Huckleberry Press 122916

Page 10 Huckleberry Press December 29, 2016
FRESH CHUCKLEBERRIES!
Warning! Not to be taken internally, literally, or seriously!
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.” -- Anonymous
“Laughter
is the shortest distance
between two people.”
~ Victor Borge
WOOHOO! OPEN
FOOTBALL SEASON!
Q: What do you say to a
Huskies grad who shows
up on your front porch?
A: Nothing just pay him for
the pizza.
COUGAR FAN
A first grade teacher
explains to her class that she
is a Huskies fan. She asks her
students to raise their hands if
they are Huskies fans, too.
Not really knowing
what a Huskies fan was, but
wanting to be liked by their
teacher, their hands fly into
the air. There is, however, one
exception.
A little girl
named Janet has not gone
along with the crowd. The
teacher asks her why she
has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a
Huskies fan," she reports.
"Then," asks the
teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm a proud
Washington State University
Cougars fan," boasts the little
girl.
The teacher is a
little perturbed now, her face
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slightly red. She asks Janet
why she is a Cougars fan.
"Well, my Dad and
Mom are Cougars fans, so
I'm a Cougars fan, too." she
responds.
The teacher is
angry now, "That's no
reason," she says loudly.
"What if your mom was silly
and your dad was crazy?
What would you be then?"
Janet smiles and
says, "Then I'd be a Huskies
fan."
Q: How many Husky
freshmen does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that’s a sophomore
course.
THE HIRED HELP
A woman was
walking through her new
house in Seattle with the
contractor.
As they walked
through rooms, she told him
what color she wanted him to
paint each room.
In the bedroom she
said, "I think this would be
nice in a cream."
The contractor stuck
his head out of the window
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and yelled, "GREEN SIDE
UP!"
This perplexed the
woman. They moved to the
living room and she said, "I
would love rose in this area."
Again, the contractor
strolled over to the window
and yelled, "GREEN SIDE
UP!"
Again, the woman
was confused but did not say
anything.
As they walked
into the kitchen she proudly
announced that she wanted
this room to be, "a glorious
shade of mauve."
Once again, the
contractor went to the
window and yelled, "GREEN
SIDE UP!"
Finally, she could
not stand this anymore.
"Why are you
shouting ‘GREEN SIDE UP’
out every window of this
house?"
He replied, "I'm
sorry. I have a crew of UW
students laying sod across the
street."
EXAM!
Two UW Huskies
offensive linemen are told
that they cannot play anymore
college football until they
successfully pass a required
exam that they have both
missed. So, the instructor
gets them in an exam room
by themselves, lays out the
test, and says, "You have
45 minutes to complete the
exam. I will return to grade
your papers," and he leaves
the room.
The first lineman
opens the test and reads the
first question aloud. "Old
McDonald had a ‘blank.’
Man, this first one is hard!"
He elbows his teammate and
asks him what the answer is.
The second lineman
answers, "You Meathead,
it's 'Old McDonald had a
FARM.'" So they both start to
write down the answer.
Then the first
lineman says, "Hey, how do
you spell ‘farm?’"
The second lineman
says, "Boy you are an
ignorant Meathead. You spell
farm, ‘E-I-E-I-O!’"
A DAY’S WORK
Two UW fans were
working for the city works
department.
One would dig a
hole and the other would
follow behind him and fill
the hole in. They worked up
one side of the street, then
down the other, then moved
onto the next street, working
furiously all day without rest,
one guy digging a hole, the
other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was
amazed at their hard work, but
couldn't understand what they
were doing. So he asked the
hole digger, "I'm impressed
by the effort you two are
putting into your work, but
I don't get it -- why do you
dig a hole, only to have your
partner follow behind and fill
it up again?"
The hole digger
wiped his brow and sighed,
"Well, it probably looks odd
because we're normally a
three-man team. But today
the guy who plants the trees
called in sick."
A FISHING TALE
A WSU student was
stopped by a game warden at
Lake Roosevelt recently. The
student had two ice chests full
of fish.
The game warden,
a UW grad, asked him, "Do
you have a license to catch
those fish?"
"No, sir, I don't
have a license. These are my
pet fish," replied the Coug.
"Every night I take my fish
out to the lake and let them
swim around for a while.
Then I whistle and they jump
right back into this ice chest
and I take them home."
The warden said,
"That's a bunch of hooey!
Fish can't do that!"
The Coug looked
at the game warden for a
moment and then said, "It's
the truth. I'll show you, it
really works."
"OK, I've GOT
to see this!" responded the
warden.
The Coug poured
the fish into the lake and
stood and waited.
After several minutes, the
game warden turned to him
and said, "Well?"
"Well what?"
"When are you
going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!" yelled
the game warden.
"What fish?"
MOMMY, MOMMY!
“Mommy, where
were you when I was born?”
“In the hospital.”
“And daddy?”
“At work.”
“That’s great. So,
nobody was home when I
arrived?”
JOHNNY
Teacher: "OK
class, who will give me the
chemical formula for water?"
Johnny: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are
you on about?"
Johnny: "Well, you said
yourself yesterday it was H
to O!"
JOHNNY AT HOME
Daddy reads some
bedtime stories to make little
Johnny fall asleep.
Half an hour later
mommy opens quietly the door
and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
Little Johnny
answers: “Yes, finally.”
GIMME A BREAK!
A woman caught
her husband on the weight
scale, sucking in his stomach.
“That won’t help
you, Joe, you know?”
“Oh it helps a lot,” says the
man, “it’s the only way I can
see the numbers!”
I’ve been really depressed
lately. A friend told me I
should go to the petting zoo
perhaps, to cheer up.
I went today, but not one
person would pet me.
FREE CAMERA!
Some nice Chinese
couple gave me a very
good camera down by the
Washington Monument. I
didn’t really understand what
they were saying, but it was
very nice of them.
California Dreaming
Tonight I dreamt of a
beautiful walk on a sandy
beach. At least that explains
the footprints I found in the
cat litter box this morning.
Q: What do you call the soft
tissue between a shark's teeth?
A: The slow swimmer.
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