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SURVIVAL “HOW LONG ARE you going to mope around the house?” Carla asks. “You’ve been like this all week.” “I’m not moping,” I say, though I’ve been moping a little. Olly’s rejection has made me feel like a little girl again. It reminded me why I stopped paying attention to the world before. But trying to get back to my normal routine is hard when I can hear all the sounds of the outside world. I notice things that I paid very little attention to before. I hear the wind disturbing the trees. I hear birds gossiping in the mornings. I see the rectangles of sunlight that slip through my blinds and work their way across the room throughout the day. You can mark time by them. As much as I’m trying to keep the world out, it seems determined to come in. “You’ve been reading the same five pages in that book for days now.” She nods at my copy of Lord of the Flies. “Well, it’s a terrible book.” “I thought it was a classic.” “It’s terrible. Most of the boys are awful and all they talk about is hunting and killing pigs. I’ve never been so hungry for bacon in my life.” She laughs, but it’s halfhearted at best. She sits on the couch next to me and moves my legs into her lap. “Tell me,” she says. I put the book down and close my eyes. “I just want them to go away,” I confess. “It was easier before.” “What was easier?” “I don’t know. Being me. Being sick.” She squeezes my leg. “You listen to me now. You’re the strongest, bravest person I know. You better believe that.” “Carla, you don’t have to—” “Shush, listen to me. I’ve been thinking this over. I could see this new thing was weighing down on you, but I know you’re going to be all right.” “I’m not so sure.” “That’s OK. I can be sure for both of us. We’ve been together in this house for fifteen years, so I know what I’m talking about. When I first started with you I thought it was only a matter of time before depression would take you over. And there was that one summer when it came close, but it didn’t happen. Every day you get up and learn something new. Every day you find something to be happy about. Every single day you have a smile for me. You worry more about your mother than you do about yourself.”
I don’t think Carla has ever said this many words all at once. “My own Rosa,” she continues, but then stops. She leans back and closes her eyes in the grip of some emotion I don’t understand. “My Rosa could learn a thing or two from you. She has everything I could give her, but she thinks she has nothing.” I smile. Carla complains about her daughter, but I can tell she spoils her as much as she can. She opens her eyes, and whatever was bothering her passes. “You see, there’s that smile again.” She pats my leg. “Life is hard, honey. Everyone finds a way.”
Page 3 and 4: This is a work of fiction. Names, c
Page 5 and 6: C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
Page 7 and 8: More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
Page 9 and 10: Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
Page 11 and 12: THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
Page 13: SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
Page 19 and 20: “Perfect.” My mom peers over my
Page 21 and 22: STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
Page 23 and 24: ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
Page 27 and 28: THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
Page 29 and 30: NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
Page 31 and 32: I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
Page 33 and 34: The bell rings again. My mom half r
Page 35: PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
Page 39 and 40: FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
Page 41 and 42: NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
Page 43 and 44: NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
Page 45 and 46: FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
Page 47 and 48: Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
Page 49 and 50: Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
Page 51 and 52: Madeline: She must love somebody. I
Page 53 and 54: Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
Page 55 and 56: Olly: come to the window Madeline:
Page 57 and 58: figure is different. This time he
Page 59 and 60: “Well, if I didn’t know before
Page 61 and 62: TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
Page 63 and 64: LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
Page 65 and 66: “You trying to talk me out of it?
Page 67 and 68: OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
Page 69 and 70: he’s still, I can feel the need t
Page 71 and 72: DIAGNOSIS
Page 74 and 75: WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
Page 76 and 77: MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
Page 78 and 79: NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
Page 80: TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
Page 83 and 84: FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
Page 85 and 86: There are too many inputs to the fo
Page 87 and 88:
SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
Page 89 and 90:
NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
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OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
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Olly finds himself getting angry, t
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going to go back to school soon. He
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UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
Page 100 and 101:
my finger in the palm of his hand.
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FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
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LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
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HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
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preparing for a bout. He’s trying
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THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
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“That’s enough now,” my mom s
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MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
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MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
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NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
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I stare at the note, remembering th
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HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
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ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
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LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
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THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
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HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
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THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
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“Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
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At first I’m not sure what I’m
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HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
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I reach over and take his hand. “
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eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
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TTYL
Page 151 and 152:
THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
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MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
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And, too, the world is in me.
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REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
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three meals and two snacks exactly
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eathed the same filtered air for so
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GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
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I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
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ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
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Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
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THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
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ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
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MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•n
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THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
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“Do you believe it?” he asks.
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THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
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My. Heart. Stops.
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RELEASED, PART ONE
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READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
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RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
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Madeline: but mine isn’t
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GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
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LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
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PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
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I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
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FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
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HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
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FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
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question if I have spoken after all
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IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
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PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
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have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
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I should feel compassion. But that
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THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
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“But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
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ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
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THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
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FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
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MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
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FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
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THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
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choices you make and all the choice
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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