biblical 

truth—I must stop striving 

to please people (cf. Galatians 

1:10), and accept that my value 

comes from God, who loves me 

unconditionally (cf. Romans 5:8). 

You place a great emphasis on 

journaling, even though it did 

not originally appeal to you. 

What changed your mind? 

I made myself do it and realized 

almost immediately, clarity 

rises to the top when we write. 

In other words, when a situation 

is written down it’s easier to see, 

understand and process. When 

combined with counseling, 

there’s something about writing 

that also allows us to begin letting 

go of the pain contained in 

some memories. It’s a healthy 

form of processing our past, 

present and future. 

Your summary for all this work 

is COURAGE. Where or when 

does courage arise in a sufferer? 

When we choose to embrace it. 

Does this mean that one’s greatest 

nightmare is one’s greatest 

asset as it brings forward the 

courage needed to thrive rather 

than survive?

It could. When we implement 

the courage to face our fears 

and choose to make necessary 

changes in our circumstances 

and relationships, we 

free ourselves to experience the 

abundant life Christ offers and 

embrace a life of joy, no matter 

what difficulty may come our 

way. 

Why is it we can jump out of 

planes, bungee jump, go white 

water rafting, and yet need to 

find the courage to manage 

our personal relationships? 

Fear is a powerful emotion and 

is generally the motivating factor 

in our inability to effectively 

manage unhealthy relationships. 

While we can often overcome 

our physical fears in order 

to engage in risky recreations 

such as Skydiving, bungee 

jumping or white water rafting, 

our emotional fears of rejection, 

loss or abandonment can 

be so overpowering they cause 

us to compromise our boundaries 

in relationships. That’s why 

I believe God-given courage is 

paramount in facing all aspects 

of our spiritual, emotional, relational 

and physical health. 

Thank you Helen –– my greatest 

desire is for readers of 7 Steps 

to Courage to embrace the truth 

found in the book and be inspired 

to gain the courage to walk in 

newfound faith and freedom! 

What would you most like to 

convey to your readership, 

Ann, as regards this attitude 

of COURAGE that is so beneficial 

to life these days? 

As I said above, it is paramount 

to our overall health and our four 

foundations of health to provide 

stability in our decision-making 

process when they are free from 

dysfunction and disease. 

Thank you Ann White. May 

your courage be infectious, 

and your book a signpost to 

many. 

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What are the 

Roles of 

Fathers and 

Mothers 

in the home 

By Brenda Stapleton

Such a great experience 

we share in May 

each year. We gather 

with the person who we 

call Mother, and we give 

thanks for her, and to 

her for all she has done 

for us. We call this day, 

Mother’s Day. In June, 

we celebrate a day for 

the person in our lives 

we call Father, and we 

give thanks for him, and 

to him for all he has 

done for us. We call this 

day, Father’s Day. Why 

do we do this? Is there 

a day for each member 

of the family, or each 

person in our life to celebrate? 

For me, is there 

also a Brenda’s Day for 

all of my friends and 

family to come thank 

me for the meaning I 

have in their life? Well, 

no. How silly that would 

be! So, why do we have 

these days? 

Perhaps it is for the 

roles these people play. 

Mothers and Fathers 

have roles in the home; 

although, there are 

times, you would think 

they have lost their way, 

or lost their direction 

in knowing what their 

roles are. And what 

happens when a leader 

has lost his way? If you 

said, the followers, or 

those being lead also 

lose their way, you are 

correct. Those followers- 

those being leadare 

us. 

In our modern times, 

not all fathers step up to 

their places in the home. 

They are no longer 

the breadwinners or in 

charge of child-rearing 

or correction, why some 

of them no longer live in 

the marital home. Some 

are not even married. 

Some fathers remain 

single, and live with parents, 

other concubines 

or by themselves. They 

may be employed, but 

their wives or children, 

come second or third, 

to themselves. 

Fathers today, may be 

financially gaining, or 

they could be stay-athome 

dads, while their 

wives are the ones 

in the career earning 

world. Some fathers 

may be gay, and living 

with another man, 

leaving his children to 

be reared by his former 

wife and a step-parent 

or an adoptive parent. 

Again, this goes back 

to the wants and the 

needs of the father, and 

not the children. However, 

it is the physical, 

emotional and even the 

social wellbeing of those 

children, that is compromised 

by the choices of 

the father. 

Fathers in the past were 

held to their roles in the 

home by a sense of 

conviction. Their moral 

values were influenced 

by their religious structure, 

and this education 

of familial role models 

were carried forward 

into the relationships of 

the children. The strict 

mindset of other fathers 

and men as headof-households 

were 

understood. The father 

was responsible for setting 

an example in the 

home for the children 

and for his wife to provide 

safety and security. 

Psalms 68:5-6 

“Father to the fatherless, 

defender of 

widows – this is GOD 

whose dwelling is holy. 

GOD places the lonely 

in families.” 

It seems the economic 

developments influencing 

the role of women 

into the workforce has 

greatly brought about 

changes. This not only 

affected the father’s role 

in the home, but also 

the mother’s role in the 

home. Some women 

will refuse to acknowledge 

their entrance into 

the job market as anything 

other than necessary 

to provide support 

to the family. Yet, this 

is a question only each 

individual person can 

answer? 

Consider the women 

who have taken hold 

of financial responsibility 

in the home, and 

the men have moved 

from the workforce, 

and into the home to 

become caregivers of 

the children and homemakers. 

Furthermore, 

social and psychological 

studies on the 

impact of women in the 

workforce have determined 

a breakdown 

in marriages, growing 

numbers of divorces, 

and medical studies 

indicating job related 

stress due to long hours 

and excessive time 

for travel, etc. being 

the causes of infertility 

in women. If studies 

found these problems 

stemmed from working 

age women attempting 

to move ahead in the

workplace, have they 

also mentioned them 

being at the expense of 

present and future families? 

Ponder this for a 

moment, the role of 

the father moves inside 

the home, and there is 

failure within; the role 

of the mother moves 

outside the home, and 

there is failure within. 

There must be some 

sort of “happy medium” 

for these two performing 

roles, right? What is 

suggested about the two 

is child development is 

as positively influenced 

by the mother’s role, as 

it is by the father’s role. 

The presence and love 

of a father in the home 

provides a sense of 

belonging. This is what 

most psychologists and 

sociologists consider 

as primary in determining 

the ability of child to 

function socially, emotionally 

and cognitively 

in the world, and will 

be able to resist abuse 

of alcohol, drugs or 

destructive behaviors. 

Is this what GOD was 

saying in the following: 

Psalms 112:1-3 

“Praise ye the Lord. 

Blessed is the man that 

feareth the Lord, that 

delighteth greatly in his 

commandments. His 

seed shall be mighty 

upon earth: the generation 

of the upright shall 

be blessed. Wealth and 

riches shall be in his 

house: and his righteousness 

endureth for 

ever.” 

It seems a bit of what 

is called a role-reversal 

has occurred. Fathers 

doing what they want, 

and mothers do what 

they want, and studies 

seem to align with 

it, because of economics? 

A numbers game 

of studies and research 

show what, children 

need their mothers and 

their fathers? Did we 

not already know that? 

Did the Lord not ask for 

Fathers to set a worthy 

example for their children? 

Was it not Paul 

who spoke of responsibility 

and accountability 

of fathers? Recall 

the words- 

Ephesians 6:4- 

“And you, fathers, do 

not provoke your children 

to wrath, but bring 

them up in the training 

and admonition of the 

Lord.” 

GOD holds us to a 

level of accountability. 

To some, this may 

seem unfair, but to 

those who have found 

grace through the 

word of the Lord, this 

is being responsible. 

As a Father, you are 

a husband first. This 

was explained in depth 

when discussing married 

life in I Corinthians 

7:1-5 - 

“ 

Now for the matters 

you wrote about: “It 

is good for a man not 

to have sexual relations 

with a woman.” 

But since sexual 

immorality is occurring, 

each man should 

have sexual relations 

with his own wife, and 

each woman with her 

own husband. The 

husband should fulfill 

his marital duty to 

his wife, and likewise 

the wife to her husband. 

The wife does 

not have authority 

over her own body 

but yields it to her 

husband. In the same 

way, the husband 

does not have authority 

over his own body 

but yields it to his wife. 

Do not deprive each 

other except perhaps 

by mutual consent 

and for a time, so that 

you may devote yourselves 

to prayer. Then 

come together again 

so that Satan will not 

tempt you because of 

your lack of self-control.” 

The responsibility is 

present when a father 

does not scorn his 

children. He does not 

show anger, resentment, 

or discouragement. 

He does not 

provoke his children 

to wrath. Instead, he 

is the spiritual leader 

of the home. His presence 

is seen and felt, 

and he teaches them 

to worship. Many 

fathers have gotten 

away from being spiritual 

and guiding the 

home as the spiritual 

leader. In Ephesians 

5:22-24- 

“Wives, submit yourselves 

unto your own 

husbands, as unto the 

Lord. For the husband 

is the head of the wife, 

even as Christ is the 

head of the church: and 

he is the saviour of the 

body. Therefore as the 

church is subject unto 

Christ, so let the wives 

be to their own husbands 

in every thing.” 

This is Christ’s words 

for the father on his 

principle for him to be 

the spiritual head of the 

home. This has become 

a huge challenge for 

fathers today. Yet, it 

is an instruction that 

should be remembered. 

For it is a reminder that 

will all blessings comes 

tremendous responsibility, 

but immeasurable 

accountability here 

on earth. The words 

here on earth, remember 

those. There are 

many people a child 

will spend time with 

during their upbringing. 

Their mother, daycare, 

grandparents, church 

programs, but the father 

is accountable for failing 

that child, not the 

mother, the daycare, 

the grandparents, or the 

church. It is the obligation 

of the father to do 

right by his child, and 

to keep GOD’s com-

mandments, for without 

them, his child could be 

lost, and he shall sit in 

judgment for it. 

Ecclesiastes 12:13- 

“Let us hear the conclusion 

of the whole 

matter: Fear God, and 

keep his commandments: 

for this is the 

whole duty of man.” 

What about the 

mother? Does a mother 

give birth to the child, 

and that relieves her of 

her duties other than 

feeding, clothing, and 

provisions? Is the pain 

a mother feels during 

child birth demonstrate 

her role in the child’s 

life? How many times 

have you heard women 

say, “I suffered through 

this many hours of 

childbirth, or I gave life 

to that child?” 

Proverbs 31:28- 

“Her children rise up 

and call her blessed.” 

Is this not a beautiful 

statement to make 

about a mother? What 

about a good mother 

is a good wife, a good 

neighbor, a good citizen 

or a good Christian? 

Is it not who she 

is in the home, in the 

community, or who she 

is perceived as by her 

husband, her family, or 

her friends that make 

her a good mother? 

Don’t get me wrong, 

I don’t mean people 

should all rally around 

this woman as she 

boasts about her good 

works. Christian mothers 

should be humble, 

but firm. These mothers 

should encourage 

the young to know their 

place and their worth. 

Proverbs 31:10- 

“Who can find a virtuous 

woman?” for her price 

is far above rubies. 

What has happened 

to these women in our 

society? Are there not 

“good women” in this 

world, or are they consumed 

by the embers 

of a society burning 

with immorality, divorce, 

careers and men imprisoned 

in society or by 

society, leaving women 

and children deserted, 

neglected, or lost in the 

system. 

Titus 2:3-5 

The aged women likewise, 

that they be in 

behaviour as becometh 

holiness, not false 

accusers, not given to 

much wine, teachers of 

good things; That they 

may teach the young 

women to be sober, to 

love their husbands, 

to love their children, 

To be discreet, chaste, 

keepers at home, good, 

obedient to their own 

husbands, that the 

word of God be not 

blasphemed. 

There are many mothers 

who fail to stay in 

the home. Their logic is 

their children will go to 

school soon, and their 

children need to learn to 

be around other children 

and will not be trained 

properly, if they are not 

placed in daycare or 

nursery environments. 

Who will train these 

children to be Christians? 

Who will teach 

them about promiscuity 

and purity, alcohol, 

drugs, and lust? Sex 

sells and whether it is 

music, movies or television, 

it is up to mothers 

to teach their children 

to be Christians, and 

that even though there 

are many temptations 

in this world, it is up to 

their child individually 

to distance themselves 

from people not of good 

faith. Christian mothers 

need husbands 

who are also devout 

Christians to help keep 

their house a Christian 

home. 

Matthews 12:30- 

“He that is not with me 

is against me; and he 

that gathereth not with 

me scattereth abroad.” 

I understand there are 

many ways to raise 

children. There are also 

many people who need 

two parents working to 

support those children. 

Some people feel it is 

more a physical need 

for parents to make the 

decisions to both work, 

or for one to remain at 

home with the children. 

Others who feel it an 

emotional choice, feel 

the father needs to work 

financially to support, 

but the mother needs 

to work or be out of the 

home or away from the 

children for emotional 

reasons. However, spiritually 

is where most 

parents and people, 

disagree. 

During the younger 

years, mothers tend to 

be the primary caregivers 

at this stage. Parents 

rarely ever bicker about 

spiritual things at this 

age. However, some 

parents become career 

twins in the workforce, 

due to high debt before 

the children enter grade 

school. Some parents 

are single parents by 

the time this happens. 

Maybe it’s the finances 

that cause stress on a 

marriage, or perhaps 

it is so much violence 

and instability in society 

that leaves mothers 

as single parents 

and sole wage earners. 

Regardless of the reasons, 

the phrase comes 

back to me, “A house 

isn’t a home without the 

heart of the homemaker 

being right with God.” 

And if that homemaker 

is a single mother, then 

she becomes the sole 

provider and the soul 

provider. However, if 

there is a father and a 

mother, there are times 

when this is the first discussion 

the two of them 

ever have about spiri-

tual guidance. 

There are many parents 

who don’t take 

their small children to 

church. This could be 

due to no childcare in 

the nursery, or not wanting 

to teach the child 

how to remain seated 

during church service. 

Believe it or not, many 

small children have 

sat on the back rows 

of church, and have 

learned to successfully 

sit through a church 

service. It’s true. That 

is how you teach a 

child to remain seated 

and quiet during times 

when they should. They 

do not know how to do 

this. They are taught. 

It takes patience, and 

people around you 

understand, and they 

empathize with you 

each Sunday. I know 

you may think, “They 

are looking at us.” 

Well, they are looking 

at you more, because 

you have just come 

to church with a halfgrown 

child, maybe, 

more than they have 

caught your eye with 

the squirming little one. 

Remember, for this is 

such a truthful statement, 

and having that 

homemaker teaching 

their children the plan 

of salvation, is truly 

wonderful, regardless 

who is watching. 

Romans 10:9-10- 

“If thou shalt confess 

with thy mouth the 

Lord Jesus, and shalt 

believe in thine heart 

that GOD hath raised 

him from the dead, thou 

shalt be saved. For with 

the heart man believeth 

unto rightouseness; 

and with the mouth confession 

is made unto 

salvation.” 

Salvation, what a beautiful 

thing. It comes to us 

all through confession 

and it is so important to 

be taught. There is that 

word again. Taught- with 

the reading and learning 

of God’s word to go 

past those early years. 

Taught, by having a 

mother who loves and 

treasures the word of 

God, and teaches her 

children to live by it, as 

she does. Taught and it 

will reflect their attitude 

into the teenage years. 

These children will face 

many moments during 

their formative years. 

Moments of decision, 

and without someone to 

bring those choices to, 

and to discuss the faith, 

that child will face many 

indecisive moments 

during that sexual age. 

James 1:22- 

“Be ye doers of the 

word, and not hearers 

only.” 

Taught, by mothers 

and fathers who listen 

together, pray together 

and work hard to stay 

together past the indecisiveness 

that will 

come. That is one more 

thing children will face 

on their own, is indecisiveness. 

This will be 

carried into adulthood, 

and they need to beyes, 

you guessed it! 

Taught! The importance 

of prayer, and how it is 

not just a in the morning, 

over coffee, decision. 

It is every time, 

every decision, and 

everything. There is no 

greater power, than the 

power of prayer. 

II Chronicles 16:9- 

“For the eyes of the Lord 

run to and fro throughout 

the whole earth, to 

shew himself strong 

in the behalf of them 

whose heart is perfect 

toward him.” 

Not only should your 

children to be prayerful 

as they grow, but your 

children need to learn 

that if they too, one day 

will decide to have children 

of their own? They 

will want go from be 

taught, to being teachers. 

And they will teach 

their children to be 

fathers, to be mothers, 

and to teach their children 

about our Lord, all 

of these things to their 

children. 

Psalm 78:1-7- 

“Give ear, O my people, 

to my law: incline your 

ears to the words of my 

mouth. I will open my 

mouth in a parable: I 

will utter dark sayings 

of old: Which we have 

heard and known, and 

our fathers have told 

us. We will not hide 

them from their children, 

shewing to the 

generation to come the 

praises of the Lord, and 

his strength, and his 

wonderful works that 

he hath done. For he 

established a testimony 

in Jacob, and appointed 

a law in Israel, which 

he commanded our 

fathers, that they 

should make them 

known to their children: 

That the generation 

to come might know 

them, even the children 

which should be 

born; who should arise 

and declare them to 

their children: That they 

might set their hope in 

God, and not forget the 

works of God, but keep 

his commandments.” 

Until then, it is most 

important, for us to 

remember to teach our 

children to be children, 

and to love their mother, 

to love their father, and 

to respect each and 

every person’s role. For 

one day, these roles will 

reverse as well. They 

will be the mothers and 

fathers, and we will be 

the grandmothers and 

the grandfathers of 

grandchildren, and we 

will be sharing so much 

with each other. What a 

blessing to have a child, 

our child and their child, 

share Jesus with us. 

That is when we know, 

we did something right 

as mothers and fathers.

Male or Female? 

What are the Attributes of God 

By Margo McKenzie 

I have never seen Jesus Christ. 

I have never talked to the disciples 

nor had an encounter with 

the Apostle Paul, Timothy or any 

other of the gospel greats. I have 

never peered into a microscope 

to find proof of the gospel story. 

By logic and reasoning, I have 

not been able to deduce that 

the only way to God is through 

Jesus Christ. 

When I was old enough to 

walk, my mother woke me up at 

9:30 every Sunday morning to 

get ready for church. I ate the 

weekly prunes and pancakes, 

and waited for my father to 

return from his midnight duty as 

a police officer and drive me to 

church. 

I started with the 11 o’clock service 

and listened as one church 

leader opened the service 

by saying a prayer. The service 

continued when a second 

leader read a scripture, a 

third preached a fifteen-minute 

sermon, and yet another, closed 

with prayer. After an hour break, 

I went to Sunday School where 

the teacher recorded a check in 

her record book as each student 

recited the assigned verses. My 

favorites were Psalms 1:1-10; 

23 and John 14: 1-10. Then we 

read, listened and answered 

questions about another bible 

story. 

I believed everything I was 

taught. When I was thirteen, I 

attended an over-night Christian 

camp. During the last night 

of camp service, the preacher 

asked a question that I could not 

answer. “If Jesus returns while 

you’re on your way back to your 

dorm, are you ready to meet 

him?” I had never actually asked 

Jesus to come into my life, but 

the prospect of being left behind 

at a campground in the hills of 

Pennsylvania or abandoned in 

the woods was enough to scare 

this thirteen-year-old urbanite 

into heaven. I stayed behind so 

that someone could explain how 

to be saved and to prepare me 

for baptism the next day. 

When I became a little older, 

I attended the young peoples’ 

meeting on Sunday evenings. I 

continued to study God’s word,

and asked to take communion when I was a junior in high school. I found 

refuge in hymns, scripture, and the family of Christians I found in my church. 

The Christian life was everything I expected. 

Then I began to pay more attention to what I was hearing about Jesus and 

reading in the Bible. I began to find inconsistencies and asked questions in 

Sunday School. Many were not fond of this new phase of my faith. I wanted to 

understand the Bible and this Christian life into which I was born and then reborn. 

The questions mounted in college where I found the Christian community 

was more receptive, so I was more willing to hang in there. 

Ever since college, my life has been a cycle of hearing, believing, living and 

questioning, doubting, hearing, believing, living, questioning, doubting, hearing. 

. . I rely on this verse up to today: “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by 

the word of God.” This has been my Christian journey, a life of questioning and

moving on in faith. 

In a New York Times article, columnist 

William Irvin noted this 

quote about faith: 

“The Trappist monk Thomas 

Merton wrote that faith “is a decision, 

a judgment that is fully and 

deliberately taken in the light of a 

truth that cannot be proven — it 

is not merely the acceptance of 

a decision that has been made 

by somebody else.” (“God is 

a Question Not an Answer,” 

Online: http://goo.gl/y8Hkfn / 

(March 26, 2016, 2:30 pm,) 

Out of respect for the speaker, 

one listens as she or he shares 

God’s word. The next step is up 

to the listener. She or he makes 

a decision to either accept or 

reject the message. Those who 

do accept what is said, do so 

through one act only: faith. 

Even when we question what 

God is doing, our questions are 

an act of faith. How could we 

question what God is doing if we 

don’t believe he exists? 

Whatever our degree of faith, 

God can work with us. All we 

need is mustard-seed faith, the 

tiniest seed, I’m told. God takes 

it from there. And so must we 

because “faith without works is 

dead.” (James 2:14 KJV) What 

good is a dead faith? From a 

foundation of faith, we move on 

in the Christian life. We show our 

faith by the things that we do and 

the places we go. “Without faith, 

it is impossible to please God.” 

(Hebrews 11:6 KJV) 

After making a decision to live 

the Christian life, Christians 

make a decision to interpret their 

lives through the lens of faith. 

In different circumstances that 

we encounter we want to know 

what Jesus would do. What 

would Jesus say? What would 

he think? How does he want us 

to live? We want to walk as a 

Christian should. 

We search for these answers 

by praying, reading the Bible, 

listening to a song or a sermon, 

reading a spiritual book. As we 

live, we pay attention to all that 

is happening around us as we 

search for answers to our dilemmas. 

A firm commanding verse 

or sermon with its accompanying 

peace enters within, and, 

by faith, we accept it as coming 

from God himself. 

Sometimes we interpret correctly, 

and sometimes we do not. 

As we fine-tune our faith, growing 

deeper and wiser, we learn 

to strengthen our faith muscles 

to discern whether a response is 

actually from God or of God. 

When we fall, in faith, we ask for 

forgiveness, and, by faith, we 

believe that we are forgiven. By 

faith, we ask God for direction in 

our lives and pray for protection 

for our family. By faith, we ask 

God to lead and direct the pastor 

of our church, and, by faith, we 

use our gifts to serve the Christian 

community. 

Every day, we Christians make a 

decision to do our best to follow 

Jesus’ guidance for living so that 

we live our best life—as Jesus 

would define it. This, too, is a 

faith decision. 

Scientists are amazed at how 

perfectly our body systems 

work. Astronauts are humbled 

by the magnificence of the heavens. 

But, of course, that’s not 

proof of Christ dying for the sins 

of the world. By reasoning, no 

one can prove that God is or that 

the only way to God is through 

Jesus Christ. Without proof, we 

accept the claims of the Bible 

from Genesis through Revelation-- 

by faith. 

After that, for me, the Christian 

experience speaks on a more 

personal nature. I begin to ask 

God for what I need and rely on 

what he has already promised, 

and when I look at my life, I can 

only say that he has been faithful. 

Ms. Clara in the movie “War 

Room” set aside a closet in her 

house for prayer only. On little 

sheets of paper, she posted her 

prayer requests on the walls. In 

the same way, she posted God’s 

promises as reflected in various 

scriptures she treasured. 

Her personal experience with 

God was proof enough of his 

power and presence in her life, 

and all she could do was share 

her experience with Elizabeth 

Jordan, her broker, who listened 

to what Ms. Clara had to say and 

started a war room of her own. 

This movie depicts a riveting 

story of the power of prayer in 

the lives of two women. 

I have a spreadsheet that itemizes 

my requests to God and 

his answers. Is this proof? It’s 

enough for me. I don’t speak 

in tongues. I have never heard 

God’s voice, yet he is still my 

choice. 

My Faith: A Link in A Chain 

Believers shared the story of

Jesus with others who chose 

to believe. They, in turn, shared 

the story of Jesus with me, and, 

without proof, I chose to believe. 

I continue the chain by sharing 

the story of Jesus with others, 

encouraging them to follow the 

Christian path. I am a link in a 

chain of faith that, I pray, continues 

to replicate. 

Some people may think they are 

following the Christian lifestyle 

by “being good” They seek to 

tell the truth and do everything 

ethical hoping that earns them a 

spot in the kingdom of heaven. 

But our goodness is not good 

enough. This type of faith is 

a faith in self. It doesn’t rise to 

God’s standards of excellence. 

The only way to the Christ is 

by faith in the work that Christ 

has already done. The only way 

to stay connected to Christ is 

through faith. We of the faith 

have to keep the faith and share 

it. Like DNA replication, we pass 

on the code of Christ necessary 

(the gospel story) for the building 

of the Christian family. God 

himself connects the links.

MUSIC SPOTLIGHT 

Jody McBrayer 

By Michelle C. Danko 

Jody McBrayer began his career 

in 1996 with the Contemporary 

Christian group called Avalon. 

During the twelve years that 

Jody spent with the group, he 

experienced phenomenal success 

recording ten albums with 

generated 21 number one hits 

which included “Testify to Love”. 

Avalon earned 23 GMA Dove 

Award nominations, 6 GMA 

Dove Awards, 3 Grammy nominations, 

and an American Music 

Award. 

Despite all of Jody’s success in 

front of audiences, in 2007 Jody’s 

life would be forever changed. 

It was during that time that his 

marriage began to unravel, and 

he was diagnosed with a degenerative 

heart condition that left 

his future as an artist uncertain. 

Jody spoke quite honestly and 

candidly with Faith Filled Family 

about his life. He said that at the 

time of diagnosis, he was busy 

traveling with Avalon who had a 

very aggressive tour schedule. 

He joked that they used to be

called “the work horses” of the 

music industry. All that dedication 

to touring and music did have 

a cost in his marriage, however. 

His wife was, at the time, managing 

several different artists, 

and the couple wasn’t spending 

much time together due to their 

schedules. As if a deteriorating 

marriage wasn’t enough, soon 

after Jody received the news 

that he was diagnosed with a 

degenerative heart condition. 

Jody said that when he received 

the news, he asked his physician 

whether he would be able 

to continue performing, to which 

the physician replied, no. Jody 

confesses that he didn’t know 

what to do, as his entire world 

was performing and music. He 

was unsure as to what God’s 

plans were for his future if he 

couldn’t sing any longer, and felt 

very lost. 

This feeling of confusion surrounding 

his destiny caused him 

to have a series of conversations 

with God as to what His plans 

and purpose for his life was. 

Deep down, Jody really longed 

to be an artist once again. 

His wife subsequently quit her 

job, and the marriage slowly 

began to restore itself. Jody 

admits that it took time, but progress 

was made towards restoration. 

Yet even though things 

were improving in his marriage, 

Jody still wrestled with feelings 

of depression which eventually 

worsened. He still struggled 

with his identity, and that’s when 

thing went from bad to worse. 

Jody recollects that one day, 

his wife, his child, and Jody 

went to the beach. Feeling 

overwhelmed, he contemplated 

walking into the water and just 

keeping going. He said that he 

thought that if he kept going, it 

would look like he had drowned, 

and at least his family could collect 

on the insurance. 

Jody doesn’t know what happened 

after that, because he 

found himself at home phoning 

a friend who talked him out of his

situation. Jody soon received 

counseling at his friend’s suggestion, 

and began to improve. 

Jody remembers the psychiatrist’s 

words to him, “I can help 

you as long as you keep breathing.”. 

He also urged McBrayer 

to continue to trust and praise 

God. 

Jody took these words to heart, 

and continued on with life. 

Every day he tells himself to get 

up, keep breathing, and to trust 

in God. 

In 2014, Jody’s life took on a 

new purpose as he began discussing 

a new album entitled, 

“Keep Breathing” with StowTown 

Records. This time, however, 

Jody re-entered the music world 

with a different perspective. He 

said that previously, his definition 

of success was in terms 

of record deals and that God 

wanted him to be happy. Jody 

thought, at the time, that if he 

did certain things to make him 

happy, and then he would serve 

God. Now, Jody says that life is 

summed up with the phrase “with 

each borrowed breath” which is 

the voice behind his new album. 

We asked Jody what his definition 

of success now was, and he 

replied, “Our job is to make God 

famous.” 

He further elaborated that every 

heartbeat is a gift from God. 

God continues to gift things to 

us to fulfill His purpose. Jody 

commented that it is only what 

we have done for God that will 

have a lasting effect, and that is 

what he mediates on daily. 

Keep Breathing was released 

on February 12, 2016, but Jody 

wasn’t done yet. Recently, he 

has been working with artists 

TaRanda Greene and Doug 

Anderson developing a group 

called, “Cana’s Voice”. While 

Jody insists that they tried their 

absolute best to keep the new 

group a secret, they found it 

challenging keeping media at 

bay. 

We asked Jody what led the 

group to give themselves such 

a unique name, to which he 

responded that it was based on 

a scripture found in John 2 when 

Jesus turned water into wine. 

Jody said that the water used 

at that time was not the best in 

terms of purity and subsequently 

taste, but Jesus used it anyway. 

The vessels themselves were 

broken and old, and the group 

equated it to their lives- that 

each one of them had suffered 

a tragedy, and was broken- but 

God wasn’t done with them yet! 

Jody says that they stand for the 

broken and wounded. It is their 

desire to teach the world the 

gospel of Christ with humility. 

Cana’s Voice urges audiences 

to move forward despite challenges, 

and to persevere. The 

group wants their listeners to 

believe that God has a plan for 

their lives. 

Cana’s Voice has collaborated 

with several well-known songwriters 

to produce what should 

be a very impactful new album. 

We asked Jody what listeners 

could expect in terms of genre, 

to which Jody replied that it was 

very “eclectic”. He said there 

was a little bit of gospel, r&b, and 

some other sounds in the album. 

This Changes Everything is set 

to be released May 27, 2016. 

For those of you are wondering 

what Jody McBrayer is like personally, 

I can honestly say that 

he is very humble, nice, honest 

and genuine. He is honest 

about what he has faced and 

his part in it. Jody said in this 

interview that he doesn’t want to 

put on a false face and pretend 

that everything is alright when 

it is not. He believes in sharing 

his testimony in hopes that it will 

encourage others that victory for 

them is possible, and to look no 

further than Jesus Christ. 

To Purchase “Keep Breathing”, 

Click Here 

Please stay tuned for the 

release of Cana’s Voice on 

May 27th, 2016

Flight 

Arrangements 

Of the Single Parent 

By Julie Merrin 

How’s that for an eyecatching 

title? No, I’m 

not talking about single 

parents arranging ways to flee 

the responsibilities of parenthood, 

although I’m sure all parents, 

single or not, sometimes 

wish they could flee, if only for a 

short time. I am speaking about 

flight arrangements of an entirely 

different kind. 

I have logged a good many 

hours in the last couple decades 

in aircraft of various sizes from 

trans-oceanic airliners to much 

smaller domestic aircraft that 

make shorter jaunts from city to 

city or island to island, all the way 

down to tiny Cessna aircraft that 

jump between grassy mountain 

airstrips in Papua New Guinea. 

Each aircraft has its own characteristics, 

its own range, and its 

own level of comfort. Each aircraft 

also places its own unique 

demands on the pilots. 

It occurred to me that various 

configurations of families share 

some similarities with these 

types of aircraft. I thought it 

might be interesting to consider 

briefly a few of these likenesses. 

Transoceanic airliners carry lots 

of fuel and can go long distances 

without having to come in for a 

landing. Restroom facilities are 

available. Full meals and various 

drinks are on board. Pillows 

and blankets are provided. On 

this craft, a full crew of flight 

attendants tend to the needs of 

the passengers. Onboard entertainment 

is available to keep 

adults and young ones occupied. 

Not only that, but these airliners 

have two pilots who keep 

the plane safely in the air and 

can take turns flying the aircraft 

while the other takes a break. 

We might liken this to a twoparent 

family that is functioning 

extraordinarily well and has a 

strong support system of family, 

friends, and church. Both can go

great distances without running 

out of fuel. True, the trip may be 

long and arduous. There may be 

storms to navigate that make the 

ride less than comfortable. Yet 

the supports provided make it 

bearable. 

Then we have the smaller 

domestic aircraft – the ones with 

only two seats on each side of 

the aisle and a couple dozen 

rows. This kind of plane would 

still have two pilots who can 

keep each other alert or relieve 

each other if one of them needs 

to make a trip to the back of the 

plane. One or perhaps two flight 

attendants tend to the needs of 

the passengers. (In our current 

economy, this might mean serving 

a bag of peanuts with a plastic 

glass of water, and little else.) 

A single lavatory serves the 

needs of all passengers. No inflight 

entertainment is provided, 

and the fuel capacity could not 

possibly carry the plane across 

Galatians 6:2 

says, “Carry each 

other’s burdens, 

and in this way 

you will fulfill the 

law of Christ.”

an ocean, so distances between 

landings is greatly reduced. This 

aircraft might be compared to 

a two-parent family that does 

not have such a finely tuned 

on-board support system. This 

family needs to come in for refueling 

more often than the 

airliner family does. There is 

nothing wrong with that. Having 

to refuel more often doesn’t 

mean there is anything wrong 

with the aircraft…or the family. It 

is simply a reality that needs to 

be dealt with. 

Finally, we have the tiny single-engine 

Cessna. A single 

pilot flies the plane. It can only 

carry a few passengers and limited 

cargo. When I flew in one 

of these, I had to step on the 

scale with my luggage because 

the pilot had to be very careful 

how much weight the plane was 

expected to carry. Such care 

was a matter of life and death… 

literally. Obviously, there was no 

such thing as a flight attendant 

or a lavatory. These planes won’t 

travel for long distances before 

coming in for a landing to refuel. 

Obviously, the passengers and 

pilot look forward to these stops 

for a variety of very practical 

reasons, as you might imagine. 

We could liken the single-engine 

Cessna to a single-parent family, 

keeping in mind that, in reality, 

some two-parent families function 

on a daily basis in much the 

same way as a single-parent 

family. One pilot, one parent, is 

primarily responsible to get the 

family safely to their destination. 

This family pilot may or may not 

have much of a built-in support 

system, so time “on the ground” 

becomes extremely important. 

There is absolutely nothing 

wrong with a single-engine aircraft, 

even as there is absolutely 

nothing wrong with a single-parent 

family. It does, however, take 

some special careful planning 

for a successful flight. 

What arrangements could a 

single parent make? What are 

some of the special challenges 

for which a solo parent needs to 

plan? How can people “on the 

ground” – extended family and 

friends – help to fill the gap left 

by a missing father or mother? 

Allowing others to help us, and 

helping them in return, is a biblical 

concept. Galatians 6:2 says, 

“Carry each other’s burdens, 

and in this way you will fulfill the 

law of Christ.” (NIV) God never 

intended us to go it alone. This is 

as true for those who parent as 

a pair as it is for single parents. 

Let’s consider several areas that 

present particularly significant 

challenges, and look at how “on 

the ground support” can help 

solo parents arrange for a successful 

flight. These areas are 

time and energy, finances, and 

raising the children. 

The Challenge of Time and 

Energy 

In a single-engine aircraft, the 

time that can be spent in the air 

is limited. For one thing, a solo 

pilot can only stay awake for so 

long. There is no one else to 

take over the controls if he or 

she gets tired. For this reason, 

it is important to come in for a 

landing periodically so the pilot 

can be refreshed. 

It is vital that single parents take 

time to refresh their physical 

bodies. Caring for children and 

tending to the practical logistics 

of the family can be exhausting. 

Taking time to rest and refresh 

may seem wasteful to some, but 

in reality, it is essential to health 

and well-being…and sanity for 

the solo pilot. Be sure to get 

enough sleep so your body 

can be refreshed. It is amazing 

how much more can be accomplished 

by a well-rested pilot 

than can possibly be completed 

by an exhausted one. 

Don’t forget to take time to 

refresh your heart and soul as 

well. Does working in the garden 

energize you? Take time to do it. 

Does reading a book or playing 

music refresh your soul? Find 

ways to incorporate that into 

your day. 

This is one area where support 

“on the ground” can be very helpful. 

If there is extended family 

nearby who enjoy being involved 

in the life of your family, they are 

a treasure. A single parent can 

encourage the relationships 

between the children and these 

extended family members. If 

the kids are with Grandpa and 

Grandma or spending time with 

cousins, take advantage of the 

time to refresh in whatever way 

works for you. 

It may also be possible to trade 

off with friends who have children 

of a similar age so both 

you and they can get a break for 

refreshing. Married friends aren’t 

necessarily getting that kind of 

support from the other pilot in 

their family, and could be part 

of your support network even as 

you become a part of theirs. Do 

what is needed to take time for 

refreshing. 

Most of all, be sure to refresh your

soul. Spend time with God in the 

Bible, in prayer, and in worship. 

The time spent in these ways will 

impart strength and energy that 

will carry you through many a 

stressful flight. A strong church 

family can be a great support in 

this area as well. 

The Challenge of Finances 

Remember how I had to stand 

on a scale with my luggage as 

the pilot determined how much 

he could put on the plane? This 

was over twenty-seven years 

ago, but as I recall, I had to 

leave behind some of what I had 

packed so the plane was not 

overloaded. I see in this an illustration 

of the importance of budgeting. 

A single-engine Cessna 

doesn’t allow much wiggle-room 

in the weight it can carry. 

My daughter sometimes laments 

the fact that she doesn’t have a 

father. She does this for a variety 

of reasons, but one of these reasons 

is that if she did have a dad, 

we would have more money, and 

maybe she could have this or 

that gadget that her friends from 

two-parent, two-income families 

own. For her, though, most of 

these gadgets are simply not in 

the budget. 

While a budget is important for 

all families, solo parents often 

have much less wiggle-room 

in their budget. In a two-parent 

family, there is the possibility, 

although not a guarantee, that 

one of the pair has a great deal 

of financial know-how. Even if 

there is no financial genius in 

the two-parent family, at the very 

least, there are two people who 

can pool what they do know to 

arrive at better decisions than 

either would make on their own. 

Budgeting is a big challenge of 

flying solo. There are certain 

people who simply have a talent 

for handling money. If asked, they 

might very well be able to impart 

wisdom in how to effectively 

manage financial resources. 

Such “on the ground” support 

people can help a single parent 

discover how to trim the budget, 

cutting out what is unnecessary, 

without becoming resentful. Our 

attitude is everything. As a single 

mom, I often remind my daughter 

that her Father in Heaven will 

provide everything that we need. 

We talk about how He has provided. 

I try to model hope and 

trust in Him. Ultimately, in my 

little family, God, our Heavenly 

Father, is the One Who fills the 

gap that exists because there is 

no earthly father in our home. In 

Psalm 68:4-6a we read: 

“Sing to God, sing in praise of 

his name, extol him who rides on 

the clouds; rejoice before him— 

his name is the LORD. 

A father to the fatherless, a 

defender of widows is God in 

his holy dwelling. God sets the 

lonely in families… “(NIV) 

It is truly comforting to know that 

God is always there and deeply 

cares for those who are piloting 

their families alone. He is not 

just an additional support “on 

the ground”. He is the air traffic 

controller…and more. Although 

this scripture seems to speak 

directly to single moms, there 

is no doubt that God also cares 

about dads who fly solo as well. 

If He is kept at the center, the 

family plane will stay on course. 

The Challenge of Raising the 

Children 

On a trans-oceanic airliner, a 

wide variety of programming can 

help keep kids occupied. Sometimes, 

the passenger in the next 

seat might turn out to be a blessing 

as he or she holds the interest 

of the young one during the 

flight. In a Cessna…no such 

thing. 

In a two-parent family there exists 

the possibility that one parent 

has strengths and interests the 

other parent does not have, and 

vice versa. One parent may be 

good at teaching a child to play 

ball or swim or ride a bike. The 

other might be better equipped 

help the young one plant his 

or her own small garden plot 

or paint, or play an instrument. 

One parent might be good with 

words and be the logical choice 

to help with reading or composition 

while the other may be the 

obvious choice to help with math 

homework. 

What is the solo parent to do 

when he or she simply cannot 

be and do all those things? Once 

again, this is an area where “on 

the ground support” can be a lifesaver. 

When my daughter was 

learning to ride a bike, I simply 

could not help her. I was an older 

mom when I adopted her, and 

to top it all off, damage caused 

by rheumatoid arthritis made it 

impossible to hold onto the seat 

of her bike and run beside her 

until she could pedal on her own. 

This was one area where I had 

to admit that I could not do and 

be all for her. God provided help 

in the form of a neighbor who ran 

beside her and helped her learn 

to ride. There have been many 

such people in our lives. 

When there is so much that

needs to be done, it is easy for 

the solo parent to feel that he or 

she has to do it all, to be everything 

to the young ones under 

his or her care. While it is true 

that the primary responsibility for 

the children does indeed lie with 

the parent, it is not true that they 

have to, or should, do it alone. 

However, it is also important to 

remember that as single parents, 

we do not always want to be 

the takers. Yes, there are areas 

where we need help to bridge 

the gap for an absent parent, but 

there are also areas in which we 

have strengths of our own. We 

can use those strengths to help 

other families. How so? Let’s 

say that you like to cook, but 

hate gardening. The mother of 

your child’s friend loves to putter 

with plants, but her cooking skills 

extend little further than microwave 

entrees. This would be a 

great trade-off. She can teach 

your child along with hers how to 

tend a garden while you impart 

your cooking skill to both kids. 

The teaching of skills is one area 

where “on the ground support” 

plays an important role in bridging 

the gap left by an absent 

parent. Discipline is another 

area where a wise solo parent 

does not try to go it alone. 

I have come to realize that 

although I have the ultimate 

responsibility for teaching my 

daughter right from wrong, other 

people in my community can be 

a great support in doing this. 

Sometimes that support comes 

when I ask for advice about a 

particular parenting difficulty. I 

need to be humble enough to 

admit that I don’t know it all, and 

seek advice from parents who 

have already been through what 

I am going through. 

Sometimes, the help comes 

without me seeking it. I recall 

one time when I had just gotten 

out of a church board meeting. 

My ten-year-old daughter had 

been occupied reading a book 

while we met. I gave her the car 

keys so she could get in the car 

and wait for me as I finished a 

conversation with one of the 

other board members. She went 

to the car and began blowing the 

horn trying to get me to hurry 

up. I did not reward the behavior 

by immediately wrapping up 

the conversation and joining 

her. Instead, I finished the conversation 

in my own time and 

then headed toward the car. The 

man I had been talking to took a 

few steps toward his car. Then, 

changing his mind, he turned 

and joined me as I walked toward 

mine. He went to my daughter’s 

side of the car and opened the 

door. In his calm, deep voice, he 

said, “Do you realize how rude 

you were being to your mother?” 

He said a bit more than that. 

Not much, but the message got 

across, and she no longer beeps 

the car horn imperiously at me to 

get me to hurry up. 

My daughter doesn’t have a 

daddy, but she does have other 

people in our circle of family and 

friends at church who care about 

her. The man who corrected her 

about her rude behavior is one 

of them. As a solo parent, I can 

welcome the input they have into 

her life. Often, the input comes as 

people encourage her about the 

positive things they see in her. 

Sometimes, though, it comes in 

the form of needed correction. 

There are a few people I have 

specifically invited to give her 

that kind of input when needed 

because I know I can trust 

them to have her best interests 

at heart. Both single dads and 

single moms can welcome the 

input of others into the lives of 

their children. I know some parents, 

both single and married, 

who get very offended if anyone 

else dares to correct their child. 

As I solo parent, I know I can’t 

afford to be like that. 

Being a parent is a rewarding role 

in life. It is also one of the most 

difficult roles a person can possibly 

fulfill. Children can be funny, 

engaging, insightful, and delightful. 

Then, they can turn around 

and be stubborn, argumentative, 

frustrating, and infuriating. As 

parents, we have the daunting 

task of leading and guiding the 

young ones in our care, teaching 

them to be responsible, respectful, 

strong, caring and compassionate 

human beings. No easy 

task with much of the world pulling 

them and us in other directions. 

Launching into parenthood is a 

daunting enough challenge when 

a mother and father pilot their 

family aircraft together. Those 

of us who are taking this journey 

in a single engine Cessna, 

so to speak, without a partner to 

share in the joys and challenges, 

need to be especially certain to 

make careful arrangements for 

our solo flights. It takes thought. 

It takes effort. It takes determination…and 

a good dose of humility. 

It is encouraging to know that 

when flight arrangements are 

made carefully, a solo parent can 

successfully and joyfully pilot the 

family “Cessna” and arrive safely 

at their destination.

Author 

Tim Rowe 

Discusses 

Issues of 

The 

Heart 

By Roslyn Ashford 

T i m 

Rowe’s father 

was a missionary 

in Liberia, Africa 

when he was about 

2 years old. There, 

he began to learn 

about God and desired 

to develop a relationship 

with Him. He felt that God had 

given him the abilities to teach 

and write at an early age—even 

though he ultimately felt a calling 

as a lawyer. He actually 

wanted to get into politics at one 

time and was Reagan’s and Dan 

Quayle’s campaign manager at 

Indiana University, but it did not 

take long to see that that was 

not God’s purpose for his life. 

He knew that whatever he did, 

God would be an important part 

of his everyday life. He still tries 

to spend time doing both ministry 

and practicing law. 

He 

has 

taught 

a Bible 

Fellowship since 

he was 15 and when he graduated 

from high school, Tim was 

a missionary for a year in Pine 

Bluff, Arkansas. It helped him 

to develop a lot of leadership 

qualities. Then, he went to Bible 

College and the University of 

California Berkeley—quite the 

culture shock from the Midwest. 

But he learned how to stand up 

for his faith, in the midst of a lot 

of persecution in the Bay Area. 

He started his own firm after law 

school and immediately began to 

learn how to use his law degree

in a positive way. 

In his latest book, The Heart, 

Tim explains how the heart is the 

key to everything in a Christian 

life and offers an in depth discussion 

about the heart transplant 

that the world desperately 

needs. The book is filled with 

ways to help guard and condition 

the heart. 

Christians know that God has 

commanded them to love. 

Christians know that the 

greatest of these (faith, hope, 

and love) is love. And most 

people want love in their life. 

And they often think with their 

hearts. In short, the heart is 

important—it seems to be 

at the center of what people 

do and why they do it. What 

prompted your discussion on 

such an in-depth look at the 

heart? 

I began to see in studying the 

Scriptures that the heart was 

critical to the Christian life. God 

tells us that above all we do, to 

guard the hear; for out of it are 

the issues of life. Every motive, 

passion, desire and our very 

character all flow from what is in 

the heart. God wants us to have 

a pure heart, a true heart, a compassionate 

heart, a loving heart 

and a heart that is on fire for Him. 

The great question we should 

ask ourselves daily is: What is 

the condition of my heart? We 

need to examine our hearts and 

remove from our hearts all impurities 

and hardness that hinders 

our faith. Our relationship with 

God and the effectiveness of 

our Christian walk and the fruitfulness 

of our lives all comes 

down to the heart. We cannot 

be careless with our hearts and 

expect to shine as lights in this 

dark world and reflect the image 

of Christ. 

You discuss how we must 

guard our heart, specifically 

through protecting the gateways 

to the heart—the ears, 

eyes, and thoughts. What’s 

the first thing you recommend 

to someone who desires to 

begin that process of protection? 

Be careful what you look at, be 

wise as to what you listen to 

and become aware of what you 

are thinking. We often think it is 

just a movie, or just a song or 

just one bad website and we do 

not realize the enormous affect 

these things can have on our 

hearts. The Devil is called the 

Prince of the Power of the Air 

and he is always broadcasting 

his words, images and thoughts 

through television, the internet, 

movies, music etc. We cannot 

allow it to conform our hearts into 

its image. We must not set anything 

worthless before our eyes, 

as David said in the Psalms, 

because it will fix its grip on our 

hearts. 

God is the greatest Public 

Speaker of all time, but are we listening? 

He is called the Word, but 

do we hear Him? Whose words 

occupy our hearts? Guarding the 

heart involves much prayer, time 

with God, studying and reflecting 

on Scripture. Do we have the 

heart of Jesus Christ or the heart 

of the world? We begin to find 

spiritual balance in our lives by 

putting God first in the matters of 

the heart. 

There has been a longtime 

controversy centered on the 

media and its influence on our 

behavior. We know it’s not a 

good idea to watch porn or lots 

of violence, but one complaint 

that new converts and young 

Christians often bring up is listening 

to music. Specifically, 

they question whether they 

can only listen to Christian 

music. In the same breadth, if 

they choose to listen to other 

genres, they question whether 

they are breaking some sort 

of rule. Share your thoughts 

on this as it relates to your 

talk about what Satan is doing 

with music, and how can we 

experience the culture of 

music while still guarding the 

gateway? 

Christians are being deceived 

by music and it is weakening 

their hearts for God. Music is 

always spiritual and never neutral. 

It always drives your heart 

either toward or away from God. 

Lucifer is the first divine musician 

mentioned in Scripture who 

had musical instruments built 

into his being. He understands 

the power of music and twists 

it to wield enormous influence 

on people. Music can cause an 

involuntary emotional response 

and control a person’s desires 

and passions. Music always 

carries with it a corresponding 

lifestyle. Yet Christians want to 

listen to music that they think is 

harmless, but it can open them 

up to spiritual oppression. 

David Wilkerson once said 

Jesus himself could come and 

tell young Christians to give up 

their secular music and they 

would not do it. How do the 

beats and lyrics of Lady Gaga 

or Beyoncé glorify God? Most 

Christians never listen to the 

lyrics which music drives right 

into their hearts. Christian music 

has often copied the beats and 

rhythms of the world and it can

have the opposite effect that 

they intend. At a recent Christian 

concert I attended, there were 

strange background images 

that were turning and twisting 

that had nothing to do with 

Scripture. It looked like an old 

psychedelic 60s concert. There 

is so much in the Bible about 

the right application of music. 

Moses was a songwriter, David 

was a musician, songwriter and 

inventor of musical instruments. 

Even Jesus sang with his disciples, 

and Zephaniah says God 

is a singer and sings over us His 

songs of love. Christians need to 

be careful what music they listen 

to and ask themselves—what is 

the sound track of my life? Music 

can turn the heart against God 

and drive us into sin quicker than 

almost anything. Never underestimate 

the power of music to 

alter the heart. Ask God what 

music is okay and what music 

is not. Walk in wisdom about the 

music you consume. 

We live in a world that thrives 

on order, and rules, and regulation. 

Even in the church, I 

find that people can get pretty 

stuck on the order of service. 

But there also seems to be a 

shift in what this generation 

of Christians expect—as it 

relates to experience. People 

are looking to have an experience 

in their Christian life. 

How can we use The Heart to 

find a balance between experience 

and religion, or should 

one trump the other? 

The Bible still needs to be our 

guidebook and rule for living 

and it always trumps experience. 

Experiences cannot be 

trusted, but God’s Word can. We 

need to hide the Word of God, 

not religion, in our hearts and let 

the Word become a part of our 

hearts and grafted into them. 

The Word of God produces the 

right fruit in our lives. Let God 

guide our hearts as we listen to 

His voice instead of the noise of 

this world. Religion is man-made 

rules and regulations, trying to 

find God, but Christianity is not 

a religion. It is God reaching 

down to redeem mankind. If we 

keep the word of God alive in our 

hearts, out of our heart will flow 

the love, tenderness, kindness, 

courage and strength of Jesus 

Christ. 

You also explore heart conditions. 

In one instance, you 

explain that “If we want to 

remain in top spiritual condition 

to do the work of our Lord, 

we cannot neglect the condition 

of our hearts”. Explain 

how can readers perform their 

own sort of heart “checkup”? 

We can only do the checkup with 

the help of the Great Physician, 

God. We are fellow-laborers with 

Him in the journey of the heart. 

He will till the soil of our hearts 

and burn away all the chaff if we 

trust and obey Him. He will prepare 

our hearts to receive Him 

and His Word as we put God 

on the throne of our hearts. It 

starts with taking time every day 

to spend time with God. Talk to 

Him, pray, pour out your heart 

before Him. He is the transformer 

of our hearts as we trust, 

love and obey Him. The Word of 

God is the true critic of the heart 

as it shows the thoughts, intents 

and purposes of the heart. We 

must spend time reading Scripture 

and thinking about what we 

read. We cannot allow the world 

to disconnect us from God. 

--- 

I would like to thank Tim Rowe 

for sharing the importance of 

maintaining a healthy, guarded 

heart. I would also like to thank 

Gina Adams for setting up this 

interview. The Heart: The Key to 

Everything in the Christian Life 

is available on Amazon, Barnes 

and Noble, and Tim’s website, 

www.TheGoodnessOfGod.net. 

To Purchase Your Copy of 

The Heart 

Please Click on the 

following Live Link

Nurturing: 

Is it Relegated to Just 

Moms? 

By Nichel Hilman 

It hurt my heart deeply; a mother 

was killed while getting food for 

her baby. It was even more sorrowful 

to know that her baby 

would not survive due to her 

death. I thought about this scene 

for many days after—it changed 

my life. Even today it still affects 

me. Whenever one of my children 

offers to go pick up food 

for me or the family, I am reluctant 

to let them go. I am instantly 

reminded of this horrible incident 

from the movie, March of the 

Penguins. 

In the movie a mother emperor 

penguin leaves her egg in the 

care of its father and treks 

50-miles or more to the ocean’s 

opening. Once there, she dives 

in and hunts for food for herself 

and her chick. It is a risk to her 

life to hunt in these dangerous 

waters, but she does it without 

hesitation. It is a necessary 

sacrifice; if she does not, she 

and her soon to hatch chick will 

die anyway. She completes her 

hunt, but before she could make 

it safely out of the water, she is 

captured and eaten by a leopard 

seal. 

I find myself often imagining that 

just like this mother penguin was 

eaten by an “evil” leopard seal, 

some evil may await out in the 

world to devour my children. 

I shudder at the thought of the 

possibility of one of my children 

getting injured or killed while getting 

food or running some other 

errand for me. In my mind, this 

was a sacrifice that as a parent 

I could not have my children 

make for me. It may seem silly 

but this movie scene fueled an 

almost irrational motherly protective 

instinct in me. Protecting 

and providing for offspring are 

nurturing traits that are inherent 

in most mothers. 

Nurturing another involves various 

responsibilities depending 

on the relationship, and the 

nature of the nurturing obligation 

changes over time. Fundamentally, 

nurturing is the care and 

encouragement given to promote 

growth and development 

in another. Nurturing will often 

mean sacrifice of one’s self and 

time. The sacrifice stems from 

love or compassion for another. 

Jesus said, “Greater love has no 

one than this, than to lay down 

one’s life for his friends” (John 

15:13). Nurturing another may 

involve temporarily setting aside 

one’s personal needs, desires,

and even fears for the benefit of 

another. Nurturing sometimes 

involves placing someone else’s 

well-being above one’s self. This 

is the essence of sacrifice. 

Although the nurturing instinct 

may seem to be more dominant 

in mothers or mothers may 

seem to bear a larger portion of 

the nurturing responsibilities, the 

nurturing role is not specific to 

one gender. In the story about 

the emperor penguins in Antarctica, 

when the mother goes 

off to hunt for food, the father 

takes on the nurturing responsibilities. 

The father also makes 

extreme sacrifices to ensure the 

survival of the unhatched chick. 

He goes without food for four 

months or more while maintaining 

his chore of keeping the egg 

warm. He shields the egg from 

the frigid temperatures with only 

his body as he withstands the 

harsh elements where the average 

temperatures can be -49C 

in the winter. Similarly to these 

emperor penguins, human 

couples share the nurturing 

responsibilities. In single parent 

situations, nurturing responsibilities 

rest with the custodial 

parent regardless of gender. 

God is ascribed masculine 

traits. Yet as a single parent to 

His creation, His nurturing role 

encompasses every nurturing 

responsibility. He is the sole 

provider for everything His children 

could ever need or want, 

physically, spiritually, and emotionally. 

He demonstrated the 

ultimate nurturing sacrifice. He 

judged our disobedience to Him 

and pronounced the just punishment. 

However, because 

of His infinite love for us He 

took off His crown, came down 

from His throne, came to us 

in the filth of our sin, and took 

the punishment for us. He did 

all this because He does not 

want to be separated from us. 

God models the ideal nurturing 

behaviors which both mother 

and father can emulate.

When referring to the nurturing 

relationship between a mother 

and her child, beginning at conception 

a mother’s primary nurturing 

responsibility is to ensure 

the nourishment and protection 

of her undeveloped offspring. 

At this point in the relationship 

the sacrifice on the part of the 

mother is profound, because she 

would offer up her very being to 

grant life to another. It is the ultimate 

example of giving up selfwill 

and being obedient to God’s 

will for the process of life. Unfortunately, 

for some mothers the 

inclination to nurture their unborn 

baby becomes distorted, and 

they become unable or unwilling 

to accept that sacrifice. Various 

conflicts, internal and external, 

may influence them to abort this 

will of God for them. 

The nurturing relationship 

between mother and child 

changes to include many other 

responsibilities once the child 

is born. In addition to ensuring 

the child’s physiological needs 

(food, water, sleep) and safety 

needs are met, a mother must 

also ensure the development 

and sustainment of life outside 

the womb. Creating a nurturing 

environment inside the home 

is one way to ensure sustainment 

of life outside the womb. 

According to Abraham Maslow 

in his theory on the hierarchy 

of needs, belonging and love 

needs, esteem needs, and selfactualization 

needs are also a 

part of the human growth and 

development process in addition 

to the basic physical needs. 

The fulfillment of these needs 

will most often be accomplished 

in the home. In my view, certain 

factors cultivate a nurturing environment 

and ensures growth 

and development needs are fulfilled. 

Time – Investing quality time into 

nurturing children is foundational 

to all other nurturing concepts. 

Children learn more through 

personal interactions and by 

example. Parents can influence 

their children to be good citizens 

in the world by modeling good 

citizenship to them. Through 

time spent around parents, children 

learn interpersonal skills, 

whether parents expected to be 

their children’s role model or not. 

By taking time to acknowledge 

and listen to their children, parents 

help to assure their children 

that their thoughts are important 

even if ill-expressed. Also, time 

spent playing with children helps 

them develop good sportsmanship 

and helps them learn how to 

work and play with others. Relating 

with children help to foster 

good social and communication 

skills. Certainly, bad habits 

can develop from time spent 

with parents as well, but overall 

children feel nurtured and loved 

through the time their parents 

spend with them. 

Affection and Encouragement 

– We are currently living in the 

wonderful age of technology and 

information, but it does come at 

a cost. I have noticed that individuals 

have become apathetic 

due to the “fire hydrant” flow of 

information. Cellular phones 

have taken the place of landlines 

as the main mode of contact. 

As a result, individuals can 

be accessible almost anytime 

and anyplace now. Yet, it has 

become more difficult to communicate 

because some folks just 

do not want to bother to connect 

anymore. Peering through social 

media windows into people’s 

lives on a daily basis, individuals 

are constantly witnessing 

various emotional triggers from 

the lives of hundreds of people 

including family, friends, and 

associates. The constant rubbing 

and bruising of emotions have 

caused some hearts to become 

calloused. However, somehow 

parents must ensure their hearts 

remain soft for their children and 

that they can empathize with 

them. Parents should appropriately 

hug and kiss their children 

on a regular basis. Studies show 

that babies starving for physical 

contact with other humans 

can die from the lack of touch 

although their nutritional and 

safety needs are met. The need 

for physical contact does not go 

away when children are older. 

Although they may not die from 

a lack of hugs, their deprivation 

may manifest in other ways. 

Showing children they are 

valued is important as well. 

When parents show their children 

they are valued, wanted, 

and loved it provides nourishment 

for their hungry little souls. 

Additionally, parents can caress 

their children’s emotions by 

encouraging and supporting 

their morally excellent aspirations 

and dreams. Let children 

know when they have pleased 

you and when they have not. Be 

their biggest fan without making 

them an idol. Although children 

need us dearly, we should not 

allow our care of them to consume 

all of our time and attention 

consistently. 

During my growing years there 

was a lack of affection and 

encouragement. My siblings 

and me were never hugged

nor kissed. I do not remember 

my parents ever telling us they 

loved us. We did not expect it 

either. We were physically and 

emotionally abused. We lived 

our lives in constant fear at 

home and at school. And instead 

of encouragement, we were ridiculed 

and made to feel stupid. 

Consequently, I suffered deeply 

emotionally and to a degree I still 

do. The effects cascaded down 

to my relationship with my firstborn—my 

only daughter. I struggled 

when showing her affection 

although I loved her immensely. I 

forced myself to express my love 

for her, because I did not want 

her to grow up feeling the way I 

did. When I expressed my love 

for her, it felt fake. It just did not 

come naturally for me. But, an 

amazing thing happened. God 

used that little girl to teach me 

how to give and receive love. I do 

not remember when it happened, 

but eventually my expression of 

love for her no longer felt fake. 

I also grew to understand that 

maybe my parents expressed 

their love for us in the best way 

they knew, by providing for our 

needs. They migrated to America 

to make a better life for our 

family, and when they were able, 

they sent for us to be with them. 

They did not have to send for 

us but they did. They gave us 

a chance at a better life and for 

that I am grateful. I learned to 

accept what love they gave and 

forgive them for the rest. 

Discipline and Training – The 

Bible tells us to, “Train up a child 

in the way he should go, and 

when he is old he will not depart 

from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Although 

much of our children’s education 

and training is done through 

the public school system today, 

parents are still responsible to 

provide financial support and for 

their children’s overall training 

and discipline. Whether we train 

children in good or bad behaviors 

when they are young, as can 

be seen from this Bible verse, 

they will not depart from it when 

they are grown. In the case of 

bad behaviors, it is only by God’s 

intervention that they will be able 

to change. I feel that one of the 

most important things that parents 

can teach their children is 

self-discipline. Self-discipline will 

serve our children well in learning 

a trade and gaining and sustaining 

a career, which will help 

in propagating and nurturing 

successive generations. A major 

factor in developing self-discipline 

is being disciplined by parents. 

When parents consistently 

take measures to affect behaviors, 

whether good or bad, they 

are establishing the pattern for 

self-discipline. However, parents 

should be careful that correction 

of bad behaviors does not take 

the form of abuse. Another way 

we train our children is through 

emulation. Children are looking 

at parents and emulating them. 

By doing the difficult but necessary 

task of disciplining and 

training offspring, parents’ nurturing 

in this area help to shape 

societies. 

Nurturing Spirituality – The ultimate 

act of nurturing is ensuring 

that our children’s souls are 

secured in Christ. Parents should 

teach their children that God is 

real. Without this basic concept 

it may be difficult for our children 

to accept God in their lives and 

submit to Him in obedience. The 

Bible encourages, “And you, 

fathers, do not provoke your 

children to wrath, but bring them 

up in the training and admonition 

of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). By 

our example, children should 

be taught how to communicate 

with God, how to forgive, how to 

request and receive forgiveness, 

how to serve, and how to give. 

We are responsible for whether 

our children’s souls go to heaven 

or hell. However, parents are not 

alone in nurturing their children 

spiritually. They are coworkers 

with God. Some things God 

allow parents to do and some 

things He has reserved for Him 

to do. 

Much to our chagrin, we sometimes 

hear the common phrase 

that our children do not come 

to us with an owner’s manual 

on how to nurture and care for 

them. But, the reason there is no 

manual dangling from their wrists 

at birth is because God has given 

the parents the manual. The 

manual is written in our hearts. 

As with the emperor penguins, 

nurturing is instinctive—God has 

written it into our DNAs. We may 

also learn to nurture by reflecting 

how we were nurtured, were 

not nurtured, or wished we were 

nurtured. Whether we were nurtured 

well or not, we may learn 

from how it affected us. Although 

sin may corrupt this natural 

responsibility, deep within us, 

we know what we ought to do. 

Lisa Wingate sums up nurturing 

responsibilities with this keen 

statement, “Your children are 

the greatest gift God will give to 

you, and their souls the heaviest 

responsibility He will place in 

your hands. Take time with them, 

teach them to have faith in God. 

Be a person in whom they can 

have faith. When you are old, 

nothing else you’ve done will 

have mattered as much.”

“Your New 

Money Mindset” 

Gets to the 

Heart of Money 

Matters 

By Kerry Nenn 

Breaking the mold of traditional 

money-matters material, “Your 

New Money Mindset” jets past 

the nuts and bolts of financial 

habits and goes straight for the 

heart. Authors Brad Hewitt and 

James Moline write with the 

goals of helping readers examine 

their attitudes toward money 

and changing their relationship 

with it. Using an online assessment 

tool, personal stories 

and biblical values, the book 

encourages readers to develop 

a surplus mindset, letting go of 

consumerism and embracing 

Godly generosity. 

Brad Hewitt, co-author of the 

book and president and CEO of 

Thrivent Financial, shared personal 

insights and reflections 

from “Your New Money Mindset” 

with Faith Filled Family Magazine. 

How has God changed your 

view of money through this 

book? 

This book is more of a result of 

changes that happened along 

the way rather than during the 

writing of the book. After a lifetime 

of being stingy, the book 

itself is more of a reflection of a 

transformation over time. What 

probably spurred the greatest 

change in writing the book was 

to recognize how universal the 

issue is. We easily get fooled 

into believing ‘If only we had a 

little more, we’d be happy.’ As 

I’ve done research and speaking 

engagements, I have realized 

how common this is. 

Has your view of God changed 

through writing this book? 

I’ve been a Christian virtually 

my whole life. This study helped 

the teachings of Jesus become 

so clear to me. I realized how 

quickly we can adopt the world’s 

view, believing half-truths about 

security and success, instead of 

what God is calling us to do. This 

calling is to be content and live 

in community, and to not worry. 

In writing the book, it really reinforced 

for me that truth in scripture 

can be counted on. As I 

started to research and review 

my own life, I realized how hard 

it can be to put those teachings 

into practice and how important 

they are. It was very easy 

to compartmentalize faith and 

finances before, but it is impos-

sible to do that now. 

What did you learn about 

yourself during the writing 

and publishing of this book? 

When Jim and I first wrote the 

book, publishers were not interested 

in the original version. We 

were concentrating on the science 

behind it and the biblical 

teachings. They said it’s really 

good, but it’s boring. So, we went 

back to drawing board and, as 

we did that, we had to talk more 

about our personal stories and 

remembering why we did things 

and how our own journeys happened. 

One of the things that was very 

valuable was reflecting on decisions 

and stories in my life and 

realizing how these shape our 

hearts and attitudes toward 

money, either good or bad. It 

was important to spend time 

reflecting on that. As we included 

this perspective in the book, and 

the stories of others, it helped 

both of us have a richer sense 

of our own history. Our intention 

in writing the book is to provide 

something people can talk about 

– ‘heart stuff’ about money, not 

just ‘head stuff.’ 

What is the most important 

lesson you hope readers take 

away from your book? 

One scripture that motivated Jim 

and I to write the book was Proverbs 

11:24, ‘The world of the generous 

gets larger and larger; the 

world of the stingy gets smaller 

and smaller.’ The power of imitating 

God’s generosity changes 

our hearts, relationships and circumstances 

so much more than 

changing our habits. We really 

hope people understand the 

power of generosity as a spiritual 

discipline. The second thing 

is to encourage people to go on 

this journey together. The book 

is built to be a small group discussion, 

or for the reader to at 

least have a conversation with 

someone else. We hope readers 

have discussions about their 

money mindset and how it is 

effecting their heart. 

What is one of the worst financial 

decision you have made, 

and what did God teach you 

through it? 

That would be one of the stories 

I share in the book, about buying 

a car when I changed jobs. I 

had decided to leave the secular 

business world and work for 

a denominational church body. 

This would mean a much smaller 

wage, so I decided, when I left, I 

would reward myself for my hard 

work in the business world. I 

wanted a really nice, brand-new 

car, so I bought one. But, my first 

day at my new job, I pulled into 

the parking lot and, looking at 

the other cars, realized that my 

car was worth more than what 

most of the people there made 

each year. Instead of a sign of 

success, it was an embarrassment. 

I realized my choice had 

been driven by what success 

meant for me. I sold it right away 

and got a more modest used car. 

Another bad financial decision 

was not learning to give more 

generously and freely earlier in 

my life. I missed out on the joy of 

generosity. By not giving, I actually 

got less. 

A question from your own 

study guide in the book: What 

practices do you employ to 

regularly make sure your lifestyle 

lines up with your gifts 

and values? 

We have to ask ourselves this all 

the time. One is to have someone 

to be accountable to. My 

wife and I talk about it all the 

time. The second thing is prayer. 

Praying about our finances, not 

to have more, but to ask if I am 

being wise and is my generosity 

and lifestyle matching my 

values. We spend time intentionally 

praying about it. It’s actually 

a pretty rare practice. So much 

of people’s decision-making is

heat-of-the-moment in buying 

things, and this drives poor 

behaviors. If I had prayed about 

buying that car, I wouldn’t have 

bought it. 

Third is to really make sure we 

get into a group of people in 

our church or elsewhere that 

reinforces positive 

values about giving 

back and what is 

enough. Advertising 

in the world pushes 

the opposite. We 

make sure we stay 

grounded with people 

who know us and 

remain part of a community 

to encourage 

us in the right direction. 

How has God used 

this book in your 

life to minister to 

others? 

We did this study 

in my church small 

groups. Initially, no 

one wanted to go to a 

group where they’d be 

talking about money, 

but once they realized 

we were talking 

about heart issues, 

not money, they 

couldn’t stop talking 

about it. When people 

hear the word money, 

they get fearful, but once we got 

people talking about it, we had 

incredibly rich discussions. The 

six-week study was fantastic. 

You just have to get through the 

barrier of people thinking they 

are going to talk about money 

rather than heart issues. 

I have heard people say over 

and over again, ‘I’d like to give 

this to my kids or grandkids, 

because I’d like them to learn 

this lesson earlier in life than I 

have.’ I pray the book does this 

– gives the gift of generosity to 

people earlier on in life. 

Where can readers find your 

book, and do you have any 

other upcoming projects 

they can watch for? 

It’s available online and in retail 

stores. Readers can find it on 

Amazon, Barnes and Noble, 

and at most Christian book 

stores. The book is available in 

print and e-book formats. 

As for future projects, you’ll 

see more and more resources 

coming out of Thrivent around 

the topic of stewardship. 

Is there anything else on your 

heart you’d like to share with 

FFFM readers? 

The one thing that’s been on 

my heart as we have continued 

to do research is how important 

this is in marriage and premarital 

counseling. Getting a 

common heart-set around 

money in marriage is one 

of the best investments we 

can make. There’s great 

assessment tools, but getting 

an assessment and 

working on it are two different 

things. Millennials 

especially are looking for a 

place to turn for how to act 

and think about money. We 

just did a survey, and 38% 

of Millennials are looking 

to the faith community for 

help with their money On 

my heart is for churches 

to be ready to help, especially 

young families, to 

get started well. It’s worth 

investing in them and in 

this significant need. 

Faith Filled Family Magazine 

would like to thank 

Brad Hewitt for sharing this 

look into “Your New Money 

Mindset” and Jennifer 

Deibel, publicity assistant 

with Litfuse Publicity 

Group, for facilitating the 

interview. Readers can find 

more information about Hewitt 

and “Your New Money Mindset” 

at https://www.newmoneymindset.com/. 

To Purchase 

Your 

New Money 

Mindset, 

Please 

Click Here

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Cultivating a nurturing 

environment 

is always a 

win situation. It is very 

important to cultivate 

these kinds of environments 

in the workplace, 

especially our schools. 

Recently, I resigned 

from my job of six years 

as a teacher’s assistant. 

I loved it at my 

elementary school, but 

I was no longer able to 

drive a school bus and 

due to my dad’s health 

problems I wanted a 

job closer by his home. 

However, during those 

six years I paid attention 

to many things. 

Most students were 

looking to be nurtured 

and even my coworkers 

searched for this on 

their most hectic day. I 

could often read their 

facial expressions to tell 

if they were having a 

good or bad day. I was 

quick to listen and give 

them a shoulder to cry 

on if needed. 

During our morning 

announcements we 

had our moment of 

silence. It was nice to 

be able to start the day 

with an option to pray. 

I would bow my head 

and silently lift our many 

needs up to the Lord. I 

would pray for our Principal, 

students, and my 

coworkers. Little did I 

know that while I was 

praying for others that 

my own soul would be 

getting nurtured. Prayer 

took root in my heart as 

a fertilizer and I began 

to grow into the person 

that God wanted me to 

become. 

Often, I would walk 

down the halls of our 

school and pray silently. 

Then, when I would 

see results I knew that 

it was God answering 

my prayers because He 

was the only one I told. 

I would also pray over 

my bus each morning 

before heading out to 

pick up my students. 

I would ask for God’s 

angels to wrap around 

my bus as I traveled to 

go get them. I always 

tried to greet them with 

a smile because I was 

the first person they saw 

in the mornings and the 

very last person they 

saw in the afternoon. I 

never knew what their 

home life was like or if 

their parents had a big 

fight the night before. I 

learned real quick that 

most students just want 

to feel loved like any 

other human being. We 

must remember that 

God calls us to help 

the hurting. While we 

cannot heal another 

person’s pain we can 

nurture them back to 

health with the love of 

God. Thinking about 

nurturing them back to 

health with the love of 

God reminds me of a 

situation that happened 

several years ago. 

Please let me share this 

story with you! 

One day, a sweet little 

first grader in our class 

was so excited that her 

mother was going to 

have baby! She couldn’t 

wait for the day that her 

little brother was going 

to be born. She talked 

about it a lot, dreamed 

about it, and wondered 

what it would be like 

to have a little baby 

brother. However, her 

dreams did not quite

Nurturing Generates 

Winning Environment 

By Lisa Stillwell 

turn out the way that 

she expected. To my 

dismay, when the day 

arrived for her little 

brother to be born, the 

delivery came with a lot 

of complications. Her 

mother passed away 

while giving birth. It was 

a very sad ordeal. Two 

days later, the child 

returned to school, running 

to the bathroom 

throwing up. The door 

slammed behind her. I 

hurried over to knock. 

“Hey sweetie! Are you 

okay?” I asked. 

I could hear her coughing 

and sniffing. 

Moments later she 

opened the bathroom 

door. Her face 

was flushed, her eyes 

red, and she threw 

her little arms around 

me breaking out into 

sobs. 

“Mrs. Stillwell, I am sick 

because I have too 

much in my head.” She 

said. 

My heart broke for her. 

We continued to hug

for what seemed like 

an eternity. I reassured 

her that I loved her. She 

then began to say that 

she saw her Mama in 

the hospital right before 

she died and told her 

Mama that she would 

be good. Suddenly, I 

began to encourage 

her by sharing the fact 

that I had just lost my 

mother too. The little girl 

began to dry her eyes 

and before long I was 

able to see a beautiful 

smile break through. I 

nurtured this sweet girl 

simply by letting her 

know that I understood. 

God brought to my 

mind a Bible verse, right 

there, in the middle of 

our 1st grade classroom. 

Carry each other’s burdens, 

and in this way 

you will fulfill the law of 

Christ. (Galatians 6:2) 

I knew that God was 

pleased with every tear 

that wanted to roll down 

my face. In feeling this 

little girl’s grief I was 

carrying her burden. I 

was fulfilling the law of 

Christ as every broken 

piece of my heart ached 

within me. 

We should make it 

our aim to carry the 

burdens of others no 

matter their age. We 

should live with a heart 

of understanding that 

can reach down into the 

sadness of someone 

else and change their 

life. We should cry with 

the broken, smile with 

the joyful, and enlighten 

those that are discouraged. 

We also must remember 

that when it comes 

to children they have 

very little control over 

their environment. They 

must depend on us to 

keep them safe and to 

meet their needs. Anything 

that is out of the 

normal can set them 

off and cause waves of 

insecurity. They must 

depend on us to provide 

the most nurturing 

environment possible. 

When a child’s environment 

is not meeting 

his needs or is causing 

stress he may not be 

able to identify those 

needs or stresses let 

alone communicate 

them with words. This 

was the case with the 

little girl in our classroom. 

The only thing 

she could communicate 

at the time was that she 

had so much on her 

mind it was causing her 

to be sick. 

Providing our children 

with nurturing environments 

is more of a challenge 

today than it has 

ever been but we must 

do it! We must always 

strive to love them with 

an open heart and have 

prayers that will cultivate 

their small lives 

and grow them into all 

God intends them to be. 

Lisa Stillwell is a screenwriter, 

producer, and 

published author. Feel 

free to visit her amazon 

page and Like her on 

Facebook. http://www. 

amazon.com/Lisa- 

Thornton-Stillwell/e/ 

B01ASH7BCY?ref_

Spiritual 

Mothers 

By Charlaine Martin 

Today’s Christian women face 

many challenges as wives and 

mothers, juggling their families 

and careers, continuing education, 

managing their homes, and 

honoring their responsibilities 

at church. They often struggle 

to deal with these roles and 

responsibilities, feeling they lack 

any help, direction, or encouragement. 

In fact, the world’s 

views tear away at the Christian 

woman’s confidence and dedication 

because work threatens 

family bonds and her husband 

and children are pulled away 

at every twist and turn (Matthews, 

2006). What should her 

priorities be? How should she 

handle these pressures? Where 

should she turn? One of the best 

resources she has are relationships 

with other Christian women 

in her church who are mature in 

their faith and from whom she 

can find godly wisdom for the 

situations she faces. Christian 

women today not only need, but 

also desire a spiritual “mom” to 

help them walk through challenges 

with grace-filled hearts 

and the Lord’s direction for life. 

Rachel, a young professional 

in her twenties, grew up in a 

Christian home and was homeschooled 

the majority of her 

school years. Her father was a 

pastor and her mother a Sunday 

School teacher, so she was wellversed 

in the Bible. She feels 

one can never have too many 

Christian mentors. Her aunt 

and mother-in-law stood in the 

gap for her through her college 

years when her parents moved 

out of state, and especially while 

her mother was occupied taking 

care of her father during a serious 

illness. She also feels that 

during teen years, many youth 

do not necessarily want to listen 

to their parents. Rebellion can 

easily lead a young person down 

the wrong path. Having Christian 

women who set an example 

for her made a difference in her 

life during very impressionable 

years. Even though her mom is 

a Christian, it helps to have input 

from other Christian women 

because their experiences and 

insights are different. Rachel still 

looks for input from her mom, but 

she also continues to seek wise 

counsel from other Christian 

women. She is grateful to all of 

the sisters-in-Christ who helped 

her make the right decisions,

that prevented her from making 

bad choices and shaped her life. 

If you are blessed to grow up in a 

Christian home like Rachel, your 

mother sets a fantastic foundation 

for faith with wise insight into 

daily living. You are spared a lot 

of woes from the very beginning. 

Other Christian women such as 

teachers, children’s and youth 

leaders, pastor’s wives, and 

others are important relationships 

with the potential to help 

nurture you in your faith and life 

(Jerose, 2016). This is especially 

true if you do not live close 

enough to spend time with your 

mom. Technology is wonderful 

because we can now have 

“face-to-face” conversations with 

family at a distance. But nothing 

changes the real face time 

we need as women. A spiritual 

mom is someone who is there 

when Mom cannot be or does 

not have the insight you need for 

your dilemmas. 

Karen* grew up in a broken 

home torn by substance abuse. 

Her family was not Christian, 

although one of her parents 

sought solace in the local church 

when problems were overwhelming. 

God brought many Christian 

women into her life through 

teachers, neighbors, and her 

boyfriend’s mom. Their influence 

in her life helped her make a 

decision to accept Christ as her 

Savior. They also set a wonderful 

example of how to be a wife and 

mother for her. She determined 

that her children would have a 

healthy Christian family. Both 

she and her husband give credit 

to the Lord for bringing these 

ladies and others in the church 

to come alongside her. She succeeded 

in her dream of a healthy 

whole Christian family for her 

children. Today, her church and 

community benefit from her service 

to the Lord in many ways. 

If you grew up in a non-Christian 

family or a broken home like 

Karen, the need for wise Christian 

women to walk alongside 

you in life is priceless. Consider 

Mary Magdalene who spent time 

with Mary, the mother of James. 

Mary Magdalene was once 

demon-possessed, but Jesus 

drove the demons out of her 

(Luke 8:2). It would make sense 

for her to find a godly role model 

in this Mary. We do not know 

much about their relationship, 

but we do see them together 

quite often (Matthew 27:58, 61, 

Matthew 28:1, John 19:25). Also 

consider Ruth, the Moabitess, 

who stayed with her mother-inlaw 

Naomi after her husband and 

father-in-law died. She chose 

to adopt Naomi’s God and followed 

her wise advice. Ruth did 

not grow up with the true God or 

His ways, but she had a wonderful 

example who showed her 

the way (Ruth 1-2). Ultimately, 

she was used by God to be a 

part of Jesus’ family line with 

Boaz. What we believe makes 

a difference in how we live out 

our lives. It would be difficult to 

understand what it means to 

live a Christian life without any 

Christian influence in the past. A 

spiritual mother is someone who 

adopts us and takes us under 

her wing to nurture us in living 

our faith in our day-to-day situations 

(Jerose, 2016). 

What to Look for in a Spiritual 

Mother 

There are reasons why you 

may still seek a female mentor. 

Mom may not have experience 

in the areas where you struggle. 

Maybe you need more than just 

Mom’s opinion for tough decisions 

and situations. There is a 

blessing by having a multitude of 

counsel (Proverbs 15:22). Seeking 

out that wisdom and experience 

from other women in the 

church is the best way to get 

the indispensable answers and 

support you need. It is also valuable 

to emulate mature Christian 

women who are strong in the 

areas where you and your mom 

may be weak (1 Corinthians 

11:1-2). They can be role models 

for you. 

Here are some of the reasons 

women look for a spiritual mom: 

1. Someone to pray with her 

specific to her needs. 

2. Someone to help her understand 

the Bible. 

3. Someone to teach her wise 

godly living as a wife, mother, 

worker/student, and neighbor. 

4. Someone to look up to as an 

example. 

5. Someone to give wise advice 

when asked important questions. 

6. Someone to provide accountability 

in her life. (Regina, 2016) 

Consider Becoming a Spiritual 

Mother 

You may be the spiritual mom 

some another woman needs. 

Even if you are a younger 

woman, you may feel led to take 

another woman or a teen under 

your wing to nurture in her faith 

and life. It is important to be well 

grounded in the Bible, with good 

understanding and experience in 

the areas where another woman 

struggles. Maybe she simply

needs a healthy, wise friendship 

with you more like that of a big 

sister (Matthews, 2006) (Regina, 

2016) (Jerose, 2016). Here are 

the qualities she will need from 

you: 

1. Strong Christian faith 

2. Good understanding of the 

Bible 

3. Success in areas where she 

struggles 

4. Patience with growth process 

5. Ability to teach without being 

“preachy” 

6. Living out faith in genuine, 

transparent way 

7. Being available to her 

Young Men Need a Spiritual 

Mom 

Kevin** grew up in a singleparent 

home. His father abused 

his mother while he was young, 

so she escaped with him in her 

arms. He often spent time alone 

while his mother worked long 

hours. They had very little due 

to the poor pay she received. 

His mom attended a strict fundamentalist 

church which fed his 

rebellious nature. A friend invited 

him to church, a small conservative 

congregation a few miles 

away from his home. Instead of 

being laden with guilt and shame 

every Sunday, he learned about 

grace. The pastor and his wife 

ministered to Kevin, but they 

thought it was not making much 

of a difference. He was disruptive 

during Sunday school and youth 

group. Much later, as an adult, 

he sat across the table from 

them in a coffee shop, “You must 

have thought I was a hopeless 

case. Even when I was acting 

up, I really was listening.” Kevin 

has made impressive changes 

in his life, even though he still 

struggles with healthy relationships. 

The pastor’s wife was like 

Priscilla while the pastor was like 

Aquila to this young man. 

Timothy was blessed with a 

mother and grandmother who 

were believers (2 Timothy 1:5). 

Some young men do not have 

that role filled in their lives. Kevin’s 

mom was a Christian, but 

needed additional support. A 

young man needs to know what 

a wise Christian woman is like 

and how to treat her. This woman 

helps set the example for his 

future female relationships. He 

will be more likely to treat other 

women with respect because a 

spiritual mom will gracefully set 

him straight. She will point him 

toward godly young women and 

teach him along the way what 

a healthy male-female relationship 

based on respect should 

look like. She will also introduce 

him to wise, Christian men who 

are able to help him become the 

man of God he is yet to be. Spiritual 

moms are important in so 

many ways to so many people. 

The Role of Women’s Ministry in 

the Church 

Women’s ministry has long been 

seen as a mission organization 

with interesting activities 

and business meeting agendas 

at every session. The unfortunate 

issue from this ministry 

model is that it misses the mark 

of women helping women live 

out Christian faith with all of its 

challenges. Never has Robert’s 

Rules of Order helped a 

woman figure out how to care 

for her children or respect her 

husband as the spiritual leader 

of the home. Although decisions 

must be made for the women’s 

ministry of the church and Robert’s 

Rules of Order helps maintain 

order for those discussions, 

women need, and even crave, 

healthy female relationships at 

a deeper level. A healthy, vibrant 

women’s ministry in your church 

helps women understand how 

the Bible speaks to their unique 

situations while providing mentorship 

opportunities. Fun programs 

and activities offered at 

each meeting are great ways to 

build bonds through friendships. 

Women also have the opportunity 

to reach out into the community 

to meet a variety of needs 

together. This type of women’s 

ministry is a priceless treasure! 

Spiritual mothers are great 

women God brings into our lives 

to fill in where our real mothers 

either were ill-equipped or simply 

lived through different situations 

than what we face. Even the 

business world recognizes the 

value of mentorship in the lives 

of newer professionals in business. 

God already set in motion 

the importance of spiritual moms 

long before people tried to formalize 

it. Never be afraid to find 

one or be one. The Lord has 

already gone ahead of us setting 

up the opportunities for spiritual 

growth through His people. All 

we have to do is be available. 

*Karen is not her real name. Her 

name has been changed to protect 

her privacy. 

**Kevin is not his real name. His 

name and some details have 

been changed to protect his privacy.

Accomplished 

Writer 

Cynthia Ruchti 

Discusses 

Latest Fiction 

Novel Song of 

Silence 

By Walter Ellison 

Cynthia Ruchti is a Christian 

author of both fiction 

and non-fiction with 18 

books in publication. Her stories 

touch upon the realities of emotions 

and spiritual dimensions as 

people work through the challenges 

of life. Her most recent 

book is Song of Silence which 

deals with transition and purpose 

of a couple, Charlie and Lucy, as 

they retire from formal employment. 

Her stories are inspiring 

and uplifting, always reminding 

us that God is aware of our circumstance, 

that He is working 

all for our good and that there 

is a tomorrow coming where we 

will celebrate overcoming the 

struggles of today. I interviewed 

her with respect to her writing 

career and her newest release. 

You’ve had a long and prolific 

career in ministry before transitioning 

to writing your own 

books. You’ve worked for 33 

years with your radio ministry, 

Heartbeat of the Home, and 

produced more than 90 publications. 

Quite prolific! 

For those years of ministry with 

The Heartbeat of the Home, 

I wrote radio drama (fiction) 

slice of life scenes, then devotional 

thoughts (nonfiction) that 

showed how God’s story intersects 

with every story we’ll ever 

face. So that history of telling

stories with a point, with hope, 

with meaning for our walk of faith 

helped inform the storytelling I 

now do through books. The 90 

books that were written during 

the radio years were produced 

in the ministry offices and were 

compilations of radio scripts that 

related to one another. Over that 

many years on the air, we had 

plenty of content from which to 

choose! Prolific is an interesting 

word. In publishing, it means 

publishing a lot. That comes primarily 

from applying hard work 

to the opportunities God gives. 

I’m reading Tattered and 

Mended, which is very good 

nonfiction, by the way. You 

have been thought of as a 

woman’s writer, but I find this 

applicable in my life. I think 

a lot of men would find your 

writing interesting. 

My primary audience is women, 

but that doesn’t mean it excludes 

men. I understand that because 

I write with a strong emotional 

connection, those who appreciate 

facts and figures and action 

rather than emotional response 

will find other books more 

appealing. You may find it interesting 

that although we assumed 

our primary audience would be 

women, because the topics we 

addressed were everyday life 

and what God’s Word has to say

about it, we found that between 

thirty and forty percent of our 

listeners were men. Additionally, 

I believe that families are 

strengthened when both men 

and women read the fiction I 

write and gain a new perspective 

on their concerns, their differences, 

and God’s design for 

restoration. Many men read my 

first novel—They Almost Always 

Come Home—because of the 

wilderness setting. My husband 

reads everything I write. I can 

see that he understands the 

heart of a woman better because 

of it, and we’ve had many wonderful 

opportunities to discuss 

our different perspectives. But 

both in the radio years, and now, 

my heart is for healthy, faith-filled 

families. I’m constantly watching 

for where our story intersects 

with God’s Story. 

Researching, I found that you 

are quoted a number of different 

places. I like when you 

said: “When our distress can 

become someone else’s lifeline 

to hope, it is no longer a 

weight, but a buoy.” I love that. 

Where does it come from? 

I’m convinced that God has built 

within me a tendency to see 

things in word pictures. I learn 

best that way. I believe others 

do, too. At the least, it can offer 

another way of looking at things 

and often give us a window 

to God’s heart. Everyone has 

their favorite quotes. My Pinterest 

boards actually share many 

more quotes that have significance 

for each of the books, and 

more importantly, for readers 

and their connections with God 

through story. “Hope lives here. 

Even here.”—This one speaks 

deeply to me. No matter where 

we are in life, or in our present 

crisis or decision, we can be 

sure that God has a more-thanenough 

supply of hope for that 

very need. My heart’s desire is 

that when people read one of my 

books or are in attendance at a 

speaking event, they’ll leave with 

a new confidence to say, “I can’t 

unravel. I’m hemmed in hope.” 

How did you get started writing 

novels? And then, how did 

you manage to finish, multiple 

times? 

I trained to work in the chemistry 

lab, but walked away from that 

in order to stay home when my 

children were toddlers. From that 

moment on, except for a brief 

stint working for a wonderful wool 

and knitting expert, I have been 

able to work and serve in ministry 

from home. After my husband 

and I made the decision for me 

to quit work in the lab, I took several 

correspondence courses in 

writing. 

Soon after finishing the last of 

the assignments, God brought 

a woman across my path who 

had been given one weekly 

15-minute time slot on a newly 

forming radio broadcast halfway 

across the country. I had 

no interest in writing for radio, 

but the woman handed me the 

business card for the station and 

said, “Send the first program 

here.” I had just told the Lord, “I’ll 

go wherever you want me to go. 

I’ll do whatever you want me to 

do.” How could I say no? I didn’t 

go searching for that opportunity. 

I had no experience, no training, 

no equipment, NOTHING except 

my willingness. And that’s all 

God requires! 

When it became obvious that 

after 33 years, we’d eventually 

need to retire the radio ministry 

(my radio partner will be 86 this 

year), I started going to writers’ 

conferences, taking classes, 

and doing everything I could to 

learn how to tell stories in book 

form. I’d written four short novels 

before I sold my first book (not 

one of the four) to a publishing 

house in 2008. It was published 

in 2010. Then came another 

opportunity, and another. I’m 

now working on book #18. 

You bring up a good point. FIN- 

ISHING is a challenge. But once 

that hurdle is crossed, it can be 

crossed again. That’s the secret. 

Right now, deadlines are a strong 

motivation. But I’m one of those 

writers who loves to “discover” 

how a book is going to end! So 

I have to finish or I’ll never know! 

How was that talent nurtured 

and mentored? 

ACFW [American Christian Fiction 

Writers] as an organization 

was instrumental in nurturing 

and mentoring me. So many 

individual authors who were farther 

along in their journeys than 

I was made a difference as they 

shared their counsel and prayed 

for me. They encouraged me 

but also weren’t afraid to give 

critique when necessary. I determined 

early on not to be discouraged 

by critique, but instead to 

learn and grow from it. Honestly, 

too many people to mention had 

an impact. I learned from them 

all, and watched those who 

kept Christ at the center of their 

endeavors. 

Your newest release, Song 

of Silence, is about a couple, 

Charlie and Lucy, who are 

transitioning. Charlie is looking 

forward to retirement, but

Lucy is forced out by budget 

cuts. How did you get the perspective 

to see the complications 

of the transition? 

I am living through that particular 

stage of life right now. My husband 

was forced into early retirement. 

My work days are still very 

full. Learning how to navigate 

those waters takes patience, 

grace, forgiveness, understanding, 

compassion, and every 

other beautiful thing God supplies! 

Lucy taught art and music. 

What music flowed through 

your mind as you wrote about 

Lucy? 

Yes, I do see and hear my characters 

acting out what I’m writing. 

Sometimes I stop and “perform” 

the scene, so I can see if that 

action is possible, or what the 

body language would be for a 

person that angry or that broken. 

I often play music that relates to 

the story I’m working on while 

I’m thinking through a scene. For 

Song of Silence, I played a pipe 

organ version of Kumm Susser 

Tod, a classical piece that was 

a favorite of my dad, a band 

instructor. It has so much angst 

in it, but is so beautiful. So emotional. 

It seemed to fit Lucy’s 

mood when she was struggling 

with depression. 

How much of Lucy is the 

sashiko style reinforcement 

discussed in Tattered and 

Mended? I feel the nonfiction 

is an outline for the fiction. 

I’m smiling at your reference to 

“an outline.” The books aren’t 

that, but I do often say that the 

nonfiction books I write are ones 

I would like to hand to the characters 

in my stories! You’ll find 

as you read that Lucy’s journey 

back to a place where she 

could reclaim her song—her 

faith—and her relationships 

was not one thing, or one influential 

person, but many small 

things that all had an impact. So, 

yes, those small but significant 

things could be compared to the 

ancient Japanese art of sashiko, 

with its tiny, precise stitches that 

held fraying fabric together for a 

lifetime. 

I appreciate the time you have 

taken to answer my questions, 

all of them including ones 

beyond this article. Space is 

limited and I want to make certain 

I ask about any key, navigation, 

or driving verse? 

At one time, I listed Psalm 37:4 

[Delight yourself in the Lord; And 

He will give you the desires of 

your heart.] as my “life verse.” 

It became a guiding influence 

to consider that my primary 

responsibility was to delight 

myself in the Lord. The rest—the 

desires of my heart—were by far 

secondary to delighting in Him. 

Now, I usually name Romans 

15:13 as my “current” favorite or 

key verse. It holds so much by 

which to navigate. “May the God 

of hope fill you with all joy and 

peace in faith so that you overflow 

with hope by the power of 

the Holy Spirit.” 

Thank you for your time and for a 

thoroughly enjoyable interview! 

To Purchase 

Song of Silence 

Please Click Here

How’s the Weather in 

Your Home? 

Despite Storms, You Can Become 

Who God Desinged You to Be 

By Charlene Nolan 

There is a reason everybody 

talks about the 

weather. That’s because 

it dictates what you can or 

cannot do that day. I would 

rather be outside on a warm 

sunny day. Green grass and 

blue skies make for happiness. 

On the other hand, if it hasn’t 

been snowing, skiers can’t ski. If 

winds approach hurricane level 

pilots can’t fly, but if there’s no 

wind sailboats just sit there. Climate 

means everything. You 

still have to do what you have to 

do, but the weather determines 

whether you can do it or not. 

Have you ever noticed that 

when you get a phone call or 

see someone you know it immediately 

evokes a feeling, bad, 

good, helpful, happy, and threatening? 

That’s because your 

relationship with that person has 

a climate. 

In the workplace, church, family, 

and with neighbors, your relationship 

in each setting has a 

climate. Your attitude and the 

way you speak to people creates 

climate. Optimism. Criticism. 

Hope. Judgment. Joy. Fear. 

Some weather lasts just for a 

day, some lasts for a while. But 

I’m talking about the weather 

that’s in your home. The climate 

of your home ----- which is initiated 

by the parents ---- determines 

a lot about the growth, 

the happiness, the security and 

the ultimate development of the 

children’s character. Extra harsh 

discipline can instill fear in a 

child and there comes an age 

when rules need to be not only 

dictated, but explained, so the 

child learns the reason for the 

rules. At 1 ½ years old “No” is 

all that’s needed, but at 4 years 

old more explanation is needed 

so the child will understand. If 

there is no explanation the child 

begins to form thought patterns 

about themselves and their world 

around them. A climate of strong 

or harsh discipline can begin to 

instill fear in the child, as well as 

cultivate low self-esteem. 

I grew up in a home where 

rules and strong discipline were 

enforced. My dad could give 

me the “look” and I immediately 

knew I needed to change my 

behavior. If I continued there 

would be unpleasant consequences. 

There were rules to 

follow. I was instructed how to 

behave when we went to the 

home of friends or family. I was 

told to be quiet, not mess with 

other people’s belongings and 

behave. Most times I sat quietly, 

but other times the adventurer 

within would draw me out to 

explore my surroundings. 

On one occasion, after a church 

service, my sister and I sneaked 

into the sanctuary to observe a 

baby baptism. While my parents 

were busy in the church hall, my 

sister and I decided we would 

watch our first baby baptism to

see how things were done. Quietly 

we climbed the steps up to 

the choir loft. We peered over 

the wall to see what was happening 

and I watched in amazement 

as the baby was christened. My 

parents realized my sister and 

I were missing. They found us 

in the loft quietly watching the 

christening. We were escorted 

outside and our dad told us we 

would be punished when we got 

home. 

Oh! The agony of the 20 minute 

drive home in anticipation of the 

punishment to come was like 

climate that continued through 

school age years. In addition to 

the strong discipline as a child, 

there was the stereotype being 

Latin American. I continually 

experienced situations of racial 

discrimination. The negative climate 

of my thoughts was like the 

storm clouds quenching hope 

and feeding unhealthy selfdoubt. 

I desperately wanted to 

fit in and be liked. 

In my desperation to be liked, I 

entered into a marriage relationship 

with doubts. Deep down 

I had a sense this was not the 

by my husband. Finally I couldn’t 

withstand the unhealthy climate 

anymore. It affected my health, 

family, and my performance at 

my job. There were repeated 

acts of his infidelity adding to 

my low esteem. Other times I 

feared my life because of his fits 

of rage. I never knew what he 

was capable of doing. I had a 

choice to remain in the continual 

storm or, make a decision to end 

our marriage. My decision was a 

hard one. I was like the pilot that 

couldn’t fly because of the hurricane 

winds. 

building a mountain of fear within. 

When we got home I was overcome 

with fear of the impending 

discipline. I didn’t understand 

why my curiosity about a baby 

baptism would warrant such 

punishment. It was moments 

like that one and others that 

continued to plant seeds of fear, 

and ultimately I began to think 

thoughts about myself such as, 

I’m bad. My thoughts became 

imaginations in how I viewed 

myself and built a stronghold of 

lies that formed my perspective. 

Thoughts telling me I’m not good 

enough; I can’t do something 

because I will mess it up. 

My thoughts created a negative 

person for me. Yet I didn’t have 

the courage to back out of the 

relationship before the wedding 

day. I chose to believe the lies 

about myself. Lies like, “If I don’t 

accept this marriage proposal, 

this will be the last one I will ever 

receive.” “I’m not beautiful and 

who would want me?” My beliefs 

and low self-esteem carried into 

my marriage. 

Months after I married, my bad 

choice was apparent. The negative 

climate from the angry 

words and fits of rage from my 

husband dictated the weather in 

our home. We had continual hurricane 

strength conditions. There 

were repeated suicide attempts 

I longed to be set free. I wanted 

to fly. I had desires to change my 

life and be healthy in my soul and 

thinking. My decision for a divorce 

began the process of healing. In 

the years following my divorce I 

pursued healing from the traumas 

I’d experienced. My first 

step towards healing was seeing 

I had a need for change. I began 

to discover my thought patterns 

leading to low esteem. I realized 

I needed a climate change. 

It was about the weather in my 

soul. The steps toward uncovering 

my fears were overcome by 

understanding the sources of my 

fear and pain. I discovered lies I 

believed about myself, lies other 

people spoke about me that I

chose to believe, and sought 

changes in my thinking. 

Lies and denial create stormy 

weather. I spent many years 

with a victim mindset. Through 

the healing came recovery, 

transformation and restoration. 

I changed the climate of my 

thoughts to the truth of who God 

says I am and who He created 

me to be. Long gone are the 

days of looking at life through 

the lens of a victim. 

I wanted a change in the weather 

of my thinking. I like to say that 

‘want to’ is more powerful than 

‘have to.’ I wanted to change 

how I thought about myself 

which resulted in a change in my 

relationship with God. I like to 

call God, Dad. How did I do it? 

A friend once asked me to draw 

a picture of how I saw God. The 

image that immediately came to 

mind was shocking. I saw a little 

girl with her arms covering her 

head and God had a stick ready 

to strike when I messed up. I 

drew this picture on the paper 

and shared it with my friend. She 

smiled and gave me another 

piece of paper and drew a circle. 

She explained the circle represented 

God’s arms. She asked 

me to draw where I saw myself. 

I drew a smaller circle outside 

the circle reflecting I saw myself 

outside Father’s embrace. It was 

an exercise that helped me see 

it was time for a climate change 

in my thinking about God, my 

thinking about me and change 

how I saw my dad. 

The transformation of changing 

my image of God resulted in restoration 

in my relationship with 

my dad. It was time for action. 

On my dad’s 70th birthday, a 

surprise party was planned. I 

had an idea to ask family members 

to speak a word of blessing 

to my dad and share how his 

life impacted theirs. I still have 

the recording and beautiful stories 

shared describing the many 

ways my dad was a father to 

cousins who had absent fathers 

due to divorce. There were aunts 

and uncles who shared how dad 

gave them financial help, words 

of wisdom and practical help. I 

was the last person to speak. It 

was a moment forever etched in 

my heart. I knelt beside my dad, 

tears in my eyes; I told my dad 

how thankful I was for how he 

and my mom afforded me opportunities 

they never had. It was 

a healing moment that melted 

away years of the fear I had 

towards my dad. Today, I treasure 

my relationship and the gift 

to talk with him about anything. 

I realized he gave me what he 

knew. He came from a family of 

strong disciplinarians. I can say 

my dad and mom have hearts of 

gold. I’ve observed their acts of 

kindness and generosity to our 

family and friends. 

Overcoming a negative mindset 

can be scary. I like to say I “do it 

afraid.” When I met my husband 

(Bob) I had memories of the 

trauma I experienced in my first 

marriage. Throughout our dating 

relationship my attitude regarding 

dating would change like climate 

from a beautiful sunny day, 

to cold and rainy days. I recall my 

mom telling me she was praying 

for a good husband for me. I 

admit my attitude was not receptive 

to her prayer request. I’d 

experienced the hurt of an abusive 

marriage and was afraid to 

open my heart to love again and 

to be loved. I chose the climate 

in how I looked at the possibility 

of falling in love. I remained in 

cloudy weather in my thinking. 

One day while writing in my 

journal, I had an eye opening 

discovery about myself. I uncovered 

a lie I believed about asking 

God for a husband. I wrote the 

question, “Why don’t I ask God 

for a husband for myself?” I quietly 

listened and was shocked at 

the immediate response. “The 

reason you’ve not asked God for 

a husband is because you are 

afraid you will be disappointed.” 

Ouch! It was time to change the 

climate. Scripture reminded me 

of the truth; every good and perfect 

gift is from the Father and 

in what He gives me I won’t be 

disappointed. After my decision 

to change the climate in my 

thoughts regarding marriage, it 

was time to take action. 

One evening a friend asked me 

why I was crying. I shared the 

discovery about myself and what 

I’d written in my journal. She 

smiled and asked if I liked Bob? 

(Bob is my wonderful husband.) 

Through my tears, I laughed 

and said, “Yes, I like him. I not 

only like him, I love him.” I knew 

I needed to tell Bob how I felt. 

It was scary. When I called him 

and shared I wanted to speak 

with him, he was so used to the 

change in climate from sunny to 

cloudy, and he asked me if what 

I had to say was good or bad. 

I said it was good. My moment 

of truth arrived in my change in 

my thinking and followed by my 

action in telling Bob I loved him. 

The day after I shared that with 

him, I felt so free. It was like I 

was soaring in flight. 

Now, I’m happily married and

enjoy the climate of my soul, climate 

in our home and my wonderful 

husband. I never knew 

love could be like this. I continue 

to learn new things and I’m not 

ashamed to share my stories. 

Making choices to overcome and 

change the climate 

in my thoughts is 

like the breath of 

Heaven blowing 

away the fog and 

putting wind in my 

sails to keep me 

moving forward. 

Climate is everything. 

There is the 

climate created by 

the truth I believe 

and affects my 

world around me. 

I create climate 

through the décor 

in my home, 

through meals 

I prepare when 

hosting family or 

friends. I create 

climate through 

music I select to 

play while having 

friends over for 

dinner and how I 

speak with people 

----all creates climate. 

Friends 

and family come 

into our home 

and comment 

how peaceful and 

relaxed they feel. Have you ever 

gone into a home or business 

and experienced an unpleasant 

environment? A home or 

a business office where family 

and staff team members speaking 

kindly to one another makes 

for a pleasant climate, whereas 

a home or office where there is 

fighting amongst one another 

creates stressful weather that 

can be felt by others. Wherever 

I go, I can project a peace filled 

climate, because it starts with 

a sunny climate in my soul, my 

thinking thoughts that are truth 

I’ve obtained by rejecting the 

lies I once believed. My Dad in 

Heaven believes in me and who 

He created me to be. 

It’s amazing what confidence 

does to a person. The word confidence 

literally means to think 

of yourself with faith. To confront 

the lies I believed and make the 

changes in my thinking changed 

the weather in my life. Just like 

God is in charge of the weather. 

You are in charge of the climate 

in your soul, home and conversations. 

You can choose how and 

what you think. You can choose 

to change the climate in your 

home and it begins with changing 

your thinking. 

The effects of the 

changes of my 

thinking resulted 

in a climate 

change affecting 

the weather in my 

life and home. I 

can do all things 

through Christ 

who strengthens 

me. Negative, critical, 

judgmental 

thoughts create a 

negative, stormy 

climate. 

Climate change 

starts inside your 

mind. The climate 

inside you is the 

climate you will 

create for others. 

Charlene Nolan 

is married to her 

husband Bob and 

blessed with their 

5 children and 5 

grandchildren. 

They live in Southern 

California. She 

and Bob teach, 

coach and help 

people discover their options, 

through their ministry, “Options 

4 U.” Together they teach and 

coach internationally in South 

America, Southeast Asia and 

Europe. To see more about Bob 

and Charlene, or contact them 

regarding booking, go to www. 

bobnolan.org or, e-mail: briefings1@gmail.com

The Benefits of 

Spiritual Fathers 

without judgement or reprisal. 

I also want that tough love to 

tell me when I’m in the wrong 

and when I need to get back on 

track with my relationship with 

God. I need that guidance I can 

only get from a person mature 

in their relationship with the 

Lord, able to help me grow as 

well. 

By John Lysaught 

Do you have a mentor in the 

Lord, such as a spiritual father? 

Is he someone that can guide 

you to the truth of Christ in the 

turmoil of life? Does he help 

you navigate through the week 

to stay focused on building your 

relationship with God and not 

falling down on your face? If 

you do, that’s awesome. If you’re 

like me, I have had many spiritual 

fathers and eagerly wait for 

God to provide me more spiritual 

fathers to help me through 

this world. I need that voice of 

reason through a sound Christian 

perspective that is other 

than my own voice. I desire the 

fellowship. I’m seeking trust on 

a level at which I can be open 

I believe we should all have 

a spiritual earthly father. We 

should have someone to trust 

that emulates the attributes we 

want to strengthen or develop 

ourselves in the Lord. We 

need a spiritual earthly father to 

lead us closer to the Lord and 

to show us the ways of God 

to help us build stronger and 

lasting relationships with Him. 

Don’t have one yet? That’s ok 

because God will bring someone 

in your life at the right place 

and the right time to be your 

mentor, a spiritual father. This 

type of relationship is not haphazard 

in the least, but is God 

given to each of us to have. 

I’m not saying there is only 

one appointed spiritual father 

in each of our lives either, but 

there may be many in fact. As 

we navigate through this world, 

we encounter different people 

at different times and places 

that have varying effects on us. 

Sometimes bad, letting us know 

what not to do, and other times 

good, letting us see the light of 

Christ in others and helping us 

along the way as mentors in the 

Lord.

2 Timothy 3:16 (KJV) says, “All 

scripture is given by inspiration 

of God, and is profitable for 

doctrine, for reproof, for correction, 

for instruction in righteousness…” 

We all need this, right? 

I mean, we all need someone 

to keep us accountable in the 

facets of our lives, to help us stay 

on the straight and narrow path 

of salvation. Yes, we have God 

and the Holy Spirit to lead us on 

the right paths in life, but as the 

verse above says, scripture is 

good for teaching, reproof, and 

correction. This type of activity 

is of man as well. Sure, we 

have pastors and elders in the 

church, or even prayer teams 

and whatnots to keep us on the 

right path, but what about in our 

everyday lives? Who do we turn 

to for that question we need clarity 

on because we aren’t sure 

how scripture applies to it or if 

we need help making a decision 

but are not sure how to apply 

biblical principles to it? We can 

turn to our spiritual mentors. 

God puts them in our paths to 

help us along in this world and 

this life. Having spiritual mentors 

helps us along the way throughout 

the week so we don’t have to 

wait until Sunday service to get 

answers or guidance in what to 

do in our walk with Christ. 

Spiritual 

fathers, or mentors 

as I call 

them, do not, I 

repeat, do not 

replace God in 

any way whatsoever. 

I see 

them more as 

supplemental 

helpers of God, 

put in our lives 

to augment 

the teachings 

and guidance 

of God on a more interpersonal 

level. These mentors are not any 

better than the next Christian, 

but they are a bit further along, 

or shall I say more mature, in 

their walk with Christ than we 

are individually. This person is 

not some old wise person with a 

long white beard. No, this can be 

anyone that is younger or older 

than you. There are no prerequisites 

of education or experience 

needed for your spiritual mentors 

to be your spiritual mentors 

other than being able to connect 

with you and help you in growing 

your understanding of following 

Jesus. You don’t need 

just one mentor in your spiritual 

life. Each person has unique 

perspectives, knowledge, and 

experience from which you can 

benefit. Why would you want to 

limit yourself to just one mentor 

anyway? God brings people in 

our path for reasons that only He 

knows. 

When we adopt the spiritual mentors 

in our lives that God brings 

across our paths, we are allowing 

God to work in our lives in 

a continuance of His work. The 

Bible talks about how we should 

be and act towards others, but 

how do we know how to do so? 

Because God gives us mentors 

to do so, to show us how to be 

Christ like through how they are 

Christ like in their lives. When 

we see the reflection of Christ in 

the actions and lives of our mentors, 

we can see a glimpse of 

the true and only spiritual father-

Christ. No one will ever live up 

to the perfect example of Christ 

as our spiritual father, not even 

close, but those that become our 

mentors show us a piece of the 

light that envelopes the blinding 

and pure light of God. 

Proverbs 27:17 (KJV) tells us, 

“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man 

sharpeneth the countenance 

of his friend.” When we are 

with Christ, together with our 

mentors, we can sharpen our 

strength to trust in the Lord. This 

verse brings some imagery of 

people that practice their skills 

in sports. The more the team 

works together and practices to 

hone their skills, the better they 

are at performing at their peak 

abilities on game day. Every 

day is game day for followers of 

Christ. We don’t have the luxury 

of having an environment free 

of adversaries like sports teams 

do when they practice. We are 

honing our skills as we fight and 

battle the darkness of the world. 

Make no mistake, we followers 

of Jesus are right in the thick of 

the battle each and every day. 

We need each other to survive. 

We need mentors to raise us up 

so we in turn can be mentors to 

others, and so on and so on. 

The only true mentor is the pinnacle 

of our faith- Christ Jesus. 

He is our one and only spiritual 

father. He is the one we can 

always look to for wisdom and 

knowledge above and beyond 

what we get from our spiritual 

mentors. We can completely 

trust God as our spiritual father. 

Spiritual mentors can make mistakes 

or be somewhat subjective 

in some areas of scriptural interpretation 

or can inject personal 

beliefs into the wisdom they 

want to impart to fellow Christians 

that may skew what God 

truly meant in His Word. I’m not 

saying that mentors are out to 

turn you from God, but we are 

human and therefore are prone 

to being influenced by variables 

that can affect how we see God 

and the world. To address this, 

the Bible says to test the spirits 

to see if they are from God or not 

(1 John 4:1). In addition, every 

teaching and guidance of God 

on how to live is found in the 

Bible. If a spiritual mentor gives 

you some advice that you just 

aren’t sure about, scripture will 

help you determine the validity 

of the mentor’s words to you. I’m 

sure you are thinking now that 

this begs the question of why we 

even need man as spiritual mentors. 

Throughout the Bible, God 

has used man as His conduit to 

relay His dictates and guidance 

to help man live righteous lives 

and to please Him. Prophets are 

the best example of God using 

man. They were the spokesmen 

for God. Prophets told the 

people what God wanted from 

them. Prophets told the people 

the warnings of God, the promises 

of God, and what the future 

held. 

In the New Testament with the 

advent of the New Covenant 

born out of the resurrection of 

Jesus, man was told to spread 

the good news about Jesus 

and salvation. God used man 

then, as today, to evangelize 

the Word of God. As our true 

spiritual father, God has given 

us the Holy Spirit to teach and 

give guidance to righteousness 

to live and spread God’s word. 

Our spiritual mentors will utilize 

the knowledge and wisdom they 

have gleaned from the Bible and 

through the Holy Spirit to impart 

the knowledge to other people 

they are mentoring. Proverbs 3: 

5-6 (KJV) tells us to, “Trust in the 

Lord with all thine heart; and lean 

not unto thine own understanding. 

In all thy ways acknowledge 

Him, and He shall direct 

thy paths.” Our mentors need to 

abide by this guidance from God 

in Proverbs. If they don’t, then 

we must consider their motives. 

A mentor in the Lord should be 

of humble spirit acknowledging 

they receive their knowledge 

from the Lord and not through 

their own efforts. 

As you travel on the path to 

righteousness, there will be 

many stops along the way. Spiritual 

mentors will come and go, 

brought to you from God to guide 

you and give you wisdom and 

knowledge as needed to grow 

in Him and navigate life. Spiritual 

mentors from God will come 

in all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds. 

Do not be arrogant but 

be humble towards people (Philippians 

2: 3-11) you meet that 

will take you under their wing 

and bring you closer to God. 

The road we are traveling is dark 

because we reside in a fallen 

world. We are stuck in the world, 

but are not of the world and the 

world hates us because of this 

(John 15:19). Therefore, we 

must be prepared to face each 

day with the zeal of the Lord in 

us. Spiritual mentors help us. 

They feed us the example and 

the experience they have to 

enable us to stand strong in the 

face of adversity and tribulation 

the world will put in our path to 

try to make us stumble. They will 

show us the practicality of how 

to practice our faith in the shadows 

of this world. Spiritual men-

tors will teach us how to use the 

tools to defeat and defend ourselves 

from evil. The Bible can 

tell us what to do to fight Satan 

and our spiritual mentors will 

show us how to enact what the 

Bible teaches us. 

At the end of the day though, 

Christ is our true spiritual father. 

Christ provides us with spiritual 

mentors to help us along the way 

but He is the one and only when 

it comes down to it. In the lack of 

having a spiritual mentor, we can 

always turn our face to Christ as 

our spiritual father to lead us 

on a true path to victory. God 

is the Alpha and Omega (Revelation 

1:8). God will not leave 

or forsake us (Joshua 1:5). We 

can trust that He will always be 

with us and on our side. We are 

God’s children. We are precious 

to Him and He wants us to have 

a relationship with Him. He is 

knocking at our door (Revelation 

3:20) waiting for us to answer 

so He can enter our hearts and 

live and grow inside of us. Christ 

lived the life on this earth as an 

example for us to emulate and 

died to set us free. As the Spiritual 

Father of us all, He set the 

standard for all human spiritual 

fathers to follow. We can trust 

that He will never lead us astray, 

but help us to stay on the path of 

salvation through His grace and 

mercy.

So, You’re 

Going to 

be a 

FATHER 

By David Rodriguez 

Dad. What thoughts are provoked 

when you hear that word 

or title? For some of us, there 

are good memories; for others, 

the thoughts are dark and gripping, 

some may be indifferent, 

and for many more there is an 

unrealized desire for those good 

memories. I speak to those 

men out there who long to be a 

father (or a better father), but I 

pray that anyone else reading 

this article - fathers, sons, mothers 

or daughters - if you long to 

know the love of a father, that 

you will be touched just as much 

by the end. 

Being a dad is not easy. I speak 

from experience as a guy with 

two beautiful daughters who are 

8 and 7, and a 19-month-old son. 

I tend to say that by no means 

have I “arrived”, whatever that 

means, but I am here now, and 

I can only share the few things 

I have learned throughout my 

journey. 

I was not prepared to be a husband, 

nor was I prepared for 

fatherhood, but when the time 

came, my only choice was to step 

up to the plate, get in my batting 

stance, and try to hit whatever 

pitch came my way. I have struck 

out more than I care to remember, 

but there have been a few 

good hits every now and again 

(and at least four homeruns – my 

wife and kids!). Lesson #1: get 

up there when it is time to bat! I 

have also been hit a few times 

and found out there is crying in 

baseball. Lesson #2: expect the 

curveballs and the occasional 

beans, but do not fear, remember 

lesson 1! No, being a dad is 

not easy, but it is unequivocally 

the best experience in life for a 

man. After all, we were made for 

this! Lesson #3: Pay attention to 

our Coach, our Heavenly Father, 

who only wants us to be successful 

so we can all win this game 

as a team! Romans 12:4-5 says 

“For as we have many members 

in one body, but all the members 

do not have the same function, 

so we, being many, are one body

in Christ, and individually members 

of one another.” 

The many responsibilities of a 

father are overwhelming to say 

the least. I do not say this to 

sway opinions about fatherhood, 

but to help us all be aware of the 

fact. Of course this does not take 

away from the fact that motherhood 

is an equally weighty 

endeavor, but as implied in 

Ephesians 5:28 (and throughout 

Paul’s epistles), husbands are 

also responsible for our wives. 

By giving us a free will, God has 

given us license to make our 

own decisions, and so we have 

choices: do we face the responsibilities 

head-on, or do we shirk 

them? Do we think about our 

family’s needs, or do we think 

about our own? Do we turn 

away, or do we get in our batting 

stance, ready to hit a homerun? 

It is always our choice, and 

what we choose has long-lasting 

impact. I, for one, do not want 

my children to look back at the 

memories of their dad and think 

“I will not be like that.” 

One misconception in the American 

culture is that the father is the 

one who has to provide for the 

family and take care of the lawn 

– and that’s it. How many of us 

think this way, and lose touch not 

only with our kids, but our wives 

as well? This is not right! Those 

are only two of the responsibilities 

we have taken on as husbands 

and fathers. Though they 

may seem like large chores and 

can be satisfying in themselves, 

our family needs a man who can 

engage in their lives and prove to 

them that they are important on 

this planet God has us living on. 

An even greater responsibility is 

the need our families have for a 

good example, not just in work 

ethic, but life in general. The 

things we do speak louder than 

what we say, especially when 

our actions contradict our words. 

So many of us have fallen short 

of this, myself included, but 

remember lesson #1, we need 

to step up to the plate again and 

again and “Show ‘em what we’ve 

got!” From taking the family out 

to dinner when we have promised 

we would, to submitting to 

authority, being a good example 

will influence our children profoundly, 

and the memories they 

have of our wisdom and humility 

will not be quickly shaken. 

This is how we mold our children, 

how we teach them to 

live; it is not just about teaching 

using words and examples 

in history, but showing them by 

being the examples they see in 

front of their eyes day in and day 

out. Would you like your children 

to respect your authority, 

it is much easier for them to do 

so when they see you respecting 

authority and loving not only 

your family, but your neighbors 

as well. Leviticus 19:18 – “… 

you shall love your neighbor as 

yourself…” 

Many times I reflect on how I act

as a father, and I see so much of 

my parents in me. Their example 

to this day is of love, appreciation, 

and selfless generosity; 

and my desire is to leave that 

kind of legacy. The way they disciplined 

me in my younger years 

is evident in how I discipline my 

kids as well, and all this further 

proves the fact that what we 

do as parents has long-lasting 

impact. What if our examples of 

parenthood while we were growing 

up were a bit less than ideal 

(putting it nicely)? How can we 

know the best way to raise our 

children if we have not been 

taught explicitly how to deal with 

the many situations that arise as 

parents? The good news is that 

there are many great seminars, 

classes, and workshops we can 

enroll in where we can learn 

about parenting. There are also 

plenty of couples in our churches 

today that would serve as exemplar 

models of parenting we can 

benefit from by observing their 

behavior with their kids. (This 

is a good reason to be involved 

in home fellowships, where iron 

sharpens iron in a variety of 

ways.) 

There is an ultimate example 

though, one that far outweighs 

anything else on this earth, and 

is the standard by which all 

other examples can be weighed. 

There is a reason why God is 

called our Heavenly Father. If 

we read His word from the perspective 

of our Father showing 

us how much He loves us and 

wants fellowship with us, the 

context of the Bible changes and 

the meaning is clarified. Indeed 

He is our loving Father, who we 

can endearingly call Abba, which 

in Hebrew means “Daddy.” He 

is longsuffering, kind and shows 

forbearing mercy, even to those 

who choose not to heed Him or 

show Him respect. He knows 

what it is to suffer as a parent 

who so longs to shower His creation 

with His love and blessings. 

How much of that love 

is showered on us depends 

on us, correct? If we choose 

to turn from Him, He cannot 

do anything but wait for us to 

re-turn to Him. Through His 

word and inspiration from the 

Holy Spirit, we can learn how 

to love and be patient, how to 

react and discipline, and how to 

teach about our Father’s love. 

Just how much does He love 

us? John 3:16 says, “For God 

so loved the world that He gave 

His only begotten Son, so that 

whoever believes in Him may 

not perish, but have everlasting 

life.” The Father has sent 

his beloved, innocent Son to 

take our place, so that we can 

be restored to Him. There is no 

greater act of love, as stated in 

John 15:13, “Greater love has 

no one than this, than to lay 

down one’s life for his friends.” 

So you want to be a dad? It is 

a noble thing, for in this we will 

have the opportunity to glimpse 

a little further into the heart of 

God as we fall in love with His 

creation, made in our image. 

This applies even to those of 

you who want to adopt children. 

I have heard the saying 

that children are like miniature 

video cameras, recording 

every second of their life with 

you. As they record, they also 

mimic. Is this not what God 

wants us to do as His children 

[and adopted children]? We 

are to mimic His beloved Son, 

the ultimate example of how 

to live a holy life on this earth. 

This puts us dads in a unique 

position to mimic God in how 

He loves, protects, provides for 

and blesses His children. Just 

as marriage can be a type and 

shadow of our relationship with 

Him, so fatherhood and the relationship 

between a father and 

his children are just as prophetic 

and significant. So step up to 

the plate and give it your all! 

“A very proud father and husband, 

David Rodriguez hopes 

to convey the love of God to the 

world from a fresh perspective 

that will remind His people what 

life is all about.”

Sowing, Reaping and Harvest 

The Benefits of Sowing Into 

Other People’s Lives 

By Remaliah Evans 

We can all sow into the lives of others as we 

remember that we teach what we know but we 

reproduce who we are. This quote is attributed to 

John Maxwell and many others, yet it is a vital 

biblical principle. Genesis 1:11 reads, “Then God 

said, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb 

that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit 

according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on 

the earth’; and it was so.” Matthew 7:17-18, “Even 

so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad 

tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad 

fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.” 

We can sow into others through teaching, however 

- who we are is more crucial than what we 

say, because who we are is what will be reproduced. 

My pastor says, “More is caught than 

taught,” which provides this pertinent example: 

you teach your children not to lie, then the phone 

rings and you tell your child to tell the caller that 

you are not home. The child is more likely to imitate 

the behavior than the teaching. That said, we 

do not have to be perfect before we decide to sow 

into someone. Sowing into others requires that 

what we teach is consistent with what we practice, 

and also that we are submitted to God and pursue 

Him. Paul said, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” This 

a beautiful scripture because Paul makes it clear 

that his goal is lead people to Christ, and develop 

people who emulate Christ. 

Parents, I implore you to continue praying over 

your children diligently. I am in my thirties, and 

since childhood, my Mom pleaded the blood of 

Jesus over me - and she also prayed for favor. 

To this day I constantly find favor with others for 

no logical reason, except knowing that God has 

honored my Mom’s prayers. In finding favor with 

others I have been particularly blessed with those 

who have come into my life willing to mentor and 

teach me what they know. Below are some keys 

that were modeled by those who have sown relentlessly 

into my life. 

ASK. In my twenties, a ministry leader sowed 

immensely into my life and it began with one ques-

tion. She sat me down and said, “Do you give me 

permission to speak into your life?” As a rebellious 

young adult dealing with insecurity and rejection, 

I was silenced by her question. No one had ever 

asked permission to give me advice or permission 

to hold me accountable. I felt honored and 

safe because she gave me a choice. Sowing into 

another’s life is more effective when the person 

desires to be invested into and agrees to be held 

accountable. Accountability cannot be forced - it 

must be accepted. 

ACCOUNTABILITY. I agreed to accept her guidance 

and to be held accountable because I felt 

safe. Throughout the years we focused on integrity, 

character growth, regular church attendance, 

and developing my relationship with God. This 

included uncomfortable conversations about my 

poor financial decisions, several talks about the 

importance of being on time and keeping commitments, 

and encouraging me to stay connected to 

the church when I was trying my best to leave. 

Accountability also consisted of a constant stream 

of encouragement to study the word of God, pray, 

and maintain healthy relationships with other 

Christians. What amazed me about being held 

accountable was the vast amount of time that she 

invested into my life. She frequently asked about 

my family, friends, and weekend outings and then 

patiently listened. As time progressed, I became 

more comfortable sharing my problems and successes 

with her because I knew that she cared. 

LISTEN. In a society where many seldom part 

from their phones and electronics, a generation 

cries to be heard, and a vast platform on social 

media does not genuinely meet that need. My 

ministry leader made time to listen to me. In doing 

so, she showed me that I was worth taking time 

out for, and that I had something worthwhile to say. 

When listening to others, it often unearths their 

hidden talents, dreams, passion, and purpose - 

because out of the abundance of the heart, the 

mouth speaks. By listening, she was able to hear 

the areas where I needed healing and the areas 

of forgiveness and frustration, thus enabling her to 

address root issues. 

BE THERE. There is an adage, ”Your presence 

is better than your presents.” There is no substitute 

for simply being present. My ministry leader 

bought me lunch and gave me gifts from time-totime 

and I appreciated them. Yet, the most memorable 

time was when she called me to say that 

she noticed I was not myself. I was depressed 

and overwhelmed by family problems and over 

commitment. She proceeded to pray with me, fast 

with me, and walk with me through a healing and 

maturing process. Her being with me through the 

process showed me that she was devoted to my 

growth. 

PRAY. Dr. Cathy Guerrero of Regency Christian 

Center International states that we lose passion 

for what we do not pray for. We also know that the 

fervent and effective prayer of a righteous person 

produces results. Thus, prayer is a powerful seed 

to sow into another life. My ministry leader prayed 

for me, and she also prayed with me often. There 

is value in praying with someone, especially someone 

who is not used to praying. They learn how to 

pray more effectively by listening to your prayers, 

and you illustrate that prayer is important. Praying 

for someone is equally valuable because the more 

we pray for them, the more vested we become, 

and the more sensitive we are to God’s direction. 

The Lord is faithful to give strategy and greater 

insight as we pray for others. 

WHY. Investing into another person is a selfless 

and sacrificial act of love. It is what we have been 

called to do as ambassadors of Christ and as 

those commanded to fulfill the great commission. 

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down 

one’s life for his friends. We lay down our lives 

in intercession. We lay down our lives when we 

make the choice to prefer one another above ourselves. 

We lay down our lives when we abandon 

convenience in order to mentor and disciple. Why 

expend the energy to sow into someone else? We 

do not invest into others for our own benefit, we 

do it to see lives transformed - and we do it to see 

others reconciled to Christ, as we demonstrate the 

love of God. 

Remaliah Evans is an administrator by day and 

future best-selling author by night. She enjoys 

encouraging others, teaching, serving on the Life 

Builder Seminars team, and ensuring that elevator 

permits are current.

Give the “Gift” of FaithBox

Nurturer, Comforter... 

MOTHER 

By Vernita Simmons 

Many events in life bring 

tremendous change 

and becoming a 

parent is among the greatest life 

change you’ll ever experience. 

It is also among the greatest 

responsibilities you’ll ever have. 

Most surely, having a baby does 

change everything. However, 

having a baby doesn’t mean 

you are a good parent. You 

see – a twelve year old boy can 

impregnate a young woman but 

it doesn’t make either a mother 

or a father. And there is a big difference 

between having a baby 

and being a mother or father. 

So, how does one cultivate good 

parenting skills? Well, it takes 

much patience and practice to 

master such a call. 

To cultivate means to: try to 

acquire or develop a quality, 

sentiment or skill. (1). 

Great parenting involves putting 

in the necessary effort to gain 

the knowledge, skills and tools 

to be the best you can be. And 

the best means through which 

any parent can develop the skills 

necessary to be a good parent 

is in upholding the guidelines 

written in the infallible word of 

God. Thankfully – The Bible has 

much to say on this subject. “All 

scripture is breathed out by God 

and profitable for teaching, for 

reproof, for correction, and for 

training in righteousness.” (II 

Tim. 3:16-17 ESV). Christians 

have the best book available on 

how to be parents. Children are 

a precious gift from God, and the

Bible tells us of how we are to 

train, teach and discipline them. 

Love must prevail: Successful 

parenting begins with love which 

must be the foundation on which 

you build as you set your life as a 

good example for your children. 

Your love must be unconditional 

just as is Jesus’ love for us. Love 

is the ingredient which syncs 

your heart to your child’s heart. 

Love is what compels you to get 

up three or more times throughout 

the night into the wee hours 

of the morning in answer to your 

baby’s cry. Love is what makes 

you feel anxious when your teen 

stays out past their curfew. Love 

is what brings you joy for no 

other reason than that of being 

a parent. 

Despite how many children you 

have, each child must know you 

love them regardless of whom 

they are and how they behave. 

Also, they have to realize that 

you love them enough to give 

logical and loving discipline 

when needed. Such love is cultivated 

through actions and not 

just mere words. Mean what you 

say and say what you mean. 

Too many parents are training 

their children they don’t need 

to adhere to instructions until 

they’ve been spoken to “umpteen 

times”. 

For example: Little Earl has 

been told to stop playing ball in 

the house. But he continues to 

throw the ball. Now, rather than 

apply some firm but loving discipline, 

mommy begins to repeat 

her commands over and over 

and again to Little Earl. “I said 

stop throwing the ball. Didn’t I 

say stop? Why don’t you stop? 

Earl, put the ball, down and stop! 

I’m going to count to three and 

you better stop.” You get the picture. 

Now ask yourself, within a 

few seconds, how many times 

did you hear the command for 

Little Earl to stop? 

In truth, except for in rare 

instances where the child has 

a physical or mental hindrance 

that affects his understanding, 

there’s no real reason for this 

willful disobedience. The child, 

Little Earl, should have stopped 

throwing the ball the first time 

he was asked. My rule of thumb, 

which I applied when raising my 

now adult child and teaching my 

former students in the classroom, 

was simple; I required 

that they follow instructions the 

first time. There is absolutely 

nothing complicated about this 

rule. Whenever you consistently 

repeat yourself to your children, 

you are training them not to 

follow directions right away. This 

creates serious problems within 

their classroom and anywhere 

else they go. 

I am now a grateful and happy 

grandmother who has passed 

on this wisdom to my daughter 

and other parents of younger 

children. It is important they realize 

that it’s important for them 

to stress obedience, especially 

since there are other people who 

share the responsibility for caring 

for their children regularly. There 

are the Teachers and staff at 

school, Day care providers, baby 

sitters, other family members

and friends who may have to be 

responsible for their immediate 

care. And every child provider 

should experience a reasonable 

amount of pleasure from watching 

your child. Yes! That includes 

grandparents. And my grans 

keep me vibrant, exuberant, 

and extremely busy. Point your 

kids in the right direction-when 

they’re old they won’t be lost. 

(Proverbs 22:6). Now, please do 

not misunderstand me, kids will 

be kids but, they must be taught 

early the importance of being 

respectful, responsible, and 

accountable for their actions. As 

a mother, you have to love them 

enough to teach these valuable 

traits. 

Favoritism Is Not Allowed: 

Great parenting does not allow 

for any hint of favoritism. As a 

parent you must accept each 

child’s uniqueness. Children 

must be affirmed because of 

whom they are and not because 

of their performance. No child 

should have to earn their parents’ 

admiration through performance. 

At home they should 

know beyond a doubt that they 

are loved and accepted. Now, 

that doesn’t mean you allow them 

to be rude, obnoxious, defiant or 

disrespectful to you, any other 

adult, or their peers. Neither 

does this mean you should give 

in to their every whim. There is a 

line they have to be taught that 

they can’t cross no matter their 

age. 

Children, at any age can be 

manipulative. They’re experts 

at playing one parent against 

another. You have to work 

together and be wise as a serpent 

and harmless as a dove 

(Matt. 10:16). Mothers, before 

you make any minor or major 

decisions, first, check with their 

father. If you’re a single mom, 

use sound judgment. Remember, 

you are the parent, they 

are the children. Despite popular 

belief or what they hear from 

others, they need time, information, 

and wise counsel to make 

good decisions. 

I advise that you never compare 

siblings. No, Patricia cannot be 

more like Bob, because she’s 

not him. She is uniquely herself, 

woven meticulously by the hands 

of God. When you note negative 

habits in them, gently, teach 

them through your example how 

to conquer such behaviors. Find 

out why they act the way they do 

without demanding they mimic 

other’s actions. 

Understand Your Children: 

No two children are alike. They 

may look similar, or even be 

identical twins, but each has a 

distinct attitude and personality. 

What they needed when 

they were toddlers is far different 

from their needs as teenagers. 

Spend time getting to know 

your children. What makes them 

tic? What brings them joy? What 

causes anxiety? Learn to study 

your children. That’s right, I said 

to study them. What’s important 

to Mark may not be what’s of 

value to Susan. And that’s okay. 

The question of how two kids 

with the same parents, raised in 

the same home, are so different 

is a common one. Really? You 

haven’t figured that one out? 

Why would you want them to 

be the same, when they are two 

separate individuals? Plainly, 

they have different personalities, 

temperaments, likes and 

dislikes. Teach them how to harness 

their uniqueness for the 

glory of God rather than pleasing 

you or others just to fit in. So 

as to walk in a manner worthy of 

the Lord, fully pleasing to him, 

bearing fruit in every good work 

and increasing in the knowledge 

of God. (Col. 1:10). 

Learn to listen to your child. Listen 

with an open-heart of understanding 

and not condemnation 

or judgment. Establish mutual 

trust so they’ll feel comfortable 

coming to talk to you about anything. 

At a certain age, allow a 

level of privacy while remaining 

aware of what’s going on in their 

life. Peer pressure can be brutal. 

In addition, easy access to social 

media and negative influences 

within society, demands that 

parents remain abreast of the 

ever-changing world we live in. 

Teens can be impulsive, easily 

influenced, and prone to foolishness 

as well as the desire to 

be accepted. Young people are 

prone to foolishness and fads, 

the cure comes through toughminded 

discipline. (Proverbs 

22:15). Thus, it’s your business 

to know what they watch on TV, 

the music they listen to, their 

access to social media, and relationships 

with their peers. Get to 

know the parents of your child’s 

friends and caution against 

allowing your son or daughter to 

spend the night at a home where 

opposing views of those biblical 

principles you teach are practiced. 

Remember to applaud 

them when necessary, even for 

the little things that you could 

easily overlook. 

Spend Quality Time with your 

child:

Time goes quickly and the time 

you spend with your children 

speaks volumes. These are 

times that you can’t get back 

when they’re much older. So, 

discover their interests and 

“make the time” to plan special 

moments with your children. 

Now, this goes beyond their 

birthday, holidays and special 

celebrations. Create a “date day 

or night” with your son or daughter. 

Despite your busy schedule 

and all you have to master as 

a parent, find the time to spend 

with your children during their 

youth else you might find them 

unwilling to spend time with you 

when they are older. 

Where can one find good role 

models to look for advice? 

This is a good question, indeed. 

Well, the most important thing 

is to make sure any advice you 

follow is founded upon biblical 

principles. It doesn’t matter 

who it’s coming from, if it doesn’t 

agree with your philosophy of 

raising godly children, refrain 

from following such counsel. 

Obviously we all want the ideal 

children. We hope for children 

who always obey and never 

cause any problems. And if 

you’re blessed to have such, 

God bless you. But, be aware, 

this doesn’t mean you have all 

the answers to exercising good 

parenting skills. 

The obvious place for you to look 

for advice is from your parents, 

their grandparents. With years 

of experience under their (our) 

belts, we can see through a situation 

you may not see. Grandparents 

must remember that we 

are not the parent and therefore, 

it’s not our job to put our children 

down when we disagree with 

their parenting methods. Neither, 

should we boast and praise 

of what we consider outstanding 

parenting skills. Yes, give them 

accolades but, be sure it teaches 

humility and compassion. Often, 

I just watch my grans and then, if 

led to, I’ll either make a suggestion 

or put my advice in a form of 

a question. Most of the time, my 

daughter is acceptable to this 

approach. 

Another means of obtaining 

advice is through a trusted 

friend. However, remember, 

they’re probably giving you 

advice based on what works 

for their child. Remember what 

works at their home, may not 

work with your children. Listen 

attentively and cautiously but be 

careful whom you allow to influence 

you. 

Your child’s teachers may be able 

to give you some ideas on how 

to keep them focused in school 

and offer aide with any behavior 

moderation. This is why it’s 

important to attend the Parent/ 

Teacher conferences. Don’t just 

wait for invitations however, be 

creative. Without being overbearing, 

keep in touch with their 

teachers. Work together in harmony 

and with the best interest 

of your child in mind. Be willing 

to talk through what you may 

consider criticism. 

Then, there are your pastors 

who can pray with you and offer 

spiritual insight where you may 

lack such. It’s of urgency that 

you and your family maintain fellowship 

at a church. In addition 

to what you are teaching them, 

they can learn good Bible stories 

from attending the youth/chil- 

dren ministries at your church. 

Although, it’s not their job to tell 

you how to raise your children, 

pastors can offer spiritual counsel 

to aide if any major problems 

arise within the home. 

In my final analysis, I will share 

that as their parent, it is your 

responsibility to care for your 

children’s physical, mental, 

emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. 

Being a parent goes far 

beyond being able to be a financial 

provider. Like any other skill, 

parenting takes much time to 

cultivate. But one great gift in 

doing such is the joy of passing 

this important skill to your child 

so that they grow up to want to 

be a great parent like you. God 

Bless you and your children.

By Gabrielle Elesco 

If you were asked who an influential 

female role model was to 

you, how would you answer? 

Would you name an influential 

speaker, author, movie star, 

musician, or reality TV show 

star? When considering who a 

role model is to you, what qualities 

and characteristics look 

most appealing? What attracts 

you toward this role model? Is 

it their looks, their clothes, or 

maybe their status? 

In our society today, young women’s 

views of whom they feel are 

influential often get distorted. 

From childhood, many females 

are trained by society to look for 

beautiful, perfectly sized, high 

status females and aspire to 

become more like them. This is 

what our society views to be of 

high importance. Have we failed 

to teach our children what to 

consider when choosing a role 

model to look up to? 

Young ones pay close attention 

to the actions of adultsthey 

watch everything. Even 

when we may feel as though 

our day-to-day actions are going 

unnoticed-making it “OK” if we 

slip up here or there-our flaws 

are still in constant view. Now, 

that is not to say our young will 

never see us make a mistake. 

As long as you are human, you 

are going to mess up-but we 

need to be mindful when showing 

our younger generation what 

they should model after. Reading 

bibles together and having 

discussions are wonderful and 

effective, but they only take us 

so far. Instead of just reading our 

bibles with the young, we must 

show the bible to our young. 

The bible gives women many 

depictions of what God expects 

out of His daughters. In Proverbs 

chapter thirty-one, we 

are offered an extensive list of 

the details which form a godly 

woman. This woman opens her 

arms to the poor, works vigorously, 

cares for her family, tends 

to her home, puts her trust in 

the Lord, and she is worth more 

than rubies because of such 

attributes (Proverbs 31:10-31). 

In Titus chapter two, we are 

offered a more specific message 

concerning the older generation 

of women guiding the young. 

Titus 2:3-5 states: 

“Likewise, teach the older 

women to be reverent in the way 

they live, not to be slanderers or 

addicted to much wine, but to 

teach what is good. Then they 

can urge the younger women 

to love their husbands and children, 

to be self-controlled and 

pure, to be busy at home, to be 

kind and to be subject to their 

husbands, so that no one will 

malign the word of God.” 

Here, we are given a detailed 

depiction of what God expects 

for us to represent, and instill in 

our younger generation as well. 

In considering this verse, let’s 

take a look at what this looks like 

in our society today. 

Young women are pressured to 

look a certain way, behave a certain 

way, and even talk a certain 

way all in hopes to “fit in” or be 

accepted by society’s constructs 

of “cool” or even “normal.” Girls 

often face bullying, peer pressure, 

and even pressure from 

men. Girls are vicious to one 

another and oppress each other 

rather than uplift and encourage 

one another. Young women are 

submitting their bodies to young

The Father’s Daughter 

Are you Setting a Proverbs 31 

Example? 

men and forsaking their purity. 

Women are taught in our society 

today to become more and 

more independent of men, 

being less submissive and 

more dominant. 

Having examined the norm of 

society today, let us consider 

how Titus instructs us to compose 

ourselves, both for our 

own sake and even more so 

for the sake of our younger 

generation. 

These verses (Titus 2:3-5) 

instruct women not to be slanderers. 

Oh, what an important 

practice for us to consider. Today, 

women make regular practice 

out of putting one another 

down. Whether in the hallways 

at school, at workplaces, or on 

television, we see women arguing 

with one another, accusing 

one another, and slandering 

one another’s name, character, 

or identity. In contrast, we are 

to show the younger generation 

how to empower one another as 

women, not demote and diminish 

one another’s self-esteem. 

In addition, Titus advises women 

to not be drinkers and to exercise 

self-control. It is crucial to 

not demonstrate bad habits or 

practices around our young, as 

they will deem it well to engage 

in themselves. Exercising purity 

is another virtue of high importance 

we ought to convey to 

young women 

Ephesians chapter five teaches 

that we must be mindful to demonstrate 

submission to our husbands. 

Today’s generation has 

been taught to seek and value 

independence from men and 

dominance or equality to them 

in every way. As Christians, it is 

important to maintain our biblical 

identity as daughters of Christ by 

presenting a submissive nature 

to our husbands, and even more 

importantly to Christ Jesus. As 

the church submits to Christ, we 

must submit to our husbands, 

and it is pivotal that our younger 

generation-- despite the norms 

of society-- see first-hand what 

submission to God and a spouse 

looks like. 

As older generations guiding 

the young, we are to put biblical 

premise into our everyday lives 

and practices to ensure we are 

equipping Christ’s daughters to 

represent themselves before the 

Lord. Society attacks our young 

women with so many expectations 

and identities to live up to, 

so what their Creator views as 

beautiful becomes indifferent, 

unnoticed, and unimportant. We 

are to instill godly confidence 

in them, and show them by our 

leading example what it looks 

like to be a daughter of the one 

true King. 

Gabrielle Elisco is a Foster 

Care Social worker from western 

Pennsylvania. She received 

a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology 

from Westminster College. Her 

passion is to write about the love 

of her life, Jesus Christ.

Developin 

By Help 

One of the greatest gifts a person 

can have is a child. Children bring 

with them tremendous responsibility 

and love. Children provide 

companionship as we age, not 

to mention help when the need 

arises. Children also provide a 

whole host of learning experiences. 

The Bible describes children 

like this: “Behold, children 

are a heritage from the Lord, the 

fruit of the womb is a reward. 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, 

so are the children of one’s 

youth. Happy is the man who has 

his quiver full of them; They shall 

not be ashamed, but shall speak 

with their enemies in the gate.” 

(Psalm 127:3-5) This is a treasure 

for all who work with children 

whether you have children 

or not. Learning to instruct and 

lead children can be obtained 

even if you yourself have no 

children. All a person need do is 

learn. Learn what makes a child 

a child. Study the characteristics 

of a child to better understand 

how each child behaves at any

g Parenting Skills 

ing Other Parents 

By Toni Troxell 

given age. 

Learning to work with children 

whether in a church, a school or 

a community, becomes a reality 

when one decides to learn 

the child. By this I mean when 

you have any job there is a fair 

amount of training right? You do 

not just step into a job without 

learning how that job works. You 

may know computers yet learning 

how each computer works 

in each location is a must. Why 

should it be any different when 

working with children Teachers 

go to school to learn to instruct 

children why not people without 

children. Children do not come 

with a manual. They are born 

as different as are snowflakes 

in the winter. Each child has 

their own abilities, strengths, 

and weaknesses. The more you 

understand the child, whether in 

a school setting or home setting, 

the more you are able to help in 

the maturing process. The more 

you learn about children the 

more you are able to guide them 

along their path. 

So where can a person who has 

never had children go for help? 

A number of places are available. 

For example, a wonderful 

organization called Focus on the 

Family, founded by Dr. James 

Dobson, has provided answers 

and support for parents, church 

leaders, and educators through 

many years. They have covered 

nearly every range of issues 

you can imagine. Issues such 

as age appropriate dating, bullying, 

divorce in the family, 

blended families, relationships, 

and abuse just to mention a 

few. The ministry provides training 

to better equip parents and 

non-parents when working with 

children. They offer tools such 

as study guides to be used in a 

group setting led by a child care 

professional, that allow the child 

worker to learn one on one about 

the child/children with whom 

they are working.

Churches also are a great 

resource to help adults without 

children to gain an understanding 

into the mind of a child. The 

church can provide courses of 

study that instruct the worker as 

they work with children. Talking 

with your Pastor may be a great 

place to start. 

Another enlightening avenue is 

that of mentoring. Many cities 

offer the opportunities for adults 

to mentor a youth who otherwise 

may not have a positive adult 

influence in his or her life. Training 

that includes understanding 

the children and gives practical 

assistance on how to work with 

and relate to each child and to 

help you understand the youth 

you will mentor. 

Another such place would be 

Social Services. Foster parenting 

also lends itself to understanding 

and helping in the lives 

of children. One important note 

to remember, when working with 

children back ground checks, 

and screenings are vital to the 

safety of each child. As wellmeaning 

as we may be, always 

follow the guidelines set up by 

each institution. 

One resource used by many 

Christian parents is that of the 

Bible. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up 

a child in the way he should go, 

and when he is old he will not 

depart from it.” It has been the 

greatest influence in my life in 

raising my children. And even 

before I had children, I learned 

how to love children, what children 

need most, and even how 

to reach children with many 

issues. 

Of course before I had children I 

always heard, “How do you know 

you don’t have any children?” 

While it may be true that nothing 

can take the place of having children 

around to learn from and 

about firsthand, learning how a 

child works and learning to adapt 

that training can help as you 

work with children. Many organizations 

such as Boys Club, 4 

H Club, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts 

and the like can provide hands 

on training in better equipping 

when working with children. 

Other areas that can really 

assist in learning kids is working 

a summer program or after noon 

class, like tumbling or cheerleading. 

Many organizations are 

always looking for help to monitor 

children during these times. 

These opportunities are a store 

house of learning as you work 

side by side with children. Those 

who work in these organizations 

are also a wealth of knowledge 

when it comes to understanding 

these children. For years I 

worked with children as a children’s 

director in our church. 

What I learned during those days 

provided many do’s and don’ts 

when I became a parent. Even 

though I am now a parent, like 

Paul, I have children in my life 

who are not my biological children, 

but who call me blessed 

nevertheless because of the 

influence God allowed me to 

have in their life. Many wonderful 

child care professionals have 

no children, yet they can offer 

a wealth of knowledge when it 

comes to working with children. 

Are you wondering if mentoring 

or working with children is 

for you? One way to start would 

be to seek out a child care professional 

and discuss what you 

could learn about children, even 

though you may not have children 

of your own. Check out a 

book store and read books by 

those who have mentored children 

throughout their lives. All 

these resources are gold mines 

for learning. Whether you have 

children or not you can be a vital 

part in the life of a child as you 

take advantage of these and 

other opportunities to learn more 

about the children to whom you 

minister and with whom you 

work.

Jeff Vanderstelt and 

Ben Connelly Ask the Question: 

What if every Christian believed they’ve 

been called to full-time ministry? 

Authors of the book, Saturate Field Guide: Principles 

& Practices for Being Disciples of Jesus in the Everyday 

Stuff of Life, challenge readers to move beyond the 

“Sunday Morning Christian” 

By Roslyn Ashford 

Jeff Vanderstelt wanted to 

be a lawyer. Not a minister. 

He wasn’t really walking 

with the Lord as a teenager. 

He had learned how to lead 

a double life—he played the 

church kid at church and the 

party kid at school. He didn’t 

really know that he could live a 

life of worship in all he did. So, 

of course, he never intended to 

be a minister. In fact, his image 

of a pastor was one who spent 

all week in a study and then 

preached on Sunday. He didn’t 

think pastors were concerned 

with much more than running 

church programs, which didn’t 

sound all that exciting to him. 

And he had no idea that a 

church leader might be interested 

in bringing transformation 

to an entire city. But his 

junior year of college changed 

everything. 

He had an encounter with 

God while living in Spain. God

called him to surrender his life to 

him, and in Denia, Spain, Jeff got 

down on his knees and told God, 

“I will do whatever you want and 

go wherever you lead”. That was 

followed by a request to serve at 

a summer youth camp – Summer’s 

Best Two Weeks. It was 

there that Jeff realized his gifts 

of evangelism and teaching. 

Then, he spoke with his church’s 

youth pastor who called him into 

an internship senior year. Afterwards, 

he took a full time youth 

pastor position in a church in 

Seattle. 

In his latest book, co-authored 

with Benn Connelly, Saturate 

Field Guide explains principles 

and practices for being disciples 

of Jesus in the everyday stuff of 

life. 

Most people believe that missionaries 

travel overseas and 

work off little to no pay. How 

do you define a missionary? 

Every Christian is a missionary. 

Charles Spurgeon said, “Every 

Christian is either a missionary 

or an imposter.” If you have 

become regenerate through the 

Holy Spirit, that same Holy Spirit 

has set you apart as a sent one 

of God. A missionary is one who 

is chosen by God, called by God, 

and sent by God every moment, 

every day to be a both a display 

of what he is like and a declaring 

of what he has done in Jesus 

Christ. Every true Christian is 

that. 

Explain the concept of Jesus 

Saturation and tell us what 

prompted your discussion of 

discipleship in the everyday 

stuff of life? 

The concept of Jesus Saturation 

comes from Habakkuk 2:14 

where the prophet speaks of a 

day when the knowledge of the 

glory of the Lord will cover the 

earth as the waters cover the 

sea. That is a saturation point. 

Jesus came as the true image 

of God, showing the true glory 

of God. It is as we look at Jesus 

that we see what God is truly 

like. Now, we, the church, are 

the body of Christ through which 

God intends to fill every place 

in every way with the glory of 

Jesus (Eph. 1:22-23; Col. 1:27). 

The thing that prompted my work 

in discipleship was seeing students, 

12-18 able to be disciples 

of Jesus who made disciples of 

Jesus in the everyday stuff of life. 

Then, I observed their parents 

and most adults in the church 

ill-equipped to live this out. This 

led me to begin churches that 

would equip God’s people for 

the mission of making disciples 

of Jesus in the everyday stuff of 

life. I now define discipleship as 

leading people to increasingly 

submit all of life to the empowering 

presence and lordship of 

Jesus Christ. 

Saturate is also a book. What 

is the main difference between 

the book and field guide? 

I wrote the book to the everyday 

person to give them a vision 

of being the church versus just 

going to church. Ben Connelly 

and I wrote The Field Guide to 

guide people through an 8-week 

study that will help them put into 

action what the book envisions. 

The book is more narrative in 

style and the guide is a Bible 

Study with guided activities to 

live it out. 

The guide focuses on selfstudy 

and group activities. 

What is the benefit of readers 

working in groups as it relates 

to saturation? 

It is ideal for people to learn 

together and apply the principles 

together. Everybody learns better 

in community as we wrestle with 

the truths of God’s word with 

one another. Besides, the Bible 

doesn’t have a category for discipleship 

happening in isolation. 

We were meant to grow together 

and be on mission together, not 

alone. So, practically speaking 

we are better together. But 

theologically speaking, God 

never intended us to be alone. 

The guide pushes us to be the 

church on mission in community 

together. 

In one example of Saturation, 

readers are asked to explore 

saturation in their professional 

life. What advice can 

you offer readers who want 

to practice saturation, yet 

deal with legalities and fear 

of retaliation? For instance, 

school teachers in the public 

education sector. 

First of all, I would remind every 

Christian that Jesus foretold that 

we would experience persecution 

and rejection. He said, “If 

that did it to me, expect them 

to do it to you.” Then, I would 

remind people that most Christians 

in the world and throughout 

the centuries have been and 

are persecuted or ridiculed for 

their faith. If they had given up, 

we wouldn’t have received the 

gospel ourselves. Lastly, I would 

encourage them to be wise. We 

can stir up unnecessary problems 

by not doing everything we 

do with gentleness, grace and 

love. There are obnoxious Christians 

who would cause problems 

even if they weren’t Christians 

and there are loving, wise Chris-

tians who do seek to bring good 

to the workplace. Lead a life 

of love and then don’t be quiet 

when given the opportunity to 

share that the reason you do is 

Jesus. Live a life that demands a 

gospel explanation and then be 

prepared to give Jesus credit for 

the life you live. 

--- 

I would like to thank Jeff Vanderstelt 

for taking the time to share 

more about the work he and Ben 

are doing to increase our awareness 

of modern-day discipleship. 

I would also like to thank 

Christine Muller and Audra Jennings 

for setting up this interview. 

Saturate Field Guide: Principles 

& Practices for Being Disciples 

of Jesus in the Everyday Stuff of 

Life is available on Amazon. 

To Purchase 

Saturate Field Gude: Principles & 

Practices for Being Disciples of 

Jesus in he Everyday Stuff of Life 

Please Click Here

Parents & 

Parenting 

The Times 

May Have 

Changed, 

But The 

Principles 

Are Still 

The Same 

By Dr. Stan DeKoven 

Parenting in the Western world 

has become an intensely complex 

responsibility. Even 50 

years ago, the roles and responsibilities 

for men and women 

were simple. Fathers worked, 

went to war, and protected their 

families. Their home was their 

castle. Their children were to 

fear and adore them. Moms 

were to cook, clean, have children, 

and remain focused on 

the family alone. Oh how things 

have changed. 

In our ever changing Western 

world civilization, most all of life 

has been turned upside down. 

Women, in many ways justifiably 

so, are demanding the rights of 

labor outside of the home, sharing 

of domestic chores, while 

expecting the man of the house 

to continue to bring home the 

“bacon.” Men are rarely honored. 

Many are seen as the 

present cause of all societal ills. 

Yet, have their roles of authority 

and importance been challenged 

and changed? Seldom are parents 

prepared in the slightest 

way to assume the awesome 

role of guide to their unsuspecting 

children. Limited training is 

given. Advice is widespread but 

contradictory, advocating both 

liberal ideas and a return to “the 

good old days” which, from what 

I hear, were not really that good! 

Many volumes have been written 

on this important topic, although 

few attempt to present it with 

clarity combined with the full 

counsel of God, and married to 

practical wisdom and common 

sense. Children are wonderfully 

and incredibly unpredictable. 

They are marvelous. They are 

called in the Bible, “gifts from 

God.” They are a gift that keeps 

on taking. I’ve heard prospective 

parents say, “Well, we’re 

going to wait a few years until 

we can afford children.” You can 

never afford them; Neither can 

you make more money than they 

have the ability to spend. 

It is amazing what children can

do to alter your lifestyle. Most 

people, when they get married, 

start out with absolute wedded 

bliss. They are happy. Remember 

those days of being happy. 

Some of you still remember those 

days; when you were...happy. 

You know, that was before the 

children arrived. Now, of course 

you had this wonderful child 

come into your house because 

you wanted to express your love. 

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Somebody sang 

a song, “What’s love got to do 

with it?” Later you will look back 

and say, “Why? We had a good 

world. Why did we want to mess

it up with children?” 

Children do change our lives. 

They change our lives dramatically 

because of the very nature 

that children have, which is one 

of total dependence upon us to 

care for them. Seriously though, 

most of us know that it is a great 

privilege to have children and an 

honor to raise them. It is a wonderful 

thing to see your children 

succeed, grow, and hopefully 

become better than you ever 

dreamed you could become. 

Most parents I talk with have 

great dreams and hopes for their 

children. Unfortunately, children 

have their own agenda, and at 

times can stray in unpleasant 

even dangerous directions. Parenting 

On Purpose (written by 

this author) lays a solid foundation 

that can provide for better 

and more informed choices. 

However, ultimately, children will 

eventually exercise their God 

given right to choose. Now let 

us look at the foundations. 

Many years ago, I read an article 

that originally appeared in the 

July 1996 issue of the Ladies 

Home Journal. The title of the 

article was “Why Are Today’s 

Parents Such Wimps?” by Leslie 

Bennett. What a profound question. 

The content of the article 

remains pertinent for today. It 

was written with keen insight 

and humor, presenting only too 

true scenarios of frustrated parents 

and out of control children. 

Her premise is that all too often, 

children are running the home, 

rather than parents taking their 

proper place of prominence. 

She offers several reasons for 

this national phenomenon and 

some insightful solutions. They 

are worth noting. 

First, parents today are under 

unique pressures. Finding the 

time for childrearing is ever more 

challenging. Many parents, 

because of the guilt they feel, 

are unwilling to discipline their 

children for fear the children will 

resent or even hate them. Some 

parents therefore choose to placate 

their children for the sake 

of peace and quiet in the home. 

Unfortunately, this passivity and 

permissiveness has created 

insecurity in parents, to the place 

where action is absent when 

required for the proper care of 

children. In rejecting the parenting 

models of previous generations 

(some of which was not 

healthy, and deserved rejection!) 

where parents were authoritarian 

and ruled as benevolent 

(hopefully) dictators, parents of 

today have limited experience 

in parenting with effectiveness, 

seemingly lost as to what to do 

when Johnny says “NO!” Setting 

limits on children’s’ behavior 

has become a lost art form. 

Setting limits is one of the most 

important of parenting tasks that 

we can exercise. 

The author suggests (based 

upon Love & Limits by Crary) 

five major limits for healthy child 

rearing. They are: avoid problems 

when possible, by controlling 

the environment in advance 

of a potential problem, rewarding 

cooperation, acknowledging 

feelings, setting limits, and teaching 

new skills. Further, Gosman 

Spoiled Rotten: Today’s Children 

and How to Change Them (Villard, 

1992) provides different 

insights, including communicate 

love, follow through with reasonable 

consequences, model selfesteem, 

devote lots of time to 

the child, and remember that the 

child who has everything appreciates 

nothing. This is very good 

advice for today’s forlorned parents. 

Indeed, parenting in the modern 

world of today is an increasingly 

difficult task. Even within the 

church parents experience difficulty 

in knowing what is right 

to do in disciplining a child, 

and who to listen to for advice. 

The proliferation of experts on 

what should be a fairly delightful 

process (parenting) has not 

provided greater clarity, but has 

helped to muddy the waters. 

A Biblical Perspective 

In bible days, I am sure there 

were problem kids and problematic 

families. One does not 

have to look much farther than 

Adam and Eve or Abraham 

to see family dysfunction. At 

the same time, parenting itself 

would have been relatively easy, 

with few rules imposed on parents, 

coming from a fairly black 

and white (legalistic) worldview. 

Cities were few and small, clans 

were the norm, outside influence 

(T.V. and internet) nonexistent, 

though life was far from ideal… 

no dishwashers, cars, poor 

water, no electricity, high mortality 

rate, etc. Parenting per se 

was not discussed much in the 

Old Testament or New, but probably 

the most profound teaching 

comes from Deuteronomy chapter 

6:1-9, 

“These are the commands, 

decrees and laws the Lord your 

God directed me to teach you 

to observe in the land that you 

are crossing the Jordan to possess, 

so that you, your children

and their children after them 

may fear the Lord your God as 

long as you live by keeping all 

his decrees and commands that 

I give you, and so that you may 

enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, 

and be careful to obey so that 

it may go well with you and that 

you may increase greatly in a 

land flowing with milk and honey, 

just as the Lord, the God of your 

fathers, promised you. Hear, O 

Israel: The Lord our God, the 

Lord is one. Love the Lord your 

God with all your heart and with 

all your soul and with all your 

strength. These commandments 

that I give you today are to be 

upon your hearts. Impress them 

on your children. Talk about 

them when you sit at home and 

when you walk along the road, 

when you lie down and when 

you get up. Tie them as symbols 

on your hands and bind them on 

your foreheads. Write them on 

the doorframes of your houses 

and on your gates.” (NIV) 

Obviously, the primary scriptural 

principle expressed by the 

author is that of the importance 

of obeying God’s Word, incorporating 

it into one’s life, so that 

the heart might be transformed 

to love God and our fellowman. 

How this is to be done is from 

parents to children over time. 

Today, much training and teaching 

has been relegated to the 

“professionals”…both in church 

and the world. 

Many in Solomon’s day and 

today have the letter of the law, 

a Bible on the coffee table, a 

cross on the wall, etc., yet rarely 

darken the doors of the church 

nor allow God’s word to penetrate 

their hearts and modify 

their lifestyle. If one takes too 

literally various scriptural edicts, 

out of proper context, they can 

actually lead to ungodly and 

unbiblical responses. In light of 

this, it is not suggested that the 

bible has nothing to say about 

parenting, for indeed it does. It 

needs to inform all aspects of 

our life, including our parenting, 

and when allowed to change 

our thinking can make a major 

impact on our actions. And 

change is necessary because of 

where we learned our parenting 

from. 

Where it Began 

The primary source for learning 

family life and parenting skills is 

from one’s own family of origin. 

What a frightening thought! “Do 

you mean I learned to be a parent 

from my mother or father?” Yes, 

and perhaps from a grandmother 

or older siblings as well. In some 

cases, other strong influences in 

life have demonstrated models 

for interaction, communication, 

and for discipline. 

The problem is that all parents 

have had eighteen plus years of 

daily contact with their own parents 

who have modeled a comprehensive 

parenting style of 

discipline, correction, communication, 

etc. that becomes incorporated 

into the perception of 

the world. Most often, the eyes 

that adults look through, when 

looking at their or other children, 

are a combination of the parents 

eyes and at least two to eight 

sets of eyes behind them, going 

back generationally to grandparents 

and even great grandparents. 

All parents, without 

intervention of additional knowledge 

will look at their children 

through the perspective of their 

family background or family tree. 

We must remember that our primary 

biblical mandate is to train 

and teach…from the principles 

of the Word of God, but in light of 

modern stressors. 

Train and Teach 

Proverbs 22:6 is a very famous 

passage of scripture that is often 

quoted by parents with wayward 

children. The verse reads, “Train 

up a child in the way he should 

go, even when he is old, he will 

not depart from it.” Some have 

used this passage as a proof 

that their child will become born 

again, but this is not its meaning 

within proper biblical context. 

A better interpretation would be 

that whatever a parent programs 

into a child when they are young 

will eventually be seen in the 

children. When children reach 

maturity, they are not going 

to depart from what they’ve 

learned as children. Thus, it is 

most important to train children 

in such a way that they will grow 

to maturity, becoming responsible, 

functional adults. 

Now notice it says, “Train up a 

child.” Parents are to train young 

children, but teach older children 

and adults. A definition by way 

of illustration may be in order. If 

a parent is going to attempt to 

teach a four-year-old, they will 

become extremely frustrated. 

Teaching is a didactic process 

literally meaning to impart information 

to that individual so that 

they can then act upon it. Fouryear-olds 

do not act upon what 

they hear; they act upon what 

they feel or what has been demonstrated 

to them.

What happens in many families 

is that some training happens 

when children are very young, 

but eventually the exhausted 

parents run out of energy. This 

is especially true when a second 

child arrives and the first one 

is still in diapers. The parental 

priority naturally shifts from the 

first child to the second, while 

the first child has to move ahead 

on their merry way, attempting 

to figure out how to live life with 

limited guidance. Thus, parents 

often end the training process 

too soon. 

A Shifting 

A shift needs to begin at approximately 

age 8-10, from simple 

concrete teaching (do this 

because I said so), to teaching 

(do this for a legitimate reason, 

or abstract reasoning). Ultimately, 

we want to teach teens 

(about ages 13-21) principles 

from God’s Word which will sustain 

them throughout their life. 

Further, the teaching of adult 

responsibilities like banking, 

car maintenance, how to write 

a check, make a deposit, etc., 

must also be imparted to the 

young adults. They must learn to 

function responsibly as adults. 

The Word on Disciplining 

In Proverbs 23:13 it says, “Do 

not hold back discipline from 

the child. Although you beat 

him with the rod, he will not die.” 

Most parents say, Amen! Verse 

14 continues “You shall beat 

him with the rod and deliver his 

soul from hell.” Also Prov. 13:24 

says, “He who spares his rod, 

hates his son. But he who loves 

him, disciplines him diligently.” 

Then Prov. 22:15 says, “Foolishness 

is bound up in the heart of 

a child, the rod of discipline will 

remove it far from him.” Another, 

Prov. 26:3 says, “The rod of correction 

is for the back of a fool.” 

Many have read these scriptures 

and have gained from it 

that it is very important for parents 

to punish one’s children 

with spankings. Most Christian 

parents have become convinced 

that physical discipline is the 

most important form of discipline 

for a child. Well, it certainly has 

its place, but must be kept in 

proper biblical perspective. The 

word rod in Hebrew means correction 

or discipline. If a parent 

withholds discipline (discipline 

means to train or teach), if a 

child is not taught or trained in 

right living, they will be spoiled. 

In the reference above where it 

says, “The rod of correction is 

for the backside of a fool,” it is 

in that case a literal rod. But it is 

for the back of a fool or one who 

is in absolute rebellion against 

authority. It was one step away 

from taking them to the edge 

of the city and stoning them to 

death. 

As a father, I would not want my 

child to receive a beating, but I 

hope my child would not be doing 

something that would necessitate 

such discipline. Absolute 

rebellion against known authority 

is foolish and demands a strong 

response. Even the eminent 

psychologist James Dobson 

agrees that defiance deserves a 

strong parental reaction. Absolute 

defiance against legitimate 

authority deserves physical correction 

because there appears 

to be a direct nerve connection 

from the buttocks to the brain. 

However, only if it is clearly 

rebellious defiance, not mistakes, 

should such severe discipline 

be given. Most of what 

children are corrected for with 

physical discipline is for behavioral 

mistakes, or is out of their 

own frustration. The tragic fact 

is that parents can unknowingly 

teach negative and destructively 

violent patterns when physical 

correction is poorly and inappropriately 

administered. 

Mark 10:13 presents Jesus blessing 

the little children. Through 

these scriptures one can see a 

clear picture of God’s plan and 

purpose. Verse 13 says, “And 

when they were bringing children 

to him so that he might touch 

them, and the disciples rebuked 

them.” Obviously, Jesus was 

enjoying himself. He was more 

than welcoming to the children 

and gladly received them. 

Remember, in that passage 

Jesus’ disciples rebuked the 

children, thinking that they were 

wasting Jesus’ time. He was most 

disappointed at his disciples’ 

lack of sensitivity and awareness 

of Kingdom priorities. The 

disciples were missing the whole 

point. Their primary responsibility 

was to watch Jesus, observing 

His way of operation, so that 

in the future the disciples could 

repeat similar patterns. The disciples 

appeared to be more concerned 

with image and political/ 

religious correctness, than with 

seeing the fulfillment of the purposes 

of God. 

Essentially, Jesus was modeling 

what discipleship is all about, 

and further what attitude towards 

children is required for parenting

on purpose to be effective. 

Jesus goes on to say (in the 

author’s paraphrased version), 

“permit the children to come 

to me, do not stop them, allow 

them to keep coming. Do not 

hinder them, for the kingdom of 

God belongs to such as these.” 

In Jesus’ teaching he is saying to 

them, look, you need to see children 

from a different light. Do 

not view them as little more than 

a nuisance to the work of God. 

But see them as I see them; see 

them as the Father sees them. 

Children are what the Kingdom 

is all about. These children are 

precious, important, to be loved, 

nurtured and of course as parents, 

one’s ultimate responsibility 

is to bring children to Jesus, 

never to hinder them. The greatest 

hope for all mankind is to 

learn from the parent of all parents, 

God the Father as demonstrated 

through Jesus Christ. 

The biblical view of children was 

from infancy to approximately 

12 years of age…where they 

became an apprentice towards 

adulthood. There is no such 

thing as the teen years as we 

have today, lasting up to age 30 

in some folks’ minds. As parents, 

our strategy must shift in terms 

of our parenting after age 12… 

the goal is no longer rote obedience 

(do what I said because I 

said so) but now shifts to an honoring, 

speak well of me in public, 

and show proper respect relationship. 

Stan E. DeKoven, Ph.D., MFT 

Founder and President 

Vision International University 

and Vision International Training 

and Education Network 

Dr. Stan is a licensed marriage 

and family therapist with over 40 

books on topics such as counseling, 

theology, and church government. 

He travels extensively 

across the globe. For more information, 

go to www.drstandekoven.com 

or www.vision.edu .

Christian Artis 

Discusses Re 

Addic 

By Micayla Greathouse 

Singer-songwriter, Jason Fowler’s, 

new album just released 

May 13th. Not only does he 

have this new music that you’ll 

definitely want to check out, but 

he has an incredible story of his 

life journey, going from being an 

addict and homeless, to a Christian 

musician. In this interview 

with Faith Filled Family Magazine, 

Jason shares about his life 

journey full of ups and downs, 

how he became who he is today, 

and some fun facts about his 

family and music. 

Some exciting news, your new 

album just came out. Tell us a 

little more about that! 

I’m really excited about my new 

album “I Fall In”. It was recorded 

and produced with Billy Smiley 

(Whiteheart, Johnny Cash, BeBe 

and CeCe Winans) in Franklin, 

TN at famed Darkhorse Recording 

Studio. It was an amazing 

experience working with Billy. 

He is a talented producer, writer, 

and musician all the way around. 

The album features several talented 

artists including Peter

t Jason Fowler 

covery From 

tions 

Furler (Newsboys), Leigh Nash 

(Sixpence None The Richer), Jillian 

Edwards, Joy Waters Fowler, 

and Will Turpin (Collective Soul) 

just to name a few. The album 

release is set for May 13th. CDs 

will be available Exclusively at 

all Lifeway Christian Bookstores 

and digitally everywhere. 

What was your favorite part of 

the making of this album? 

Getting to work with Billy Smiley 

and all of the talented artists. It 

was great to be able to record 

at Dark Horse. The studio has 

a great feel and atmosphere. 

Everyone from Taylor Swift to 

Keith Urban have recorded 

there. The architecture is amazing. 

Have you always known you 

would somehow be involved 

with music? 

I grew up in a musical family. My 

dad has a voice like Pavarotti, 

his brother Mike taught me how 

to play guitar, my brother Chad 

plays drums, and my uncle Chris 

Fowler plays piano. Chris is currently 

working on his doctorate 

in music. Chris and his wife Joy

Waters Fowler have lead worship 

in Atlanta for over 20 years. 

Joy has several albums out and 

is featured on the title track of 

my new album “I Fall In”. 

Some of my earliest memories 

were sitting around the piano at 

my grandmother’s house singing 

everything from gospel to The 

Allman Brothers. My Uncle Mike 

had a dobro and played amazing 

slide guitar, Chris would play 

the piano, and we would all sing 

along. 

I was surrounded by music from 

an early age but did not start 

playing an instrument until I was 

a teenager. I played trumpet and 

baritone in the elementary school 

band. By middle school I took up 

the guitar and my brother Chad 

started playing the drums. 

My mom had a Hair Salon in our 

home and it was right across 

the hall from our room. It’s funny 

now, but her poor customers 

were our first audience. Thankfully 

we’ve gotten a little better. 

Tell us a little bit about your 

life story, and how did you end 

up in the CCM industry? 

I bought my first guitar at age 

16. My dad soon after told me 

he would buy me a brand new 

guitar if I learned how to play the 

song “Jessica” by The Allman 

Brothers Band. He was thinking 

maybe a couple of weeks. To his 

surprise, I ended up playing it for 

him that afternoon. That was just 

the beginning. 

I have a younger brother with the 

same birthday one year apart 

and a younger sister. We have 

always been real close. 

We played a lot of sports growing 

up. We were always at a football, 

soccer, or baseball game. In high 

school I did well in wrestling and 

speed skating. I actually won the 

Southern Regional Speedskating 

Championship (7 states in 

the Southeastern United States) 

twice. They sent me to the Olympic 

Training Center in Colorado 

Springs when I was 16. I wanted 

to be in the Olympics. It was 

right around that time that I first 

started drinking alcohol. 

I grew up in an alcoholic family 

and always said I’m never going 

to drink or do drugs. I saw how it 

was affecting my family. 

My friend asked me one weekend 

if I wanted to go and hang 

out with his older brother and 

their friends. I just wanted to fit 

in and be “cool”. They were all 

drinking and asked if I wanted a 

beer. I really didn’t want to drink 

but wanted to fit in. I took my first 

drink and it changed everything. 

The alcohol killed the fear and 

made me feel like I was funny, 

liked, and comfortable in my own 

skin. It was my “liquid courage.” 

I not only got sick, but also got in 

trouble the very first time. Even 

after getting sick and in trouble 

I said to myself, “I’m going to do 

that again.” 

I was raised in a Christian home 

but started to turn away from 

God and church. I started drinking 

to have fun, to deal with life 

situations, and to fit in. Before 

long I was relying on it for everything 

instead of relying on God. 

Soon after I started smoking pot. 

Both gave me a false sense of 

spirituality. I thought I could control 

it and could quit whenever I 

wanted. 

I graduated high school and went 

to college for aviation. During 

college I decided to try to make 

it in music. I joined a band called 

“Dirt Circus” and started touring 

the college circuit. It was a 

party every night. I started using 

whatever drugs were offered 

to me. Crazy enough I actually 

ended up getting kicked out of 

the band. It seemed my kind of 

partying was just a bit more than 

everyone else’s. I was hurt but 

wasn’t going to give up. I thought 

that if I made it and got a record 

deal that everything would be 

okay. I would be complete. I was 

relying on “performance based 

acceptance” and thought that 

the better I did and the more 

awards and attention I received, 

the more I would be loved. 

After my band kicked me out 

I formed two bands: “Entropy” 

and “Ultraphonic.” I was going 

to try even harder. With Entropy 

I played the hard core alternative 

scene and with Ultraphonic 

I played power pop and alternative 

rock. Entropy won several 

battle of the bands and put out 

an EP with regional success. 

Ultraphonic recorded several 

albums with Bryan Holmes (The 

Producers) and started to get 

some success as well as radio 

play. We entered an online contest 

for a record contract with 

GarageBand.com. People from 

all over the globe could listen 

and vote for their favorite song. 

After a month we ended up winning 

the grand prize; a $250,000 

record deal. I finally made it! So 

I thought. 

You see I was really trying to fill 

up the place inside of me with 

things of the world. I thought this 

would make me happy. I was 

“looking for love in all the wrong

places.” I realize now that the 

place inside all of us is designed 

for Jesus. He is the only one that 

fits perfectly and makes us complete. 

At that point another member 

of Entropy was having his own 

struggles with drugs so we ended 

up dissolving the band. Ultraphonic 

went to famed Muscle 

Shoals to record a new album 

with Johnny Sandlin (Widespread 

Panic, The Allman Brothers 

Band) producing. We spent 

several months writing, recording, 

partying and hanging out 

with legendary “The Swampers.” 

After Ultraphonic finished the 

album the record label sold to 

Microsoft and was no more. 

They shelved the album and it 

was never released. My dream 

was falling apart. 

By the time we got the record 

deal I had a big drug and alcohol 

habit. I had long passed the 

point of drinking and drugging for 

fun. I just drank and used drugs 

to hide and to numb the pain, but 

they weren’t working anymore. I 

felt I had to drink and do drugs to 

survive. They had me. My problems 

continued to pile up and I 

never faced them. My actions of 

making bad choices, being selfish 

and self-centered, and just 

trying to stay high created some 

bad consequences. My relationships 

with my family, friends, and 

myself were all broken. I was 

trying to stay afloat the only way 

I knew how. 

The band broke up shortly after. 

I ended up trying a solo career 

in Atlanta with ImageMil. They 

were starting a label and had 

worked with big acts like Pink, 

Usher, and TLC. It had gotten 

so bad that they had to have an 

intervention with me. They told 

me they couldn’t work with me 

anymore. My alcohol and drug 

addiction was too much. It was 

controlling and destroying my 

life. I was crushed. 

I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t 

keep relationships together, I 

didn’t like who I was, and did not 

have a relationship with God. I 

was hopeless...and ended up 

homeless. 

At the very end I was kicked out 

of a drug dealer’s house. 

I was crying, it was raining, and I 

didn’t have anyone or anywhere 

to go. 

Right then and there I said, “God, 

whoever You are, whatever You 

are, please help me.” I meant it 

with everything I had left. 

The next thing I knew, I was in 

a Christ-based homeless shelter 

in Athens, Ga. It was December 

30th of 2005. I was starting over. 

We studied the 12 steps based 

on the teachings of Jesus. I 

started to feel better and get 

better mentally, physically, and 

most of all spiritually. At 6 months 

of sobriety 

I attended a men’s conference. 

That is when I gave my life to 

Jesus. 

I had been trying to find that love 

and fill this hole inside of me with 

things of the world. That place 

inside all of us was made for 

Him. I realized that He never left 

me. I chose to leave Him. Like 

the prodigal son, Jesus celebrates 

our coming home to Him, 

He loves us, and will never leave 

or forsake us. We are forgiven 

through and by Jesus. 

After I accepted Jesus in my 

life everything started to get 

better and better. It’s really like 

a country song backwards. I 

started getting my life, my family, 

my friends, and myself back. I 

started getting involved in church 

and even joined the praise team. 

I have been sober over 10 years 

and leading worship at Celebrate 

Recovery for over 6 years. 

I’ve been the worship leader 

at a church plant in the heart 

of Atlanta with Pastor Jason 

Becker for over three years. My 

wife and I also work together 

serving others through her ministry 

HEARTS Across Atlanta. 

We feed the homeless, provide 

clothing, toiletries, and play 

music to share His love. 

I love serving, giving back, and 

sharing the story of redemption. 

Jesus saved my life and I want to 

share my story and His story of 

love, mercy, and Grace through 

my music. My grandmother has 

a saying I just love. “Your talent 

is God’s gift to you. What you do 

with it is your gift to God.” 

Do you write your own songs? 

And if so, what does the songwriting 

process look like for 

you? 

I do. It seems to start with an 

inner feeling and a melody. 

Sometimes it’s a certain experience 

I’ve been through or 

that someone I know has been 

through. I’ve written about feeling 

lost, being found, feeling 

hope, experiencing redemption, 

love, faith, and grace. 

The song seems to take shape 

around the way the melody

makes me feel. For worship 

and my new album “I Fall In” 

the songs range from complete 

praise on “Come Alive” and “You 

Give Me A Reason” to deep worship 

on “I Fall In”. My new album 

“I Fall In” is a collection of prayers 

and devotions. 

I co-wrote several songs together 

with Billy Smiley and my Pastor 

Jason Becker. I wanted to stay 

in the truth, the Word, and the 

gospel. When I write about experiences 

of the truth, whether good 

or bad, I believe people can feel 

it. That’s where the songs connect, 

through empathy, experience, 

hope, love, passion, and 

relating with others. 

Was there a particular event or 

person in your life that have 

contributed to you becoming 

who you are today? 

My parents! They have always 

been real supportive of me. They 

have been through some rough 

times but have stuck together 

and put God in the center of their 

marriage. They just celebrated 

their 48th anniversary and my 

dad has been sober almost 25 

years. I’ve seen first-hand the 

power of God and His grace. 

write music. It’s a part of who I 

am. 

Is there anything else you 

would like readers to know 

about you, your music, etc.? 

I’m really grateful to be able to 

share my story and testimony 

through music. I believe God 

gave us music as the universal 

language. Any time someone 

can connect with a song and the 

experience of truth in the performance 

and words there is a connection. 

I hope to connect with 

others in that way and be able 

to empathize, relate, and share 

experiences together in the way 

God wants us to...with love. 

“I Fall In” is available “Exclusively” 

at all Lifeway Bookstores 

and digitally everywhere on May 

13th and www.jasonfowlermusic.com. 

We would like to thank Jason 

Fowler for taking the time to 

share his story! Also, a special 

thanks to Sheryl Tirol and Lena 

Streisand for coordinating the 

interview! We appreciate it. 

Who are some of your musical 

inspirations? 

I grew up listening to everything 

from rock, country, pop, to hip 

hop. I like all types of music and 

for me it’s all about the passion. 

Music has a way of moving the 

soul. I get that from growing up 

in a musical family. My parents 

were always listening to music 

and singing. My uncle Mike was 

always playing guitar and my 

uncle Chris was always playing 

the piano. I really think that they 

have inspired me to play and 

To Purchase 

I Fall In 

Please Click Here

What’s In A 

Name? 

By Julie B. Cosgrove

A 

popular urban legend 

tells the story of a 

wealthy socialite family 

surnamed Banks who wanted 

to name their child Robert, after 

the wife’s father. They didn’t 

want their son to be a junior and 

decided to christen him Rob 

instead. They educated their 

son in the best private schools 

and he eventually received a 

master’s degree in finance. At 

the age of twenty-nine, he was 

charged and convicted of 

embezzling the First National 

Bank’s employee retirement 

fund, and was sentenced to 

jail. Could it be that his name, 

Rob Banks, subconsciously 

led him astray? 

Proverbs 22:1 states - A good 

name is more desirable than 

great riches; to be esteemed is 

better than 

silver or gold. 

Names have traditionally 

meant more 

than, well, names. They 

were the key to a person’s

identity. Bar meant “son of” in 

Hebrew. Later, Mac meant the 

same thing in Scotland, and in 

Ireland it became Mc. Many 

English surnames reflect a similar 

theme. Johnson, Jackson, 

Edison, Madison, and Erickson 

all denote the lineage being 

passed on to the next generation 

as well as the 

family honor and 

status in the village. 

Other names told 

strangers of a person’s 

occupation 

such as Baker or 

Taylor. Smith meant 

you were a tradesman 

of a craft such 

as a blacksmith or 

leather-smith for 

example. Traditionally, 

in many cultures, 

women took 

on their husband’s 

name to indicate 

she now would live 

under his loving 

care instead of her 

parents’, and yes, 

often times even 

today, under his 

control as well. 

Certainly in the 

Bible names are 

significant to God. 

Turn back to the 

Garden of Eden 

and the beginning 

of time in Genesis 

2:19 when God let Adam name 

all the creatures. That one sentence 

alone defines the relationship 

between God and the 

first human. The Creator held 

mankind in a position of importance. 

Later in Genesis, God 

changed Abram’s name to Abraham 

and Sarai to Sarah. Abram 

meant “exalted father”, but Abraham 

meant “exalted father of 

many.” Sarai meant “princess”, 

but Sarah meant “one who will 

be a queen”. God reiterated 

His promise that Abram would 

have sons who would continue 

his line and multiply into many 

nations by changing his and his 

wife’s names. Even the Father’s 

own Son, Jesus’, name denotes 

His mission on earth because it 

means “God saves.” 

J 

esus renamed Cephas “Peter”, 

meaning “the rock.” It let the other 

disciples know Peter’s status in 

their group. Famous Biblical figures 

also purposely named their 

children. Moses named one of 

his sons after his circumstances, 

and one after God’s saving act. 

Gershom meant “stranger in a 

strange land” and Eliezer meant 

“God is my helper.” (Exodus 

18:3). Isaiah named his children 

as reiterations of the prophecies 

he heard from God. Saul took on 

the accepted Roman nomenclature 

of Paul, a name much more 

suitable for traveling 

in the Gentile 

world than his 

common Hebraic 

handle. 

Throughout time 

and all over the 

world, names have 

held great significant. 

Naming 

ceremonies exist 

in many cultures. 

To give a person 

a name was to 

acknowledge his 

or her existence. In 

fact, in some African 

villages where 

the infant mortality 

rate was so high, 

children were not 

named publically 

until after their 

second birthday. 

Some societies 

name the child by 

the family name 

first, others have 

it as last. In several 

Native American 

tribes, babies 

were named after events, or to 

portray the characteristics of an 

animal such as an eagle, bear 

or buffalo. Some were named 

for natural occurrences such as 

bubbling brooks, strong winds 

or welcomed rains. Such references 

were to influence the 

child to grow in a certain manner 

such as becoming wise, strong,

enduring all conditions, or a 

being good provider. 

Are names significant today? 

Ask any expectant parent. Many 

moms and dads-to-be spend 

months choosing just the perfect 

name for their offspring. They 

pour over names – what is popular, 

what is the origin, what is the 

meaning? Do they name the boy 

after his dad or the girl after her 

grandmother? 

Names come and go in importance. 

Many girls were named 

Chelsea after Bill Clinton became 

president. When Diana became 

Princess of Wales, women 

flocked to register their baby 

girl’s names the same. Popular 

movie stars have many people 

named after them. In the 1970’s 

children’s names took on natural 

connotations such as Summer, 

Spring, Sunshine, and Zephyr. 

Flowers were once popular girl’s 

names—Lily, Iris, Rose. Nowadays 

family names and even 

cities are popular first names. 

Take, for example, Austin, Travis, 

Houston, and Dallas. All are very 

common boy’s names in Texas. 

And nicknames? Are they ever 

important! I bet many, who are 

now reading this, have at least 

one nickname that they hope no 

one else ever discovers. Others 

are proud of them because they 

signify an important event or 

memory. Some hold onto childhood 

nicknames dubbed by 

doting grandparents. 

Yes, names carry a great deal of 

clout. They can help us become 

accepted, or they can shove us 

into a corner and label us. I know 

people who associate a name 

with someone they once knew 

and then pre-judge the person 

by their memory of the namesake. 

“I never met a Ginger I 

liked.” “His name is John. I’ve 

known many Johns and they 

were all trustworthy.” 

Names also denote supremacy. 

Nothing is truer for the believer. 

We are to pray in the name of 

Jesus or to call upon His name 

to give us power over evil. The 

Psalms tell us over and over to 

exalt the name of the Lord. In 

them we are directed to ascribe 

to the Lord the glory due his 

name; (and) worship the Lord 

in the splendor of His holiness. 

(Psalm 29:2) Sing the praises of 

the Lord, you His faithful people; 

praise His holy name. (Psalm 

30:4) Many of God’s names 

are reminders of His attributes. 

Elohim means “God Almighty.” 

Adonai means “Lord.” Yahweh- 

Rapha means “God who heals”, 

and Yahweh-Jireh denotes the 

one who will provide. 

Most psychologists will agree 

nothing makes a person feel 

more important than to be called 

by their name. It means they 

are important, significant, worth 

recalling. I have long made it a 

practice to smile at those serving 

me, and if they have a named 

badge, calling them by that 

name. Try it. Look them in the 

eye, say their name and thank 

them. Watch what happens. 

Moods brighten. Their backs 

straighten and their eyes shine. 

Someone noticed them! 

We all want to belong. Studies 

have shown belonging is the 

number one desire of people 

from ages seven to seventy 

and beyond. I think that desire 

never fades. Most of us want to 

be included. When people recall 

our names, it is an invitation to 

enter into their significant-people 

circle. 

When it comes to spreading 

God’s love and mercy to 

the people around us, nothing 

opens doors more than saying 

their name. If you are going to 

evangelize, it is important that 

you learn people’s names. It 

means you care enough about 

them to identify them. It draws 

you into a bond with them, even 

if only briefly. I am not good at 

recalling names, but I am trying 

to become better because I have 

learned how very important it is 

to call someone by their name. 

To admit you forgot someone’s 

name is a slap in the face. It 

screams that poor soul is insignificant 

and unimportant to you, 

even if that is not your intention. 

So make a habit of calling folks 

by their name, and of remembering 

their name. Repeat it out loud 

several times as you speak with 

them. Think of their characteristics 

to spur your memory, such 

as Convenience Store Carl or 

Dry Cleaners Debbie, Company 

picnic Pete, or Front Pew Frank. 

There are books with suggested 

ways to help you better remember 

people’s names. 

Here’s a challenge. Be a name 

caller, in a good way, for the next 

thirty days. Shift your focus onto 

acknowledging others. Learn 

their names, look them in the 

face and shake their hand. Give 

them your attention, even if it 

is for a few seconds. You may 

discover that they will strive to 

recall yours as well. But even if 

they don’t reciprocate, you will 

have made their world a better 

place for a while, simply because 

you cared enough to know their 

name.

Interpreting 

the Voice of 

God 

Dad to Children 

By Bob Nolan 

“God keeps talking, saying the same thing again and again, but 

one gets it.” Job 33.14, paraphrase 

Dear fellow dads, 

I hope my little story and thoughts about it provoke your own thoughts a 

interpreting our Heavenly Dad to your kids. 

Bob Nolan 

August in Honduras has a vicious combination of heat and humidity, tes 

the stamina of residents and visitors alike. When I first visited this tiny Ce 

American nation, our ministry team was ready to deliver God’s Word no m 

how dreadful the climate. We didn’t want environmental distractions to inte

no 

bout 

ting 

ntral 

atter 

rfere 

with the message we were prepared 

to bring. 

Few people in Honduras speak 

English, much less know our 

culture. We thanked God for our 

good sister, Fanny Lengua, a 

Peruvian native with a heart full 

of God’s love. For twenty-five 

perspiring days, she tirelessly 

translated for us in worship services, 

on the street, and around 

dinner tables. Her understanding 

of Latin American culture 

and how the people would comprehend 

our American phrases 

and concepts made her far 

more than a translator. She conveyed 

the meaning and passion 

of our hearts to the Honduran 

people. She interpreted us to 

the people. If Fanita was with 

me, I could communicate and 

be understood. But if she was 

busy helping elsewhere, I could 

have preached my heart out, 

and communicated nothing. The 

excellence in her work amplified 

the distinction between translation 

and interpretation, and I 

began to see the difference. 

This cross-cultural experience 

taught me that effective 

communication requires more 

than mere words. Translating 

involves memorizing and conjugating 

verbs in order to convey 

thoughts word for word, but 

interpretation requires an understanding 

of the heart and culture 

of the communicator. Timing, 

body language, tone of voice, 

and the speaker’s culture are 

also involved in understanding 

the heart of the messenger. Fanny’s 

years of living in a Latin culture, 

not to mention her love for 

the Lord and His work, equipped 

her to convey our meaning to the 

Hondurans. 

Is there a more important interpreter 

of God the Father to a 

child than a dad? A reasonable 

dad knows he is not God. But 

a tiny child doesn’t. As far as a 

baby or toddler is concerned, 

dad is the almighty one. (Ha! 

No worries, I haven’t forgotten 

mom.) Children need to hear 

about God. But mostly, they 

need Him interpreted to them. 

To be a translator takes work, but 

to be an interpreter takes a life of 

care and relationship. When I’m 

speaking to another language 

group, the level of trust I have in 

the interpreter makes the difference 

between peace and strain 

as I talk to the people. If I have 

doubts about the translator’s 

ability to effectively communicate, 

I will speak in short, calculated 

phrases, so that he or she 

will be able to accurately convey 

my meaning. As a dad—even 

though I am NOT God—I have 

to “put myself in His shoes”. 

What is it about Him that needs 

interpreting so that my kids get 

His heart? The meaning of the 

message is even more important 

than the precision of the Words. 

Life preparation is what elevates 

this kind of communication to 

another level. 

The Master Interpreter 

It’s hard to imagine the God of 

the universe being frustrated. 

But what could be more frustrating 

than repeatedly pouring your 

heart out to the ones you love 

only to realize they just don’t get 

it. Have you ever felt that way 

with your growing kids?

In the first five years or so life 

in the family, the values of love, 

togetherness, and security are 

at the top of the priority list. Sort 

of like our relationship with God 

Himself. Knowing Dad through 

Christ, and knowing His love, 

protection, and forgiveness is 

paramount. But what a pleasure 

it is for a dad to hear his boy 

say one day, “He dad, where 

do you go every morning after 

breakfast? Can I go?” And then 

maybe a little later, “He dad, I 

want to learn what YOU do!” 

Moments like that come not only 

through correct words and rules 

and provision and discipline, but 

because dad has communicated 

something through the formative 

years. He has demonstrated his 

heart. He has—hopefully—interpreted 

God to his son or daughter. 

The child is not only secure 

and loved; he wants to know 

the family business. He wants 

something even more than his 

own security! 

I’ve heard that pure, intimate 

communication is the closest 

thing to Heaven. And as spoiled 

as communication between 

Heaven and earth has become 

because of sin and shame, God’s 

love keeps devising ways of getting 

His thoughts across to us. 

Besides the incomparable benefit 

of our redemption, Father God 

sent His Son so we might really 

understand Him—not just His 

words, but His heart. Is there a 

more sublime service from a dad 

to his child? 

“No one has seen God at any 

time, but His only Son has 

explained Him.” Maybe the 

greatest interpretive work in 

history was the Son of God 

coming to explain God to His 

sons and daughters on earth. 

The language of Heaven is way 

beyond the nuances of any 

earthly language. It transcends 

mere words. “In the beginning 

was the Word . . . and the Word 

was God.” The Son of God has 

always been God’s language to 

human beings in particular and 

humanity in general. If there is 

a more meaningful, influential 

interpreter of God to kids than 

a father, I don’t know who that 

would be. 

God might have chosen one of 

the old prophets or patriarchs 

to do the job of interpreting Him 

to us, but that would have been 

woefully inadequate. To fully 

and truly convey His heart to us, 

and to reveal His nature, Someone 

with full understanding and 

familiarity with Heaven had to 

come. Someone who knew the 

Father’s timing, tone of voice, 

and even the culture of Heaven 

had to explain God to us—not 

just with words or quotes, but 

with passion and exquisite clarity. 

Fellow dads, this is our most 

important role, our greatest ministry. 

It doesn’t take long to know if an 

authority figure is talking about 

what he’s heard or what he really 

knows. A translator may know 

the words of a speaker, but an 

interpreter knows the heart and 

culture of the speaker. When cultural 

differences prevent literal 

translation, the interpreter must 

“paint a picture” for the listeners. 

Your children are your Listeners 

#1. That’s why it was so important 

for Someone from Heaven 

to come and do the explaining. 

True passion and empathy 

cannot be conveyed through 

hearsay, so God the Father sent 

Someone who knew for Himself 

what God is like—Jesus became 

the “express image” of God for 

us. As Jesus lived a life about 

God the Father, He interpreted 

Him from experience and direct 

relationship. 

Thank God for Philip’s appeal to 

Jesus at the Last Supper. “Lord, 

show us the Father, and that 

will be sufficient for us.” Jesus 

replied, “Philip, don’t you realize 

that if you’ve seen Me you’ve 

actually seen the Father?” The 

greatest pleasure in a dad’s life 

is to be able to say the same 

thing to his son as he explains 

God to him. When God needed 

an interpreter, He knew who 

could do the job. He didn’t just 

want to be quoted, He wanted 

to be explained. Earthly dad, 

you are more important than a 

preacher, a president, a teacher, 

or a coach. You are our Dad’s #1 

choice to interpret Him to your 

kids. Triple amen. 

God is trying to make you more 

than a database of His quotes 

or a sermonizer of His rules. He 

wants to give you the privileged 

liberty of explaining Him to your 

children. God wants dads He 

can trust with His story, and He 

is preparing them to tell it with 

clarity and passion. 

God’s Language School 

Our Heavenly Dad goes to every 

nation and culture, no matter 

what the climate or political 

system. He speaks again and 

again, but often we don’t understand 

or even notice. David 

wrote that “day after day God 

speaks, and night after night His 

knowledge is revealed.” He is 

capable of communicating quite

clearly and directly, and sometimes 

expresses Himself to the 

most unlikely people in the most 

improbable circumstances—like 

Saul of Tarsus as he was on the 

way to kill Christians. Have you 

considered yourself unqualified 

or unlikely? Join the club. Over 

the years, He has also spoken 

indirectly through some unlikely 

sources like donkeys, wicked 

kings, and even Hollywood 

movies. But one of His favorite 

ways to communicate, especially 

when He wants to express 

His love and forgiveness, is to 

have one of His own dad-kids 

interpret Him to their kids. 

Process and preparation are 

redefined when you talk about 

getting ready to explain God. The 

Old Testament story of Joseph 

is perhaps the most poignant 

chronicle in Scripture about God 

preparing someone to interpret 

Him to others. Joseph had a gift 

of interpretation as a boy, and 

it got him into trouble before he 

learned how to use it. You can 

imagine how “blessed” his brothers 

and parents were when he 

shared his dreams about them 

bowing down before him. His 

jealous siblings got tired of his 

interpretations and said, “Let’s 

get rid of this dreamer.” 

For the next twenty-two years, 

Joseph went to school—God’s 

Language School. It was not a 

school for Hebrew or Greek or 

Egyptian. Like Jesus, Joseph 

had to take classes in being 

misunderstood, falsely accused, 

and hated by his own. He had to 

“learn obedience by the things 

that He suffered.” By the end of 

the story, Joseph had graduated 

from God’s Language School. 

Beyond interpreting dreams, 

Joseph could now interpret God 

and His language of love, mercy, 

and forgiveness to his undeserving 

brothers. 

I can’t imagine what went through 

Joseph’s mind when his brothers 

showed up in Egypt to buy grain. 

All the Bible says is that Joseph 

“remembered the dreams which 

he had dreamed about them.” 

Humanly speaking, he had every 

right to be angry and judgmental 

toward them. But Joseph could 

not afford the language of bitterness 

or vengeance to misinterpret 

God to his brothers. God’s 

intention for them was to hear 

the language of Heaven—grace 

and truth. Twenty-two years of 

anguish in Joseph’s life, just so 

he could say, “Don’t be angry 

with yourselves . . . it was not 

you who sent me here, but God 

. . . you meant it for evil, but God 

meant it for good, so that many 

people could be spared.” 

God had to kick the arrogance 

and judgment out of Joseph so 

he could do his most important 

work—to explain God’s mercy 

and reconcile his brothers to 

God. After twenty-two years of 

a nagging conscience, Joseph’s 

brothers were ready to listen to 

God. After twenty-two years in 

language school, Joseph was 

ready to interpret Him. 

What kind of classes are you in 

right now? You thought it was 

just bad luck or dumb mistakes 

or your enemies . . . but maybe 

you’re enrolled in the University 

of Interpreting God. It took God 

a long time to prepare Joseph to 

interpret Him to his brothers. To 

really explain Christ to your own 

children, you must know Him, feel 

what He’s felt, and walk with Him 

through your difficulties. Sometimes, 

it takes some “Joseph” 

experiences before we’re willing 

to lean on God instead of our 

own understanding. No need to 

disqualify yourself. Knowing and 

trusting God will turn you from a 

harsh judge into an interpreter. 

You’ve probably heard of Job 

even if you haven’t read the 

book. He was a wealthy, Godloving, 

generous man. Suddenly 

he lost everything, including his 

gorgeous daughters, his cattle, 

and his money. All he had left 

were boils, a bitter wife, and 

three crummy friends. When 

people go through a Job experience, 

their heads can be so full 

of regrets and self-doubt that 

it’s very difficult to hear God for 

themselves. 

Job’s friends thought they knew 

just what Job needed to hear. 

“Hey, bro’ . . . you wouldn’t be 

going through all this if your 

heart was right. You must have 

some secret sin. Why don’t you 

just own up to it?” If you read all 

of their speeches to poor Job, 

you’ll see that they have some 

correct theology. They had lots 

of right words, but they misinterpreted 

God. They did not understand 

that God’s language is 

“quick to listen, slow to speak.” 

They judged a man without listening 

to God or walking in that 

man’s shoes. They spoke the 

language of shame and self-righteousness. 

Job couldn’t believe 

his ears. He called them miserable 

comforters. With friends like 

you, who needs enemies? At the 

end of the story, God spoke to 

them and said, “You didn’t speak 

right about Me to Job. You misinterpreted 

Me.” God told them to 

go and ask Job to pray for them.

Job had been to God’s language 

school, they had not. To 

use harsh judgment and shame 

upon your children is to misinterpret 

God. 

Interpreting for God 

Children need to hear God’s 

Voice like thirsty people need 

water. Job needed God, not 

speeches or philosophy or 

quotes. “If there be with him an 

angel, an interpreter, one among 

a thousand, To show unto man 

what is right for him, then God 

is gracious to him.” One in a 

thousand! It is rare indeed to 

find someone to explain God 

when things are dark. Dads from 

Heaven interpret God to their 

children with the language of 

hope and encouragement. Even 

when a word of warning or discipline 

has to be given, God’s language 

comes through. 

The more influence you have 

with human beings, the more 

critical it is to interpret God truly. 

Moses, because of his position 

and influence, had no room 

to misinterpret God. One day, 

toward the end of his life, the 

Israelites complained for water. 

God told Moses to speak to the 

rock, so that water would come 

out for the people. Instead of 

interpreting God, he struck the 

rock and spoke harshly to the 

people. In his own anger, he 

shamed the people and threatened 

them. Long term damage 

occurs when a dad delivers 

angry shame upon his children. 

God took Moses aside and said, 

“You didn’t set Me apart—you 

misinterpreted Me. You made the 

people think I was mad at them, 

Moses. You were mad, I wasn’t.” 

When we have great influence, 

as in the depth of parenting— 

how we interpret God is very 

important. We will leave deep, 

lasting, meaningful impressions. 

Moses misinterpreted God, 

and it hurt many people. When 

human beings frustrate you, and 

you think you have something 

from God for them, make sure 

you’ve taken His classes. It will 

keep you from “hitting the rock” 

and yelling at the daughters that 

God wants to train as ambassadors. 

When Jesus talked to people, 

He left lasting impressions— 

impressions of God and eternity 

and hope. “Nobody ever spoke 

to us this way.” After reflecting 

on time spent with Him they 

would say, “Didn’t our hearts 

burn inside while He spoke 

with us?” When you have truly 

spoken God’s language to your 

children, you also will leave lasting 

impressions. They’ll know it 

was you, but they’ll know it was 

Someone else, too. Later that 

day, or in bed at night, or maybe 

months later your son will say, 

Didn’t my heart feel it when dad 

spoke those words to me? 

I love Jesus because more than 

Joseph, Job, Moses or anyone 

else, He interpreted God to 

me. And I’m thankful for Fanita, 

because she showed me a little 

more of how God wants me to 

explain Him to others. 

Dads who interpret God with 

skill, rock.

June 2016- From the Father's Heart

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