SPRING 2016
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To have and to hold<br />
by Alice Reade<br />
A colleague at work had brought in her 6 week old baby to the office. I was 8 months<br />
pregnant with my first and in the full throws of baby books, NCT classes, hospital visits etc<br />
etc. I was quite simply in awe of this woman who had survived it!<br />
While I was quizzing her I just couldn't stop worrying about<br />
what was happening to her baby. The room of 20 or so of our<br />
colleagues were stood around in a circle and the baby was<br />
being passed round to each person. He was crying and<br />
screaming so loudly his face was red and legs were kicking<br />
away. I was no expert having never held a baby in my life, but<br />
no one was supporting his head as he was being passed on. We<br />
had just talked about the dangers of smoke around babies and<br />
I knew at least one of our colleagues holding the baby was a heavy smoker. Never mind<br />
about the office germs hanging about!<br />
My colleague, bless her, was busily chatting to everyone and eating her sandwich (she was<br />
explaining that breast feeding makes you constantly hungry). In hindsight I know she was<br />
probably relieved for the break from baby and to have adult company. But for me, I didn't<br />
like it.<br />
Of course family and friends will want to meet and cuddle our baby but does everyone have<br />
to hold the baby? Would I like to be passed round all these strange people? A very<br />
possessive and protective instinct kicked in. Luckily, my husband shared this.<br />
We asked our NCT antenatal class leader what she thought. She instilled confidence in us<br />
with a smile and strong reminder "it's your baby". The potential issues such a the chemicals<br />
from smokers and need for head support were real issues. Most wonderfully, she also gave<br />
us some tactics to politely stop the 'pass the baby' issue!<br />
Our baby girl arrived safely and our protective instinct only grew. I had put off visits to<br />
work but when it was time to go in, the tactics from our NCT leader were ace. The baby was<br />
settled in the pram and was wheeled round for all to 'view'. When people asked to hold her<br />
we politely said that she was settled in her pram so we better leave her. When she got<br />
unsettled I whisked her off for a feed and change.<br />
I know people were disappointed not to hold her but it was such a relief. I didn't want to<br />
see her being passed around, she was mine and I wanted to protect her. But more than that<br />
I was empowered. I had trusted my instincts and had been assertive to do what I thought<br />
was right for my baby.<br />
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