DBeng21

By Marcos Reyes // Photo by
Walked out of my house the other the other day and
went to the recycled books store. I had gathered all the
books that I could get rid of off my bookshelf. I did not
want to part with some of them. I looked into my wallet
and I still had a twenty in there, I had been keeping it for the longest
time, about two weeks.
“ The economy is bad, and it’s going to get worse”, I hear people
say. Everywhere I can see the signs, I haven’t gotten a job for the
past 3 to 4 months. It’s strange that everything seemed to be going
well up to the time I got laid off.
I had started college and was passing with good grades, but
one day to the next everything started going down hill, I guess not
just for me, but for everyone. Through those month’s I relied on my
savings that since that time have vanished.
I gather my bag of books, ones that have shaped ad influenced
me in my life and thought I would always have if I had anything, and
rode the bus downtown. My education, and my collection of literature
is vanishing. I have to cut down on classes to be able to pay for them.
I am sure people around the country have lost more, they might be
living in the streets since the crisis hit us all.
Sometimes I would laugh about how people’s greed would consume
them. That the fall of civilization could be heard a mile away,
but it’s nothing to laugh about. Ever since then I can see how everything
has changed, for me too, a cautious person.
When I had a job, I worked as a construction worker. I worked
even when I was sick, I was scared of losing money, losing my job.
And then I was scared of not finding work.
I have worked through out the Bay Area, for large property owners
with abandoned buildings. When we left them they looked like
brand new office buildings ready for desks and cubicles. I remember
the day before Merrill Lynch crashed we had gone all the way to
Stockton to patch up the ceiling in one of their buildings. We had
been hoping it would have been large but the three hour job was
worth less than the long ride.
I have to go to school everyday, and I have given up in getting a
car. The day I went to the bookstore, I realized it was the beginning
of the month and did not have any money to buy the month pass.
I walked out into the street, scavenged for some quarters and
paid my fair. I stared out the window, I saw the stores were empty, I
watched people inside the bus filling up the seats, I knew why they
were there, it was mid day and they were riding the bus. They were
like me, they had lost their jobs too.
Santa Clara seemed like a dried up desert to me.
I waited for my books to be added up. Before I would have not
thought twice to buy two or three books and walked home reading.
Now I wait to get some of my money back.
The guy at the register says, “ It’s 16 dollars, or 20 dollars in store
credit.”
I couldn’t believe what had happened to me, I had spent my entire
morning picking out the books I wanted to part with, and I could
only get 16 dollars. Some of those books were new and its pages
were still unturned. I walked out with the cash in my hand, I thought
that all this was a waste of time, trying to sell old books for a chunk
of change was not going to help me.
I hardly spend any money, and contemplate more about my future.
When I was working I could hardly think. I was like a robot. Now
that I can no longer use my muscles, now that all the builders have
sunk with the real estate market, I have to use something else, my
brain.
I walked to the bus stop, upset at myself, upset at the economy,
but with the ray of hope that things will get better. My classes finally
paid and adding my money up I managed to get a month pass. I feel
at ease riding the bus towards school, it makes me feel I’m doing
something, like I’m going somewhere. ◊
siliconvalleydebug.com Summer 09 18