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Dristi Death<br />
DEATH & DYING<br />
Yogesvara Boyle<br />
My grandmother just died. So this issue’s topic is near and dear to me right now. Speaking with my mom during my grandmother’s<br />
passing she perfectly encapsulated the essence of the dharma teachings on death by saying, “You know, your Nonna is dying like she<br />
lived… hard. She’s fighting. And your Papa, he died like he lived: open and surrendered.” And there you have it. This is the key to the<br />
death and dying teachings from the yoga perspective: as you live, so shall you die.<br />
Death, personified as Lord Yama in the<br />
yoga tradition, teaches us the value of<br />
sobriety. It is very useful to re-evaluate our<br />
life through this lens. What are our<br />
priorities? Why do we do what we do?<br />
Where are we going? Where did we come<br />
from? Who are we? What do we really want<br />
out of life?<br />
I don’t want my face to wear a look of horror [at<br />
my time of death] that scares my loved ones,<br />
who are hopefully by my side<br />
Yogins of the Sakta-Saiva Dharma keep<br />
“remembrance of death” as a daily, living<br />
precept. The intent of this practice is not<br />
drudgery, nor is it’s fruit contrived guilt and<br />
darkness. Rather, this practice of<br />
remembering enriches and enlivens life,<br />
while lending us the courage to detach<br />
from the aspects of ourselves that are not<br />
congruent with our purpose and direction.<br />
One of the hallmarks of authentic spiritual<br />
practice is “practicing where we are at” and<br />
not where some highbrow philosophy says<br />
we should be. Where most of us “are at”<br />
in regards to death is scared shitless. Being<br />
real with this fear and preparing for what is<br />
inevitable is not a drag. It is practical and<br />
honest.<br />
Or at least I think so, because I really don’t<br />
want to panic when my time comes – and I<br />
don’t know when my time is coming. I<br />
don’t want to be flailing in terror like my<br />
Nonna has been. I don’t want my face to<br />
wear a look of horror that scares my loved<br />
ones, who are hopefully by my side. Forget<br />
what the teachings say about what happens<br />
after death. Before it, I don’t want to live<br />
my life with an undercurrent of anxiety<br />
about something so natural and certain.<br />
So, then, there are things I need to<br />
confront, accept and perhaps transform<br />
about my situation right here and now.<br />
There are things I need to deal with. I<br />
cannot run away from any aspect of life…<br />
because I know… as I live, so I shall die.<br />
How do I show up in life?<br />
At the moment of death will I be relaxed,<br />
surrendered, and at peace? Am I going to<br />
be at ease? Am I going to be in a state of<br />
love and grace? All of that depends. Am I<br />
in that state now? How often have I been<br />
in that state recently? How about as a habit<br />
throughout most of my life? What about<br />
in stressful situations when the shit hits<br />
the fan? Do I crumble in fear, freeze in<br />
panic, run away, deny, avoid, look for<br />
something to not feel the pain, to buffer<br />
the discomfort?<br />
Or, do I remain in state of peace and love<br />
even when things are hard? I have to ask<br />
myself these questions because, frankly, I<br />
don’t always like the answers. I have to<br />
keep it real. Because if I am not so<br />
surrendered when I can’t pay my bills, or<br />
when my child’s fever spikes, or when I am<br />
filled with regret for things I did, or didn’t<br />
do… then how can I expect the measure of<br />
contentment I hope to die with? How can<br />
I hope to not be as terrified as I think I<br />
might be?<br />
These are questions the yogin ponders as<br />
she must. This is why the “Cremation<br />
Ground Siva” is an Icon of Essence we<br />
look to with reverence. This is why the<br />
practice of living fully in every moment, or<br />
realizing our ultimate human creative<br />
potential is the same thing as saying every<br />
moment is a practice for death and dying.<br />
I am so grateful every Autumn our school<br />
of Sakta-Saiva Dharma makes it a priority<br />
to revisit the teachings on death and dying.<br />
We can never answer all our rational<br />
questions about something as mysterious<br />
as death. But, there are a lot more answers<br />
than most people think. We can learn<br />
about how we dissolve - body, mind and<br />
spirit - and how to best prepare for and<br />
navigate that process. There are tools for<br />
practicing now, which simultaneously<br />
enhance living and serve as trial runs for the<br />
moment of dying.<br />
There are even very practical views and<br />
methods we can learn to better assist<br />
others, our loved ones, who are living their<br />
final moments and might otherwise suffer<br />
in a state of confusion and fear. Certainly,<br />
we can never control a force such as death<br />
and any conscious efforts to work with it<br />
are best practiced with humility. But there<br />
are things we can do. We are not helpless.<br />
We are empowered beings endowed with<br />
greatness and responsibility. What good is<br />
a spiritual practice if it is not giving us the<br />
best chance we’ve got to experience<br />
everything about life, most especially death,<br />
with a masterful touch?<br />
I am grateful for the taste of sobriety reawakened<br />
in me in the wake of my<br />
grandmother’s death. May all beings be free<br />
from the fear of death and in so becoming,<br />
be truly and fully alive. And may my<br />
Nonna rest in peace.<br />
Yogi is co-founder of<br />
Energy of Mind<br />
Therapy<br />
(www.energyofmind<br />
therapy.com), works<br />
with clients online and<br />
at Kailash Askhara<br />
retreat<br />
(www.adiyoga.com) in<br />
Northeast Thailand.<br />
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