Huckleberry Press February 23 2017

Page 10 Huckleberry Press February 23, 2017
FRESH CHUCKLEBERRIES!
Warning! Not to be taken internally, literally, or seriously!
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.” -- Anonymous
“Laughter
is the shortest distance
between two people.”
~ Victor Borge
SHORTIES
Scott McIntyre
www.walksintoabar.net
• Far reaching criminal
organization led by ears of
corn…a Cob Web.
• I think I’m a honeymaking
stinging insect.
No, I’m not crazy! It helps
my energy metabolism…
it’s a Bee-Complex.
• If goats were hired to
trim lawns at estates in
the 90210 zip code, would
they be called…Beverly
Hill Billies?
• Warning! Extra Sharp
Cheddar may cause severe
cuts.
• Alarming New
Research… Sports teams
are not signing 13-19 year
old athletes, resulting in a
serious Pro Teen deficiency
• A female private
Frontier Gear
Sporting Goods
detective and a former
thief who assumed the
role of fictitious business
owner take over a
professional football team
in Pennsylvania, changing
it’s name to the Remington
Steelers.
• Sick of your house not
being a home? Call a
Roomatologist.
DOG TELEGRAM
A dog walked
in to the telegram office
one day. He took out a
blank form and wrote on
it: “Woof. Woof. Woof.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.
Woof. Woof.”
Then he handed
it to the clerk. The clerk
examined the paper and
said to the dog, “You know
there are only nine words
Family Owned | Specializing in AR15 • AR10
FFL Licensed • Rossi model 92 lever action rifles
• Glock compatible pistols
• Polymer80 Lowers and Kits
• Custom Orders: Parts & Firearms
• Handmade Knives
• $5 Transfers
Gunsmith
Dan Van Wormer
971-232-9090
frontiergear.us | dan@frontiergear.us
here? You could send
another ‘Woof’ for the
same price.”
The dog replied,
“But that would make no
sense at all!”
WHERE’S GRANDPA
My grandpa
started walking five miles
a day when he was 60.
Now he’s 97 years
old and we have no idea
where the heck he is.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
My girlfriend says
I’m hopeless at fixing
appliances.
Well, she’s in for a shock.
A man showed up for a
duel armed only with a
pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to
draw his weapon.
Thanks for explaining the
word “many” to me.
It means a lot.
My girlfriend has her
own taser.
She’s a real stunner…
MILLING AROUND
Two windmills are
standing in a field. One
asks the other, “What kind
of music do you like?”
The other one
says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
BAR ROOM PROMO
A man walks into a
bar and orders a drink.
Then he notices
there are pieces of meat
nailed to the ceiling of the
bar so he asks the barman
what they are for. The
barman replies, “If you
can jump up and pull one
of them down you get free
beer all night. If you fail,
you have to pay the bar
$100. Do you want to have
a go?”
The man thinks
about it for a minute before
saying, “Nah, the steaks
are too high!”
What do you call an
imaginary color?
A pigment of your
imagination.
My girlfriend told me she
was leaving me because
I keep pretending to be a
Transformer.
I said, “No, wait! I can
change.”
My girlfriend isn’t talking
to me because apparently
I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how I did
that – I didn’t even know
it was her birthday.
What do you call a
Mexican bodybuilder
who’s run out of protein?
No whey Jose.
What did one decimal say
to the other?
Did you get my point?
What’s the difference
between a hippo and a
Zippo?
One’s really heavy, the
other’s a little lighter.
SHEEPDOG
A talking sheepdog
gets all the sheep into the
pen for his farmer.
He comes back
and says “Okay, chief – all
40 sheep accounted for.”
The farmer says,
“But I’ve counted them
and I’ve only got 36!”
The sheepdog
replies, ‘I know, but I
rounded them up.’
I built an electric fence
around my property
yesterday.
My neighbor is dead
against it.
I haven’t owned a watch
for I don’t know how long
I bought a dog off a
blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it
made a bolt for the door.
I almost got caught
stealing a board game
today. But it was a Risk I
was willing to take.
What do you call a sad
strawberry? A blueberry.
Why do you never serve
beer at a math party?
Because you can’t
drink and derive.
Last night I dreamed that I
was weightless.
I was like, 0mg.
What kind of tree could a
math teacher climb?
Geometry.
What do you get if you
cross a math teacher and a
clock? Arithma-ticks!
My friend is a structural
engineer.
He’s always complaining
about stress at work
No, go out and make
someone smile!
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Compiled and Edited by
Victoria “Tori” Cook Caudle
WARNING: Not to be
taken internally,
literally, or seriously!
OR call Victoria at
228-596-1516