Emmaus Ministry For Grieving Parents Guidebook

RETREAT TEAM GUIDEBOOK
By Charley and Diane Monaghan, Paul’s Parents
“Serving the spiritual needs of grieving parents”

Emmaus Ministry Retreat Team Guidebook
by Charley and Diane Monaghan
This book is dedicated in Loving Memory to Paul Patrick Monaghan
and in Humble Gratitude to the Holy Spirit.
©2017 by Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents. All rights reserved.
All parts of the Guidebook may be reproduced with permission by any non-profit
organization that maintains the core mission of the Emmaus Ministry
to serve the spiritual needs of all grieving parents.
To obtain an electronic copy of this Guidebook, contact Diane Monaghan
at: diane@emfgp.org.
Printed in the USA by Pilot Printing, 2017

We dedicate this Guidebook and our work in this
ministry in Loving Memory of our son, Paul Patrick
and in Humble Gratitude to the Holy Spirit.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
CHAPTER 1: OVERVIEW. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
CHAPTER 2: FIRST STEPS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
CHAPTER 3: RESOURCES NEEDED. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
CHAPTER 4: ONE-DAY RETREATS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
CHAPTER 5: PROMOTION. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
CHAPTER 6: WEEKEND RETREATS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
CHAPTER 7: ONE-HOUR RETREATS & ONGOING PROGRAMS . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
CHAPTER 8: FINANCES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
CHAPTER 9: RETREAT “TO DO” CHECKLISTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
CHAPTER 10: EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL SERVICES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
APPENDICES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
APPENDIX 1: EMMAUS GOSPEL STORY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
APPENDIX 2: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77
APPENDIX 3: PARENT FEEDBACK. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80
APPENDIX 4: ROLE OF THE DIOCESE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
APPENDIX 5: RETREAT LEADER GUIDELINES/SCRIPT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .84
APPENDIX 6: OPENING REFLECTION OVERVIEW. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94
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APPENDIX 7: SAMPLE INFORMATION/REGISTRATION SHEET . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
APPENDIX 8: SAMPLE PARENT QUESTIONNAIRE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103
APPENDIX 9: SAMPLE REGISTRATION SPREADSHEET. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .104
APPENDIX 10: SAMPLE “LOGISTICS” EMAIL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105
APPENDIX 11: SAMPLE ONE-DAY RETREAT SCHEDULES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106
APPENDIX 12: ORIENTATION FOLDER SAMPLES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110
APPENDIX 13: SAMPLE PRAYER SERVICES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114
APPENDIX 13a: SAMPLE OPENING PRAYER SERVICE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
APPENDIX 13b: SAMPLE CLOSING PRAYER SERVICE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
APPENDIX 13c: SAMPLE WEEKEND MORNING PRAYER SERVICE . . . . . . . . . . . . 126
APPENDIX 13d: SAMPLE WEEKEND EVENING PRAYER SERVICE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130
APPENDIX 14: PARENT WITNESSING OVERVIEW. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134
APPENDIX 15: SMALL GROUP FACILITATOR GUIDELINES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135
APPENDIX 16: SAMPLE MASS INTERCESSIONS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137
APPENDIX 17: SAMPLE EVALUATION FORM/TABULATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138
APPENDIX 18: PREPARING RETREAT CANDLES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141
APPENDIX 19: COMFORT CROSSES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147
APPENDIX 20: PREPARING NAME TAGS/PARENT DIRECTORIES . . . . . . . . . . . . .148
APPENDIX 20a: PARENT DIRECTORY TEMPLATE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .150
APPENDIX 21a: RETREAT HANDOUT- CATHOLIC TEACHINGS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151
APPENDIX 21b: RETREAT HANDOUT- BIBLIOGRAPHY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152
APPENDIX 22: SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 159
APPENDIX 23: OTHER RETREAT ITEMS NEEDED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .164
APPENDIX 24: SAMPLE PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166
APPENDIX 25: SAMPLE WEEKEND RETREAT SCHEDULE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177
APPENDIX 26: SAMPLE ONE-HOUR RETREAT GUIDELINES/PRAYERS. . . . . . . 179
APPENDIX 27a & 27b SAMPLE BUDGET SHEETS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 182
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INTRODUCTION
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INTRODUCTION
If you are reading this Guidebook, you probably are being called to a ministry of
consolation for parents who have experienced the death of their precious children.
Many would argue that nothing in life is more horrendous.
After our only son, Paul, died in 2002 by suicide, we searched for years for some semblance
of peace and comfort. It was only when we began to focus on the fact that he is still very
much alive and at work in our lives that we found what we were looking for. For our son,
life has changed—not ended. The promise of eternal life is not a promise; it is a fact, and
very real. At last we had hope. We returned to our roots in the Catholic faith.
As grieving parents, however, we need to be reminded of this over and over again.
In 2008 we heard the call of the Holy Spirit and worked with Franciscan Friars at
St. Anthony Shrine in Boston to develop what is now known as the Emmaus Ministry
for Grieving Parents. It is very much a ministry for grieving parents offered by grieving
parents, with help from spiritual leaders and parish and/or diocesan personnel.
Through One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Retreats, we serve the spiritual needs of
grieving parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter how
long ago and no matter how close to God they do or do not feel. We help parents give
themselves the gift of time to get away and to focus on where God is in their lives right
now and where their children are.
Because there is nothing quite like this anywhere that we know of, we believe we have
again been called by the Holy Spirit to empower grieving parents and diocesan personnel
all over the United States and beyond to embrace this ministry as their own. For this
reason, we have written this Emmaus Ministry Retreat Team Guidebook.
The suggestions, samples and templates you see here are based on more than nine years
of giving retreats and serving the spiritual needs of hundreds of grieving parents from
more than seventeen states and three countries. The word “parish” throughout can be
substituted with “diocese,” “retreat house,” “urban ministry,” etc., depending on what entity
is offering the ministry.
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INTRODUCTION
This Guidebook is not at all meant to be a textbook—rather a guidebook offering
suggestions of what has worked well in the past. Feel free to change anything you
would like. Our only requirement is that, if you use the “Emmaus Ministry for Grieving
Parents” name (which is trademarked), that your ministry (1) remains always focused on
the spirituality of the grieving process and (2) you serve all parents whose children of
any age have died by any cause, no matter how long ago.
The materials in this Guidebook are copyrighted, but we give our permission to any
non-profit organization who wishes to use them according to our requirements above.
For your convenience, an electronic version of this Guidebook is available online via
a password that you can obtain from us. Email us at diane@emfgp.org to obtain the
password.
We give special thanks to...
• Sue DiSisto, Archdiocese of New York, for her deep compassion for the parents,
thoughtful and detailed editing of this manuscript, and avid enthusiasm for the
growth of the Emmaus Ministry in New York.
• Dr. Marina A. Herrera not only for her excellent translation of the Spanish version of
this Guidebook and strong support of this ministry, but also her collaboration with
Joann Sullivan, of Sullivan Studio, in redesigning the book and providing meticulous
attention to detail in proofi ng, editing, and formatting.
• Michael Strong, Pilot Printing, for his consummate customer service, enduring
patience, and standard of excellence in printing.
And we give special thanks to our daughter, Beth Rapoza, who has tirelessly worked in this
ministry for many years “behind the scenes” in many ways in loving memory of her beloved
brother, Paul.
On behalf of all the grieving parents who will find much peace and comfort in your
programs, thank you for heeding the Spirit’s call.
Charley and Diane Monaghan, Paul’s Parents
November 2017
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CHAPTER 1:
OVERVIEW
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CHAPTER 1
OVERVIEW
MISSION: “Blest are you who weep and mourn, for one day you will laugh.”
The mission of The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents is to (a) serve the spiritual
needs of grieving parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter
how long ago or how “religious” the parent feels; and (b) help interested parents and
diocesan personnel bring this ministry to their own parishes or regions.
The Emmaus Story is found in the Gospel according
to Mark 16: 12-13, and more fully in the Gospel
according to Luke 24: 13-35. It recounts the story of
two of Jesus’ disciples, who had left Jerusalem on the
day of the Lord’s Resurrection, to return to their
home village of Emmaus.
Along the way, they were “conversing about all the things that had occurred.”
We can imagine them as deeply distraught. All of their hopes and dreams, all of their
expectations for the future had disappeared in an instant with the unexpected death
of the one that they loved so deeply. They were probably still in shock, possibly in deep
anger and pain over the event they had witnessed.
Then a complete stranger joined them on the road. He entered into their conversation,
listening to their pain and confusion. He gave them his insights. “Our hearts (were)
burning... while he spoke to us on the way.”
Was there indeed a reason to have faith, to have hope that death was not final...
that there was victory in an eternal life? When they got to Emmaus, they begged the
stranger to stay longer with them. He agreed, and they sat down to eat. At supper, the
stranger took bread, blessed and broke it, and their eyes were opened to recognize that
it was Jesus, their friend, who had walked and talked and comforted them on the road!
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CHAPTER 1
OVERVIEW
What rich symbolism there is in this story for those of us whose children have died
and are on our own painful journey to make sense of this horrendous loss, to keep
alive the certain hope that we will indeed see them again. In The Emmaus Ministry for
Grieving Parents, we journey this road together, with our God, with members of our
retreat teams, and with each other as Emmaus Parent Companions. Our logo depicts
a grieving mother and father walking with Jesus toward the glory of eternal light and
life (see APPENDIX 1 EMMAUS GOSPEL STORY for Luke’s account)
WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE DO: The death of a child is the most traumatic
and devastating experience any parent can face. In an instant, life dramatically
and drastically changes. Many grieving parents have found that the rich teachings
of the Catholic Church regarding the promise of eternal life do bring peace, comfort,
and hope. The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents is a Catholic ministry based on
the teachings of the Catholic Church; however, it is open to parents of any religion.
Through spiritual retreats and other programs, we serve the spiritual needs of
grieving parents. All of these retreats are offered for grieving parents by grieving
parents and spiritual leaders.
For “Frequently Asked Questions,” see APPENDIX 2. To read what parents had to say
after attending a retreat, see APPENDIX 3 PARENT FEEDBACK. We welcome and are
happy to work with any grieving parent or diocesan personnel who would like to
bring this powerful ministry to your region. As “Emmaus Ministry Central,” we can
provide services that make it easier for you to implement the ministry. See CHAPTER
10 EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL SERVICES for more details. Or, call us at (800) 919-9332.
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CHAPTER 1
OVERVIEW
CATHOLIC TEACHING: Because we have found it to be the only source of true peace
and comfort for us and for many of the grieving parents we have met, this entire
ministry is built on the rich teachings of the Catholic Church regarding death and
the fact of eternal life. While all are welcome and you don’t need to be Catholic to
participate in this ministry, all of our programs focus on these truths. Perhaps the
easiest-to-understand summary of our beliefs is contained in the following:
APOSTLE’S CREED: I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven
and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by
the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was
crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell; on the third day he rose
again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand
of God the Father almighty. From there he will come to judge the living and
the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion
of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life
everlasting. Amen.
For more information, see APPENDIX 21a SAMPLE HANDOUTS for “What the Catholic
Church Holds to be True.” It includes a list of teachings regarding death and the
fact of eternal life. We recommend distributing this document widely as part of your
parents’ Orientation Folders and/or as a handout.
PROGRAMS: All programs of The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents are offered
by Emmaus Parent Companions (other grieving parents who have experienced at least
one of our retreats), spiritual leaders, and possibly diocesan or parish personnel.
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CHAPTER 1
OVERVIEW
Emmaus Parent Companions believe that “It is in consoling that we are consoled.”
They minister to each other through a variety of programs, but most often through
spiritual retreats. In addition to Emmaus Parent Companions, retreat teams include
one or more spiritual leaders (priest, deacon, religious brother/sister, spiritual director,
pastoral associate, diocesan personnel, or other). Emmaus Parent Companions can also
serve as spiritual leaders.
Many Emmaus Ministry programs are currently being offered throughout the year at
various times and locations. See www.emfgp.org for more details. Our three major
programs include spiritual retreats, one-on-one companioning, and Partners in Ministry.
SPIRITUAL RETREATS:
One-Hour Spiritual Retreats — Grieving parents join other grieving parents in this
parent-led program for various types of programs. See CHAPTER 7 ONE-HOUR RETREATS
AND OTHER ONGOING PROGRAMS for details. Currently, one-hour retreats are offered
monthly or periodically at various locations.
One-Day Spiritual Retreats — These retreats give parents the opportunity to concentrate
on their individual spiritual journeys, spend time with spiritual leaders, and listen to the
experiences of other grieving parents. They are currently offered several times/year at
various locations.
Weekend Spiritual Retreats — These retreats enable parents the ability to escape
everyday life to find comfort and seek spiritual healing with spiritual leaders, Emmaus
Parent Companions, and other grieving parents on the same journey. Included are
individual and group sessions, as well as liturgies and prayer services over the course
of a weekend. Parents are invited to share as much or as little of their spiritual journey
as they like. These retreats are currently offered once a year at various locations.
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CHAPTER 1
OVERVIEW
ONE-ON-ONE COMPANIONING: While the Emmaus Ministry is not a support group,
many parents do support each other through prayer, our Emmaus Compassion
Outreach Program (cards and prayers to newly bereaved parents and to parents on
the anniversary of their child’s death) as well as talking and sharing with each other.
PARTNERS IN MINISTRY/COLLABORATORS: We are called by the Holy Spirit to
bring this ministry to as many grieving parents as possible. Our Emmaus Parent
Companions work with other grieving parents, parishes, and dioceses nationwide
and beyond to help get it started. We provide everything from this Guidebook to
actually coordinating your first several retreats on site, if requested. At this writing,
we are offering retreats in eight states and two countries. See www.emfgp.org for
the current list of the archdioceses, dioceses, urban ministries, and parishes we are
working in cooperation with. See CHAPTER 10 EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL SERVICES
for ways we can support the ministry in your area. Call (800) 919-9332 for more details
on how to become a Partner in Ministry/Collaborator.
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CHAPTER 2:
FIRST STEPS
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CHAPTER 2
FIRST STEPS
INTRODUCING THE EMMAUS MINISTRY FOR GRIEVING PARENTS IN YOUR REGION:
Ministering to grieving parents whose precious children have died can be daunting.
There are no words and seemingly, no comfort. Yet the promise of eternal life and the rich
teachings of our faith can tremendously help these broken parents who desperately need it.
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents offers a unique program serving the spiritual
needs of parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter how long ago
and no matter how “religious” the parent feels. We provide spiritual retreats for grieving
parents given by grieving parents, together with spiritual leaders. It is a way you can offer
parishioners a safe place where they can find faith-based peace, comfort, and hope, at least
for a time.
Currently the Emmaus Ministry offers One-Hour, One-Day, and Weekend Retreats. Easiest to
coordinate the first time around is the One-Day Retreat. Based on more than nine years of
experience, this guidebook offers suggestions, retreat materials, and templates to help you
get started step by step.
How to begin? Ideally someone from your area would come to one of our retreats. You
can access our current schedule at www.emfgp.org. Transportation from Logan Airport
in Boston to wherever the local retreat is scheduled is available. This is a way for you to
experience firsthand what the ministry is all about. However, if it is impossible for you to
come, we understand. Ideally, you need one to three grieving parents who agree to serve on
your Retreat Team. For your Initial Retreat, we may be able to provide those parents.
Because it is so desperately needed, you should plan on offering the ministry to an entire
area or region, as opposed to parishioners of a single parish. The next step is to determine
the best path for introducing the ministry. As a parent, typically you would first approach
both the Marriage and Family Life Director or Bereavement Coordinator of your diocese and
the pastor of your parish to obtain their approvals of the ministry.
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CHAPTER 2
FIRST STEPS
Obtaining the approval of the diocese for the ministry is extremely helpful in that
(1) it gives the ministry much needed credibility in your area; and (2) the diocese can be
very helpful in promoting your retreats. See APPENDIX 4 ROLE OF THE DIOCESE.
We have found that some dioceses want to approve any new ministry; others do not.
Some dioceses, such as the Archdiocese of New York, prefer to introduce the ministry by
offering a diocesan-sponsored retreat. We recommend you begin with your pastor and
ask his advice on how to proceed. If you need referrals or letters of recommendations
from other dioceses, we can provide them.
Because of several generous grant awards, we are currently able to come to you with
a core retreat team and coordinate much of your Initial Retreat for you. After that
retreat or one or two others, the hope and prayer is that parents who participate in
your retreats will want to work in the ministry to help carry it forward in your area.
As “Emmaus Ministry Central,” we can provide services to make it easier for you to
implement and maintain the ministry (see CHAPTER 10 EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL
SERVICES.)
After (1) obtaining approval from your diocese and pastor; (2) reviewing this Guidebook
for specifi cs on resources needed; (3) deciding how much you would like us to participate
in your Initial Retreat(s); and (4) determining the best location for your fi rst retreat, the
next steps are to schedule your retreat and begin promoting it.
NOTE: The Emmaus Ministry can provide a large number of clergy and parent
references, a Letter of Good Standing, and several endorsement letters from bishops. See
“Locations” at www.emfgp.org.
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CHAPTER 3:
RESOURCES
NEEDED
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CHAPTER 3
RESOURCES
NEEDED
Introducing the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents in your parish/region is relatively
easy incurring comparatively little cost. It is very much a parent-led ministry requiring
as little or as much clergy or parish personnel involvement available. Here are some
specifics on offering a retreat for 20-25 parents, the ideal size.
MINISTRY ADOPTION: To successfully adopt this ministry, your regional site needs to:
(1) Embrace the mission of the ministry: To serve the spiritual needs of grieving
parents whose children of any age have died by any cause—no matter how
long ago.
(2) Have the intention of eventually maintaining the ministry for grieving parents by
grieving parents locally on an ongoing basis with at least one spiritual retreat for
20-25 parents per year.
(3) Commit to an aggressive local promotion plan.
PEOPLE: For any Emmaus Ministry retreat, the more parish and parent involvement, the
better—even for your initial retreat. If you have a parish committee able to provide food
and sustenance, for example, and a spiritual leader able to provide spiritual support, that
would be ideal.
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RESOURCES
NEEDED
Ideally your Retreat Team will include the following roles. Several people may fill more than
one role. However, the Hospitality Coordinator should not be a grieving parent attending the
rest of the retreat. For details on their specific duties, see “ Retreat Team” in CHAPTER 4.
PEOPLE:
• Emmaus Parent Companions: 2-4 grieving parents (You may need to
offer several retreats before parents are ready to assume this role)
• Spiritual Leader
• Parish/Diocesan and/or Site Liaison
• Hospitality Coordinator
• Spiritual Director (optional)
• Confessor (optional)
• Other Parish/Site Volunteers (optional)
FACILITIES:
• Chapel or area in church for prayer and to accommodate a 6’ table for 15-20 candles
lit the entire day—preferably in the front, near the altar
• Large group room to accommodate 20-25 people sitting at tables arranged in
a square or a “ U.” Would also include space for the following:
• Table for ongoing beverage service and snacks throughout the day
• Table for handouts
• Table for prayer shawls (if available)
• Three breakout rooms to accommodate 8-10 people each
• Buffet and dining area for 20-25 people (could be a section in the large group room,
if necessary)
• Reserved seating at Saturday Vigil Mass (if needed)
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CHAPTER 3
RESOURCES
NEEDED
RETREAT MATERIALS: For a detailed list of suggested retreat materials for an Emmaus
Ministry Retreat, see “Retreat Materials” in CHAPTER 4 ONE-DAY RETREATS.
PROMOTIONAL PLAN: Because the Emmaus Ministry is comparatively new and less well
known, you will need a very aggressive promotional plan that begins literally 3-4 months
before your first retreat. See CHAPTER 5 PROMOTION for a suggested promotional plan
and templates.
FINANCIAL SUPPORT: Emmaus Ministry One-Day Retreats can range from actually
making several hundred dollars for the parish to a maximum of costing the parish
$750-$1000. Major costs include the stipend for the Reflection presenter and expenses
for food and refreshments. For more details on income and expenses, see CHAPTER 8
FINANCES.
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CHAPTER 4:
ONE-DAY
RETREATS
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CHAPTER 4
ONE-DAY
RETREATS
One-Day Emmaus Ministry Retreats are the easiest to coordinate and the most cost
effective types of retreats. They are also wonderful opportunities to build community
within parishes. It is not unusual for various parish committees to adopt the ministry
and provide support, such as hospitality, music, prayer, financial assistance, and prayer
shawls. In one of our parishes, the Men’s Group provided food and nourishment for the
entire day; the Knights of Columbus provided financial assistance; the Women’s Prayer
Shawl Ministry provided prayer shawls; the Prayer Group prayed a novena for us; the
pastor gave the Reflection; and the Music Minister gave a musical reflection and adapted
the Prayer Services. Of course, not every parish is able to offer this much support.
Many parishes are able to offer facilities only and the Parent Registration Coordinator
will need to recruit volunteers for these positions.
For this reason, One-Day Retreats are most often used to introduce the ministry. They
are usually offered in a Parish Center where the church or a chapel is nearby. Typically,
they begin around 9:30am and end between 6:30pm and 7:30pm, depending on the
time of the Vigil Mass. Many people comment beforehand that it seems like a long day;
however, very often at the end of it, most say they don’t want to go home.
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CHAPTER 4
ONE-DAY
RETREATS
RETREAT TEAM: Your first retreat team will probably have more parish or diocesan
volunteers than grieving parents. Ongoing, however, the Retreat Team typically includes:
• Emmaus Parent Companions (or Parish/Diocesan Volunteers): Two or more
grieving parents or volunteers who provide assistance for all pre-retreat and retreat
activities; coordinate on site set up and clean up. Specifically, they function as:
• Parent (or Parish or Diocesan) Registration Coordinator: Answers
inquiry calls; explains the spiritual focus of the ministry and the comfort of
concentrating on the promise of eternal life; helps parents register; prepares
retreat materials
• Parent (or Parish or Diocesan) Retreat Leader: Guides the group through
various activities of the day. See APPENDIX 5 RETREAT LEADER GUIDELINES/
SCRIPT
• Parish/Site Liaison: (parish secretary, diocesan personnel, parent, etc.): Forwards
inquiry calls from your main parish number to your Parent Registration Coordinator.
• Spiritual Leader: (can be a priest, deacon, spiritual director, religious, or pastoral
associate, etc., who is called to this ministry): Provides an important 30-40 minute
Opening Reflection focused on the spiritual journey of the grieving parent.
See APPENDIX 6 OPENING REFLECTION OVERVIEW.
• Hospitality Coordinator: Coordinates donation (or catering) and serving of food,
including breakfast coffee and pastries, lunch, dinner, and ongoing snacks. We strongly
recommend this role not be filled by a grieving parent who is also trying to participate in
the rest of the retreat. Parish volunteers or diocesan personnel could function in this role.
• Spiritual Director (optional): Provides ongoing support throughout the day and
individual spiritual direction sessions. Usually offered by a certified Spiritual Director.
• Confessor (optional): Provides Reconciliation (can be during regularly scheduled hours).
• Other Parish/Site Volunteers (optional): Prayer Shawl Ministry, Prayer Group
Ministry, Music Ministry, etc.
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Note: As you are organizing your retreat team, be sure get correct spellings of names up
front. Later, you will want to correctly list and thank everyone on your “Retreat Team
Members” sheet included in your Orientation Folders (folders each parent receives at
Check-In). This will save you time when you are preparing the folders.
REGISTRATION: Typically, Emmaus Ministry retreat registration is a six-step process:
1. Parents Register and Pay Online (or by USPS or in person):
• Edit the template found in APPENDIX 7 SAMPLE INFORMATION SHEET/REGISTRATION
FORM. Print hard copies for distribution and post an online version, if possible, on a
prominent section of your website.
• Contact us at info@emfgp.org to let us know your times, dates, and locations, so
we can include this information on our central website and set up your online
registration process. Emmaus Ministry Central (your Boston-based retreat team)
will process your registrations at no or minimal cost to you. You will immediately
receive registration information as it comes in. After registration is closed, we will
forward funds collected to you to offset your retreat expenses. For more information
on Emmaus Ministry Central services, see CHAPTER 10 EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL
SERVICES.
• Include your Registration Form URL link (or ours) everywhere, particularly on all
promotional materials and social media sites.
• Parents without internet access may prefer to register in person, in which case they
can meet with your Parish/Site Liaison, who should scan and email the information
to your Parent Registration Coordinator and to us.
• If sufficient time before the retreat exists (at least 3 weeks), parents can mail the
form to your Parent Registration Coordinator; however, this is not preferable.
Again, your Parent Registration Coordinator will forward this information to us.
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2. Parent Registration Coordinator Calls Each Registrant:
• Allow time for these calls (typically 15-30 minutes) and take notes.
• Understand that this is the parent’s first contact with the Emmaus Ministry.
Many parents have told us that they used this phone call to determine their view
of the entire ministry. Therefore, this phone call is extremely important and must be
made thoughtfully. It is very much a pastoral, not a procedural conversation.
• Introduce yourself and ask if this is a good time to talk. Try to make sure that the person
you are talking to is not driving.
• Say that you are calling because they have registered for the retreat and to ask if they
have any questions regarding the ministry or the retreat.
• Approach parents gently. They are extremely vulnerable and probably unsure of
whether or not this is a good fit for them.
• Ensure that they are indeed grieving parents. (Note: Occasionally a friend or relative
offers to attend retreats either alone or with a grieving parent. Rarely is this a good idea.
Because of the unique nature of their grief, Emmaus Ministry retreats are designed for
grieving parents or guardians exclusively. It is their day. Having someone who is not a
grieving parent accompany a parent significantly changes the dynamics of the retreat
experience).
• Listen compassionately to their stories. Communicate how sorry you are to hear that
their child has died; ask them their child’s name; use it in the present tense often; ask
them if they can tell you about their child...what s/he is like and how s/he died. Listen.
Listen. Listen. Unless you also are a grieving parent, avoid saying you understand how
they feel. If you are a grieving parent, say that you can understand somewhat how they
feel. Avoid telling any part of your personal story, unless the parent asks. Remember that
this conversation is about their situation, not necessarily yours, unless you feel you need
to establish credibility and empathy.
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• Answer questions about why these retreats are helpful to grieving parents. Reiterate
that, in coming to this retreat, you are giving yourself the gift of getting away from
everyday life to focus on where God is in your life right now... where (child’s name)
is in your life right now... to focus on the fact that (child’s name) is very much alive
and active in your life right now... that you will see (child’s name) again. Life for
(child’s name) has changed, not ended. This is not a support group; it is a faith-based
ministry.
• Talk about the focus of the retreats, which is each parent’s individual spiritual
journey. Because one’s spiritual journey is so personal, we won’t be “going around
the room” and asking each parent to stand up and talk about his/her situations. No
one will be forced to say anything. Many parents participate by listening and prefer
not to say anything the entire retreat, which is perfectly fine. At the retreat, we
encourage parents to talk as much or as little as they like. That being said, anyone
who would like to share their story will have many opportunities.
• Give an overview of what happens at retreats, if asked: one-on-one, small group,
and larger group sessions, Mass, and opportunity for spiritual direction and
reconciliation (if available at your retreat). Mention that a continental breakfast,
lunch, dinner, and all retreat materials are included in the registration fee. Parents
do not need to bring anything, other than an open mind.
• Verbally establish credibility that the retreat team includes both grieving parents
and spiritual leaders.
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• IMPORTANT: Request completion of a short, online Parent Questionnaire to obtain more
information about the child and obtain permission to include contact information in
the Parent Directory distributed at the retreat. We provide you with an easy-to-use link.
Parent Questionnaire information will be used to (1) help you prepare retreat materials
and (2) help us to electronically serve the spiritual needs of your parents in the future.
On request, we can also provide to you links to custom questionnaires for parents who
have experienced multiple losses or prenatal losses, which are not unusual.
• The questionnaire also asks the parent to upload a digital photo of the child. If parents
do not have internet access or a digital photo—or they prefer completing a hard copy
of the questionnaire, see APPENDIX 8 SAMPLE PARENT QUESTIONNAIRE. You can also
use the questionnaire as your Registration Form for late registrants. Some parents
prefer that you fill it out for them. If you have at least three weeks before the retreat,
mail the questionnaire to them and request a wallet-size photo of the child. When
the questionnaire comes in, scan the photo for use in the Parent Directory and on the
Memorial Candle; return the original photo to the parent in their orientation folders at
your retreat. Again, use USPS only as your last resort because of timing.
• At the end, ask if there is anything else they would like to ask or for us to tell them.
• Some parents prefer not to get into a long or involved conversation for various reasons,
and that is, of course, perfectly fine. However, you will need to obtain the Parent
Questionnaire information, no matter what.
3. If Not Using Our Parent Questionnaire Link: Parent Registration Coordinator
Forwards Parent Questionnaire Information to Emmaus Ministry Central.
We will use this information for the following:
• A comprehensive list of all retreat parents
• Remembrance cards and emails sent by Emmaus Parent Companions on children’s
anniversary dates
• Notice of future Emmaus Ministry programs
• Monthly emails with words of comfort, ministry news, and volunteer opportunities
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4. Parent Registration Coordinator or Other Retreat Team Member Uses Parent
Questionnaire Information to Prepare Retreat Materials:
• Registration Summary Spreadsheet for Retreat Team (see #5 below and APPENDIX 9).
• Memorial Candles (APPENDIX 18)
• Parent Directories (APPENDICES 20 and 20a)
• Orientation Folders (APPENDIX 12)
• Name Tags (APPENDIX 20)
5. Parent Registration Coordinator or Other Retreat Team Member Forwards
Registration Summary Spreadsheet to all Retreat Team Members: All Retreat
Team members need information 3-5 days before the retreat on who is coming, what
their circumstances are, and what they hope to gain from the retreat.
6. Parent Registration Coordinator Sends “Retreat Logistics” Email to all retreat
registrants 3-5 Days Before Your Retreat: Confirm date, time, and location. Give
additional information about parking, what to wear, what to expect, etc. Assure parents
that pre-retreat hesitation is very common and totally normal. See APPENDIX 10 for
SAMPLE RETREAT “LOGISTICS” EMAIL. Mail hard copies of the email to registrants who
do not have email addresses.
NOTE: LATE REGISTRANTS. Typically we close online registrations the Monday before
the retreat because we need to speak to parents directly to get all of their materials in
on time. Often they will need to bring a photocopy of their child’s wallet-size photo on
the morning of the retreat. You will need to designate someone on your retreat team to
handle late registrants and/or Walk-Ins by cutting out and affixing these photos to extra
candles you have brought with you. Using a hand-held printer and adhesive photo paper
makes this job much easier (see APPENDIX 23 for more information on the printer)..
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MAXIMUM CAPACITY. All of the suggestions in this Guidebook are based on retreats serving
20-25 parents. Any group larger than 25 loses its intimacy and begins to feel like a conference,
in our opinion. For this reason, it is often good to plan for at least two retreats per year. This
way you can tell any parents you are not able to accommodate at this retreat the date for
your next retreat. Or you can plan a program of periodic One-Hour Retreats.
RETREAT SCHEDULE
APPENDIX 11: ONE-DAY RETREAT SAMPLE SCHEDULES includes sample schedules for when
parents attending a 5:00pm Vigil Mass (preferable) and attending a 4:00pm Vigil Mass. These
detailed schedules are for Retreat Team Members only—or as samples to send to clergy and
Hospitality Coordinators. Typically the schedule includes the following:
• Check-in: Emmaus Parent Companions welcome parents to the retreat. Needed
is a table, two chairs, Orientation Folders, and name tags. This period of time also
functions as a “meet and greet” with beverage service and pastries, provided by a parish
committee. Members of the Retreat Team should make special efforts to mingle with
parents, who are probably feeling uncomfortable at this point. Some parents tend to
come early, so you should be set up and ready a half hour before you have told parents
the retreat begins.
• Retreat Team Prayer: The entire retreat team (including volunteers) gathers in the
chapel where the Spiritual Leader leads the group in a short prayer asking the Holy Spirit
for guidance and help.
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• Welcome/General Information/Group Considerations/Retreat Guidelines: The
Parent Retreat Leader and any Site Representatives welcome the group and give
general information about the facility. The Parent Retreat Leader reviews materials
included in the Orientation Folder (see APPENDIX 12 ORIENTATION FOLDER SAMPLES).
Pay special attention to the Retreat Guidelines explaining them in detail. Retreat
Guidelines set the tone for the day and help people to feel at ease. Review each retreat
guideline one by one with the group. The guidelines emphasize the fact that the
ministry is not a support group (though parents do support each other individually)
and it is not psychotherapy.
• Opening Prayer Service: A beautiful way to begin the retreat, this prayer service
includes an explanation of the use of light and the ritual of lighting candles in the
Catholic Church; blessing and lighting of Memorial Candles bearing the name and
photo of children born into eternal life; and distribution of Comfort Crosses. See
APPENDIX 5 RETREAT LEADER GUIDELINES/SCRIPT for information on the use of light
and candles and APPENDIX 13a SAMPLE OPENING PRAYER SERVICE. After the Opening
Prayer Service, the Memorial Candles remain lit throughout the entire day until the
Closing Prayer Service. Parents can visit this sacred space anytime they wish during
the day.
• Refl ection: An important 30-40 minute refl ection on the Catholic view of suffering
and death and what the Church teaches about everlasting life, typically given by your
parish’s priest, deacon, religious, spiritual director, pastoral associate, etc. For an
overview of the Refl ection and a Sample Refl ection that was very well received by
parents in the past, see APPENDIX 6 OPENING REFLECTION OVERVIEW.
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• Lunch: Typically soup and sandwiches provided by a parish committee or catered at
parish cost.
• Parent Witnessing: This is a powerful segment. One or more parents who have
previously attended retreats share where they are on their spiritual journeys with
the group. Parent witnesses may or may not feel close to God. Whatever they have to
say, however, will resonate with other parents in the room. For an overview of Parent
Witnessing, see APPENDIX 14 PARENT WITNESSING OVERVIEW.
• Small-Group Gatherings for Mothers and Fathers: Because each parent grieves
differently, especially mothers and fathers, we break into small groups of 6-8 mothers
and 6-8 fathers (see “Emmaus Walk” that follows for guidance on how to invoke the Holy
Spirit and draw names for determining which parents go into which group if you need
more than one group for mothers and/or fathers).
Typically, Emmaus Parent Companions on your retreat team serve as small-group
facilitators to keep the discussions focused; however, in some cases, you may need to use
non-parents.
Facilitators are not “experts,” and should avoid dominating the conversation with their
own stories or personal opinions. Non-grieving parents who are facilitators should avoid
talking at all, unless it is necessary to keep the conversation on the spirituality of the
grieving process.
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The facilitator should begin by reiterating Retreat Guidelines that were discussed at
the beginning of the retreat. They then begin the discussion by offering a directed
question to the group, e.g., “In your pain, which have you felt more... the presence
or the absence of God?” or “Why do you think the Holy Spirit brought you to
this retreat today?” Parents in the group, who feel comfortable sharing, then talk
about their own journeys.
The facilitator should ensure that the discussion stays on spiritual topics, as opposed
to self-help ideas or advice. Very often mothers’ groups want to talk longer than the
time allotted; they should be able to do so with reasonably minor adjustments to the
schedule or the day. For guidelines on facilitating these small groups, see APPENDIX 15
SMALL GROUP FACILITATOR GUIDELINES.
• Large-Group Gathering: After small groups, gather the entire group together
again and invite parents, who want to do so, to share anything that resonated
with them in the small group. [Note: Please avoid the corporate-like structure of
appointing someone in the small group to take notes and report back to the large
group. Large group sharing is not meant to reiterate everything that was said in
the small groups—rather, it’s for any particularly interesting observations or new
insights that individual parents may want to share with each other.]
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• Letter Writing. Using paper and pens you provide, ask parents to write a letter to
God... to their child... to whomever they would like to talk with right now. It could be a
letter of regret, contrition, love... anything the parent feels the need to communicate.
Assure them that no one on earth will read their letters. Parents fold them and place
them in a container on the altar of the chapel. If allowed at your location, a beautiful
symbolic ritual would be for the Parent Retreat Leader to take the letters outside and
burn them; then ask the priest or deacon to mix the ashes with incense during the Mass
(if it is private) or the Closing Prayer Service (if it is not) later on in the day. These letters
then become prayers, like incense, that rise to heaven. Spread remaining ashes from the
letters in a sacred location at your site, e.g. a grotto, labyrinth, or any nearby soil where
they will return to the earth.[Note: Receive permission from someone in authority at the
site as to if and where you can burn the letters. Be sure to use an aluminum bucket or
large pan. Obviously, if it is windy, do not attempt to do this. Tell parents you will burn
the letters and include with incense at a later time.]
• Emmaus Walk. Remembering how Jesus comforted his distraught disciples on the road
to Emmaus, this gospel from Luke might well be about parents after receiving news of
the death of their child (see APPENDIX 1: EMMAUS GOSPEL STORY). Your Emmaus Walk
reenacts this original walk of consolation. Pair your parents and ask them to walk (either
literally or figuratively) one-on-one together, telling each other, if they wish, where they
are in their own spiritual journeys—or what their child was like. Parents are encouraged
to allow time for both to talk, if desired. To pair parents, put names of all participants,
including parent members of the retreat team, into your prayer bowl. Invoke the Holy
Spirit for the pairings. A sample invocation prayer may be...
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Holy Spirit, we thank you for being with us throughout the day today. Continue
to be our teacher, guide, counselor, and friend. Fill us with honesty and
compassion, and open the eyes of our hearts. As we draw these names, we
invoke your active participation in choosing those of us who need to be with
each other during this time. We ask this through Christ, Our Lord. Amen.
Then draw the names in two’s and begin the “walks.” It may not be immediately
apparent why parents are paired the way they are (or it may be very obvious).
Afterwards, parents often tell us they know why they were paired with whom.
• Optional Time: During this time, parents have the option of going to Reconciliation
if it is available; spiritual direction, if a Spiritual Director is available; companion each
other by finding a comfortable place to sit and talk; spend time in the chapel; or enjoy
free time. The flexibility of this time frame allows the Parent Retreat Leader to make
time adjustments in the schedule as needed.
• Mass: Mass can be private in your chapel or church or, just as powerful, part of the
regularly scheduled Saturday Vigil Mass at the parish. It is ideal to celebrate the Mass
wherever the children’s candles are. If parishioners serve on the retreat team as part
of hospitality, prayer shawl, or prayer group ministries, for example, having Emmaus
Ministry retreatants attend the Saturday Vigil Mass can be extremely moving for
all involved. Parishioners see how the parish has worked together to minister to
these heartbroken parents and parents feel the support of the entire congregation,
as guided by the Celebrant. One Celebrant we know even invites the congregation to
bless the parents and pray for them and for their children. Typically, parishes include
some mention of the parents during the Prayers of the Faithful (see APPENDIX 16 for
SAMPLE MASS INTERCESSIONS).
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For private Masses, the Celebrant may actually read the names of each of the children,
which you provide, during the Canon. Remember to include the names of children from
late registrants and walk-ins. [Note: If it is a private Mass for your retreat, you may need
to arrange for a priest (preferably one drawn to bereavement ministry) and a musician
(because music for Mass needs to be live). You will also need to provide stipends for your
priest and musicians.
For music selections at private Masses, ask your musician to choose songs of “hope and
resurrection,” as opposed to “glory and praise,” as many parents are extremely vulnerable
and questioning their faith. Hymns of hope, often used for funerals, are always a
good choice. At Saturday Vigil Masses, choosing hymns is not an option, as it is more
appropriate to use the same music for all weekend Masses.
• Evaluation: Immediately before (or after dinner if you have to, but not recommended),
the Parent Retreat Leader distributes Evaluation Forms asking for feedback from
parents on what they liked about the day and what suggestions they may have for the
future. It is also an opportunity for the retreat team to obtain names of parents who
would like to serve on future retreat teams. See APPENDIX 17 SAMPLE EVALUATION FORM
AND TABULATION.
• Dinner: Typically a salad and a simple casserole provided by a parish committee or
catered at parish cost.
• Closing Prayer Service: If your spiritual leader is a priest—and he is willing and it is
approved in your diocese—it is always powerful to include the Sacrament of Anointing
and Laying On of Hands in the Closing Prayer Service. If your priest prefers not to do this,
obviously that is ok too. Always ask first. During a weekend retreat, this sacrament can
be incorporated into the Evening Prayer Service.
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Then, after leading the group in prayer, your Spiritual Leader invites parents to come
up and extinguish their Memorial Candles. Remind parents that, though the wick of
the candle is extinguished, the light of their child and that of the Risen Lord remains
eternal. The Spiritual Leader closes the prayer service with a blessing, sending
parents forth. See APPENDIX 13b: SAMPLE CLOSING PRAYER SERVICE.
• Highlights of the Retreat: If any of the parents on your retreat team are able to
write a short summary of what happened at the retreat and submit it to us at info@
emfgp.org, we will include it on our website to minister to other parents who love to
attend these retreats vicariously (see www.emfgp.org/past-programs for samples).
Once you have your own database of retreatants, you can share it with them as well.
• Evaluation: Your retreat team members review the Evaluation Form Tabulation,
talk about lessons learned, note any adjustments needed for future retreats, and
share them with any appropriate parish or diocesan personnel and with Emmaus
Ministry Central (see APPENDIX 17 SAMPLE EVALUATION FORM AND TABULATION).
RETREAT MATERIALS:
CANDLES
• Memorial Candles: The Emmaus Ministry provides a memorial candle for each
child born into eternal life whose parents are participating in the retreat. A photo
of the child and his/her name is affixed on the front of a clear white, 8-day sanctuary
candle. On the back of the candle is a label that includes the location and date of
the retreat. All memorial candles are arranged on a 6-ft. table near the altar in the
church or chapel.
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After a short reflection on the traditional use of candles in ritual and Catholic liturgy,
the Spiritual Leader blesses the candles (and Comfort Crosses—see below) and parents
light them as a very moving part of the Opening Prayer Service. Candles stay lit in the
chapel during the entire day until the Closing Prayer Service when their wicks are
extinguished. It is comforting for parents to be able to sit in vigil with the candles
throughout the day. They are encouraged to feel free to opt in or out of scheduled retreat
activities to spend time in the chapel if they so desire. Have instrumental hymns or
meditation music looping on a music player in the background.
Some sites adhere to strict fire codes. It may be necessary to obtain volunteers not
attending the retreat to sit in vigil with the candles to ensure that they are safe.
If this is necessary, typically prayer groups, service-learning students, or other parish
volunteers are tapped to participate in the retreat this way. While difficult to organize
and coordinate, having various parish groups join the retreat to sit in vigil is a beautiful
way for the parish to work together and support this powerful ministry. Using an
online program, e.g., “Sign up Genius,” helps keep track of who is scheduled for when.
Check with your pastor or site representative to see if this is necessary. We strongly
prefer not to use battery-operated candles, but that alternative may be necessary in
some areas. [Note: If purchased from a church supply company, the outside of these
candles do not get hot and do not drip wax. They are handled only when they are lit
and when they are extinguished. We do not process with candles.]
• Retreat Team Candles: Members of the Retreat Team who are not grieving parents,
e.g. the Spiritual Leader, Spiritual Directors, Hospitality Coordinator, etc., also receive
and light a candle during the Opening Prayer Service. These candles carry a “With Deep
Appreciation” label on the front that includes the location and date of the retreat.
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• Preparing Retreat Candles: See APPENDIX 18 PREPARING RETREAT CANDLES for
detailed instructions and templates.
COMFORT CROSSES
After parents light their children’s candles at the Opening Prayer Service, they
receive a Comfort Cross, which is a small, olive wood, hand-held cross inscribed with
Matthew 5:4, “Blest are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Parents
are encouraged to hold the cross, carry it in their pockets, and generally keep it near
throughout the day. Afterwards it becomes a memento of the retreat. Comfort
Crosses are blessed during the Opening Prayer Service with the Memorial Candles.
See APPENDIX 19 COMFORT CROSSES for information on ordering Comfort Crosses,
having them laser-engraved, and obtaining organza gift bags. Alternatively, you can
purchase them from us @ $5.00 each, including gift bag.
Note: Comfort Crosses are optional. Previously, we have offered journals, bibles,
and statues as mementos of the retreat. Feel free to offer any other type of retreat
memento you think is more appropriate for your location—or none at all.
ORIENTATION FOLDERS
At Check-In, in addition to name tags, parents receive Orientation Folders (simple
2-pocket cardstock folders). You may want to begin organizing your Orientation
Folder materials by creating a letterhead that includes your logo, the Emmaus
Ministry logo, type of retreat (One-Day) and the date. You can then use this letterhead
to create the materials below. Typically, Orientation Folders contain the items below.
See APPENDIX 12 for ORIENTATION FOLDER SAMPLES.
• Parent Directory (see below and APPENDICES 20 and 20a)
• Retreat Guidelines
• List of Retreat Team Members, including anyone who worked on the retreat or
donated anything to support the retreat
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• General Schedule (abbreviated schedule listing sessions for the day. Because the
schedule is fluid, we generally avoid listing start and stop times).
• In Loving Memory Donor Recognition Sheet (if appropriate). Parents often
donate money to sponsor Memorial Candles and Comfort Crosses for retreatants.
We recognize this by including a sheet with the child’s name and photo to let parents
know that their candles and crosses were presented to them in a specific child’s
memory. You may also recognize vendors or other donors who contribute in any way
(see APPENDIX 22 SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE).
• Catechesis: What the Catholic Church Holds True on Death and Resurrection (see
APPENDIX 21a).
PARENT DIRECTORY/NAME TAGS
Although The Emmaus Ministry is not a support group, very often parents do pray
for and support each other. In Orientation Folders given at Check-In, each participant
receives a Parent Directory in which photos of all memorialized children and contact
information for their parents are listed. The Parent Questionnaire retreatants complete
as part of the registration process requests permission from parents to have their
names listed in this Directory. Be sure to check whether or not each parent has given
permission. Otherwise do not include their child’s photo and their contact information
in the Directory.
We also provide Emmaus Ministry name tags. See APPENDIX 20 and APPENDIX 20a:
PREPARING PARENT DIRECTORIES AND NAME TAGS for detailed instructions and
templates.
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HANDOUTS
Typically, near the ongoing snack service in a hallway outside of a meeting room,
we have a handout table containing articles, poems, and bibliographies addressing
the spiritual needs of grieving parents. Handouts may address a specific parent
population, e.g. early loss through miscarriage, abortion, and stillbirth; suicide; or
drug overdose, if appropriate, for parents attending your retreat.
Or they may include prayers, interesting perspectives on a spiritual topic, such as
suffering, or Scripture readings. Whatever you believe may be helpful to grieving
parents on their spiritual journeys is useful. For a “Catechesis” detailing what the
Catholic Church teaches on death and the promise of eternal life, as well as a
“Bibliography for Grieving Parents” compiled by Emmaus Ministry grieving parents
for grieving parents, see APPENDICES 21a and 21b. For additional resources you can
download and photocopy, see www.emfgp.org.
CONSOLATION THROUGH MUSIC
Be creative! One retreat in Boston, MA included a reflection that focused on “Using
Music for Consolation.” The result was a CD of consoling songs and hymns specifically
recommended by parents for parents. We photocopied lyrics and burned multiple
copies of these CD’s to give to interested parents. At subsequent retreats, during the
“Optional” time frame, we arranged for a “Consolation through Music” seating area
where parents could listen to the CD and read the lyrics.
We have had requests to include other holistic options for grieving parents that
could include journaling, art, and meditation. Any activity that could bring peace and
comfort to grieving parents is encouraged during Emmaus Ministry retreats, as long
as the focus on the spirituality of the grieving process remains paramount.
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PRAYER SHAWLS
Prayer Shawl Ministries are very powerful. Sometimes referred to as “handmade hugs,”
prayer shawls are provided by parish volunteers who knit them while praying for those
who will use them for comfort. Many pray in a special way for grieving parents as they
knit. If you are lucky enough to be in a parish or area where prayer shawl ministers
are available to knit and donate shawls for your retreatants, you are in a wonderful
situation. You can have a table of prayer shawls next to your Handouts table. Including
a sign or notes on each shawl explaining what they are is a great idea.
St. Patrick’s in Stoneham, MA includes this message with each of their shawls:
As you wear this shawl, may you be cradled in hope, kept in joy,
graced with peace and wrapped in love. With many blessings,
St. Patrick’s Prayer Shawl Ministry.
Parents are encouraged to take a prayer shawl if they wish. Our Hartford, CT location
beautifully incorporates prayer shawls enfolding grieving parents into their Closing
Prayer Service along with the hymn, “ Enfold Me, O Lord.”
RETREAT SIGNAGE
See APPENDIX 22 SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE for templates you can use for signs for your
retreat:
• In Loving Memory
• Welcome
• Handouts Table
• Donor Acknowledgements
• Prayer Shawl Table
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CHAPTER 4
ONE-DAY
RETREATS
OTHER RETREAT ITEMS NEEDED
For additional items needed for Emmaus Ministry retreats, see APPENDIX 23: OTHER
RETREAT ITEMS NEEDED. Many other items can enhance the spirituality of the
retreat experience. Let us know what you use and we will include new suggestions in
the next edition of this book.
PRAYER SERVICES
In addition to the celebration of the Eucharist at Mass, for One-Day Retreats we
currently have Opening and Closing Prayer Services. See APPENDIX 13a and 13b for
sample prayer services, presented as suggested templates only to get you started. Feel
free to adapt the readings, prayers, and music to better suit your needs and location.
If you are unable to have live music at your prayer services, you can easily find
renditions of the hymns we use on YouTube or on our website. To lead us in song, we
download this music onto a music player and play them at the appropriate time. Be
sure to photocopy the prayers services beforehand for distribution at the beginning
of the services.
MASS INTERCESSIONS
See APPENDIX 16 SAMPLE MASS INTERCESSIONS.
NAMES OF CHILDREN FOR THE CANON OF THE MASS (for private Masses)
If he is willing, provide your priest with a list of the names of the children you are
honoring for the Canon of the Mass. Some priests prefer to include the names of the
children during both the Prayers of the Faithful and during the Canon. Remember to
include names of children of late registrants and walk-ins. Alternatively, during the
Canon, the priest can ask parents there to speak the names of their children.
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CHAPTER 5:
PROMOTION
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CHAPTER 5
PROMOTION
One would think that, with the desperate need for this ministry and the number of
parents whose children have died, that you would need very little promotion for people
to flock to your doors. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
The Emmaus Ministry is comparatively new and parents in your area probably have
never heard of it and don’t know what it is all about. They are not sure if it is really
Catholic or Christian. And many of them don’t feel particularly spiritual right now. While
some parents know instinctively that this ministry is exactly what they need and need
to sign up immediately, other parents are reluctant because they fear ripping off the
proverbial scab. They don’t want to cry in public, and many others believe they would
never be able to make it through such a long day. Most need to think about it a bit and
learn more about it before they register for a retreat.
Those who do come to realize that there is no way around our grief. We have to go
through it. Otherwise, it becomes a pressure cooker. Being in a safe, sacred environment
surrounded by the presence of the Holy Spirit and that of our children, together with
others who truly understand and care about our pain, is very comforting and healing.
For many, it is the first semblance of peace and consolation that they have found in years.
It is gratifying to read reactions of parents after they have been to an Emmaus Ministry
retreat (see APPENDIX 3 PARENT FEEDBACK and APPENDIX 17 SAMPLE EVALUATION FORM/
TABULATION).
For these reasons, we strongly recommend promoting your retreat beginning at least
three-four months ahead of time, using as many vehicles of communication available to
you as possible.
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PROMOTION
PROMOTIONAL PLAN: Promotional activities that have worked for other sites in the past
include the following (see APPENDIX 24 SAMPLE PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS for samples and
templates referenced below):
• Produce an Information/Registration Sheet (see APPENDIX 7 SAMPLE INFORMATION/
REGISTRATION FORM). Use the Information side as a flyer for your website, in emails, on
bulletin boards, in mailings, and as bulletin inserts. Use the Registration side for parents
who need to register manually, as opposed to online.
• Produce parish bulletin ads (see Parish Bulletin Ad templates).
• Obtain agreement from your parish and other regional churches to repeatedly run the
bulletin ads beginning several months before the first retreat date. You can visit these
churches personally or, more efficiently, call them. Personally speaking with parish
secretaries, deacons, pastoral associates, or bereavement coordinators is invaluable.
Less personal would be obtaining email addresses from your diocesan website and
sending a short email with the sample ads. (See sample parish mailing email). Be aware
of the danger of emails easily getting overlooked with the influx experienced by most
parishes. If you do email parishes, definitely attach your Information/Registration Sheet.
Some parishes are so supportive that they print out the sheets and insert them into
their bulletins or display them in their lobbies. The more churches you reach, the better.
Other than word of mouth, approaching individual parishes and sending them materials
to publish or distribute has been the single most effective way of getting the word out
about our retreats.
• Be sure to tell us about your spiritual programs for grieving parents by emailing us at
info@emfgp.org. As soon as you set your dates, we will begin promoting them on www.
emfgp.org, our Emmaus Ministry Central website and on the ministry’s Facebook page.
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CHAPTER 5
PROMOTION
• Request regional pastors to include notice of the ministry and retreat in Mass
announcements.
• Produce a diocesan/parish brochure (see Emmaus Ministry Sample Diocesan
Brochure). At a nominal cost, we can have our printer edit the copy on this brochure
to include your diocese’s or parish’s logo and name—and change the inside middle
panel to reflect what you are offering. Print (or we can have them printed for
you) and distribute. Use these brochures in diocesan mailings and as handouts at
libraries, community centers, hospitals, etc. If you avoid using actual dates in the
brochure and refer people to your website or our website, the shelf life is a lot longer.
To promote the dates of your retreats, you can use your church bulletin ad artwork
to create an insert for your brochure: an 8½ x 11” folded sheet or, better yet, a 3½ x 8¼"
single panel printed on card stock that fits into your brochure (see Sample Brochure
Insert in APPENDIX 24).
• In writing or by phone, ask your parish personnel to personally invite parents who
have held funerals for their children in your region.
• Post on social media and send out press releases to publicize the dates of your
retreats (see Sample Press Release).
• Invite a reporter to write an article on the new ministry for your diocesan
newspaper or submit your own article. Or we can write the article for you (see
Sample Diocesan Newspaper Article).
• Ask your diocese to include information about your retreat in electronic and hard
copy mailings to parishes, Vicariates, Family Life Ministers, etc.
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CHAPTER 5
PROMOTION
• Invite a reporter to write an article on the new ministry for your local newspaper
(see Sample Local Newspaper Article).You may even be lucky enough to have your
local newspaper produce a video for the online version of the paper. Post it on
your website and social media and send the link to us. See ours on YouTube at
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i470dpE6f7E.
• Post Information Sheets and notices on as many regional church and community
electronic and non-electronic bulletin boards (see APPENDIX 7 SAMPLE INFORMATION
SHEET/REGISTRATION FORM).
• Ask local regional hospital chaplains, hospice staff, funeral directors, etc., to promote
the retreat. Be sure to send them copies of your Information/Registration Sheets or
brochure insert listing upcoming programs.
• Have your local Catholic TV station interview members of your retreat team (see sample
Catholic TV interview on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibaSU-RbWPI).
• Use social media to promote the retreats (see Emmaus Ministry’s Facebook page at
https://www.facebook.com/emmausministryforgrievingparents/ and our YouTube
channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7klxnBTPoGopNwHkXDdZkw)
• Contact local funeral homes and give them your brochure and schedule of events. Be
sure to update your schedule as needed. [Note: Some funeral home directors support
this ministry so strongly that they often donate money to sponsor retreats or partially
cover the cost of food. If this happens, be sure to thank them with a “Donor Recognition
Sign” at the retreat (see APPENDIX 22 for sample signs).]
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CHAPTER 5
PROMOTION
• Keep a database of parents who have inquired about the ministry or attended a
retreat at your site (Gmail “Groups” works well). Email them every time you set a date
for a new retreat. Many parents go to multiple retreats and/or they will help you
spread the word. Many will serve on your future retreat teams.
• Use any other means you have available to promote the retreats.
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CHAPTER 6:
WEEKEND
RETREATS
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CHAPTER 6
WEEKEND
RETREATS
Emmaus Ministry Weekend Retreats are very similar to One-Day Retreats; however,
the program is much more relaxed. Typically we gather at a retreat house, but we also
have held the retreat at an urban ministry or a parish with parents staying at local
hotels. Hotels are acceptable, but not preferable, because of the temptation to watch
TV, shop, etc.
During weekend retreats, parents have much more time to spend in reflection—in the
chapel, in their rooms, in walking the grounds. There is more time between activities
and more time to get to know each other at social gatherings. It is not unusual for
parents to forge strong bonds with other parents that last for years.
Weekend retreats are also beneficial in that they provide the opportunity for parents
outside the region to come to an Emmaus Ministry retreat. The down side is that they
are more expensive and require either a much larger registration fee or subsidies from
the parish, diocese, donors, or grants. Some locations receive these subsidies from local
funeral homes. See CHAPTER 8 FINANCES for more information on weekend retreat costs.
Weekend retreats typically run from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. Parents
arrive and have dinner on Friday night, followed by the Opening Prayer Service and a
coffee/wine/dessert social. Saturday begins with a Morning Prayer Service, followed
by a schedule very similar to the One-Day Retreat. Instead of the Closing Prayer Service
Saturday night, we have an Evening Prayer Service, followed by another coffee/wine/
dessert social. Sunday morning includes celebration of the Eucharist, followed by lunch,
then the Closing Prayer Service. See APPENDIX 25 SAMPLE WEEKEND RETREAT SCHEDULE
for an hour-by-hour description of activities. See APPENDICES 13a, 13b, 13c, and 13d for
SAMPLE WEEKEND RETREAT PRAYER SERVICES.
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CHAPTER 7:
ONE-HOUR
RETREATS
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CHAPTER 7
ONE-HOUR
R ETREATS
One-Hour Emmaus Ministry Retreats offer parents a place where they can once again
focus on where God—and their children—are in their lives right now... the fact that life
has changed for their children, not ended... the fact that they will definitely see their
children again.
These retreats are usually offered after several One-Day Retreats have been held in a
parish, diocese, or urban ministry. They are not recommended as a way of introducing
the ministry. Returning parents often see them as “mini-retreats.” They come either
because they need the spiritual nourishment in general—or because they are going
through a particularly difficult time. New parents come to find out more about the
ministry or because they are wary of spending an entire day in retreat.
Both groups find the One-Day Retreats very beneficial. As one parent said, “I believe in
the promise of eternal life and the fact that I will see my child again. But I want
to hear you say it too.”
Emmaus Parent Companions (those who have previously been to an Emmaus Ministry
Retreat) lead the One-Hour Retreats.
One-Hour Retreats are typically held in a room in the church or parish center. Parents or
the parish may provide coffee, tea, pastries, and water, which is nice, but not completely
necessary. They begin with the Parent Leader reviewing several guidelines similar to
those followed in One-Day and Weekend retreats (i.e., We are not a support group; we
will not go around the room; speak if you would like to share; know that the only person
in the room with all the answers is the Holy Spirit; all comments are confidential). We
open and close the One-Hour Retreat with a prayer. See APPENDIX 26 SAMPLE ONE-HOUR
RETREAT GUIDELINES/PRAYERS.
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ONE-HOUR
RETREATS
It is gratifying to see how different sites adapt One-Hour Retreats and make them their
own. Here are some suggestions:
Lectio Divina — Some sites ask parents to sit together at a regularly scheduled Sunday
Mass. They meet afterwards to reread the Gospel of the day and talk about how it does or
does not speak to them in their grief. Some parents feel moved to share where they are in
their spiritual journeys; others participate by listening.
Spiritual Support Group — One site meets once a month on a Saturday at a retreat house.
They choose a prayer or a book on the spirituality of the grieving process to discuss. One
year they used “The Lord is My Shepherd, A Psalm for the Grieving” by Victor Parachin, in
which the author parses the Psalm 23. Each month they focused on one phrase and how it
did or did not speak to them in their grief.
Brown Bag Lunch Retreats — These retreats are good for urban ministries that want
to serve the spiritual needs of grieving parents during workdays. You supply beverages;
parents bring their lunches. Ideas for the program include a Spiritual Leader’s Reflection
that resonated strongly with parents from a previous retreat; the author of a book focused
on the spirituality of the grieving process; a grieving parent (who may or may not have
attended a retreat) who shares their spiritual journey after the death of their child (You
can often identify these parents from news stories on how they turned the unbearable
deaths of their children into something positive. Write a letter to the parent in care of
the reporter who wrote the story. The focus, however, should always be on their spiritual
journeys).
Social Events — One site offers one or more family social events a year where parents get
together and have barbecues, go to ball games, or gather for any other type of activity that
seems appropriate. They like it because they get to meet each other’s families and have fun
times together with people who understand their pain without having to talk about it.
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CHAPTER 7
ONE-HOU R
R ETREATS
Adoration — At least one site that we know of is planning a monthly Adoration
program for grieving parents.
Segmented Programs — After noticing that many parents coming to their retreats
suffered “ Early Loss” (through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, infant or toddler loss),
one site now offers special One-Hour Retreats for these parents. While the death of any
child at any age is dreadful, sharing sacred space with others in the same situation can
be particularly helpful, especially since this type of loss is often overlooked.
Another site offers a special Mass during Suicide Prevention Month in September for
those affected by suicide.
Others are considering offering these faith-based, monthly One-Hour Retreats for
parents whose children have died under violent circumstances (suicide, murder, drug
overdose).
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CHAPTER 8:
FINANCES
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CHAPTER 8
FINANC ES
ONE-DAY RETREATS:
See pages at the end of this chapter and APPENDICES 27a and 27b for Sample Profit &
Loss statements (P&L’s) for typical Emmaus Ministry Retreats.
The “Sample Parish Emmaus One-Day Retreat” represents the costs of an actual parish
retreat held in 2016.
The P&L labeled “Weekend Retreat” represents the actual costs of a weekend retreat given
at a retreat house in suburban Boston. The main difference between the two is the cost
of lodging and food because at retreat houses, the food is not donated or prepared by
parish ministries.
For both P&L’s, the following comments apply:
INCOME: The Emmaus Ministry typically charges $25 per individual and $40 per
couple to attend. There is no science behind this pricing. Rather, through trial and
error, we arrived at a price that is significant enough that it provides an incentive to
indeed attend, while low enough that most people have no problem being able to pay.
Nevertheless, we do provide scholarships whenever asked.
COSTS:
Candles: Our current purchase price is $3.82; we double this cost for P&L purposes, to
account for the materials and labor needed to provide a finished product
Comfort Crosses: Our cost to acquire, engrave, and ship is $2.48 per cross.
CC Fee: Represents the commission of 3.1% paid to our credit card processor for
online registrations.
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FINANC ES
Copies: Represents the cost per copy paid under a typical copier lease of a commercial
copier.
Food Costs: Represents actual costs incurred. Food and beverage typically provided
consists of hot and cold beverages and light snacks available all day from 9:30am-5:00pm;
pastries and fruit during check-in; cold sandwiches and soup for lunch; casserole and
salad for dinner. Urban ministries typically charge a pre-determined rate to every user of
kitchen services for various meal requests, as shown in that P&L.
Office Supplies: Represents actual “per unit” costs of supplies purchased by the Emmaus
Ministry from an office supply store. Paper used is standard multipurpose; orientation
folders for each retreat participant are standard pocket folders; binders are half-inch,
three-ring binders given to retreat leaders, if needed.
SUMMARY: As shown on the following P&L’s, One-Day Emmaus Ministry Retreats will
typically lose between $500 - $700 at full cost. The actual drivers of this loss are the cost of
providing food and beverage for retreat participants, and any stipends needed.
COST OFFSETS: In many cases, we have had other parish ministries, e.g. Ladies Guild, Men’s
Clubs, Knights of Columbus, etc., who agree to provide, prepare, and serve food at no cost, as
part of their parish support. We have also had pastoral associates successful in obtaining
donations from local funeral homes to subsidize or defray food/retreat costs. In other cases,
the spiritual leader and/or music ministers have agreed to donate stipends as part of their
ministerial support.
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CHAPTER 8
FINANC ES
Many parents who have been served by the Emmaus Ministry choose to support it
financially. A particularly significant part of each retreat, for example, is the Memorial
Candle for their child that parents receive during the retreat’s Opening Prayer Service.
Very often, after they have attended one or more retreats, parents feel so strongly about
their Memorial Candles—or Comfort Crosses—that they feel called, in loving memory of
their own children, to donate Memorial Candles for parents of subsequent retreats.
It is appropriate for you to ask for a $100/retreat donation to cover the cost of subsidizing
Memorial Candles for 20-25 parents attending a One-Day Retreat. In thanksgiving, you
should include an “In Loving Memory” sheet in each orientation packet telling retreatants
about this moving gift. See APPENDIX 22 for a sample “In Loving Memory” sheet.
Very often parents offer to subsidize other parts of the retreat, e.g. Comfort Crosses,
a closing wine and dessert social, or a special prayer card or book. In this case, always
be sure to include both signage at the retreat and an “In Loving Memory” sheet in each
parent’s orientation folder to recognize the generosity of the parent and to honor the
child being memorialized.
Obviously, if any or all cost offsets were to be made, it is possible to show a slight profit
for the day, which many parishes do.
WEEKEND RETREATS: Included is a P & L for a typical retreat held at Miramar Retreat
Center in Duxbury, MA, lasting from a Friday night 5:30pm Check-In to a 1:30pm Sunday
closing.
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FINANC ES
For this P&L, the following comments apply:
INCOME: The Emmaus Ministry charges $125 per individual and $200 per couple to
attend. There is no science behind this pricing. Rather, through trial and error, we
arrived at a price that is significant enough that it provides an incentive to indeed
attend, while being low enough that many people are able to pay. We do provide
scholarships when necessary.
COSTS: All the comments relative to One-Day Retreat costs apply, other than for food
and lodging. The retreat house we use charges $289 a weekend room single occupancy
and $400 a weekend room for double occupancy, which includes dinner on Friday, three
meals on Saturday, and brunch on Sunday.
SUMMARY: Because there typically is little flexibility on room and lodging costs, and
since rooms are required for non-paying retreat team leaders and clergy, a weekend
retreat under our current pricing model is guaranteed to lose significant money. One of
the main reasons we offer this retreat is to provide a resource for those who seek our
services, yet must travel great distances. Indeed, we have had parents from as far away
as Arizona, Louisiana, Florida, and Canada come to our retreats in Boston, MA, whereas
a One-Day Retreat would not have been an alternative for them. To cover these costs, we
spend significant time and energy on fundraising and grant writing. For these reasons,
we recommend weekend retreats only for sites that have significant financial resources
or are affiliated with Retreat Centers willing and able to adopt Emmaus Ministry
Weekend Retreats as part of their normal schedule of offerings.
The sample P & L Statements that follow are based upon our experience, and represent
Boston-area, MA pricing, which may or may not be reflective of the pricing you encounter
in your region. Each sample P&L is based upon 20 parents attending a retreat—10 singles
and five couples—along with three retreat team members and one Spiritual Leader.
EMMAUS MINISTRY RETREAT TEAM GUIDEBOOK | CHAPTER 8 | FINANCES 57

CHAPTER 8
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CHAPTER 9:
“TO DO”
CHECKLISTS
• For Parish Initial Retreats
• For Diocesan Initial Retreats
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CHAPTER 9
“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
FOR PARISH INITIAL RETREATS
SIX MONTHS-YEAR AHEAD
Obtain support of your pastor or the person in charge at the site of your retreat.
If possible, obtain support of the ministry and your retreat from your diocesan
personnel (usually the Director or Coordinator of Family Life, Parenting, or
Bereavement). This will give you credibility and help in promoting your programs
Choose date, book location, and begin advertising on your website and social media,
if appropriate.
Contact us at Emmaus Ministry Central to let us know your times and dates and to
set up your registration and fee collection process, if desired.
Designate your Parish/Site Coordinator
Designate your Retreat Registration Coordinator.
Assess interest of potential Spiritual Leaders, e.g. your pastor, deacon, pastoral
associate, religious, spiritual director, etc. This person should have a particular
interest in ministering to grieving parents and understand the uniqueness of this
type of grief. Be sure to tell them that you can provide sample reflections that have
worked well in the past (APPENDIX 6).
THREE-FOUR MONTHS AHEAD
Promoting your retreat effectively so parents and parishes in your area know
about it is typically the hardest part of coordinating a retreat. Compared to other
ministries, e.g. Project Rachel or Rachel’s Vineyard, the Emmaus Ministry is new and
unknown. People need to hear about it often. Some parents need to think about
coming to a retreat for many months. Use as many of the suggested activities in
CHAPTER 5 PROMOTION as possible. Develop others, as appropriate, in your parish/
region.
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CHAPTER 9
“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
FOUR-SIX WEEKS AHEAD
Finalize who will serve on your retreat team, particularly your Parent Retreat Leader
(APPENDIX 5); Spiritual Leader/Reflection Presenter (APPENDIX 6); Parent Witnesses
(APPENDIX 14); Small-Group Facilitators (APPENDIX 15); and Opening and Closing Prayer
Service Leaders and Readers (see APPENDICES 13a and 13b).
* Note: Scripting your prayer services using names of who is doing what is very helpful.
Send your retreat team members the appropriate materials provided in this Guidebook
so they know what is expected.
Finalize details of candle watching (if necessary), stipends, and catering.
Finalize your Retreat Schedule listing “Locations” for various sessions at your site
and “Responsibility” of who does what (see APPENDIX 11 SAMPLE ONE-DAY RETREAT
SCHEDULES).
Finalize your list of “Set-Up” requirements for your venue (see APPENDIX 23 OTHER
RETREAT ITEMS NEEDED.)
Finalize your Prayer Services. Script who will say which parts. Develop your own or use
ours, as shown in APPENDIX 13. Distribute to those who will be leading or involved in your
prayer services
Have your Registration Coordinator call all registrants to confirm that they are grieving
parents, answer any questions about the retreat, and request completion of our Parent
Questionnaire (see CHAPTER 4 for suggestions on making this call). Contact us for a link
to our Parent Questionnaire, which asks for information on the deceased child and a
photo. Answers to the questionnaire will automatically be sent to you and to us.
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“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Fill in participant data on your master Excel spreadsheet using information from
the Parent Questionnaire (see APPENDIX 9 SAMPLE REGISTRATION SPREADSHEET).
You will also use information from the questionnaire to produce Memorial Candles
and Parent Directories. We will use this information to remember parents in prayer
and with a card on the anniversary date of their child’s passing into eternal life. In
addition, we send out monthly emails offering comfort and notifying parents of
upcoming programs in their areas.
ONE WEEK AHEAD
Prepare Memorial Candles, Comfort Crosses, Name Tags, and Parent Directory
(see APPENDICES 18, 19, 20, and 20a).
Prepare names for Emmaus Walk. (Write the names of each grieving parent on small
slips of paper, including parents serving on your retreat team. Fold and place in your
prayer bowl before this activity.)
Prepare Orientation Folder materials given to parents at Check-In (see CHAPTER 4
and APPENDICES 12, 20, 20a, and 22):
o Parent Directory
o Retreat Guidelines
o List of Retreat Team Members
o General Schedule
o Donor Recognition Sheet, if appropriate (see APPENDIX 22)
Photocopy Prayer Services and Orientation Folder materials.
Assemble Orientation Folders.
Photocopy articles and prayers for “Handout” table, including Catholic Catechesis and
Bibliography for Grieving Parents (See APPENDICES 21a and 21b). See www.emfgp.org
for other resources to download and photocopy. Resources are updated periodically.
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CHAPTER 9
“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Obtain prayer shawls for “Prayer Shawl” table, if available.
Email “Logistics Letter” to registrants giving important information on times, directions,
parking, dress, etc. (see APPENDIX 10 for sample letter).
Forward Registration Summary Spreadsheet and Parent Directory to retreat team.
members 3-5 days before the retreat to provide and prepare them with information on
parents coming to the retreat.
Obtain stands and print out signs (see APPENDIX 22 for sample signs).
ONE-DAY AHEAD
Pack retreat materials (Double-check APPENDIX 23 for other retreat items needed.)
Include three-four new candles, candle back labels, and blank name tags for possible
walk-ins.
Bring 3-5 copies of your Parent Questionnaire (APPENDIX 8) for walk-ins.
Print out a “Check-In” list of retreat registrants, listing who has or has not paid and cell
phone numbers in case they are extremely late and you need to call them.
Communicate with late registrants. Assure them that can definitely come; ask them to
bring a wallet-size photo or a photocopy of a photo, which you will affix to their candle
before the retreat begins.
When late registrants arrive, your Retreat Registration Coordinator or an Emmaus
Parent Companion will (1) produce a photo for the candle by photocopying the photo the
parent brings, or using a phone and hand-held printer to print a copy of the photo, or
using the actual photo the parent brings; (2) affix the photo to their candle; (3) help them
complete the Parent Questionnaire; and (4) forward information on the questionnaire
to Emmaus Ministry Central. See APPENDIX 18 for ways to produce candles for late
registrants.
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“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
FOR DIOCESAN INITIAL RETREATS
SIX MONTHS-YEAR AHEAD
Distribute information about the ministry throughout the diocese through various
means (see APPENDIX 24) .
Invite specific parishes that you know would be interested and/or ask parishes
to contact you if they are interested in hosting their own or a diocesan One-Day
Emmaus Ministry Retreat. Or…Offer your first retreat as a Diocesan retreat at a
retreat house, seminary, or urban ministry.
Choose the date and site for your first retreat.
Designate someone in your diocese or at your retreat site who will function as your
Retreat Registration Coordinator. This person handles all promotional activities
going forward and forwards all inquiry calls to us or answers these calls. Some
dioceses prefer to have their own diocesan personnel take inquiry calls, and that
works as well, as long as you refer them to us if they’d like to speak to another
grieving parent about what happens at the retreats. This person will also be our
chief liaison with your diocese (see Chapter 4).
Work with us to produce an Information Sheet/Registration Flyer (see APPENDIX 7).
Set up your own online registration process or work with us to set up your
registration process on our website. You will automatically receive copies of all
registrations via email from us or we should receive these automatic notifications
from you.
Edit our diocesan brochure (see APPENDIX 24), print it (or we can do this for you at a
nominal cost), and distribute it widely throughout the diocese.
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“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Begin promoting the ministry in diocesan mailings, at workshops, on your website, and
any other means of communication you have. We will promote it on our central website
and our social media sites (see APPENDIX 24).
Assess interest of potential Spiritual Leaders, e.g. pastors, priests, deacons, pastoral
associates, religious, spiritual directors, bereavement coordinators, etc. In your initial
communications introducing the ministry, ask for interested Spiritual Leaders to
contact you. Ask for people to recommend Spiritual Leaders who would be good or may
be interested. Reach out to them.
THREE-FOUR MONTHS AHEAD
Promoting your retreat effectively so parishes and parents know about it is typically the
hardest part of coordinating a retreat. Compared to other ministries, e.g. Project Rachel
or Rachel’s Vineyard, the Emmaus Ministry is new and unknown. People need to hear
about it often and some parents need to think about coming to a retreat for a long time.
For these reasons, you need to begin aggressively promoting your retreat a minimum of
three-four months ahead of time (see CHAPTER 5 PROMOTION).
FOUR-SIX WEEKS AHEAD
Finalize who will serve on your retreat team, particularly your Spiritual Leader and/or
Mass Celebrant if you will not be attending a Saturday Vigil Mass.
Send members of your team the appropriate information from this Guidebook to help
them in their preparations: Spiritual Leader/Reflection Presenter (APPENDIX 6); Parent/
Diocesan Registration Coordinator (CHAPTER 4); Parent Retreat Leader (APPENDIX 5);
Parent Witnesses (APPENDIX 14); Small-Group Facilitators (APPENDIX 15); and Prayer
Service Leaders and Readers (APPENDICES 13a and 13b. Note: Scripting your Prayer
Services using names of who is reading what is very helpful).
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“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Finalize details of candle watching (if necessary), stipends, and catering.
Finalize your Retreat Schedule listing “Locations” for various sessions and
“Responsibility” of who does what. (see APPENDIX 11.)
Finalize your list of “Set-Up” requirements for your venue (see Chapter 3 and
APPENDIX 23).
Have your diocesan liaison call each registrant to confi rm that they are grieving
parents, answer any questions about the retreat, and request completion of our
Parent Questionnaire (see CHAPTER 4 for information on the importance of these
calls and suggestions on how to make them). Having your diocesan liaison make
these calls is ideal because it helps build relationships and forms the foundation of
retreat team building. Alternatively, Emmaus Ministry Central may be able to make
these calls and have the information automatically forwarded to you immediately.
ONE WEEK AHEAD
Prepare Memorial Candles, Comfort Crosses, Name Tags, Parent Directory, and Names
for Emmaus Walk (see APPENDICES 18, 19, 20, and 20a)
Prepare Orientation Folder materials given to parents at Check-In (see APPENDIX 12)
o Parent Directory
o List of Retreat Team Members
o Retreat Guidelines
o General Schedule
o Donor Recognition Sheet, if appropriate
Photocopy Prayer Services and Orientation Folder materials.
Photocopy articles and prayers for “Handout” table, including our “Catholic Catechesis”
and “Bibliography for Grieving Parents” (see APPENDICES 21a and 21b).
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CHAPTER 9
“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Email “Logistics Letter” to registrants giving important information on times, directions,
parking, dress, etc. (see APPENDIX 10).
Obtain holders and print out signs (see APPENDIX 22).
• “Welcome-Check In Here”
• “Take Any Materials You Like” for Handouts table
• “Handmade Hugs” for the prayer shawl table
• Any appropriate donor recognition sign, e.g. vendors who donate food; parents
who donate Memorial Candles in memory of their children, etc.
Pray and ask for prayers from others for retreatants and for retreat team members.
ONE-DAY AHEAD
You will do the following:
Have your Retreat Registration Coordinator communicate with late registrants. Assure
them that they can definitely come; ask them to bring a wallet-size photocopy of a
photo of their child. When they arrive, your Retreat Registration Coordinator or parent
volunteers will (1) affix their photo and back label to their candle via double-faced tape
or hand-held printer paper and (2) help them complete the Parent Questionnaire (see
APPENDIX 8). If no photo is available, affix the back label and use the candle as is.
Print out two “Check-In” lists of retreat registrants. In one, list who has or has not paid
and on the other, cell phone numbers in case they are extremely late and you need to
call them.
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CHAPTER 9
“TO DO”
C HEC KLIST S
Pack any retreat materials you have agreed to bring, including prayer shawls.
Photocopy or print out 3-5 copies of our Parent Questionnaire (see APPENDIX 8)
for walk-ins.
Prepare for late registrants. Pack extra Parent Questionnaires, double-face tape,
scissors, and hand-held printer, if you have one.
We will do the following:
Pack our retreat materials, including three-four new candles, name tags, and
Orientation Folders for possible walk-ins.
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CHAPTER 10:
EMMAUS MINISTRY
CENTRAL SERVICES
www.emfgp.org

CHAPTER 10
EMMAUS MINISTRY
CENTRAL SERVICES
Emmaus Ministry Central, based in Boston, MA, is happy to provide services to all
grieving parents and Emmaus retreat sites, no matter where they are located. These
services include the following:
REGISTRATION PROCESS
Emmaus Ministry Central can make online registering for your retreats easy and
seamless. On our website at www.emfgp.org, we will include your retreats on our
Program Schedule, which enables your parents to find out more information about
your retreat and smoothly register and pay their registration fees online.
Initial Registration
As soon as your parents register, you will immediately receive notification by
email. When your retreat closes, we will forward fees collected, minus credit card
processing fees, to you. At this writing, Emmaus Ministry Central charges no
additional fees for this service. As volume increases, this could change in the future
due to the labor involved.
After several years of trial and error, our Emmaus Ministry website registration
system works well. It enables us to advertise your retreats, track registrations,
acknowledge registrations, securely collect registration fees, immediately notify as
many people as you like at your site as registrations come in, and help you to collect
Parent Questionnaire information quickly, efficiently, and electronically. If you do not
have a system and process like this already in place, typically the cost to develop one
would be prohibitive—particularly for a single ministry at your site. We welcome you
to use ours.
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CHAPTER 10
EMMAUS MINISTRY
CENTRAL SERVICES
Parent Questionnaire
As part of the Registration Process, we can provide you with links to the Parent
Questionnaire (see APPENDIX 8), so parents can easily complete the short form online
and you will get information you need quickly. Completing the Parent Questionnaire,
the second step to the registration process, is important because you will obtain
information that both you and we will use to communicate with your parents now and
in the future. It is also how you will obtain the photo of the child that you or we will use
to prepare the beautiful Memorial Candles for the retreat. As soon as registrations come
in, you should call parents and request completion of the Parent Questionnaire as part of
your call. Worse case, you can email a request to them containing the link, though this is
not ideal (see CHAPTER 4 for more information on these calls).
Please note that we have links for customized Parent Questionnaires for parents who
have suffered multiple losses; parents who have suffered early losses; and parents who
have no photos. These situations are not uncommon.
Most parents are able to do this electronically. You will need to handle the few
who prefer to do it manually by talking with the parent to obtain the information,
then having the parent come to you, scanning the photo and forwarding both the
information and the photo to us via email.
MONTHLY SUPPORT EMAILS
Holidays and anniversaries are particularly difficult for grieving parents. Acknowledging
this, we strive to send our parents monthly emails with prayers, poems, and other words
of spiritual support addressing the particular time of year, e.g. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day,
Christmas, New Year’s, Winter, Spring, etc. The goal of these emails is to constantly remind
parents that they are not alone in their grief and that Jesus is with them on their Emmaus
grief journey.
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CENTRAL SERVICES
ANNIVERSARY REMEMBRANCES
Many parents say that after the first year or two, no one seems to remember or mark
the anniversary of their child’s death, a date seared into the heart of a grieving parent.
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents marks each and every one every year.
After we receive information from your Parent Questionnaires, we add it to our Emmaus
Children Anniversary Calendar, which is replicated year after year. On the first day of
each month we send an email to all of our parents. This email contains the list of all
Emmaus children who have passed into eternal life that particular month. For all of the
children and all of the families affected that month, we ask for prayer. On Facebook, in a
general way without including names, we also ask for prayers for all children who have
died that month.
In addition, we have Emmaus Parent Companions who personally write and send a
beautiful Emmaus Ministry Remembrance Card to each parent several days before their
anniversary date.
RETREAT HIGHLIGHTS AND MINISTRY UPDATES
Many parents love to participate in retreats vicariously and hear all about what is
happening in the ministry. We strive to send periodic emails that include links to
“Highlights” from each retreat and news about the ministry. We always also include
information about upcoming retreats in all areas. In addition, we post “Highlights” on
many of our retreats on our website at www.emfgp.org.
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CHAPTER 10
EMMAUS MINISTRY
CENTRAL SERVICES
COMPASSION OUTREACH PROJECT
It seems like almost every day you pick up the newspaper and read about yet another parent
whose precious child has died. As fellow grieving parents, this is heartbreaking. At the
request of several of our parents, we now have many Emmaus Parent Companions who have
volunteered to participate in our “Emmaus Ministry Compassion Outreach Project.”
We provide these parents with Emmaus Ministry sympathy cards (typically donated by one
of our parents). The cards from grieving parents to grieving parents tell the newly bereaved
two things: (1) Even though it doesn’t seem so, they are not alone; and (2) They are being held
in prayer by hundreds of others grieving parents and supporters.
EMMAUS MINISTRY CENTRAL SERVICES SUMMARY
We offer these services because our mission is to serve the spiritual needs of grieving
parents not only through retreats, but also in other ways that are continually evolving.
If your parents register through our website, they will receive this additional support.
If not, it would be your responsibility to communicate on an ongoing basis and support
your parents in any ways that you are able. We wish you much success in reaching out to
these broken parents who need it so much. Please let us know how we can help.
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APPENDIX

APPENDIX 1
EMMAUS GOSPEL STORY
LUKE 24:13-35
Now that very day two of them were going to a village seven miles from Jerusalem called Emmaus,
and they were conversing about all the things that had occurred. And it happened that while they
were conversing and debating, Jesus himself drew near and walked with them, but their eyes were
prevented from recognizing him.
He asked them, “What are you discussing as you walk along?” They stopped, looking downcast.
One of them, named Cleopas, said to him in reply, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who does
not know of the things that have taken place there in these days?” And he replied to them, “What sort
of things?” They said to him, “The things that happened to Jesus the Nazarene, who was a prophet
mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, how our chief priests and rulers both handed
him over to a sentence of death and crucified him.
“But we were hoping that he would be the one to redeem Israel; and besides all this, it is now the
third day since this took place. Some women from our group, however, have astounded us: they
were at the tomb early in the morning and did not find his body; they came back and reported that
they had indeed seen a vision of angels who announced that he was alive. Then some of those with
us went to the tomb and found things just as the women had described, but him they did not see.”
And he said to them, “Oh, how foolish you are! How slow of heart to believe all that the prophets
spoke! Was it not necessary that the Messiah should suffer these things and enter into his glory?”
Then beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them what referred to him in all
the Scriptures.
As they approached the village to which they were going, he gave the impression that he was going
on farther. But they urged him, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening and the day is almost over.”
So he went in to stay with them.
And it happened that, while he was with them at table, he took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and
gave it to them. With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him, but he vanished from
their sight. Then they said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning [within us] while he spoke to
us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?”
So they set out at once and returned to Jerusalem where they found gathered together the eleven and
those with them who were saying, “The Lord has truly been raised and has appeared to Simon!”
Then the two recounted what had taken place on the way and how he was made known to them in
the breaking of the bread.
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APPENDIX 12
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. Do I have to be a Catholic to participate in this ministry?
People of any and all faith traditions, and even those who profess no faith, are welcome to
attend our retreats. We believe that the Holy Spirit shares his gifts generously with all who
ask. Please know, however, that we are faithful to Catholic teaching and incorporate Catholic
liturgy in our programs, and ask all participants to be mindful and respectful of our Catholic
faith tradition.
2. I am not especially religious, particularly now.
Will I get anything at all out of this ministry?
Yes! While the ministry incorporates various teachings and liturgies of the Catholic Church,
no practice or observance of “religion” is absolutely necessary—other than openness to
hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit in our lives, as we make our way through this long and
difficult journey.
3. Does it matter how or when my child died?
No, it doesn’t matter how or when your child died. We have parents whose children have
died as the result of illness, accident, suicide, overdose, and violence. Children’s ages at
death range from conception to older adult. All are welcome.
4. How do I know if it is too soon after the death of my child
to participate in this ministry?
There is no perfect time when it is good to participate or not participate. We firmly believe
that the Holy Spirit guides your interest in the ministry and leads you to us when you are
ready. We have welcomed parents whose children had died only one to two months prior
to a retreat, as well as those who children have been gone for more than 40 years. If this is
something you feel you would like to try, then the time is right for you.
5. Does it matter how long ago my child died?
No. It doesn’t matter how long ago your child died. Some parents feel called to come after
only a few weeks. Other parents come after as many as 20-30 years. The hole in our heart
never goes away. We will always need spiritual nourishment to walk this journey as grieving
parents.
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APPENDIX 12
6. How does this ministry differ from other groups for bereaved parents?
The mission of the Emmaus Ministry is to provide a variety of programs focused on spiritual
assistance for bereaved parents and the spirituality of the grieving process.
7. Why do you call this a “ministry,” as opposed to a support group?
In many ways, this ministry is a support group. However, we call it a “ministry” because we
are focused primarily on providing spiritual help. Other reasons we call it a ministry...
• It focuses on your spiritual needs, as opposed to the needs of a group.
• It requires no sharing of information or your story, unless you feel totally comfortable
doing so with other parents. It is always acceptable to “pass,” and some parents
participate by listening only.
• In focusing on the spiritual perspective in dealing with the death of your child, it seeks
to help you answer such questions as, “Where is God in all of this... Where is God in
my life right now... How could God let this happen... Where do I turn now that God has
abandoned me... Will I ever see my child again... Where is my child right now…
How can I ensure that any good comes from this adversity?
• It is supported by a dedicated group of other grieving parents, all of whom have shared the
pain and difficulty of this journey.
8. Why is the spiritual perspective so important in this ministry?
Because many of us have found that the spiritual perspective is the only way to find peace,
comfort, and hope. Many of us have found much healing in focusing on our relationship
with God and with our children in the eternal afterlife… the fact that life for our children has
changed, not ended, and someday we will be together again. It’s what sets this group apart
from many other groups serving bereaved parents.
78
9. Who is involved in presenting your programs?
Our programs are presented by Emmaus Parent Companions, all who have lost a child, and
so know something of the pain you feel. They are knowledgeable bereavement companions
who use their personal experiences to accompany you in your spiritual journey of processing
and dealing with the many feelings that accompany the death of your child.
In addition, Catholic priests, deacons, religious, and spiritual directors serve on our retreat
teams, both directly and indirectly. All retreat team members hold us and our children in prayer.
In addition, they serve on individual retreat teams in various capacities throughout the year.
Also serving on our retreat teams very often are diocesan and parish personnel who work
hard to facilitate retreats.
Many of the Spiritual Leaders and diocesan and parish personnel who work with us freely
admit that they cannot know or experience a grieving parent’s pain. They can, however,
tremendously assist in our search for some understanding of God’s presence in our
experience; they can help us to find ways to draw us closer to our absent children; and they
can companion us on our journey.

APPENDIX 12
10. What actually happens at one of your programs?
See this section of our website: http://www.emfgp.org/past-programs to get a sense of what
happens at the various programs we present.
11. What does your retreat registration fee cover? Do I need to bring anything?
Typically, our registration fee covers a light breakfast, lunch, and dinner, as well as all retreat
materials. You don’t need to bring anything, other than an open mind. The registration fee
typically covers only 30% of our expenses, which is why we accept donations of any kind
and are active in asking for grant money.
12. Why should I consider coming to an Emmaus Ministry retreat?
When you come to a retreat, you are giving yourself the gift of getting away from everyday
life to focus on where God is--and where your child is--right now. It is an opportunity to
spend time concentrating on your spiritual journey. Many grieving parents believe that
focusing on the promise of eternal life and the fact that you will see your child again is
one of the few things in life that gives any peace, comfort, or hope.
13. Is it ok to come to more than one retreat?
Yes! Just as Mass is needed to constantly nourish the soul, many of our parents come to
multiple retreats. We have no restrictions on who can come to what; we encourage your
constant participation.
14. What ongoing programs do you offer parents after retreats?
Several of our sites offer ongoing monthly One-Hour Retreats of a spiritual or social nature.
We offer one-on-one parent companioning, anniversary remembrances of the death of your
child, monthly emails and updates, and segmented programs for specific types of losses, e.g.,
suicide, early loss, etc.
15. Is this ministry available outside of the United States?
Yes! We are currently offering retreats once a year in County Kerry, Ireland. See www.
emfgp.org for details.
16. Is this ministry available in Spanish?
Yes! We are currently offering retreats in Spanish in Boston, MA. Other areas are considering
this much-needed ministry. See www.emfgp.org for our latest schedule.
17. I don’t live near Boston. How can I bring this ministry to my area?
If you are a bereaved parent or work for a parish or diocese and are interested in bringing this
ministry to your area, we can help you get started. Your first step would be to come to one of
our retreats, if at all possible. Then read the first three chapters of this Guidebook. If you are
still interested. email us at info @emfgp.org or call Diane at 800-919-9332 or 617-542-8057.
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APPENDIX 13
PARENT FEEDBACK
At the end of each retreat, we ask parents to complete a short evaluation form telling us what they
thought about the retreat and giving us suggestions on how to improve. Here is a sampling of their
comments:
“We left this weekend with exactly what we had hoped for - strength, wisdom and just a little
more peace.”
“I know what it is like to be angry with God, yet clinging to him because he is all that you have.
We entered…fi lled to capacity with our grief and you allowed us to empty whatever we could
or would… leaving us a little less burdened.”
“To say the weekend was amazing, both spiritually and physically, is an understatement. When
I lost my son, I was numb, void of feelings at times, not knowing why I was feeling some of
the emotions I was having, mad at God at times, having no patience with those around me
who could not possibly understand my pain, etc. This went on for a few years. I tried small
groups of people who have had a loss, but until I surrounded myself with parents who have
suffered the same loss and received the spiritual guidance I needed to try and understand and
cope, I was fl oundering.”
“A truly wonderful experience—no answers as to the “why” this happened and that’s ok—so
good to be with those ‘who get it.’ Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
“I felt so safe there, I didn’t want to leave. But then I realized that it was the spirituality of
everything that I have experienced there that has lifted me up. If only I can keep that same
spirituality, I will be ok. Losing it keeps me in a dark place. Keeping it helps me get through
the day. So I have to keep it.”
“This was a Godsend to us. We have been so isolated in our grief and have not had any help
with the spirituality of grieving for our children. We are so grateful for the kindness and
compassion shown to us.”
“There are no words to adequately say how much comfort, peace, faith, reassurance, and so
much more, that (this retreat) brought to me. I do believe now that through (a friend’s name),
God was inviting me to be a part of this weekend.”
“We come away emotionally and physically exhausted, but with a renewed faith that our
children are truly alive and still with us; we come away with HOPE. There is nothing that can
totally take our pain away, but somehow sharing with each other does help.”
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APPENDIX 13
“I had completely lost faith and all my beliefs when my son died. This was the fi rst time that
I had gone to Mass in a long time. It was wonderful to begin believing again.”
“Though I can’t predict the long term impact of today, I do feel a tangible peace that I didn’t
have yesterday.”
“Although wounds are open again, this ministry gives us an opportunity to ‘share,’ which we
sometimes have to suppress in our everyday life – we need these forums.”
“You brought our son into the room for the weekend.”
“As more time goes by since I lost my child, there seems to be fewer and fewer opportunities to
talk about him… and share those feelings. I love being able to talk about my faith in relation
to my loss. This is the only place I can do this.”
“I have never been more at home or more comfortable with a group of strangers who, thanks
to the Holy Spirit, are no longer strangers and who provided me with real love, compassion,
and understanding.”
“As the days go by, I look back at the things we shared. Right at the start of the retreat, the
picture on the program reached out to me. Even before Father told us the Emmaus story, I
felt I was looking at Jimmy on the right, myself on the left and Jesus in the center. For me it
was very powerful. I can never forget the trauma of Jimmy’s journey in life and death, but
with Jesus walking with him and with us together, I am blessed. I still grieve deeply but I am
blessed with the love of Jesus within my grief.”
“To be able to discuss our losses spiritually was an immense help for me. I have been unable to
do this elsewhere.”
“The sharing was outstanding and demonstrated the diversity of the effects of grief on the part
of the participants.”
“I’m always at a different place in my grief journey and my spirituality with each retreat.
I always have a different experience and get something new out of each retreat.”
“I want to thank you for yesterday. As hard as it was I am glad I was a part of the retreat.
Today is a good day and I thank the Lord for that. One day at a time.”
“There are no words to thank you for all the time and effort that you put into making our
retreat such a memorable day. The spiritual journey is made so much more bearable when we
share the pain of our loss. God bless!”
“I left with such a feeling of peace, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I was also mentally
and physically exhausted, but the feeling of peace overshadowed that.”
“Just keep doing what you are doing. Don’t change anything. It was transformational for me.”
“I shall never forget the blessed retreat. I have fi nally found peace within my soul.”
“I came thinking it was too long of a day and found that, when it was over, I did not want it to end!”
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APPENDIX 14
ROLE OF THE DIOCESE
Some dioceses in the United States want to adopt the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents as a
diocesan ministry. They even go so far as offering a diocesan-wide One-Day Retreat as a way of
introducing the ministry to their parishes. We have seen this happen in the Archdiocese of New York
and the Dioceses of Richmond, VA, and Wheeling-Charleston, WV. Other dioceses see no need for
diocesan participation at all.
At a minimum, your goal is to have the approval of your diocese and a commitment to promote it.
Ideally, you would obtain the following:
1. Knowledge and Understanding of the Ministry.
Share what it is, how powerful it is, and how effectively it serves the spiritual needs of
grieving parents. Relate your personal story and what the ministry has done for you and
for others—and why you want to introduce it in your area (See APPENDIX 3 PARENT
FEEDBACK). Explain that it is a ministry for parents given by parents, requiring very little
clergy or parish time or money (see CHAPTER 3 RESOURCES NEEDED).
2. Approval/Endorsement of the Ministry.
Obtain approval to use the diocese’s logo and the ability to say that you are offering the
ministry in cooperation or collaboration with the diocese. Be sure to obtain their approval
before publishing anything with the diocesan logo.
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3. Aggressive Promotion of the Ministry to Parishes.
You need their commitment and approval to do as much of the following as possible and as
appropriate:
• Send Emmaus Ministry-specific emails (as well as flyers or attachments included in
general monthly mailings), to individual parishes asking them to run an attached bulletin
ad several times over the course of four months before the scheduled retreat. (Send ads
as Word documents so parishes can edit to fit space available. Be sure to include the
Emmaus Ministry logo).
If your diocese prefers not to do this: ask for permission to email individual parishes
yourself, as a representative of your parish and coordinator of the ministry. Obtain
the email distribution list from the diocese or get it from your diocese’s website.
See www.youtube.com/emmausministryforgrievingparents for sample email copy
requesting individual parishes to publish information about your retreat.
• Produce a diocesan-specific Emmaus Ministry brochure (see APPENDIX 24. We can do
this for you at a nominal cost).
• Include Emmaus Ministry diocesan brochures and flyers in diocesan mailings to pastors
beginning at least four months before the retreat.

APPENDIX 14
• Contact diocesan Bereavement Ministers to enlist their support of the ministry and help in
promoting it. Encourage them to personally call parents.
• Invite us, your Diocesan Liaison, Parent Emmaus Companions who have participated in
previous retreats, and/or Emmaus Spiritual Leaders to speak (and/or distribute materials) at
any appropriate new evangelization, marriage and family life, hospital chaplain, parish
nurse, and/or bereavement ministry or other diocesan workshops or programs.
• Have your diocesan newspaper run an article about the Emmaus Ministry (See
APPENDIX 24 for sample diocesan newspaper article).
• If applicable, have your local diocesan TV station run an interview with Emmaus Ministry
coordinators and/or pastors (see https://www.youtube.com/channel/
UC7klxnBTPoGopNwHkXDdZkw for sample Catholic TV interview).
• Have your local newspaper run an article about the Emmaus Ministry (see APPENDIX 24
for sample local newspaper article).
• If applicable, have your local radio station run an interview with Emmaus Ministry
coordinators and/or pastors.
4. Help In Identifying Parishes As Potential Hosts of Emmaus Ministry Retreats.
5. A Letter of Endorsement for the Emmaus Ministry from
the Bishop or Archbishop.
This letter is extremely important in establishing the credibility of the ministry among
various dioceses and other Catholic entities. Our hope and goal is to obtain this letter based
on feedback from diocesan and parish personnel, as well as retreatant feedback after one or
more diocesan retreats. It is absolutely key to the growth of the ministry nationwide. See
w ww.emfgp.org under “Locations” for copies of our current letters of endorsement.
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APPENDIX 15
PARENT RETREAT LEADER GUIDELINES/SCRIPT
• For your initial retreat, we will assume the role of Parent Retreat Leader. Later diocesan
personnel or your own Parent Retreat Leaders will assume this role. If requested, we are
available to provide extensive training that goes beyond this Guidebook.
• In order for each retreat participant to have an experience faithful to the mission for the
day, it is critically important that the Parent Leader remain aware that his or her role as
leader takes precedence over his or her retreat participation. You must constantly be aware
of time and the need to keep the day flowing—without seeming to be so! If you fail to do
so, retreatants will leave the day without the desired sense of calmness and serenity, but
rather feeling rushed and agitated.
• From the beginning of the day until end, you will be making time decisions that will
impact the day. Among the issues you will need to assess as soon as the group gathers are
the age, mobility, and gender mix in your group, and then calibrate this with the number
of restrooms available and the proximity of and stairways needed to be navigated to get
to group meeting spaces, the Church or Chapel, restrooms, and eating facilities, etc. An
older, less mobile group, for example, is going to need more time between activities to use
facilities or get to other locations. You’ve got to adjust for this, regardless of the schedule
you have drawn up for the day. You may also need to adjust, based upon who has shown
up for the day, the number of small groups needed, who will facilitate, where they will
meet, etc. This is why the “General Schedule” we provide to retreatants includes no (or
very few) exact times.
• You cannot afford to get engrossed in conversation, particularly at meals, to the point that
you lose track of time and the need to get people to cease their own conversations and
get to activities with adequate time for rest room breaks. Particularly in a parish One-Day
Retreat, where you may be going to a Vigil Mass that starts at 4:00pm, you’ve got a lot
of ground to cover in very limited time and your ability to use the time wisely will be
critical. The parish’s Mass won’t be delayed because you are not ready! When you first
speak to the gathered group, let them know that you might have to interrupt discussions/
conversations to keep the day flowing. They will understand and not object as long as you
do so politely and calmly during the day.
84
• The above being said, don’t be consumed with staying within the time allotted to each
activity on the schedule. Be sensitive to where people are going. If they’re deeply
engrossed in a topic, or if there’s more that someone wants to say, give them additional
time. Frequently, small mothers’ groups, for example, need/want more time to complete
their discussions. In such an instance, you’ll need to adjust times for other activities,
perhaps large group or Emmaus Walks, or free time that can be cut short to make up time.
Avoid giving the impression that “fitting everything in” is paramount.

APPENDIX 15
• Convey confidence, speak loudly, not timidly, and slowly and plainly so that all can hear.
Most retreat participants arrive nervous about what they will encounter, don’t know what
to expect, and welcome direction and leadership.
• Don’t be afraid of silence. When you ask a question or ask for comments or feedback from
a group, sometimes people will take time to build up the courage to speak. Pause at least
15-30 seconds or more before moving on.
• It might also be appropriate during pauses to say something to the effect of “Let’s ask the
Holy Spirit to be active among us” or “Let’s pause and refl ect” then wait as much as one
to two minutes before moving on.
• Scan and watch groups closely during discussions. You will possibly see a person whose
face says to you that they are very engaged and wish to say something, but may be
reluctant to interrupt or to speak out. Do it for them. You might say “Can we pause here
to see if anyone else has something to add?” or more pointedly, looking toward the person
while saying aloud to the group “So, is there something that anyone wishes to add?”
Never ask anyone directly to speak. We emphasize that no one will be forced or expected
to speak.
• Remember the focus is spiritual, not anything else. If someone wants to stray into
something far afield, you’ll need to get them back on topic, perhaps by saying something
to the effect of “that’s certainly a (valid concern, interesting topic, etc.), but I wonder what
others might have to say about (the relevant topic of the activity)?”
PARENT RETREAT LEADER’S SCRIPT
1. Welcome Parents Site Representative:_____________________________________________________________
• Have a representative of your site (pastor, deacon, retreat center director, diocesan
personnel, etc.) welcome parents to the facility.
• Give your general welcome.
• Introduce each retreat team member.
• Let them know that they are being held in prayer by Emmaus Parents and supporters
throughout the country, as well as Franciscans of Holy Name Province.
• Describe the grounds of the facility: where they are free to go, and what, if anything, is off
limits.
• Indicate where they can find restrooms.
• Point out the location of the handout table(s) and that they may feel free to take anything.
• If offered at your retreat, explain Prayer Shawls: what they are, how they were made,
where they are located, and how they are available to anyone who wishes to take one.
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APPENDIX 15
• Emphasize to the participants that this day is their gift to themselves. They should use it
as they see fit. They are not required to attend activities, and should one choose to spend
any or part of the day in prayer, in the Sacred Space(s), or walking the grounds, that is
perfectly acceptable.
• At the end of each session, say that you will tell them where and when the next session
will meet.
• Explain that five or 10 minutes before every activity is to start, you will call participants
to activities, e.g., ringing a prayer bowl. See #13 in A PPENDIX 23 OTHER USEFUL
RETREAT ITEMS. This will give them time to use restrooms if needed, and to gather.
• Remind parents that all sessions are optional. Tell them if they are not there when it is
time to begin, we will assume they have chosen not to attend that session and that they
have something or someplace else they would rather be, and we will begin the activity.
2. Explain Retreat Guidelines
Following Emmaus Ministry Retreat Guidelines is paramount—and what sets us apart from
support groups. Read them aloud (even though parents receive a copy in their Orientation
Packets), so everyone is clear on the “ground rules” of the day. We will also repeat several of
these guidelines at the small group gatherings (see Retreat Guidelines in APPENDIX 12).
• This Ministry attempts to serve the spiritual needs of the individual grieving parent. We’re
not here as a support group or for group therapy. For these reasons, you will not be asked
to introduce yourself or expected to tell your story to the group. It’s not that we’re being
rude, but it’s because there may be some here today who are uncomfortable sharing their
story and where they are in their spiritual journeys. We ask that you share only what is
comfortable for you to do so, and only when you’re ready to do so.
• Some parents may want to participate today by listening only—and that is perfectly fine.
Participation happens in many ways. Please plan on contributing as much—or as little—
as you like and respect the wishes of others.
• It helps to remember that no matter how close we may be to each other, even a husband
and wife, each of us is most likely at a different stage in our spiritual journey and most
likely in a different place in our grieving process. We cannot and should not expect that
someone else should be at the same place in their grieving process and spiritual journey as
you may be.
• Please help us allow everyone to have time to speak. In order to permit everyone to say
what they feel called to share, while still appreciating the constraints of time, you may be
asked to pause when addressing a group so that someone else may be heard.
86
• Within these walls today, the only one with all the answers is the Holy Spirit. Please do
not assume that any of the presenters, or you yourself, knows how someone else should
feel or act. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, and everyone should be able to speak
from their heart without being concerned that someone may correct them or challenge
what they say.

APPENDIX 15
• Everything that is shared by you or with you today should be considered confidential,
and not repeated to anyone outside of these walls. Every one of us has the right to strict
confidentiality regarding what we may choose to say today.
• Please be aware of the fact that, at any given time, parents may be in the Church/Sacred
Space to sit in reflection with the Lord and our children’s candles. Please choose another
area to meet with each other or hold discussions.
Ask for questions or comments.
3. Direct Parents to the location of the Opening Prayer Service.
OPENING PRAYER SERVICE
1. Have your Spiritual Leader or your Parent Retreat Leader lead the prayer
service, during which s/he will explain candle rituals and symbolism in the
Catholic tradition or read from this script.
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
Where indicated in the service, your Spiritual Leader will explain the ritual use of candles in
the Catholic Tradition.
Your Spiritual Leader can give his/her own reflection or draw from one we have successfully
used in the past:
Throughout the annals of time, light has been a powerful symbol to all mankind. In
the story of Creation, light symbolizes order, purpose, and meaning brought to chaos
— a sense of security, direction, and peace, in the cold, dark vastness of uncertainty.
The absence of light is true darkness. All of God’s creation is visible to us through
His light.
In Exodus, God revealed himself to Moses as a fl aming bush, a bush fully engulfed in
fl ame, bright and burning, yet never consumed. Light thus symbolized the power of
God’s divinity, as well as God’s sacred benevolence.
The Israelites used light to show reverence to the sacred: in the holy of holies, the
most sacred part of the Temple, an eternal fl ame burned to symbolize the sacredness
of God’s presence and the need for reverence.
Jesus refers to himself as “the Light of the World.” “ I am the Light of the World.
Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John
8:12). Light here symbolizes Divinity, and enlightenment, understanding, direction,
and courage in the face of adversity.
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APPENDIX 15
[Point to the sanctuary candle, if the Blessed Sacrament is present] The eternal fl ame of
the sanctuary candle lit beside the tabernacle calls us to the sacred presence of Christ among
us and beckons us draw closer
[Point to the Paschal Candle.] In Catholic tradition, the Pascal Candle is lit from the
Easter fi re to show the light of salvation, hope and peace shining through the darkness of
human struggles. It is a powerful symbol of the Sacred Presence among us.
The priest gave our children a baptismal candle lit from the Paschal Candle at Baptism to
show that the light of faith was being handed on to them through their baptism. Through
Baptism, each of us share in Christ’s light, growing in the presence of Christ’s love to one
another.
We light this same Pascal Candle at funerals to remind us of the eternal fl ame of a love that
never dies. Saint John tells us “God is love and whoever remains in love remains in God and
God in him/her.”
So today, these candles before us represent power of ritual, sacred memory, and eternal hope.
The light they give signifi es our prayer offered in faith coming into the Light of Christ.
We light these candles today to call us to prayer and the sacred presence of God among us.
We light them to recall that our children are also truly present here with us this day, praying
with us and for us.
As we are openly present to one another, we enter into the Light of Christ, opening our souls
to be fi lled with God’s sacred light, and allowing that Light to burn on even as we go about
our day.
We light these candles knowing that our children are in the Light; knowing that the Light they
brought into our lives and our hearts continues to shine.
As we see the light and feel the warmth of their fl ames, we are in touch with their presence
among us. The light of God’s love brings our children among us, for they live on in the
Light. One day, we know we, too, will share that Light.
[Name of your spiritual leader] will now bless our candles and Comfort Crosses.
As you return to your seat after lighting your child’s candle, WHO will give to each of you a
Comfort Cross. Its signifi cance will be explained later.
[From the Paschal Candle, light your candle lighter (#’s 9 and 10 in APPENDIX 23)]
When you are ready, in no particular order, please come up to light your child’s candle.
As parents approach, hand or assist them with the candle holder to light their child’s candle.
Have someone on your retreat team give each parent a Comfort Cross after they light their
candles.
Play quiet meditative music as parents light their candles and receive crosses.
88

APPENDIX 15
Responsible for Background Music
Responsible for Giving Out Crosses
Who: _________________________________________________________
Who: _________________________________________________________
At the end of the Opening Prayer Service, let parents know that your Opening Service is concluded,
that the candles will stay lit throughout the entire day, and they should feel free to visit this Sacred
Space as often and for as long as they want. Then let them know when and where the next scheduled
activity will be held.
REFLECTION
Welcome parents back from the break and introduce your Spiritual Leader, giving a short summary
of his/her background. The Spiritual Leader then gives a 30-40 minute reflection on the spirituality
of the grieving process. Several weeks before your retreat, your Spiritual Leader should have
reviewed APPENDIX 6 OPENING REFLECTION OVERVIEW for help in preparing this reflection.
PARENT DISCUSSION
After the Opening Reflection, ask parents if anyone would like to comment or share any of their own
experiences that the reflection may have caused them to remember. Allow time for parents to pause
and reflect. In many cases, a vibrant discussion sparked by the Opening Reflection takes place. At
other retreats, parents are not yet ready to share and offer few comments. Don’t be afraid of silence;
assess as best you can when it is time to move on.
PARENT WITNESSING
Explain that Parent Witnessing means parents will now hear from other grieving parents who have
been to at least one retreat and have graciously agreed to share where they are in their own spiritual
journeys. There are no right or wrong answers. We don’t require Parent Witnesses to be “religious”
or feel close to God. We ask them to share honestly where they are, trusting that those of here need
to hear whatever it is that they have to say. Ahead of time, share APPENDIX 14 PARENT WIT-
NESSING with your Parent Witnesses for guidelines and help in preparing for this part of the retreat.
SMALL GROUP GATHERINGS (depending on the number of parents)
Several weeks before your retreat decide who on your retreat team will facilitate your small
groups of mothers and fathers. Important: Be sure to share APPENDIX 15 SMALL GROUP
FACILITATOR GUIDELINES with those who will be facilitating.
Mothers’ Group #1
Mothers’ Group #2
Mothers’ Group #3
Fathers’ Group #1
Fathers’ Group #2
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________
Who: _________________________________________________________________________________
89

APPENDIX 15
Typically, we break into small groups of 5-6 people, with each group having a Retreat Team Member
join them to start the discussion and keep discussions on a spiritual track.
Generally, there are two to three groups of mothers and one group of fathers. To form the groups,
we place the individual names as described in #15 and #16 of APPENDIX 23 OTHER USEFUL
RETREAT ITEMS into your prayer bowl.
Tell parents that we will now be dividing into small groups of mothers and fathers because
spouses and partners grieve differently. Have your Spiritual Leader or the entire group
invoke the Holy Spirit, and ask that He descend upon the names in the bowl and choose for
us those He wants to be together.
Sample Invocation of the Holy Spirit
Holy Spirit, we thank you for being with us throughout the day today. Continue to be our
teacher, guide, counselor, and friend. Fill us with honesty and compassion, and open the
eyes of our hearts. As we draw these names, we invoke your active participation in choosing
those of us who need to be with each other during this time. We ask this through Christ, Our
Lord. Amen.
Name who will be leading each group, then have someone on your retreat team draw the names
that will go with which group leader.
Before leaving, tell parents that we’d like the groups to begin with a directed question to guide
their discussion. Choose one of the following directed questions or write your own:
• In your grief, have you felt the presence or the absence of God?
• Has your loss brought you closer or taken you farther away from God?
Why do you think that is?
• Why do you think the Holy Spirit brought you here today?
Responsible for Invoking the Holy Spirit
Who: _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Responsible for Drawing Names
Who: _______________________________________________________________________________________________
90
LARGE GROUP GATHERINGS
When all are gathered back together, ask if there is anyone who feels called to share anything from
their small group discussion. Remember to pause and give people ample time to respond; don’t be
afraid of silence. Avoid treating the small/large group sessions as a corporate exercise where one
person takes notes and reports back to the group. The purpose of this large group is to provide the
opportunity for parents to talk about any insights they would like to share. Some of the discussions
are lively and long; others very short. This gives you an opportunity to adjust your schedule
accordingly.

APPENDIX 15
LETTER WRITING
The leader explains that we are now asking you to write a letter using #14a, b, c, and d in
APPENDIX 23. We hope and trust that it will be an expression of what is deep in your heart. Your
letter can be to God, your child, or anyone who you are holding in memory today. It can be an
expression of your love, your anger, your doubt, your pain, etc. It can be about things said, or things
you wish you had said, or things you want to say right now.
When finished, place your folded letters into the prayer bowl. Assure the group that no one will
ever read their letters. Rather they will be burned; then the ash of your burned letters will be added
to incense, which will be used during (the Mass, the Closing Prayer Service, or whatever activity you
have planned for use of incense) where its smoke will rise to heaven as a symbol of your innermost
feelings being presented to God.
If the use of incense is not possible, tell parents you personally (or your Spiritual Leader) will scatter
the ashes from the letters upon some Sacred Space where they will continue to be prayed upon.
After the letters have been written and deposited into your prayer bowl, you will need a place
and time to burn them, presuming outdoor weather and wind permits you to do so safely. Letters
are typically burned while retreatants are on their Emmaus Walks. If wind or weather makes it
impossible to safely burn outside, consider taking a small piece of each letter and burn the combined
pieces in a very small indoor sink fire, and then have added this ash to the incense. The balance of
the letters stays with you for another time when it’s safe to burn them in their entirety.
NOTE: As only a few pinches of ash are added to the incense, you’ll most likely have a large amount
of ash left over. Consider incorporating this excess ash into another ceremony, i.e. during the closing
ceremony, process to an outdoor statue on the grounds, or a labyrinth if there’s one available, and
sprinkling the ash with a hymn or prayer. Or privately scatter them on a Sacred Space later. If you
decide to process, remind parents that a procession is usually done in prayerful silence or chant.
Responsible for Letter Burning & Ashes
Who: __________________________________________________________________________________________________
EMMAUS WALK
Give a brief synopsis of the Emmaus story – it’s amazing how many people don’t remember it, from
LUKE 24,13-35 (see APPENDIX 1 EMMAUS GOSPEL STORY). Feel free to adapt as you see fit.
The story might well be of parents after receiving news of the death of their child. In short…
Two disciples left Jerusalem to return to their home in Emmaus on Easter Sunday. They have
just seen all of their hopes and desires abruptly and cruelly taken away with the death of
Jesus. They had invested everything they had, and never expected this result. Why would God
let this happen? They were confused, sad, discouraged, and perhaps angry. There is much
here in common with grieving parents.
91

APPENDIX 15
They are joined on the way by a visitor. “Why are you so upset?” he asks. They unburden
their pain to him, and he begins to explain what this death of their loved one means.
They arrive at Emmaus and ask the unknown guest to stay and have dinner with them. He
does, and as he “breaks the bread,” they see that it is Jesus that has been walking with them
all this way and comforting them in their sorrow.
The Emmaus walk symbolizes this original journey of sorrow. We fully believe that the Holy
Spirit is here active among us today. It is He who will accompany you along your Emmaus
walk, and use you, if you so let Him, to be His instruments of peace and consolation.
We believe that there is something He wants you to say, or to hear, over the course of your
walk. It may not be evident to you now, or even for many years, but there is a reason and a
purpose for who you’ll be paired with. We may have married couples paired on the walk; it’s
happened before, and we believe that’s the Spirit’s way of saying maybe you need to talk. It
is not necessary for you to walk during this activity. If you’re more comfortable sitting down
somewhere, please feel free to do so.
To pair individuals, we place names of each parent, (see #15 in APPENDIX 23 OTHER USEFUL
RETREAT ITEMS) into your prayer bowl. Have your Spiritual Leader or the entire group invoke
the Holy Spirit, and ask that He descend upon the names in the bowl and choose for us those he
wants to be together. (Note: If husband and wife are paired, that is the wish of the Holy Spirit!)
Explain the time frame for the walk, what the next activities are, and when they will begin.
Responsible for Invoking the Holy Spirit
Who: _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Responsible for Drawing Names
Who: _______________________________________________________________________________________________
OPTIONAL TIME
Explain to parents what options you have available, e.g. Reconciliation, spiritual direction, free time,
etc. Tell them when to be back for your next activity.
PRIVATE MASS OR SATURDAY VIGIL PARISH MASS
92
PARENT FEEDBACK-EVALUATION FORMS
Typically, 15-20 minutes before or after dinner, ask your parents to pause by using your method
to call participants. Explain that our Evaluation Forms are used to determine the effectiveness of
what we’re doing, whether changes to the programs should be made, and who may be interested in
working in this ministry in any capacity. Pass out evaluation forms and pens, and ask them to place
completed evaluations in a receptacle provided somewhere in the dining room (see APPENDIX
17 SAMPLE EVALUATION and SAMPLE TABULATION FORMS). After the retreat, tabulate
the results of the Evaluation Form and forward to members of your retreat team and to Emmaus
Ministry Central.

APPENDIX 15
CLOSING PRAYER SERVICE
At that point in the Closing Prayer Service when the candles are to be extinguished, give these brief
instructions:
Now the time has come for us to leave this Sacred Space, and to extinguish the wick of these
candles. Remember always, however, that even though the wick has been extinguished, the
Light it represents will never go out. The Light of your child continues to burn eternally in
the source of all Light, our Lord Jesus Christ, and to warm us with peace and consolation on
this earth, until we are together with them and holding them again in the Light.
As you feel ready, please come forward and extinguish the wick of your candle. Please then
return to your seat and leave the candle on the table, giving the wax some time to cool and
coagulate.
Play quiet, meditative music in the background as parents extinguish their candles. Hand the bell
snuffer (#10 in APPENDIX 23) to parents as they come forth to extinguish their candle.
Responsible for Background Music
Who: __________________________________________________________________________________________________
SENDING FORTH
At the conclusion of the ceremony, after the closing hymn, bring the day to a definite close by
stepping forth in front of the group and, on behalf of the entire retreat team, thank them for their
courage in exposing their pain and their faith to others, and wish them a safe trip home. Remind
them of upcoming programs in the area and encourage them to become involved in the ministry, if
they feel called to do so.
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APPENDIX 16
OPENING REFLECTION OVERVIEW
Building on the solemnity of the Opening Prayer Service and Candle Lighting ritual, the Opening
Reflection of an Emmaus Ministry Retreat helps to set the tone of the spiritual focus for the
remainder of the day. It is typically given, if possible, by a religious—priest, deacon, brother,
sister, or by laity—spiritual director or pastoral associate. It should focus on the Catholic view of
suffering and death, and what the Church teaches about everlasting life (see “Catholic Catechesis” in
APPENDIX 21a).
The most effective reflections focus on the spiritual perspective and address in some manner the
questions that are most common to the vast majority of parents grieving their children:
Why… Where is my child now… Where can I fi nd hope and peace… Where is God in
my life right now… How could God let this happen... Where do I turn now that God
has abandoned me… Will I ever see my child again... How can I ensure that any good
comes from this adversity?
Less effective are reflections pondering philosophical or theological questions on salvific suffering
and different types of spirituality.
In feedback sheets after the retreat, our parents have asked us to remind all members of retreat
teams that not everyone who comes to a retreat is particularly faith-filled at this time. If anything
is able to rock one’s faith to the core, it is the death of a child. Some parents feel totally close to
God in their pain; others feel nothing or extreme anger at a God who could “let this happen.” The
parents listening to this reflection will be a diverse group in terms of where they are on their spiritual
journeys.
Often Spiritual Leaders have asked us what to say and what not to say during a reflection. Our
response is to pray to the Holy Spirit and he will give you the answers. Overall, however, unless
you yourself have experienced the death of your child, avoid saying or implying that you
know how parents feel. Or that your experience with death is the same. Rather, it is good to
acknowledge up front that you have no idea what parents are feeling, but you are able to give some
insights based on prayer and compassion.
Parents in this situation are extremely vulnerable and many of us are very fragile. A lot are guiltridden.
All of us want to know that we will definitely see our children again, no matter what.
Typically, we don’t want to hear that God “took” our child, that this was part of his plan, or that he
needed another angel in heaven. Just as Jesus wept with Mary and Martha for Lazarus, we believe he
weeps with us for our children.
94
One of the reflections that was most appreciated by parents was given by Fr. Jurgen Liias at a retreat
at St Patrick’s Church in Stoneham, MA. In our opinion, his reflection resonated by very clearly
focusing on three areas:

APPENDIX 16
1. S in brought evil into the world, and as a consequence of evil, death.
2. Our Lord’s suffering and resurrection overcomes death.
3. Our relationship with our child continues and we will be together again forever.
So comforting was the refl ection of Fr. Liias that we asked him to give it again at a One-Hour Brown
Bag Retreat held at St. Anthony Shrine in Boston, MA, on March 14, 2016. At that time, it was
videotaped and is now available under “Retreat Refl ections” on our website at www.emfgp.org and
on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2R1aVsNwas.
We are also providing a written summary of this sample refl ection below should any presenter
care to review it. By no means are we attempting to suggest that the Opening Refl ection should be
limited to a re-creation of the material we are providing here. We have seen the Holy Spirit’s graces
fl ow to parents through refl ections on the use of music in consolation, meditation on the Psalms
of Lamentation, other Scripture readings, and other spiritual topics. We have provided Fr Liias’
refl ection only because many fi nd it daunting to speak to parents grieving their children and are not
confi dent of their ability to do so. Having the transcript of a refl ection that was very well received to
lean upon may make the fi rst attempt less threatening.
The Opening Refl ection should last approximately 30-40 minutes, with 10-20 additional minutes
available for parents to ask questions or comment. Your Parent Retreat Leader will lead the
discussion after your refl ection if you prefer not to.
95

APPENDIX 16
Sample Emmaus Ministry Opening Reflection
Father Jurgen Liias
March 14, 2016
St Anthony Shrine, Boston, MA
Reprinted by permission
View at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2RlaVsNwas
“Let’s pray fi rst. I always like to invite God consciously and intentionally into our presence:
Heavenly Father, we thank You that we are Your children, and we thank You that when we gather in
the name of Your Son, Jesus, He promises to be with us and present to us. And, we thank You for the
Holy Spirit, the Comforter. We especially beseech His ministry to our hearts, and as well as He is
the spirit of truth, to minister to our minds, that we may more deeply comprehend things that are so
beyond explanation. We pray this all in the name of the One who is the truth, Jesus Christ, who is the
Word of life.”
Fr. Jurgen Liias then gave his background in ministry, with over 40 years as an Episcopal priest,
then as a convert to Catholicism four years ago, then for the past three years as an ordained Catholic
priest, who also happens to have a wife and two children and three grand children. He then continued
his talk:
“But, by the grace of God, I have not gone through the valley of the shadow of death in the way
that many of you have in the loss of a child, although I do remember so vividly when my first child
was born, I remember when we brought her home, and I remember standing in my study holding
this three-day-old baby in my arms, and I suddenly was aware of this enormous abyss of pain that
potentially had opened up in my life. Suddenly, this awareness that if anything ever happened to
this child, there would be a pain that wasn’t there before, but now was there and was now part of the
vulnerability of love that a parent has when they have a child.”
“That was when I was a young priest, and I remember tragically and coincidentally, just a few weeks
later, I remember because this was during the blizzard of 1978, I actually had to do the funeral of
a child that died of SIDS. I remember standing in the cemetery; it was just the funeral director, the
young couple – this was their first little boy that had died – and myself. And the winds howling and
the snow blowing, I felt that was such an iconic sort of moment as it expressed so profoundly the
forlornness and the extremity and the barrenness of that kind of experience.”
“But as I said, by the grace of God never having such an experience, as a priest of some 40 years I
have journeyed with many a family through this valley, and so I hope I’ve learned some things that
may be of comfort to you.”
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APPENDIX 16
“And, the first thing that I really want to say, that I believe profoundly and is one of the convictions
of the Catholic faith, is that we do live in a fallen world. I love what G.K. Chesterton said: he said
‘the Fall is the verifi ably empirical Catholic doctrine.’ Everybody knows that there’s something
wrong with this world. Even the atheists put forth the fallen-ness of this world as their argument
against the existence of God – if there really were a God, we wouldn’t have the mess that we’re in.’”
“From a Catholic perspective, we’re living in a fallen world and there is evil in this world. St. Paul in
the Bible talks about this thing called the ‘mystery of inequity.’ There are glimmers in the Bible and
in Catholic tradition of trying to make sense out of the presence of evil, but at the end of the day we
don’t have an answer to the problem of evil.”
“Job was one of the first books in the Bible, some say it’s the oldest book in the Bible – they’re
not sure – but it’s a book struggling with the problem of evil. Why is evil happening? And all the
great theologians, all the great philosophers have struggled; there’s a technical term in theology
called ‘Theodicy’ that tries to make sense of evil in this world, and I can tell you, I haven’t read
everybody, but I can tell you no one comes up with an answer, if what you mean by an answer is an
explanation—a clear set of logical truths that help explain the mystery of evil. It is there.”
“And I believe that nothing is more expressive of the mystery of evil than the death of a child. That
that is sort of the ultimate manifestation of evil and, in some way, of disorder in the universe – that
there’s something broken. I remember one time going to the wake of a young man in my parish
in Malden, MA, and the mother came up to me sobbing ‘Jurgen, Jurgen, this is so wrong. It’s not
right that a mother buries her son. A son is supposed to bury his mother!’ And of course, she was
absolutely right – there is something disordered there about the death of your child.”
“It’s interesting, in ISAIAH there’s this great passage where the prophet says (Chapter 65):
17 See, I am creating new heavens and a new earth; The former things shall not be remembered
nor come to mind.
18 Instead, shout for joy and be glad forever in what I am creating. Indeed, I am creating
Jerusalem to be a joy and its people to be a delight;
19 I will rejoice in Jerusalem and exult in my people. No longer shall the sound of weeping be
heard there, or the sound of crying;
20 No longer shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, nor anyone who does not
live a full lifetime; One who dies at a hundred years shall be considered a youth, and one who
falls short of a hundred shall be thought accursed…
23 They shall not toil in vain, nor beget children for sudden destruction; For they shall be a
people blessed by the LORD and their descendants with them.
“This vision that Isiah has, that there’s something wrong in this world, but he has a vision of another
kind of world, and this hope that we have, and there’s this affirmation that we have that something
is wrong, and again, I don’t think that there’s anything more revelatory or more clear about the
fallenness of this world than the death of a child. I don’t think there’s any pain that’s greater than
the loss of a child. I don’t think there’s any valley deeper or darker than the valley of the shadow of
death in human life than the loss of a child.”
97

APPENDIX 16
“So, in some sense, that’s the reality, and a reality that you as parents know only too well. We might
say that’s the BAD NEWS of the Catholic faith, a universal truth that everyone knows, but then there
is the beginning of the GOOD NEWS of the Catholic faith. One thing our faith teaches is that the
love of God is bigger than the evil of this world. I forget which ancient Father, or it might have
been a woman mystic that said that ‘the mystery of iniquity is one inch shorter than the mystery of
the love of God.’ I love that image, that the love of God is somehow bigger than the problem of evil.
And so, in some ways, the mystery of entering into this is not a philosophical or intellectual answer
to the problem, but it’s the reality of God and for us as Catholics, the reality of God as we know the
Lord and Christ, Jesus.”
“We’re coming now in the next week to the very center of Catholic life liturgically in Holy week,
and we come to what’s called the Paschal Mystery. We’re coming to the death and resurrection of
Jesus Christ. And we believe as Catholics that somehow, we’re entering into union with this mystery
of Christ dying and rising, and we believe that somehow – again, it doesn’t answer the intellectual
questions – but somehow begins to feed into our heart and begins to minister to the reality of the
pain and the suffering that one is going through in all of life but most especially in this deepest
pain of all, the loss of a child. And, we begin with the death of Christ. There’s a crucifix – that’s the
central symbol of the Catholic faith for us Catholics. We don’t clean it up – we have a body up there
– a dead child. The Son of God. At the center of our faith is the death of a child. Not just the death of
a person, but the Son of God, and especially in our Catholic spirituality, the son of Mary.”
“And it tells us as we focus on Jesus a couple of things. For one, and we hear these passages
all through the liturgy of Holy Week, that this is a man of sorrow, not unacquainted with grief.
That Jesus Christ knows our grief from the inside. The Letter to the Hebrews says that our Lord
Jesus Christ suffered in every way as we are yet did not sin; that He knows every grief, and every
temptation, and every struggle that we have. It’s one of the, at least for me, deep consolations of the
faith that we have a God who really knows my humanity in all its anguish and all its temptations
and all its struggles from inside. Not from outside, but from inside. And even beyond Jesus Himself,
remember He is the Son of the Father, we speak about a God who’s not immutable and impassable
and beyond things. There’s a wonderful painting in a Cathedral in England where it’s a depiction
of the crucifixion of Christ, but if you look very carefully, because it’s kind of dim, you’ll see that
behind the figure of Christ on the cross, is the figure of the Father, and the nails that go through
Jesus’ hands go through His hands into the hands of the Father. And the spear that is thrust into His
side goes through Jesus into the side of the Father. So, we have a God who’s experiencing the death
of His own Son.”
“And then particularly of course as Catholics, we also have Mary. And among the many names
we’ve given Mary the Queen of Heaven, she is the Mother of Sorrows. That even from the very
beginning of the Gospel of Luke when they present Jesus in the Temple on the fortieth day after
His birth, Simeon the Prophet sees them in the Temple and he tells Mary ‘Your soul is going to be
pierced by a sword, you are going to suffer.’ And we have this image when you go to Rome and
you’re in St Peter’s and the first thing you see on the right side of the entryway in the Basilica of St
Peter’s is the Pieta, probably the most extraordinary sculpture in all of the world of art. And what is
it? It’s a mother holding her dead son in her arms.
98

APPENDIX 6 1
“And so we have a God who grieves with us, a God who knows our pain from inside, a God who
is not just absent but present. It’s one of the benefits of active Christian faith, especially Catholic
spirituality that somehow we do grieve – it doesn’t take the grief away – but it’s like St Paul says
‘we grieve but as not as those without hope.’ It’s a very interesting, almost paradoxical irony that
the death of a child in one way is probably the greatest test and assault on faith of anything one
could experience, and I certainly know over the course of my ministry many people who’ve lost
their faith from the experience of the death of their child. On the other hand, paradoxically, in many
ways, for people who don’t have faith, it drives them to faith because they’re seeking if there be any
answer for such an awful tragedy. It sort of pushes one to the edges of life and pushes one to the
edges of one’s capacity to make sense out of things, and in a way pushes people into the mystery of
God. So paradoxically, I know many people for whom the death of their child was the door through
which they really came to know God, to know Christ. It’s a paradox, isn’t it, that somehow this great
tragedy forces the quest for faith so profoundly?”
“And so, it drives us to God, but also the center of the faith is not just the death of Jesus, but the
resurrection. That, matter of fact, is the very foundation. St Paul said if Christ did not rise from the
dead, then the whole Christian faith is simply a pack of lies and we are deceiving the world. And
‘we are most deceived ourselves’, he said, and therefore ‘most to be pitied’. But the foundation of
the faith, and Easter is the Queen of Feasts, is the center of our faith. Everything else, in a sense,
grows out of the empty tomb. We believe that Jesus Christ was crucified and then on the third day
was raised from the dead. And that in that, among all the things that it means, you can unravel that
in countless ways, as every sermon I’ve been preaching for the last 43 years is a sermon about the
Resurrection, and the implications of that for our life, but the thing that it most says is that death
is not the last word. St. Paul says it so powerfully in Corinthians, he calls death the last enemy. It
is the last enemy, it’s the last enemy we’ll all face. Someone has said the death rate has remained
constant—one per person. We’re all going to face death. But the great affirmation, the wonderful
affirmation of the Catholic faith, is that death does not have the last word. As St. Paul also says,
death has been swallowed up, and almost in a taunt, St. Paul says ‘Oh death, where is thy sting, oh
grave, where is thy victory?’”
“It’s this deep abiding conviction that through the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, death has been
conquered. And that includes the death of your children. I heard Francis MacNutt, who’s a wonderful
leader in the healing movement of the Catholic Church, say one time, somebody asked the question
that I’m sure you all ask ‘Why did God take my child?’ and he said ‘God didn’t take your child
– death took your child. But Christ has taken your child away from death!’ And that is what we
believe as Catholics.”
“And that really leads me to the third thing I want to say, and then I’ll end and we’ll have some time
for conversation. One of the deep beliefs we have, particularly as Catholics, and one of the things
that brought me into the Catholic Church after 65 years as a protestant, was the Communion of
Saints. The very important conviction that we have that death does not end our relationship with the
people we love. That there is a continuing relationship that we have, and it’s especially focused in
upon the Eucharist. But it’s a deep conviction that the dead are alive, with Christ, and therefore there
is a relationship, obviously it is a different relationship, but it is a relationship that we can continue
to have with the people we love”.
99

APPENDIX 16
“C.S. Lewis, I trust you’ve heard of him, is certainly one of my favorite thinkers because he has this
amazing ability to take hard things and somehow make them comprehensible, he was a bachelor
most of his life, but he did get married late in life, but his wife, only after a few years died of cancer.
So, their relationship was very short in terms of time, but it was to him absolutely, utterly devastating
and he actually wrote a book called The Grief Observed, which initially, by the way, he published
under a pseudonym; no one knew that it was he who published it. And he wasn’t trying to publish
a book so much as he used a journal to express, as I suspect some of you may have, his journey
through this valley. And only after he died did we discover that it was written by him.”
“Anyway, there’s a passage he writes in there which I’ve always found moving and I often use it
at funerals. He speaks about the “dance of love” between a husband and a wife. He talks about
sexuality and all the things that constitute this “dance,” as he calls it, between the sexes. And then,
he says, ‘…one or the other dies. And we think of this a love cut short; like a dance stopped in midcareer
or a fl ower with its head unluckily snapped off - something truncated and therefore, lacking
its due shape. I wonder. If, as I can’t help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation
(and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers
without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love. It follows
marriage as normally as marriage follows courtship or as autumn follows summer. It is not a
truncation of the process but one of its phases; not the interruption of the dance, but the next fi gure
in the dance. We are “taken out of ourselves” by the loved one while she is here. Then comes the
tragic fi gure of the dance in which we must still learn to be taken out of ourselves though the bodily
presence is withdrawn, and to love them, not just falling back to loving our past, or our memory, or
our sadness, but to love them in the present.’”
“I always found that a wonderful image, this sense that, and obviously he’s talking about marriage,
but I believe it applies to all relationships, that all our relationships are like a dance and death
doesn’t end that dance. But you now have to learn how to dance in a new way. That you continue
to love this person and they continue to love you in this, you might say, in-between reality until the
Resurrection comes. And, I believe profoundly, especially as Catholics due to our sacramental view
of the nature of things, and the physicality, we’re going to be resurrected in the body, not just souls
sort of floating around, and in the resurrection of the body, the date will come when you’ll meet your
loved one and bodily embrace them, physically hold them and all the things that were part of that
relationship. But, in the mean time, it’s learning how to dance in a sense without the bodily presence
there, learning how to find the new steps in the dance. And people will do that, creating new
traditions, in a sense continuing the relationship, and I believe that that’s a grace and a gift of our
Catholic faith, especially in our view of the Communion of Saints, that in Christ, we can continue
to have a relationship with our deceased loved ones, and a relationship that will finally lead to that
new Heaven and new earth, when we will see each other again, in that place where there’s no more
crying, no more sighing, and no more dying.”
100
“So, I believe this very much, not just because as a priest, I’m paid to say it, and I believe that the
faith alone has the answer, again not in a philosophical or theological manner, but in this relationship
to Christ, the dying and rising Christ, that somehow there is the place that you will begin the journey
in faith both to experience healing, although in one sense your heart will never be fully healed in
this world, but you’ll begin to feel, as St. Paul says – you begin to grieve with hope – it isn’t just all
despair and looking backwards with regret. It’s looking forward into the resurrection. AMEN.”

APPENDIX 17
Serving the Spiritual Needs of Grieving Parents
Saturday,
A Spiritual One-Day Retreat for Parents Who Have
Experienced the Death of a Child of Any Age,
By Any Cause, No Matter How Long Ago
Losing a child under any circumstances is horrendous. Focusing on the spirituality of the
grieving process can help tremendously. Just as He comforted His grieving disciples on
the road to Emmaus, Jesus comforts us and we comfort each other in this very special
ministry.
Join other Emmaus Parent Companions and our Retreat Team in a
warm and loving place—to think, to talk, to feel, and to pray. Find compassion, rest, and
peace… at least for a time.
Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
At in
ONE-DAY SPIRITUAL RETREAT
from 9:30am-7:30pm
All Are Welcome!
Donation: $25 Individuals; $40 Couples
Scholarships are available. Pre-registration is required.
For more information, contact at
To register, complete the Registration Form at www.emfgp.org
Or use the Registration Form on the other side of this flyer and mail to
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents at
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents at
101

APPENDIX 17
REGISTRATION FORM
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
at
Name ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Address _____________________________________________________________________________________________
Street
Address _____________________________________________________________________________________________
City State Zip
Phone _____________________________ Email _________________________________________________________
Please register me for the One-Day Emmaus Ministry Retreat at :
Individual @ $25 Total: $ _________
Couple @ $40 Total: $ _________
Enclosed is my check payable to .
Be sure to send this Registration Form and your check as soon as possible to
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents at
or
Register and pay online at www.emfgp.org
To speak to a grieving parent who has attended one of our programs,
Please call Diane or Charley, Paul’s parents, at (800) 919-9332
For more information on dates and locations for other upcoming programs,
see http://www.emfgp.org or email to: diane@emfgp.org.
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents at
102

APPENDIX 18
PARENT QUESTIONNAIRE
[Note: Contact us for the link to an electronic version of this questionnaire so parents can easily
complete it online and you will get a copy]
Please complete this questionnaire and email the answers to . Also please upload and email us a photo of your
child. (If you don’t have computer access, you can take the photo to Staples and they will email it to us.)
We sincerely appreciate your sharing this information with us.
Name ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Address ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
City, State, Zip ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Home Phone _________________________________ Cell Phone ___________________________________________________________
Email ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Beloved Children Who Have Gone Before Us:
Full Name Date of Birth Date of Death
Son/Daughter: _________________________________________ ______________________ _____________________
Cause of Death: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
Son/Daughter: _________________________________________ ______________________ _____________________
Cause of Death: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
How did you hear about this retreat? ____________________________________________________________________________
Do we have your permission to share your contact information with other parents? Yes No
[Note: We will share your contact information with parents from this retreat only.
We do not share your information with anyone else without your permission.]
Please tell us what you are hoping to get out of or take away from this Emmaus Ministry Retreat:
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
PHOTO: ALONG WITH THIS QUESTIONNAIRE,
PLEASE EMAIL A PHOTO OF YOUR CHILD. THANK YOU!
103

APPENDIX 19
104
SAMPLE REGISTRATION SPREADSHEET
REGISTRATION SPREADSHEET
Permission to
Publish
Contact Info
Source Name
Source
Type
Email Street City State Zip Hope for the Retreat Gender Name Birth Death Age Cause
Primary
Phone
Mother Father Last
Photo
In
Parent
Ques In
# of
Candles
Total
#
Paid
NEW PARENTS
St. Mary's,
Yes
Yes 2 Yes Darlene Larry Walsh 222-111-1234 dwalsh@tmail.com 15 Loretta Circle Anytown FL 12345
Peace with my son's death Son Joseph 1/9/92 10/4/16 24yrs Overdose
Bulletin
Yes
TOTAL 13 11
knowing he is safe and with God.
Lawrence
Yes
Son Jerome 5/10/98 5/19/98 2 hours Illness
1453 Runneymeade
Hope that I will see my daughter
Yes 1 1 Yes Nancy Somer 111-222-3344 nsomer@tmail.com Anytown FL 04562
Daughter Amy 7/19/45 10/28/95 50 yrs Cancer Friend Yes
Drive
again
The beginning of peace,
Sacred Heart,
Yes 1 1 Yes Joe Gray 444-222-3333 jgray@tmail.com 890 Marion Street Anytown FL 02323 acceptance, and tools to help in Son Colin 9/22/90 4/14/04 14 yrs Car Accident Bulletin
No
Sterling
moving away from despair
4 4
TOTAL NEW
PARENTS
RETURNING
PARENTS
Yes 2 1 No No Claire Mike Taylor 604-333-4444 ctaylor@gmail.com 555 Oak Street Anytown FL 33345
FL
88897 56781
Yes 1 1 No No Maureen Mayor 891-772-3434 mmayor@gmail.com 910 Orange Street Anytown
3 2
TOTAL
RETURNING
PARENTS
RETREAT TEAM
PARENTS
2 1 Yes Yes Joan Joe Conley 501-234-5555 jjconley@tmail.com 109 Morris Road Anytown FL 03452 Daughter Judith 3/1/78 11/29/08 30yrs Suicide Yes
1 1 Yes Yes Barb Munley 668-333-1212 bmunley@tmail.com 222 Norwell Avenue Anytown FL 02066 Son Daniel 6/28/15 6/28/15 0 yrs Stillbirth Yes
3 2
TOTAL TEAM
PARENTS*
10 8
TOTAL
PARENTS
OTHER
RETREAT TEAM
1 1 Deacon Joe Canasta
1 1 Fr. Eric Williams
1 1 Betty Causen
3 3
TOTAL OTHER
RETREAT TEAM
GRAND
* We separate Retreat Team Parents from Returning Parents on this sheet because
they will be responsible for various aspects of the retreat, in addition to
participating. Because of the cost of retreat materials and food, Retreat Team
Parents typically pay the registration fee. If cost is not an issue, you may want to
waive the registration fee for Retreat Team Parents. Typcially Other Retreat Team
Members do not pay the registration fee because they may not attend the entire
day.

APPENDIX 10 1
SAMPLE “LOGISTICS” EMAIL
Dear Friends:
Thank you for registering for our retreat on at in . Members of
our Retreat Team and Emmaus Ministry Parent Companions are looking forward to welcoming you to this
safe and loving place. Here are a few logistics:
Your Arrival
Please come to . The retreat and registration will be in the . .
Weather Issues
Check-In
Check-in will be at 9:30am followed by light refreshments until 10am when the retreat officially starts. If
you will be late, please be sure to call . Note: If you have not provided us with
a photo of your child, please be sure to bring a wallet-size photo with you to the retreat and plan to arrive at
least a half hour early.
Meals
Your retreat registration covers light morning refreshments, lunch, dinner, and ongoing beverage service
and snacks. It also includes all retreat materials. You are not required to bring anything other than an open
mind.
Dress
Dress is casual and comfortable. You will have the opportunity to go outside, if you wish.
Directions
For directions to , see .
Parking
Schedule
Saturday will be a very special time for you to focus on your specific spiritual journey in grieving the
loss of your child’s earthly presence. While we have a general schedule of events for the program, please
know that you will not be required to attend any of the activities, and you will not be forced to share any
information you are not comfortable sharing. Many people participate by listening.
Pre-Retreat Hesitation
It is not unusual to experience some hesitation as you prepare to come to this retreat. Most parents say,
however, that once you arrive and begin to experience the power of the retreat, the presence of the Holy
Spirit and your child, and interact with other parents who understand your pain, that the retreat is very
comforting.
Questions
If you have any questions at all, please call
May the peace of the Lord be with you,
Your Emmaus Ministry Retreat Team
105

APPENDIX 11 1
SAMPLE ONE-DAY RETREAT SCHEDULE
5:00pm VIGIL MASS (preferable)
Recommended Retreat Team
• Parent Retreat Leader
• Parent Registration Coordinator
• Parent Witnesses
• Spiritual Leader
• Hospitality Coordinator
• Mass Celebrant
• Site Liaison
• Spiritual Director
(if available)
• Confessor (if available)
ACTIVITY
LOCATION
IN YOUR
FACILITY
RESPONSIBILITY
PRE-RETREAT
Forward inquiry calls
Answer inquiry calls; help register
Site Liaison
Parent Registration
Coordinator
9:30am-10:00am
Check In/Meet & Greet
Beverage Service
Parent Registration
Coordinator
Hospitality Coordinator
9:55am-10:00am Retreat Team Prayer Entire Retreat Team
10:00am-10:15am
10:00am-4:30pm
10:15am-10:45am
10:45am-11:00am
Welcome/House Information
Introductions
General Info/Group Considerations
Ongoing Snacks & beverages available;
Candles & music playing in the chapel
Opening Prayer Service
Explanation of Candle Ritual &
Symbolism
Blessing of Candles and Crosses
Candle Lighting & Cross
Distribution
Time for Reflection
Break
Site Liaison
Parent Retreat Leader
Hospitality Coordinator
Parent Retreat Leader
Spiritual Leader or Parent
Retreat Leader
(Spiritual Leader can be
a priest, deacon, spiritual
director, religious, pastoral
associate, etc.—or Parent
Retreat Leader)
11:00am-12:00pm
Reflection
Open Discussion
Spiritual Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
106

APPENDIX 11 1
ACTIVITY
LOCATION
IN YOUR
FACILITY
RESPONSIBILITY
12:00pm-12:45pm Lunch/Free Time Hospitality Coordinator
w/Parish Committee
or Caterer
12:45pm-1:15pm
1:15pm-2:00pm
Parent Witnessing (Where am I
right now in my spiritual journey
after the death of my child?)
Small Group: Mothers/Fathers
Reflection Question…e.g. In
your suffering, have you felt the
presence or the absence of God?
Parent Witness (Parent who
has participated in previous
retreats and is willing to share
his/her spiritual journey)
Facilitators: Parent Retreat
Leader/Parent Registration
Coordinator/
Parent Witness or other retreat
team member (# of facilitators
depends on # in the group;
women should facilitate mothers;
men should facilitate fathers)
2:00pm-2:30pm Large Group Sharing Parent Retreat Leader
2:30pm-2:45pm
Break
2:45pm-3:15pm Letter Writing to God, child, or other Parent Retreat Leader
3:15pm-4:00pm
4:00pm-4:30pm
Parent-to-Parent Emmaus Walk
Invocation of the Holy Spirit
If available, choice of:
Reconciliation
Spiritual Direction
One-on-One Parent Companioning
Chapel Time/Free Time
Parent Retreat Leader
Entire Group
Confessor (Optional)
Spiritual Director (Optional)
4:30pm-5:00pm Parent Feedback-Evaluation Forms Parent Retreat Leader
5:00pm-6:00pm
Mass (Private or Parish Saturday
Vigil)
Celebrant
6:00pm-6:45pm Dinner Hospitality Coordinator w/
Parish Committee or Caterer
6:45pm-7:15pm
Closing Prayer Service Blessing/
Sending Forth
Candle Extinguishing
Sending Forth
Spiritual Leader or Parent
Retreat Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
107

APPENDIX 11 1
SAMPLE ONE-DAY RETREAT SCHEDULE
4:00pm VIGIL MASS
Recommended Retreat Team
• Parent Retreat Leader
• Parent Registration Coordinator
• Parent Witnesses
• Spiritual Leader
• Hospitality Coordinator
• Mass Celebrant
• Site Liaison
• Spiritual Director
(if available)
• Confessor (if available)
ACTIVITY
LOCATION
IN YOUR
FACILITY
RESPONSIBILITY
PRE-RETREAT
Forward inquiry calls
Answer inquiry calls; help register
Site Liaison
Parent Registration
Coordinator
9:30am-10:00am
Check In/Meet & Greet
Beverage Service
Parent Registration
Coordinator
Hospitality
Coordinator
9:55am-10:00am Retreat Team Prayer Entire Retreat Team
10:00am-10:15am
10:00am-4:30pm
10:15am-10:45am
Welcome/House Information
Introductions
General Info/Group Considerations
Ongoing Snacks & beverages available;
Candles & music playing in the chapel
Opening Prayer Service
Explanation of Candle Ritual &
Symbolism
Blessing of Candles and Crosses
Candle Lighting & Cross
Distribution
Time for Reflection
Site Liaison
Parent Retreat Leader
Hospitality Coordinator
Parent Retreat Leader
Spiritual Leader or
Parent Retreat Leader
(Spiritual Leader can be
a priest, deacon, spiritual
director, religious,
pastoral associate, etc.—
or Parent Retreat
Leader)
108

APPENDIX 11 1
11:00am-12:00pm
Reflection
Open Discussion
ACTIVITY
LOCATION
IN YOUR
FACILITY
RESPONSIBILITY
Spiritual Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
12:00pm-12:45pm Lunch/Free Time Hospitality
Coordinator w/Parish
Committee or caterer
12:45pm-1:15pm
1:15pm-2:00pm
Parent Witnessing (Where am I right
now in my spiritual journey after the
death of my child?)
Small Group: Mothers/Fathers
Reflection Question…e.g. In your
suffering, have you felt the presence
or the absence of God?
Parent Witness (Parent
who has participated in
previous retreats)
Facilitators: Parent
Retreat Leader/
Parent Registration
Coordinator/Parent
Witness/and-or other
retreat team member
(# of facilitators needed
depend on # in the
group; women should
facilitate mothers; men
should facilitate fathers)
2:00pm-2:30pm Large Group Sharing Parent Retreat Leader
2:30pm-2:45pm
Break
2:45pm-3:15pm Letter Writing to God, child, or other Parent Retreat Leader
3:15pm-4:00pm Parent-to-Parent Emmaus Walk/
Invocation of the Holy Spirit
Reconciliation (if available)
Parent Retreat Leader
Confessor
4:00pm-5:00pm Mass (Parish Vigil Mass) Celebrant
5:00pm-5:30pm Parent Feedback-Evaluation Forms Parent Retreat Leader
5:30pm-6:15pm Dinner Hospitality
Coordinator w/Parish
Committee or Caterer
6:15pm-6:45pm
Closing Prayer Service
Blessing/Sending Forth
Candle Extinguishing
Sending Forth
Spiritual Leader or
Parent Retreat Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
109

APPENDIX 12
SAMPLE ORIENTATION FOLDER MATERIALS
• PARENT DIRECTORY AND NAME TAGS
(see APPENDICES 20 and 20a)
• RETREAT GUIDELINES
• GENERAL SCHEDULE
• LIST OF RETREAT MEMBERS
• CATECHESIS (see APPENDIX 21a)
• DONOR RECOGNITION SHEETS (see APPENDIX 22)
110

APPENDIX 12
EMMAUS MINISTRY RETREAT GUIDELINES
IMPORTANT: These Retreat Guidelines should be read verbatim during the opening
“Welcome” session and highlighted again at the beginning of small group sessions.
• This ministry attempts to serve the spiritual needs of the individual grieving parent. We’re
not here as a support group or for group therapy. For those reasons, you will not be asked
to introduce yourself or expected to tell your story to the group. We ask that you share
only what is comfortable for you to do so, and only when you are ready to do so.
• It helps to remember that no matter how close we may be to each other, each of us is
probably at a different stage in our spiritual journey and most likely in a different place in
our grieving process.
• Some parents may want to participate here today by listening only—and that is perfectly
fine. Participation happens in many ways. Please plan on contributing as much—or as
little—as you like and respect the wishes of others.
• Please help us allow everyone to have time to speak. In order to permit everyone to say
what they feel called to share, while still appreciating the constraints of time, you may be
asked to pause when addressing a group so that someone else may be heard.
• Within these walls today, the only one with all the answers is the Holy Spirit. Please do
not assume that any of the presenters, or you yourself, knows how someone else should
feel or act. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, and everyone should be able to speak
from their heart without being concerned that someone may correct them or challenge
what they say.
• Everything that is shared by you or with you today should be considered strictly
confidential, and not repeated to anyone or anywhere outside of these walls. Every one
of us has the right to total confidentiality regarding our discussions today. Please do not
share anything on any media without specific permission of the owner.
• At the end of each session, we will tell you where and when the next session will meet.
All sessions are optional. If you are not there when it is time to begin, we will assume you
have chosen not to attend that session. If you begin to feel overwhelmed at any time, feel
free to step out for a time or to use your entire time here privately.
• Our Spiritual Leader(s) will be available throughout the day to meet with you at any time.
111

APPENDIX 12 1
ONE-DAY RETREAT
SAMPLE GENERAL SCHEDULE
9:30am-10:00am: Check-In
Welcome
Opening Prayer Service
BREAK
Reflection
LUNCH
Parent Witnessing
Small Group
Large Group
BREAK
Letters
Emmaus Walk
Optional Activities
Mass
DINNER
: Closing Prayer Service
112

APPENDIX 12 1
ONE-DAY RETREAT
SAMPLE LIST OF RETREAT MEMBERS
[IMPORTANT: Get proper titles and name spellings as soon as members are finalized to save time
later. Also, if possible, arrange for “back-up” Spiritual Leaders for last minute changes.]
Fr. Charles Widener, Pastor of St. Mary’s Parish
Spiritual Leader, Celebrant, Confessor
Patricia Clifford, Pastoral Associate
Spiritual Leader, Prayer Services
Deacon Jim Carnivalle
Spiritual Direction, Music Ministry
Beverly Greenland
Parish Liaison
Barbara Murphy, In Loving Memory of Lisa
Parent Retreat Leader
Joellen Bouchard, In Loving Memory of Joey
Parent Registration Coordinator
Mary & Larry Connors, In Loving Memory of Peter
Memorial Candles, Retreat Coordination
Beth Rolland, In Loving Memory of Joseph
Parent Directory, Name Tags, Comfort Crosses, Retreat Coordination
Renee Campbell
Hospitality Coordinator
Carol Wise, Mary Clark, Jean Radcliffe
Hospitality Volunteers
St. Mary’s Prayer Shawl Ministry
Prayer Shawls
St. Mary’s Prayer Group
Retreat Novena
GK Joseph Goodman and St. Mary’s Knights of Columbus
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Ongoing Snacks
113

APPENDIX 13 1
SAMPLE PRAYER SERVICES
[NOTE: It is helpful to “script” prayer services by inserting the names of those
who will be responsible for the various parts]
APPENDIX 13a
APPENDIX 13b
OPENING PRAYER SERVICE
CLOSING PRAYER SERVICE
You can use these sample opening and closing prayer
services for both One-Day and Weekend Retreats.
For One-Day Retreats, you can use the Opening
Prayer Service in the morning to open the retreat.
For Weekend Retreats, use it on Friday night.
For One-Day Retreats, you can use the Closing Prayer
Service to close the retreat at night. For Weekend
Retreats, use it on Sunday afternoon.
APPENDIX 13c
APPENDIX 13d
WEEKEND RETREAT
MORNING PRAYER SERVICE
For Weekend Retreats, use this service to
call parents to prayer on Saturday morning.
WEEKEND RETREAT
EVENING PRAYER SERVICE
For Weekend Retreats, use this service to
call parents to prayer on Saturday evening.
114

APPENDIX 13a 1
One-Day/Weekend Spiritual Retreat
SAMPLE OPENING PRAYER SERVICE
Prelude
ANCHOR ME
Don McGlashan, Salty, © 1993
Performed by The Tenors, Lead With Your Heart, 2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqsiHRCuJdo
Oh, my soul is troubled/Oh, my will is worn
Tired and discouraged/Trampled on and torn
Every breath a battle/Every step a war
My heart, a broken vessel/This night, an angry storm
When sadness crashes like an ocean
When fear is deeper than the sea
When I am swallowed by the darkness
Will you come and anchor me?
I cannot see through this/Can you be my eyes?
I’m completely hopeless/Can you shine a light?
I have no more strength left/Can you stand and fi ght?
I’m dying in this doubt/Can you be my faith tonight?
Hold me still and hold me close/Until it all passes away
I beg you not to let go
All I really have to know/Is that you are here
And I am not alone
Refrain 2x
115

APPENDIX 13a 1
Opening Prayer
L: Lord, open our lips
All: And we shall declare your love.
L: Lord, open our eyes
All: And we shall see your love in others.
L: Lord, open our hearts
All: And we shall discover your love by loving others.
L: Lord, open our lives
All: And we shall use them to find our way back to you.
L: Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit
All: As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen!
PRAYER OF THOSE MAKING A RETREAT (read together)
Loving Spirit of Wisdom,
Guide my thoughts and my memories.
In the light of your love,
May I see what is important for me to remember,
What is important for me to hold to my heart,
And what I need to simply let go of in peace.
I trust you to be my guide,
Even when the path seems unclear to me.
We pray this in the name of Your Son, the Healer,
Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.
116

APPENDIX 13a 1
Opening Hymn
OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART, LORD
Paul Baloche, Integrity’s Hosanna Music/ASCAP © 1997
Performed by the Arch Street Band, Songs of Worship and Praise, Volume I, 2010
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vl3ucvaExn0&list=PL0433086BF9103715&index=6
First Reading (Jeremiah 31:15-17)
L (or Retreat Team Member):
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you. I want to see you. (2x)
To see you high and lifted up
Shining in the light of your glory.
Pour out your power and love.
As we sing holy, holy, holy
Open the eyes of my heart Lord.
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you. I want to see you.
To see You high and lifted up,
Shining in the light of your glory.
Pour out your power and love.
As we sing holy, holy, holy. (2x)
Open the eyes of my heart Lord,
Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see you. I want to see you. (4x)
In Ramah is heard the sound of moaning, of bitter weeping. Rachel
mourns her children; she refuses to be consoled because her children are
no more. Thus says the Lord: “Cease your cries of mourning; wipe the
tears from your eyes. The sorrow you have shown shall have its reward.
There is hope for your future.”
The Word of the Lord!
A: Thanks be to God!
117

APPENDIX 13a 1
Hymn
L: Jesus said, “Wherever two or more are gathered in my name, there
I am in the midst of them.” As we join together today, His Presence
transforms every inch of this space into Holy Ground. Wherever we
go, He is with us and we are walking on Holy Ground.
HOLY GROUND
By Christopher Beatty, Birdwing Music © 1982
Performed by Michael J. Talbot, The Lord’s Supper/Be Exalted, 1988
This is Holy Ground,
We’re standing on Holy Ground
For the Lord is present
And where he is, is holy (2x)
These are holy hands,
He’s given us holy hands;
He works through these hands
And so these hands are holy (2x)
This is Holy Ground,
We’re standing on Holy Ground
For the Lord is present
And where he is, is holy
This is Holy Ground,
We’re standing on Holy Ground
For the Lord is present
And where he is, is holy.
For the Lord is present
And where he is, is holy.
118

APPENDIX 13a 1
Second Reading (Revelation 21: 1-4)
L (or Retreat Team Member):
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth. The former heaven and the
former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. I also saw
the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God,
prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, God’s dwelling is
with the human race. He will dwell with them and they will be his people
and God himself will always be with them. He will wipe every tear from
their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain,
for the old order has passed away.
The Word of the Lord.
A: Thanks be to God.
L: Candle Ritual Explanation (See APPENDIX 5 RETREAT LEADER GUIDELINES)
L: Candle/Comfort Cross Blessing
L: Candle Lighting Prayer
CANDLE LIGHTING PRAYER
L: Lord, you are the Light of the World
A: Help us feel your presence in the lighting of this candle.
L: Lord, you gave us the gift of our children
A: Help us feel their presence in the lighting of this candle.
L: Lord, you gave us the hope of eternal life
A: Help us confirm that hope in the lighting of this candle.
L: Lord, you gave us love
A: Help us to know that, as much as we love our children,
you love them even more.
L: We ask you this through Christ, Our Lord
A: Amen
119

APPENDIX 13a 1
L: Candle Lighting Invitation to Parents/Comfort Crosses [Parent
Retreat Leader (or other team member) assists parents in lighting
candles. Designated Retreat Team Member gives Comfort Cross to
each parent]
Closing Prayer
L: We long for your light, O God. May we walk confidently, knowing
that you care for us. May we care for one another as sisters and
brothers and thus spread your light throughout the world. We ask
this, through Christ Our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and
the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.
A: Amen
L: May God bless us and keep us.
A: Amen
L: May God let his light shine upon us and be gracious to us.
A: Amen
L: May God look upon us and give us peace.
A: Amen
L: And may God bless us Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
A: Amen
L: The “comfort cross” you were given today was specially molded to
fit into the palm of your hand. Hold it when you are most in need
of strength, peace, comfort, hope, and love—throughout the day
today—and in the future as a remembrance of this retreat.
120

APPENDIX 13a 1
Closing Hymn
L: As Jesus comforted his distraught disciples on the road to Emmaus
shortly after His death… let us ask Him now to comfort us on our
grief journey…
THE EMMAUS SONG
By Monica Brown, Emmaus Productions © 2002
https://www.emfgp.org/emmaus-song-monica-brown-emmaus-productions-2002/
www.emmausproductions.com
Come journey with us
Walk with us
Listen to our story
Our hopes, our dreams, our struggles, our joys,
Our story of life
We share with you as we journey,
Jesus, our God.
Refrain:
May our hearts be warmed and strengthened by your presence here
In your holy word and bread of life in the love we share,
May we go forth on our journey with you.
Come journey with us
Talk to us
Tell us of your story
Open our minds to understand
The mystery of your life with us
Your risen life,
Jesus, our God.
Refrain
Come journey with us
Stay with us
Make us one with you
In the blessing of the bread
The breaking of bread
May we truly know your life in us
Your love for us,
Jesus, our God.
Refrain 3x
121

APPENDIX 13b 1
Opening Hymn
One-Day/Weekend Spiritual Retreat
SAMPLE CLOSING PRAYER SERVICE
BE NOT AFRAID
By Bob Dufford, SJ, Robertj. Dufford, SJ and New Dawn Music, © 1975, 1978
Performed by the Arch Street Band, Songs of Hope and Resurrection, 2007
https://www.emfgp.org/not-afraid-arch-street-band-2007/
You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand.
You shall see the face of God and live.
Refrain
Be not afraid.
I go before you always.
Come, follow me, and
I will give you rest.
If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the pow’r of hell and death is at your side,
Know that I am with you through it all.
Refrain.
Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs.
Blest are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh.
And if wicked tongues insult and hate you all because of me,
blessed, blessed are you!
Refrain.
122

APPENDIX 13b 1
Litany of Healing
L: We now invite you to pray together our Litany of Healing.
Our response is…
God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Loving God, we thank you for the children who were ours for such a
short time. Sustain us in the expectation of resurrection to eternal life.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Creator God, you called our children into being. Give them, whom we
commit to your care, abundant life in your eternal presence.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Compassionate God, who dried Rachel’s tears over her lost children,
hear now the distress of all who mourn their precious children.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Healer Lord, in the darkness of our grief, grant us your strength and
the assurance of your ever present love.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Compassionate God, remember all parents whose children have died.
Help them to hold each other in their hearts, so that their sorrow may
draw them together and not tear them apart.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: God, our Deliverer, remember all who love these children we mourn:
mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters,
aunts, uncles, dear friends. Help them to know the comfort of your
loving presence all the days of their lives.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: God of Wisdom, be with us as we struggle with the mysteries of life
and death; forgive our sins; help us in our doubt; and lead us forward
in certain hope of your promise of eternal life.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
L: Merciful God, hear our cries. Heal and restore us. Fill us with your
peace. In all things, remind us of your love, through your son, Jesus
Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit.
All: God of mercy, heal us and grant us your peace.
Amen.
123

APPENDIX 13b 1
L: In the words that Our Father taught us… Our Father
L: To Mary, a grieving mother who knows our pain, we pray… Hail Mary
L: We Remember Them (by Sylvia Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer) .
Our response is…
We remember them.
In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of the winter,
we remember them.
In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,
we remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer,
we remember them
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,we remember them.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.
When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make, we remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs, we remember them.
As long as we live, they too shall live
For they are now a part of us… as we remember them.
Sacrament of Anointing (Optional)
Candle Incensing (Optional; can also be done during the Offertory of
the Mass)
Candle Wick Extinguishing
124

APPENDIX 13b 1
L: Now the time has come for us to leave this Sacred Space, and to extinguish the
wick of these candles. Remember always, however, that even though the wick
has been extinguished, the Light it represents will never go out. The light of your
child continues to burn eternally in the source of all Light, our Lord Jesus Christ.
It warms us with peace and consolation on this earth, until we are together with
our children again, holding them again in the Light.
As you feel ready, please come forward and extinguish the wick of your candle.
Please then return to your seat and leave the candle on the table, giving the wax
some time to cool and coagulate.
L or priest:
Final Blessing
Closing Hymn
GO IN PEACE
By Sarah Hart and Dwight Liles, Spirit and Song, © 2004
Performed by the Arch Street Band, Songs of Hope and Resurrection, 2007
https://www.emfgp.org/go-peace-arch-street-band-songs-hope-resurrection-2007/
There will be no more darkness
There is no more night, no more night
There will be no more sadness, Only joy and light, joy and light
Lift your eyes beyond the hills and see the dawn
There is beautiful mercy, In the arms of the Holy One.
Refrain:
Go in peace, God be with you
Go in peace, be at rest
With the saints and the angels, Now you are free
Go in peace.
See, the Father is waiting
With a robe of white, purest white
Go and feast at his table, With the bread of life, bread of life
Lift your heart, rejoice and sing
For you are home, Home at last and forever
In the arms of the Holy One.
Refrain 2x
Procession to Scatter Ashes (Optional)
Parent Retreat Leader: Wrap Up/Sending Forth
125

APPENDIX 13c 1
Opening Hymn
SAMPLE WEEKEND
SATURDAY MORNING PRAYER SERVICE
OPEN MY EYES, LORD
By Jesse Manibusan, Spirit and Song © 1998
Performed by James David Carter, We Will Be the Light, 2006
https://www.emfgp.org/17-open-my-eyes-2/
Open my eyes, Lord
Help me to see your face
Open my eyes, Lord
Help me to see.
Open my ears, Lord
Help me to hear your voice
Open my ears, Lord
Help me to hear.
And the last shall be first
And our eyes are opened
And we’ll hear like never before
And we’ll speak in new ways
And we’ll see God’s face in places we’ve never known
Open my heart, Lord
Help me to love like you
Open my heart, Lord
Help me to love.
I live within you
Deep in your heart, O Lord
I live within you
Rest now in me.
126

APPENDIX 13c 1
Prayer of a Parent on the Loss of a Child
L: Together, we pray, O Lord…
The loss of my child has broken me. I am like a shattered pane of
glass; pieces of me are missing and I will never find them again. I am
enveloped in sadness, anger, bitterness, sorrow and grief. I have no
words to describe the pain that consumes me.
No one can comfort me. No one understands me. What will happen to
me, and will I ever experience gladness, joy and peace again?
Stay close by me, Lord, in my suffering. Put your arms under mine
and bear me up, for I fear that if I fall, the weight of my suffering will
prevent me from ever getting up again.
Support my arms, Lord, so that they will not be closed—but
outstretched to support others when they need my comfort.
Let me place my grief in you, Lord, so that it does not burn me into a
shell, unable to radiate love ever again.
Protect me from the anger and bitterness that attack me, Lord. Let me
not seek out the dark places that beckon me with their false promises of
protection and relief.
Place your finger into this gaping, open hole of my heart, so that it will
respond to the healing power of your comfort, presence, and love.
And give me your assurances, Lord, so that in time, I will be able to feel
certain hope and true faith that my child and I will be together again
forever, with You, in heaven.
We ask you this through Christ, Our Lord.
Amen
Reading
L: A reading from the Holy Gospel according to Matthew (5:1-12a)
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he
had sat down, his disciples came to him.
He began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
127

APPENDIX 13c 1
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they
will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for
theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter
every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be
glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.”
The Gospel of the Lord!
A: Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
Petitions
L: Let us lift grateful hearts in prayer…
Our response: We thank you, Lord.
L: For the beauty and fruitfulness of the earth and the mystery and
wonder of all creation… We thank you, Lord…
L: For our Holy Father, the church, and the gift of our faith…
We thank you, Lord…
L: For family and friends and the gift of love in our lives…
We thank you, Lord…
L: For the Emmaus Ministry… for each of us gathered here to pray
and support one another… We thank you, Lord…
L: For our spiritual journey, blessed with many moments of
encountering Jesus…We thank you, Lord…
L: For those who have gone before us, especially our precious
Emmaus children and for the gift of their presence in our lives…
We thank you, Lord…
L: In the words that Jesus taught us, we pray… Our Father
L: And to Mary, his holy mother, we pray… Hail Mary
128

APPENDIX 13c 1
Closing Hymn
PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS
By Sebastian Temple, OCP, 1967
Performed by Vince Ambrosetti and the Nashville String Orchestra, Sacred Songs, 2006
https://www.emfgp.org/05-prayer-of-st-francis/
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring your love
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
And where there is doubt, true faith in You.
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there’s despair in life, let me bring hope
And where is darkness, only light
And where there’s sadness, ever joy.
Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Make me a channel of your peace 3x
129

APPENDIX 13d 1
Opening Hymn
SAMPLE WEEKEND
SATURDAY EVENING PRAYER SERVICE
I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE
By Suzanne Toolan, RSM, GIA Publications, 2005
Performed by The Arch Street Band, Songs of Hope and Resurrection, 2007
https://www.emfgp.org/12-i-am-the-bread-of-life/
I am the Bread of Life
You who comes to me shall not hunger
And who believes in me shall not thirst
No one can come to me/Unless the Father beckons
Refrain
And I will raise you up
And I will raise you up
And I will raise you up on the last day
The bread that I will give
Is my flesh for the life of the world
And if you eat of this bread
You shall live forever/You shall live forever
Refrain
Unless you eat Of the flesh of the Son of Man
And drink of his blood, And drink of his blood
You shall not have life within you
Refrain
I am the Resurrection/I am the Life
If you believe in me
Even though you die, You shall live forever
130
Refrain 2x

APPENDIX 13d 1
Greeting
L: The peace of the Lord be with you always.
A: And with your spirit.
L: Lord Jesus, you healed the sick: Lord have mercy
A: Lord, have mercy
L: Lord Jesus, you forgave sinners: Christ have mercy
A: Christ, have mercy.
L: Lord Jesus, you gave us yourself to heal us and bring us strength:
Lord have mercy.
A: Lord, have mercy.
L: Lord Jesus, you know our pain as grieving parents: Christ have mercy.
A: Christ, have mercy.
L: May Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins, and bring
us to life everlasting.
A: Amen.
Reading
R: A reading from the St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans (6:8-11)
If, then, we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with
him. We know that Christ, raised from the dead, dies no more; death no
longer has power over him. As to his death, he died to sin once and for
all; as to his life, he lives for God. Consequently, you too must think of
yourselves as being dead to sin and living for God in Christ Jesus.
The Word of the Lord!
A: Thanks be to God.
Sacrament of Anointing and Laying on of Hands (Optional)
Priest: Explanation of Ritual of Anointing and Laying on of Hands
Prayer in Preparation
Priest: My sisters and brothers, together let us speak to our God.
Come and strengthen us through this holy anointing, we
pray…
A: Lord, show us your mercy.
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APPENDIX 13d 1
132
Priest: Free us from all harm: we pray…
A: Lord, show us your mercy
Priest: Grant us health of mind and body and grant us peace, we pray…
A: Lord, show us your mercy.
Anointing [Note: If the Sacrament of Anointing is administered here,
delete it from the Closing Prayer Service]
Anointing of the Forehead
Priest: Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy,
help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit.
Response: Amen
Anointing of the Hands
Priest: May the Lord who frees you from sin, save you and raise you up,
Response: Amen
Retreat Team: Laying On of Hands (Optional)
Parents approach individual retreat members who are up front next to the
priest. Retreat team members pray silently or outloud as they lay their hands on
each parent’s head.
L: In the words that Jesus gave us… Our Father
L: To the mother who felt it all and knows our grief only too well first hand…
Hail Mary
Closing Prayer
L: May the Lord be with you to protect you.
A: Amen
L: May he guide you and give your strength.
A: Amen
L: May he watch over you, keep you in his care, and bless you with pace.
A: Amen
L: May almighty God bless you…the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…
A: Amen

APPENDIX 13d 1
Closing Hymn
ON EAGLE’S WINGS
By Michael Joncas, OCP, © 1979
Performed by the Arch Street Band, Songs of Hope and Resurrection, 2007
https://www.emfgp.org/eagles-wings-arch-street-band/
You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord, Who abide in his shadow for life
Say to the Lord, “My refuge, my rock in whom I trust!”
Refrain
And he will raise you up on eagles’ wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun, And hold you in the palm of his hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you, And famine will bring you no fear
Under his wings your refuge, His faithfulness your shield.
Refrain
You need not fear the terror of the night, Nor the arrow that flies by day
Though thousands fall about you, Near you it shall not come.
Refrain
For to His angels he’s given a command, To guard you in all of your ways
Upon their hands they will bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
Refrain
133

APPENDIX 14 1
PARENT WITNESSING OVERVIEW
Thank you for agreeing to be a Parent Witness for our upcoming Emmaus Ministry for Grieving
Parents Retreat. Here are some thoughts that may help you prepare your 10-15 minute talk…
The Acts of the Apostles tell us that the Good News was spread through the witness of the disciples,
who faithfully proclaimed what they had seen and heard. The power to spread truth through honest,
faithful witness testimony is found everywhere in the Bible, and this power of witnessing is no less
diminished today.
In today’s media-driven culture, it remains true that no matter how good or true the message
might be, if people don’t feel as if they can relate to—or understand—the story being told or the
information presented, the message won’t reach them. It won’t move them or inspire them to action. 1
In The Evangelization Equation, Fr. James Wehner describes the place of personal experience and
witnessing, noting…
Whether you’re dealing with teens or adults, they want to see two things: 1) that you truly believe
what you teach and that you act according to those beliefs, and 2) that those beliefs and actions
make a difference in your own life. They need to see these things for a host of reasons, partly
because we live in a consumer culture. Everyone is selling something, and before we buy, we
want to know if the goods are genuine. We also want to know if they will benefi t us. That applies
to the Catholic faith as much as it does to the Apple iPhone. 2
Post-modernism has also made witness matter more. When everything is relative; when authority is
always to be questioned, experience still holds sway. When people can see that, like them, you have
struggled, but that you have found strength in those struggles through Faith (or not), healing begins.
Witnessing at our retreats is an extremely important segment. Parents who are hurting, doubtful,
or confused want to hear from others who walk this same path, and in so doing, confirm that their
personal experiences are not unusual or abnormal. If and when asked to be a Retreat Witness, do not
think that you’re expected to be a pillar of faith, or have found all the answers all of us seek. What
others want to hear is your honest story—how you’ve been affected, how you’ve coped, what you’ve
found, where you’ve been, and where you are now and why—particularly, as these experiences
relate to your spiritual life and growth.
Your honesty is the element that makes your testimony so effective to others. Don’t relate what you
think others want to hear – what you can honestly provide is what they may most need to hear. If we
could suggest one thing to do as you prepare to provide witness at a retreat, it would be to pray. Pray
that the Holy Spirit will use you and your witness for his purposes, not yours, and that he uses you as
his instrument to provide what he wants said to all in attendance. If you faithfully do so, your witness
will, we are certain, accomplish the work of the Lord.
1
Eugene Gan, Infi nite Bandwith: Encountering Christ in the Media (Steubenville, OH: Emmaus Road Press, 2010).
134
2
Rev. James Whener, The Evangelization Equation: The Who, the What, and the How of the New Evangelization
(Stubenville, OH: Emmaus Road Press,)

APPENDIX 15 1
SMALL-GROUP FACILITATOR GUIDELINES
1. Open the group with a short prayer asking the Holy Spirit for guidance and the ability to
hear what we need to hear and speak what we need to speak.
2. Extremely Important: Repeat overall retreat guidelines:
• This ministry attempts to serve the spiritual needs of the individual grieving parent.
We’re not here as a support group or for group therapy. For those reasons, you will not
be asked to introduce yourself or expected to tell your story to the group. We ask that
you share only what is comfortable for you to do so, and only when you’re ready to
do so. Some parents may want to participate here today by listening only—and that is
perfectly fine. While you may be naturally curious about someone’s situation, he/she
may not be ready or want to share at this particular time.
• It helps to remember that no matter how close we may happen to be to each other, each
of us is most likely at a different stage in our spiritual journey and, most likely, in a
different place in our grieving process. We cannot expect that someone else is at the
same place in their grieving process and spiritual journey as we may be.
• Allow everyone to have time to speak, should they so desire, by not monopolizing the
conversation.
• Within these walls today, the only one with all the answers is the Holy Spirit. Please do
not assume that any of the presenters, or you yourself, knows how someone else should
feel or act. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, and everyone should be able to speak
from their heart without being concerned that someone may correct them or challenge
what they say.
• Everything that is shared by you or with you today should be considered confidential,
and not repeated to anyone outside of these walls. Each of us has the right to strict
confidentiality regarding what we may choose to say today.
3. Begin by repeating the directed question provided. Do not be afraid of silence.
4. Allow the discussion to progress however it does, but try to ensure the following:
• The discussion focuses on the spirituality of the grieving process.
(e.g. if the discussion begins to focus on lack of compassion of friends and family
members, try to steer the conversation back to the spirituality of the grieving process by
saying something like, “That is definitely a difficult situation and one many of us can
relate to. How do we forgive those who seem to add to our grief? Has anyone found
ways that are easier than others?” Or “How can we use this added pain inflicted by
other people to grow closer to God and to our child?” Or “What advice do you think
Jesus would give us for handling these difficult people in our lives right now?”)
135

APPENDIX 15 1
• No one monopolizes the conversation and everyone who wants to speak has the
opportunity. (e.g. When someone who has talked for a relatively long time…at a pause
or at the end of a sentence, interject something like “What you say is very true. Has
anyone else experienced something similar?” Or “How has anyone else dealt with this
difficult situation?” Or “What other ways challenge our spirituality in the grieving
process?”
5. Allow time before ending to ask if anyone would like to share any additional thoughts or
comments. This gives an additional opportunity to parents who have not spoken at all.
6. End the discussion with a short prayer thanking the Holy Spirit and asking Him to help us
to grow from what we have just learned.
Note: As a small-group facilitator, avoid dominating the conversation yourself with your personal story or
coming across as “the expert.” Being a facilitator means you try to facilitate the conversation of others, not
your own. If you are not a grieving parent yourself, you should contribute only what is necessary to keep the
conversation on a spiritual track, if needed.
136

APPENDIX 16 1
SAMPLE MASS INTERCESSIONS
These Mass Intercessions are useful for private Vigil Masses. If attending a parish
Vigil Mass, you could choose one of the following and submit it to the Celebrant for
inclusion in the Prayers of the Faithful.
Our response will be: Lord, hear our prayer.
For the Church, that she may continue guiding and accompanying the
broken-hearted who suffer the pain of the death of a child.
We pray to the Lord …
For all parents whose child has died, especially those gathered here, that
they may find strength and peace for the journey in the hope of Christ.
We pray to the Lord…
For the friends and families of those whose child has died, that God will give
them a compassionate heart as that of Jesus on the road to Emmaus to help
their loved ones carry their cross.
We pray to the Lord…
For parents facing the death of their child due to any cause, that they may
find strength even in the face of hardship.
We pray to the Lord…
For all who have contributed generously to make this ministry possible.
We pray to the Lord…
For all those for whom we have promised to pray and for the intentions
we hold in the silence of our hearts.
We pray to the Lord…
137

APPENDIX 17 1
SAMPLE EVALUATION FORM
Did you find this retreat experience was helpful? Did it meet your expectations?
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Was there anything that could have been done to improve the retreat’s relevance for you?
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Do you have any ideas on how we can continue to help you or other grieving parents in their
spiritual journey?
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Would you like to work to bring this ministry to this area on an ongoing basis?
________________________________________________________________________________
If yes, what is your name? ___________________________________________________________________________________
One a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being not very helpful and 5 being very helpful, how
beneficial was this retreat for you? 1 2 3 4 5
138

APPENDIX 17 1
SAMPLE EVALUATION TABULATION
TAKEN VERBATIM FROM FEEDBACK FORMS
[Note: Comments below are actual.]
Did you find this Retreat experience was helpful? Did it meet your expectations?
• Yes, sharing experiences and allowing process time was comforting and healing. I did
not expect the benefi t to be as great as it was.
• I came to the retreat with an open mind and everyone was very welcoming. I felt
comfortable and secure in sharing my faith and grief journey.
• I found this retreat to be very helpful. I have been to Compassionate Friends meetings, but
this retreat, which has such a spiritual tone, is more comforting to me. I also fi nd it to be
more relevant than typical bereavement groups. The loss of a child is a unique experience.
• It is a good time/event to be part of people’s journey. The shared thoughts and feelings
help to understand the reality of life that there are pains and sorrows each one carries
in everyday life. It also shows God remains faithful to His people—it is good to help
people know this.
• Yes I did. My hope was to get comfort to fi nd peace with David’s death & know that he
is safe with God. I am not sure I have accomplished this yet, but I am sure as the days &
weeks go on I will! I did a lot of praying & asking the Holy Spirit to come into my heart.
• Yes I did. It was nice to talk about God and spirituality.
• Yes, on both counts.
• Absolutely was helpful. I need God to help heal me. This retreat is soothing to our
broken spirits.
• The retreat was very helpful and it met all of my expectations.
Was there anything that could have been done to improve the retreat’s relevance for you?
• The activities you have planned were excellent and it was my opinion that there was
little room for improvement. You have done a wonderful job making sure everyone is
welcome and comfortable.
• I enjoyed sharing with a smaller group & encourage that in future retreats.
• I can’t think of anything – I want to say that I appreciate the fact that you did not require
participants to introduce themselves and name their deceased child & cause of death.
That is terribly painful.
• Perhaps time to introduce one self and briefl y explain the experience you are going
through. More time in sharing with questions or guidelines to keep the topic focused.
• I thought it was great! It was my fi rst one so I wasn’t sure what to expect! The candles &
crosses were a fantastic bonus!
• I think a few more times to meet in small groups. I felt people talk more at that time.
139

APPENDIX 17 1
140
• I think it might be helpful to have some “ice breaker” type exercises maybe to get
people to feel more comfortable sharing. I don’t know what those would be exactly but
perhaps we could explore.
Do you have any ideas on additional ways that we might continue to help you
or other grieving parents on your spiritual journey?
• Cannot think of any off hand.
• I would like to keep in touch with the Emmaus Ministry after this retreat.
• Get the word out to people – I heard that you use Facebook – more exposure like that
will surely help bring your comfort to more grieving parents.
• The Emmaus Ministry is an excellent program for grieving parents. Follow up
recollection would be helpful.
• I think there should be more sharing of the children that died. Let us say something
about our child.
• Perhaps by asking parents who have attended a retreat if they would like to befriend
newcomers. Some people come together, others may need a “friend” to help them along.
• Keep up the wonderful ministry!
• Try to stay connected by email, phone, or meetings at church.
Would you like to work to bring this ministry to your area on an ongoing basis?
• Yes (John Murphy)
• Sorry, I am unable to help at this time (Sherry Owens)
• Yes (Suzanne Phillips)
• Yes! I would be willing to help (Joann Conley)
• Yes (Mary Callahan)
One a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being not very helpful and 5 being very helpful, how beneficial was
this retreat for you?
RATING
# OF RESPONDENTS
5 11
4 1
3
2
1
No Rating 4
In the days following the event:
I had a good night sleep and woke up smiling after a beautiful dream. I am happy to be part of
yesterday’s gathering and thanksgiving. I will remember you and your mission in prayers for
continued blessings and guidance.
Please accept this donation in thanksgiving for fi nally fi nding some peace in my heart.

APPENDIX 18 1
PREPARING RETREAT CANDLES
The use of Emmaus Ministry Memorial Candles is very poignant for parents who participate in our
retreats. They should be carefully and prayerfully prepared. Here are the steps we typically take. If
you develop other ways, please let us know so that we can include them in later editions of this book.
The front of the candle has a photo of the child that parents have
sent to us via their Parent Questionnaires. Above the photo is a
label with the child’s name. The back of the candle has a label
with the name and date of the retreat. Parents receive a candle for
each child they are memorializing. If no photo is available, we
have used images of angels or crosses.
Be sure to bring at least 3-4 extra candles and candle back labels
to your retreat. It is not unusual to have late registrants or even
“walk ins.” Because of the time needed to prepare candles, we typically close open registration
about a week before the retreat date. If parents register late, ask them to bring a wallet-sized, color
photocopy of a photo of their child. You can cut out the photocopy and affix it to the candle using
double-face tape, and you can handwrite the name onto the clear label or not have the name label.
Be sure to ask parents to bring a photocopy of their photo because they may not want the actual
photo damaged by tape.
Or, you can buy a Polaroid Zip Mobile Printer, available on Amazon. This is a hand-held printer
you sync to your smart phone. With this nifty device, on the morning of the retreat, you can take a
picture of the photo the parent brings to you using your phone (or use a scanning app), print out the
photo and affix it to the candle. (The printer comes with adhesive paper!) Again, you would need to
handwrite the name on a clear label and use the extra back labels you brought with you. Some sites
like this method so much that they use the hand-held printer for all candle photos.
Members of the Retreat Team who are not grieving parents also receive a candle. These candles
have a label on the front of the candle with the location and date of the retreat and the words, “With
Deep Appreciation.”
At the retreat all of the candles are arranged on a table close to the altar. Ideally, all of the photos
should be facing the same direction, so each parent can see the photo of his/her child.
Materials Needed
• 8 Day White Glass “Cathedral,” “Sacralite,” or comparable sanctuary candles (Check with
your local parish to see which church supply company they use. If you use the same one, you
should be able to receive a discount. Or you can order sanctuary candles online; however,
shipping costs are very high because of the weight of the candles. Be sure to use only
approved sanctuary candles; others may not be the best quality and/or may pose a fire hazard.)
• Matte White Sticker Paper (Staples or Avery #3383)
• Avery #22822 Rectangular Glossy Clear Labels
• Krylon Acrylic Crystal Clear gloss spray (available at craft stores)
141

APPENDIX 18 1
Steps in Making Children’s Memorial Candles
1. As photos of the children come in, save them into a “Retreat
Photos” file folder.
2. Crop to focus on child’s face; improve color quality if
needed.
3. Insert photos into the “Candle Picture Template” below (or
a simple Word document placing four to a page.)
4. [NOTE: We offer these templates as samples only. We
regret that we are not able to support you or troubleshoot if
they do not work on your particular device or program.]
5. Under “Format Picture”
• Uncheck “Lock Aspect Ratio” box under picture sizing.
• Format each photo to 3.67” high x 2.56” wide.
6. Print out photos on sticker paper.
7. Cut out individual photos.
8. Affix photos to the side of the candle opposite the embossed cross on the lower 2/3 of
candle.
9. Use “Candle Name Label Template” and the Avery clear labels to make labels for the
name of the children in the photos.
10. Affix the candle name labels to the candles above the photos.
11. Use “Retreat Candle Back Template” and the sticker paper to create labels for the back of
the candles.
12. Center Candle Back Label on the back side of the candle opposite the photo of the child.
13. After candles are complete, spray with Krylon Acrylic Crystal Clear gloss in a wellventilated
area. Allow approximately 5 minutes to dry.
Steps in Making Retreat Team Candles
14. Use “Retreat Team Candles Template” to make labels for retreat
team members who are not grieving parents. These candles have
the “With Deep Appreciation” labels only (no back labels, no
name labels).
15. After candles are complete, spray with Krylon Acrylic
Crystal Clear gloss in a well-ventilated area. After they dry
(approximately 5 minutes), they are complete.
16. Be sure to keep candle inventory records; replenish as needed.
142

APPENDIX 18 1
CANDLE PHOTO TEMPLATE
Printed on Avery #3383 Sticker Project Paper (4/page)
1. Crop photo to focus on
child’s face.
2. Insert jpeg or tiff photo into
a Word document, 4-up,
similar to this template.
3. Format photo to be 3.67” high
x 2.56” wide.
4. Uncheck “Lock Aspect Ratio”
box under photo sizing.
5. Print out on sticker project
paper.
6. Cut out photos.
7. Affix photo to front of candle.
1. Crop photo to focus on
child’s face.
2. Insert jpeg or tiff photo into
a Word document, 4-up,
similar to this template.
3. Format photo to be 3.67” high
x 2.56” wide.
4. Uncheck “Lock Aspect Ratio”
box under photo sizing.
5. Print out on sticker project
paper.
6. Cut out photos.
7. Affix photo to front of candle.
1. Crop photo to focus on
child’s face.
2. Insert jpeg or tiff photo into
a Word document, 4-up,
similar to this template.
3. Format photo to be 3.67” high
x 2.56” wide.
4. Uncheck “Lock Aspect Ratio”
box under photo sizing.
5. Print out on sticker project
paper.
6. Cut out photos.
7. Affix photo to front of candle.
1. Crop photo to focus on
child’s face.
2. Insert jpeg or tiff photo into
a Word document, 4-up,
similar to this template.
3. Format photo to be 3.67” high
x 2.56” wide.
4. Uncheck “Lock Aspect Ratio”
box under photo sizing.
5. Print out on sticker project
paper.
6. Cut out photos.
7. Affix photo to front of candle.
143

APPENDIX 18 1
CANDLE NAME LABEL TEMPLATE
Printed on Avery #22822 Glossy Clear Labels
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
FIRST NAME
LAST NAME
144

APPENDIX 18 1
RETREAT TEAM CANDLE TEMPLATE
Printed on Avery #3383 Sticker Project Paper (4/page)
[Note: Double-click on this page to access template]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Name of parish/retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
[Retreat team member name]
With Deep Appreciation
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Name of parish/retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
[Retreat team member name]
With Deep Appreciation
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Name of parish/retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
[Retreat team member name]
With Deep Appreciation
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Name of parish/retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
[Retreat team member name]
With Deep Appreciation
145

APPENDIX 18 1
MEMORIAL CANDLE BACK LABEL TEMPLATE
Avery # 3383 Sticker Project Paper (8/page)
[Note: Double-click on this page to access template]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
146
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]
Emmaus Ministry Retreat
[Parish/Retreat center]
[Location (city, state)]
[Date]

APPENDIX 19 1
COMFORT CROSSES
As an integral part of the Opening Prayer Service, you may want to give each parent a “Comfort
Cross,” laser engraved with Matthew 5:4 “Blest are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
We purchase brown organza bags to hold the crosses and, if someone has donated them, include a
card acknowledging the donor. (Use regular Avery business card templates for the cards).
During the Prayer Service, have your Spiritual Leader
bless the crosses at the same time as he/she blesses the
candles, tell your parents what the Comfort Cross is and
encourage them to use it throughout the day to ask the
Healer for true peace and certain hope. Parents can use
the cross afterward as a remembrance of the retreat and
a source of comfort (see APPENDIX 13a OPENING
PRAYER SERVICE). If parents received a cross while
attending a previous retreat, you can encourage them to
give it to someone else in need.
Feedback from parents on the crosses has been very positive. Several have offered to purchase
additional crosses for family and friends or subsidize crosses for future retreats.
Many sources for olive wood, hand-held small crosses, engraving, and organza bags exist via the
internet. Here are ones we are currently using:
Crosses (@ .90 each):
50 Olive Wood Small Pocket-Holding
Crosses by Holy Land Imports on
Amazon. We have them sent directly to
the engravers to save on shipping costs.
Engraving (@ $1.50 each):
We Lasers
421 West State Street
Columbus, OH 43215
614-286-3881
info@welasers.com
Organza Bags (@ .06 each):
Grandroomchic [TM] 100 Pcs 5”x7”
Brown Jewelry Organza Drawstring
Pouches on Amazon
147

APPENDIX 20 1
PREPARING NAME TAGS AND PARENT DIRECTORIES
Use the “Name Tag Template” on the next page and Avery #74549 Name Badge Labels and holders
to produce name tags for your parents and members of your retreat team. Print out several blank
name tags with the Emmaus Ministry graphic to use for walk-ins. [Note: We provide a basket at the
end of the retreat for parents to drop off their plastic n ame tag holders, which we recycle for future
retreats.]
Parent Directories are an easy way for parents to share photos of their children and their contact
information. Only parents who have given permission for us to share their contact information (via
the Parent Questionnaire parents completed as part of the registration process) are included.
To respect the privacy of our parents and the confidentiality of our retreats, it is important to remind
parents that they should not share this information with anyone else or via any other media. A short
reminder at the top of the Directory is usually sufficient. Likewise, we do not share parent contact
information with anyone other than the parents participating in the retreat, members of the retreat
team, and Emmaus Ministry Central.
Use the “Parent Directory Template” in APPENDIX 20a to produce your directory. We use EXCEL
because of its ease in moving the photo blocks around. If you develop other ways to do this, please
let us know, so we can include them in future editions of the book.
148

APPENDIX 20 1
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name]
[First]
[Last Name}
149

APPENDIX 20a 1
PARENT DIRECTORY TEMPLATE
Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
[Parish/Retreat Center]
[Location (City, State)]
[Date] Retreat Parents
All information is strictly confidential. Please do not share via any media.
Candle Photo
Size:
1.63” high x
1.1” wide
To move a box, start in the
upper left hand corner outside
of the box. Holding the Shift
Key down, highlight the cells
around the perimeter of your
box. Press Control C to copy
and paste the block.
Candle Photo
Size:
1.63” high x
1.1” wide
[Child Name]’s
Parent(s) Name
[Name]
[Address]
[Home/Cell Phone]
[Email]
Paul’s Parents
Charley & Diane Monaghan
194 Bishops Forest Dr.
Waltham, MA 02452
781-609-2005
diane@emfgp.org
Paul’s Parents
Charley & Diane Monaghan
194 Bishops Forest Dr.
Waltham, MA 02452
781-609-2005
diane@emfgp.org
Candle Photo
Size:
1.63” high x
1.1” wide
[Child Name]’s
Parent(s) Name
[Name]
[Address]
[Home/Cell Phone]
[Email]
Candle Photo
Size:
1.63” high x
1.1” wide
[Child Name]’s
Parent(s) Name
[Name]
[Address]
[Home/Cell Phone]
[Email]
150

APPENDIX 21a
WHAT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HOLDS TO BE TRUE
ON DEATH AND RESURRECTION
When asked “Why did God cause my child to die?” we respond as did Francis MacNutt, a leader in Catholic Charismatic
Renewal, “God didn’t take your child—death took your child. But Christ has taken your child away from death!”
As the Word of God is revealed in the Book of Wisdom 1:13¹:
“Because God did not make death, nor does he rejoice in the destruction of the living.”
And, as amplified in the Catholic Catechism ²:
1008“Death is a consequence of sin.” The Church’s Magisterium, as authentic interpreter of the affirmations
of Scripture and tradition, teaches that death entered the world because of man’s sin. Even though man’s
nature is mortal, God had originally destined him not to die. Death was therefore contrary to the plans of
God, the Creator, and entered the world as a consequence of sin. “Bodily death, from which man would
have been immune had he not sinned” is thus ‘the last enemy’ of man left to be conquered.”
WHAT ELSE
WE HOLD
TO BE TRUE
For our
children, life
has changed –
not ended.
Our
relationship
with our
children still
exists and
continues.
Even if my
child was not
baptized, there
is hope for
salvation.
We will be
together with
them again.
IN THE CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,
THE CHURCH TEACHES:
366 “The Church teaches that every spiritual soul is created immediately by God—it is not
“produced” by the parents –and it is immortal: it does not perish when it separates from the body
at death, and it will be reunited with the body at the final Resurrection.”
997 “…In death, the separation of the soul from the body, the human body decays and the soul
goes to meet God, while awaiting its reunion with its glorified body.”
954 “The three states of the Church. When the Lord comes in glory, and all his angels with him,
death will be no more and all things will be subject to him. But at the present time some of his
disciples are pilgrims on earth. Others have died and are being purified, while still others are in
glory, contemplating ‘in full light, God himself triune and one, exactly as he is.”
955 “So it is that the union of the wayfarers with the brethren who sleep in the peace of Christ
is in no way interrupted, but on the contrary, according to the constant faith of the Church, this
union is reinforced by an exchange of spiritual goods.”
1260 “Since Christ died for all, and since all men are in fact called to one and the same destiny,
which is divine, we must hold that the Holy Spirit offers to all the possibility of being made
partakers, in a way known to God, of the Paschal mystery
1261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to
the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who
desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to
say: ‘Let the children come to me; do not hinder them,’ allow us to hope that there is a way of
salvation for children who have died without Baptism.”
989 “We firmly believe, and hence we hope that, just as Christ is truly risen from the dead and
lives forever, so after death the righteous will live forever with the risen Christ and he will raise
them up on the last day.”
997 “What is ‘rising’? In death, the separation of the soul from the body, the human body decays
and the soul goes to meet God, while awaiting its reunion with its glorified body. God, in his
almighty power, will definitively grant incorruptible life to our bodies by reuniting them with
our souls, through the power of Jesus’ Resurrection.”
998 “Who will rise? All the dead will rise. Those who have done good, to the resurrection of
life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of judgment.”
¹The New American Bible. World Catholic Press, 2000.
²Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition. United States Catholic Conference, 2000.
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents c/o 194 Bishops Forest Drive, Waltham, MA 02452
www.emfgp.org ∙ (800) 919-9332 ∙ info@emfgp.org
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152
BIBLIOGRAPHY FOR GRIEVING PARENTS RECOMMENDED BY EMMAUS GRIEVING PARENTS
APPENDIX 21b
TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Using excerpts from his journal—which he began the day after his son died—Dennis explores the
dark, lonely road of grieving for a child. He discloses his anger and disappointment with God,
discusses his frustrations with friends and family, and shares how he’s dealt with the grief attacks,
which continue to sneak up and surprise him. His painful, yet promising story offers comfort and
Apple, Dennis L. Beacon Hill Press
Life After the Death of My Son: What I’m
Learning
General Parental
Grieving
connection to those walking similar paths.
Beautiful book of quotes offering commiseration, hope, renewal, understanding, and love to
anyone whose child has died. A beautiful gift book, especially for the newly bereaved.
This valuable resource guide provides practical information for people who are grieving and the
people who support them. Material is presented in an easy-to-read format for quick reference
and features: Tips for planning funerals and wakes; sample sympathy letters appropriate for a
variety of grief situations; "Do" and "don't" lists for family and friends of the grieving; helpful lists
of pertinent planning details; information on helping children grieve; a comprehensive list of
publications and organizations that provide grief support.
With contributions of many people who have lost a loved one to suicide and two Psychologists
who have helped hundreds of people bereaved by suicide, this book takes the reader through the
first few days, weeks, months and years.
Author Judith R. Bernstein, Ph.D., writes from the dual perspectives of bereaved parent and
psychologist, documenting the process of evolution from initial grief to an altered outlook on life
through excerpts from interviews with 50 parents who lost a child from five to forty-five
Fr.Blot wrote this book in response to so many parishioners' questions about where their loved ones
were after they died. Will they still remember them, continue our connection, etc. He has many
quotes from Scriptures and saints about it. These were the answers I had been looking for - finally
read this almost 3 years after Erin's unexpected death. It was very comforting to me.
This book was inspired by the suicide of Curtis Mitchell Bolton, 20-year-old son of the author, Iris
Mitchell Bolton. Mrs. Bolton describes in detail the journey she made from the devastation of
losing her son Mitch by suicide to the step by step healing that took place in her life. The book is
hopeful and helpful to those who have suffered any loss from death, divorce, or separation. It
gives promise of recovery and healing and learning to live with the terrible event.
Information about heaven, the journey of a little boy who survives grave illness and recounts his
journey to heaven and seeing God
Offering gentle comfort and encouragement for the grieving spirit and solid church teachings to
challenge the mind, Trusting God through Tears tells the moving story of a family's loss and a
father's struggle to trust his Creator in the midst of tremendous pain. Following the sudden death
of his twelve-year-old son, Jehu Burton finds himself immersed in the emotions that come with
great loss and faced with faith-shaking questions that have never before arisen in his spiritual life.
In this inspiring book, Burton walks readers through the days, months, and years following Kelly's
death. He reveals how he survived the most terrible event of his life and learned to trust in God's
sovereignty.
This latest entry in the Chicken Soup series is targeted at the newly brokenhearted: those who've
recently experienced the death of a beloved friend or family member and are still reeling from the
experience. It's a collection of stories by authors who have lost loved ones, and in their stories,
they detail the particular death, the aftermath, and how they dealt with their overwhelming grief
and found the courage to live again. This collection is very sad, some readers may find comfort
here.
First Tears Over the Loss of Your Child Anderson, Linda ACTA Publications
General Parental
Grieving
Auz, Martin M Loyola Press
Handbook for Those Who Grieve What you should
know and what you can do during times of loss
Suicide
Sturbridge Group
Baugher, Bob, Ph.D. and
Jordan, Jack, Ph.D.
After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief
General Parental
Grieving
When the Bough Breaks Bernstein, Judith R., Ph.D. Andrews McMeel Publishing
General Parental
Grieving
In Heaven We'll Meet Again Blot, Fr Francois Rene Sophia Institute Press
Suicide
My Son, My Son Bolton, Iris Bolton Press
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Heaven Is For Real Burpo, Todd Thomas Nelson,
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Trusting God Through Tears Burton, Jehu Thomas Baker Books
General Parental
Grieving
Blacklist LLC
Canfield, Jack & Hansen, Mark
Victor
Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul
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BIBLIOGRAPHY FOR GRIEVING PARENTS
TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
APPENDIX 21b
Born to Fly Claussen, Cindy ACTA Publications A beautiful treasure for parents whose children have died before birth Early Loss
General Parental
Grieving
The story of the author’s own journey through the darkness, written through four sermons. The
first was delivered just eleven days after his daughter's diagnosis of leukemia, the second after
her first major relapse nine months later, and the third weeks after her death. The final sermon--a
How to Handle Grief, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler Claypool, John Morehouse Publishing
Suicide
reflection on the process of grieving--was preached three years later.
A manual that offers information, comfort, and support to those who have survived the suicide of
a loved one written by a psychiatric nurse who has suffered three family suicides
Free Spirit Publishing
Cobain, Beverly and Larch,
Jean
Dying to Be Free A Healing Guide to Families after
a Suicide
Sanity and Grace Collins, Judy TarcherPerigee Songwriter and singer addreses the suicide of her son Suicide
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
I have given this book as a gift several times to people going through difficult times. People tell me
that God really used this book to speak to them during their time of need. This devotional isn't
Streams in the Desert. Daily Devotional Readings Cowman, L. B Zondervan Publishing House
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
just for people going through difficult trials -it is an excellent daily devotional on its own.
A very moving story of loss and the tumultuous journey that followed. It ended with a beautiful
transforming spiritual journey leading her to a new purpose in her life. It is very inspiring!
Gift of the Red Bird D'Arcy, Paula Crossroad Publishing Co.
Early Loss
Empty Cradle Broken Heart Davis, Deborah L Fulcrum Publishing
Highly recommend this book, both Tom and I thought it was extremely helpful
The Colors of Grief De Ciacco, Janis. A. Jessica Kingsley Understanding a child’s journey through loss from birth to adulthood Sibling Grief
General Parental
Grieving
The Year of Magical Thinking Didion, Joan Vintage A thought provoking account of life and loss that every grieving parent can relate to.
General Parental
Grieving
I love this little book. Every day there’s a story, poem, Bible verse from a parent who has lost a
child. I’ve been reading it for 3 years and it’s falling apart and ther are page markers all over it. I
got it at a TCF Confernce but you can order it. To order: Beverly Donan at donanb@belsouth.net
Donan, Beverly
Just Our Notes: Daily Readings for Bereaved
Families
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
or write to Beverly Donan 6220 Island Ford Rd Hanson, KY 42413.
The ultimate role model for grieving mothers, Mary can provide the peace , comfort, and hope we
all seek after the death of our precious children
While this book is 26 years old, its words are still relevant today. I like how the book gives a
history of the suicide survivor experiences while offering valuable insights for the griever and
professional. The book discusses suicide loss from various perspectives such as the the loss of a
husband, of a brother, as well as a therapist to suicide. The book also includes a chapter by Iris
Bolton, the author of "My Son My Son." I highly recommend this for any mental health
professionals who provide services to those grieved by suicide. It is also a helpful resource for
survivors themselves who are coping with the loss of a loved one.
In addition to her life’s struggles, she recounts the agony at the loss of her 16 year old son in a car
accident
To the Brink and Back is a collection of candid stories from grieving dads that were interviewed
over a two year period. The book offers insight from fellow members of, in the haunting words of
one dad, “this terrible, terrible club,” which consists of men who have experienced the death of a
child
I read this book after the tragic death of my 19 year old daughter. The author, whose son was run
over and killed by a passing car.shares his loss in a very personal way...I could relate to his loss and
felt that he would be able to relate to mine…
Grieving with Mary Doyle, Mary ACTA Publications
Suicide
A Norton Professional book
Dunne, Edward J, McIntosh,
John L., and Dunne-Maxim,
Karen
Suicide and Its Aftermath; Understanding and
Counseling Survivors
General Parental
Grieving
Resilience Edwards, Elizabeth Crown Publishing Group
Child Loss
Grieving Dads to the Brink and Back Farley, Kelly with Dicola, David Grieving Dads LLC
General Parental
Grieving
Floyd, Gregory Paraclete Press
A Grief Unveiled: One Father’s Journey Through
the Loss of a Child
153
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154
TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
APPENDIX 21b
General Parental
Grieving
Nothing in life prepares one for losing a child. But for those of us who have lost a child, there is
much to learn from the shattered worlds of the parents who have come before us. I Have No
Intention of Saying Good-bye, by Sandy Fox, opens a window into the post-death lives of twentyfour
parents who have lost a child or multiple children. Parents whose children have died often
feel very alone. If you are such a parent, this book will help you see how much you have in
common with other parents, and will give you a glimpse into how you might develop a meaningful
Fox, Sandy iUniverse Press
I Have No Intention of Saying Good-Bye: Parents
Share Their Stories of Hope and Healing After a
Chil's Death
General Parental
Grieving
future out of today's darkness.
This work describes what to expect when a loved one dies, from feelings of numbness and denial
to anger, panic and guilt. It offers a way to work through grief, accept help from others and help
others in return. A good outline, especially for teens/young adults dealing with grief for the first
time.
We have the option to say yes to the losses that life presents, to let go, and to move on. The
sixteen reflections in this book assist readers in grieving life's losses, from loss of job, to loss of a
loved one, relationship, your own health, or your own life,
I read this book only weeks after losing my son due to a stillbirth. His heart stopped beating only 1
day before he was to be born. This book gave me so much comfort, hope and understanding
during those very difficult days when I was in shock and disbelief. The author relates one's loss
and hurt to the experiences of Job in such an incredible and practical way. She devotes chapters
to understanding despair, blame, and the question of "why did this happen?" to name a few. This
was by far the most helpful and comforting book I have read to help me get through the grief
process. It gave me hope and strength, and helped me to understand that God has a divine plan,
even during our times of suffering. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone experiencing the
loss of a child, or any loved one.
For those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, here are strength and thoughtful words to
inspire and comfort.
After having lost a 16 year-old daughter during a horseback riding accident on a family trip,
Hickman speaks from a deep place of understanding and healing. Although this book makes some
references to the "Christian faith", it is not particularly spiritual
Hood's memoir of her journey through grief following her daughter's sudden death is exquisitely
written. Her writing screams with anguish and rage, pleads and begs for understanding, and
totally captivates. She details the drive to make sense of what happened, from both a medical
point of view as well as a spiritual one.
This is a fiction book but the author lost a child and I really liked it. She also wrote a non-fiction
book listed above.
A compliation of over 100 entries of inspiritional stories of healing after loss submitted to the
Foundation's website
The author wrestled with the intense emotional and spiritual questions surrounding suicide. While
Living When a Loved One Has Died Grollman, Earl A. Beacon Press
General Parental
Grieving
St Mary’s Press of Minnesota
Publication
Blessed Grieving: Reflections on Life’s Losses Guntzelman, Joan
General Parental
Grieving
Guthrie, Nancy Monarch Books
Holding On To Hope: A Pathway Through
Suffering to the Heart of God
General Parental
Grieving
Hickman, Martha Whitmore HarperCollins Publishers, Inc
Healing After Loss Daily Meditation for Working
Through Grief
General Parental
Grieving
Hickman, Martha Whitmore Abingdon Press
I Will Not Leave You Desolate Some Thoughts for
Grieving Parents
General Parental
Grieving
Comfort: A Journey through Grief Hood, Ann W.W. Norton & Company
General Parental
Grieving
The Knitting Circle Hood, Ann W.W. Norton & Company
General Parental
Grieving
Open to Hope Foundation
Horsley, Dr. Gloria and
Horsley, Dr. Heidi
Open to Hope Inspiration Stories of Healing After
Loss
Suicide
acknowledging that there are no easy answers, Hsu draws on the resources of the Christian faith
to point suicide survivors to the God who offers comfort in our grief and hope for the future. I
Hsu, Albert Y. InterVarsity Press
Grieving a Suicide A Loved One’s Search for
Comfort, Answers, and Hope
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
found this book and "No Time to Say Goodbye" by Carla Fine to be the best books I've read on the
subject of suicide
Joyce Rupp is well-known for her work as a writer, spiritual midwife, international retreat leader,
and conference speaker. She is the author of numerous bestselling books, including Praying Our
Goodbyes, Open the Door, and Fragments of Your Ancient Name. Rupp is a member of the Servite
(Servants of Mary) community and the codirector of the Institute of Compassionate Presence. She
resides in Des Moines, Iowa.
Ave Maria Press
Hutchinson, Joyce and Rupp,
Joyce
Now That You’ve Gone Home Courage and
Comfort for Times of Grief
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APPENDIX 21b TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
"Have you ever found yourself tongue-tied when encountering someone suffering, dying, or
having just lost someone close, and reduced to the cliche, I really don t know what to say ? Well,
people of faith should have something to say at those sacred, delicate moments. Father Kempf,
with grace and sensitivity, helps us learn what to say and do in moments when our people long for
Kempf, Father Joe Our Sunday Visitor
No One Cries the Wrong Way Seeing God Through
Tears
a word of hope and consolation." --- Most Reverend Timothy M. Dolan
From the author of Mitten Strings for God (2000), another gentle reminder to mothers to slow
down and savor the joys of motherhood.. About motherhood, not loss of a child
The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir Kenison, Katrina Springboard Press/ Paulist Press
General Parental
Grieving
A New Kind of Normal Kent, Carol Thomas Nelson She lost her child to life in prison- it is a powerful book
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
A book of practical spirituality, of inspiration and encouragement gleaned from what may be the
best-known and best-loved chapter in the Bible: the Twenty-third Psalm.
Kushner turns to the experience of Moses to find the requisite lessons of strength and faith - the
lesson that teach us how to overcome the disappointments that life inherently brings.
Rabbi Kushner, a grieving parent, wrote this straightforward, elegant contemplation of the doubts
and fears that arise when tragedy strikes. Kushner shares his wisdom as a rabbi, a parent, a
reader, and a human being.
Kushner, Harold S. Knoph Doubleday Publishing Group
The Lord is My Shepherd Healing Wisdom of the
Twenty-Third Psalm
General Parental
Grieving
Overcoming Life’s Disappointments Kushner, Harold S. Anchor Books
General Parental
Grieving
When Bad Things Happen to Good People Kushner, Harold S. Anchor Books
A Gathering of Angels Leland, Victoria ACTA Publications Focuses on the loss of a baby based on the collected wisdom of five mothers Early Loss
General Parental
Grieving
This book addresses the age-old question, "How can a loving God permit suffering and injustice in
the world?" The answer is spelled out more clearly here than in any books on the subject I've
read, which include summaries of the writings of St. Aquinas and St. Augustine and of
contemporary theologians. The book is short and well written in everyday language.
Where the Hell is God? Leonard, Richard SJ Paulist Press
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
A Grief Observed Lewis, C.S. HarperCollins One of the intellectual giants of the 20th Century describes his own personal grief journey
General Parental
Grieving
Lewis, one of the most renowned Christian authors and thinkers, examines a universally
applicable question within the human condition: “If God is good and all-powerful, why does he
allow his creatures to suffer pain?” With his signature wealth of compassion and insight, C.S.
Lewis offers answers to these crucial questions and shares his hope and wisdom to help heal a
The Problem of Pain Lewis, C.S. HarperCollins
General Parental
Grieving
world hungering for a true understanding of human nature.
Selected from sermons delivered by C. S. Lewis during World War II, these nine addresses offer
guidance and inspiration in a time of great doubt. These are ardent and lucid sermons that
provide a compassionate vision of Christianity.
A father’s heartbreaking and hopeful story about his beloved son, in which a young man teaches
his family “a new way to die” with wit, candor, and grace. This is the story of one last summer,
lived as honestly and faithfully as possible. Deeply moving and utterly lacking in sentimentality or
self-pity, Stations of the Heart is an unforgettable book about life and death and the terrible
blessing of saying good-bye
Survivors grieving the tragic death of a loved one from accidents, negligence, suicide, murder, and
all kinds of traumatic, sudden, and violent losses will find here deep understanding and insight as
well as detailed practical information on dealing with legal and financial issues.
The Weight of Glory Lewis, C.S. HarperCollins
General Parental
Grieving
Stations of the Heart Parting with a Son Lischer, Richard Knoph Doubleday Publishing Group
General Parental
Grieving
Lord, Janice Harris Compassion Press
No Time for Goodbyes Coping with Sorrow, Anger,
and Injustice After a Tragic Death
155

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156
APPENDIX 21b TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
Early Loss
Levi Lusko is a pastor who lost his 5 yr old daughter after an asthma attack. His story helps us see
past the naked eye to help us survive in the rest of our life.
A child who was in a horrific car accident and survives reveals vivid descriptions of heaven and it
made me feel happier that I will see my son.
An anthology of writings by a variety of authors- from Mark Twain to Judith Guest- who are also
grieving parents
Author lost her first born baby girl due to stillbirth and wrote about the entire experience. Made
me feel like there are other people out there who are going through this.
This book is about a mother's journey from paralyzing grief to healing, from despair to hope. Join
Maggie as she shares how God and family brought her through this life changing process.
An objective yet personal book, written by a bereaved mother and includes comments from
several of the many bereaved parents she and her husband interviewed. Addresses many realities
often faced by bereaved parents.
After Elizabeth Mehren lost her daughter, she set out to write the book she most needed: one
that would offer solace, support, and inspiration. After the Darkest Hour is both a guide and a
meditation. The author takes us through the process of grieving, from the effects of a child's
death on the parents' marriage to what to say when someone asks, "Do you have children?"
At twenty-years-old, Craig Miller attempted suicide. He swallowed two hundred and fifty pills,
never imagining that a note he wrote to himself fourteen years earlier would save his life. That
note simply read, "Don't ever forget how this feels." This is the story of how Craig learned that
God does not punish, and that love, no matter how bad it hurts, is worth it. And he learned that
life, no matter how hard it gets, is worth living.
Care of the Soul contains exactly what is missing in psychology/counseling/psychotherapy; soul.
Most of the counseling books I have had to read have been about as rich and as captivating as a
Chilton's car repair manual. Sometimes I feel that as counselors, we are out own worst enemy.
This book is all about mystery, paradox, wonder, and living authentically and mindfully. This is the
type of book that you have to let speak to you, as opposed to reading it and trying to figure out
what the author is talking about, which is how most people, undoubtedly, have read this book. To
do so destroys the magic of the soul.
This book moves the energy of grief and helps to sort the elements of anger, guilt and frustration
into places where they can begin to serve a healing function. Where many grief-related books are
quite clinical and matter of fact about the phases of grief, this one is so beautifully written that it
adds the power to touch one deeply and personally.
Through the Eyes of a Lion Lusko, Levi Thomas Nelson Press
General Parental
Grieving
The Boy Who Came Back from Heavn Malarkey, Kevin Tyndale House Publishers Inc
General Parental
Grieving
Hazelden Publishing
McCracken, Anne & Semel,
Mary
A Broken Heart Still Beats
Early Loss
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imaganation McCracken, Elizabeth Back Bay Books
General Parental
Grieving
He's Right Here McGee, Margaret Margaret C McGee
General Parental
Grieving
Where Two or Three Are Gathered McGee, Margaret Margaret C McGee
General Parental
Grieving
Mehren, Elizabeth Simon and Shuster
After the Dafrkest Hours the Sun Will Shine Again.
A Parent’s Guide to Coping with the Loss of a Child
Suicide
Miller, Craig A. Createspace Receiving
This is How It Feels, a Memoir Attempting suicide
and finding life
General Parental
Grieving
Harper Perennial (a division of
Harper Collins Publishers).
Care of the Soul Moore, Thomas
General Parental
Grieving
Healing Through the Shadow of Loss Morris Coryell, Deborah Healing Act Press
General Parental
Grieving
Noel, Brook & Blair, Pamela Champion Press This wasn’t about children but it “spoke to me”. It was the first book I read after my child died.
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Survivng, Coping
and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved
General Parental
Grieving
a book that saved me through my most difficult grief. Although it is not directly about grief, it is
about deep faith and the presence of God in our lives. I often go back to it for spiritual reading.
The Return of the Prodigal Son Nouwen, H J.

APPENDIX 21b1
BIBLIOGRAPHY FOR GRIEVING PARENTS
TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
APPENDIX 21b
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
In times of suffering, simplistic answers ring empty and hollow. But Henri Nouwen, beloved
spiritual thinker and author, offers real comfort in the concrete truth of God's constancy. Nouwen
suggests that by greeting life's pains with something other than despair, we can find surprising joy
in our suffering. He suggests that the way through suffering is not in denial, but rather in living
Turn My Mourning Into Dancing Nouwen, H. J Thomas Nelson, Inc
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
fully in the midst of the trials life brings our way
Michael Andrew Ford gathers Henri J.M. Nouwen's selections that encourage us to embrace our
imperfections and find the transforming power of God at work within them. Spiritual refreshment
and guidance through the darkness, loneliness, and turmoil of life's challenges.
Not all about the loss of child but about woundedness. Everything he writes is spiritually
beautiful!
Henri Nouwen shares his intensely personal feelings at the time of his mother's death . . . a
moving account that deepens into a story of a life of faith in which we see the profound
relationship between death and faith. In Memoriam is a book that offers a strength and comfort
to the bereaved, and significant pastoral value to all who minister to the dying and their loved
ones.
Exploring the deep spiritual impact of the question Jesus asked his friends James and John,
Nouwen reflects upon the metaphor of the cup, using the images of holding, lifting, and drinking
to articulate the basics of the spiritual life.
Meditations for Bereaved Parents is a collection of one and two-page meditations written by men
and women of all ages who have had a child die. The book provides an honest confrontation with
grief and help for moving beyond it.
For those wh have found journaling comforting, here is a structured approach to use alone or with
a group
A practicing psychologist defines grief as the normal, expected, and healthy response to loss and
provides a realistic appreciation for the pain, frustration, and difficult work required to overcome
grief.
This revised edition goes into more detail about teen suicide and the help that is available.
Survivors of Suicide also dispels the myths surrounding suicide, based on the latest research and
interviews with leading medical experts, as well as with family and friends who have survived the
suicide deaths of loved ones, and who offer support, knowledge, and comfort to other survivors.
Richard Rohr plumbs the depths of the Job's story and its relevance for us today. Rohr strips
Christian faith down to the essentials, beyond glib answers and a "hand-me-down" experience of
God, and points the way to true knowing. In this invigorating exploration, the tension between
suffering and faith becomes a powerful means to an authentic, open connection with the divine.
I bought this book after my daughter died suddenly thirteen years ago. It is the best book on living
Nouwen, H.J Ave Maria Press
The Dance of Life: Weaving Sorrow and Blessings
Into One Joyful Step
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
The Wounded Healer Nouwen, Henri J. M. Doubleday
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
In Memoriam Nouwen, Henri J.M. Ave Maria Press
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Can You Drink This Cup? Nouwen, J. M., Hansen, R Ave Maria Press
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Meditations for Bereaved Parents Osgood, Judy Gilgal Publications
General Grieving
The Newday Journal O'Brien, Maureen ACTA Publications
General Parental
Grieving
Rando, Theresa A Bantam Books
How To Go On Living When Someone You Love
Dies
Suicide
Survivor of Suicide Robinson, Rita New Page Books
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Rohr, Richard The Crossroad Publishing Company
Job and The Mystery of Suffering Spiritual
Reflections
General Parental
Grieving
with the loss of a child that I have ever come across. I have an online support group for mother's
who have lost children and I recommend this book to all that I come across.
Rosof, Barbara D. Henry Holt and Company
The Worst Loss: How Families Heal From the
Death of a Child
Suicide
Beginning with her own story of coping with her husband's suicide, Eleanora Betsy Ross takes the
reader beyond the silence and shame often associated with suicide and shatters some of the most
pervasive myths surrounding this common tragedy. By examining the dynamics of after-suicide
bereavement and using dozens of real-life case histories, After Suicide offers hope for the
survivors and helps them maintain their sanity and poise during this most difficult time.
Suicide: A Ray of Hope for Those Left Behind. Ross, Eleanora Betsy Da Capo Press
157
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BIBLIOGRAPHY FOR GRIEVING PARENTS
158
TITLE AUTHOR PUBLISHER PARENT COMMENTS/WEB REVIEWS TOPIC
APPENDIX 21b
General Parental
Grieving
I liked this book for a variety of reasons. First, it has excellent scholarship. The author has 1. lost a
child; 2. done clinical research on grieving and 3. incorporated the stories of many into each
A book for parents at any stage of grief; whether they are facing an imminent death, recovering
from the shock of an accidental death or caught in the long turmoil of the aftermath of a child's
death. Harriet Sarnoff Schiff lost her 10 year old son offers genuine understanding
This book is in the children’s section. Written in a children's book format - with simply worded
concepts, wonderfully colored pictures, and a creative idea - this is one of those great books that
actually feels written for adults as much as for school-age children
Sondra Sexton-Jones' husband, Ray, died by suicide. In this supportive book, she shares her story,
her grief and healing. You'll learn what to expect, what may happen, how you may feel.
Pain and suffering affect everyone. In order to accept suffering, we must have an authentic
Christian understanding of it. Shaw writes in a simple, straightforward style about the deep
questions raised by suffering. How can believers integrate it into their lives? Does suffering make
us a better person? A book for you and someone you know who is facing suffering and is seeking
answers about it.
Sanders, Catherine, S Crown Publishing Group
How To Survive the Loss of a Child: Filling the
Emptiness and Rebuilding Your Life
General Parental
Grieving
The Bereaved Parent Sarnoff Schiff, Harriet Souvenir Press
General Grieving
Grief Watch
Schwiebert, Pat & Deklyen,
Chuck
Tear Soup
Suicide
When Someone You Love Completes Suicide Sexton-Jones, Sondra Centering Corporation
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Does Suffering Make Sense? Shaw, Russell Scepter Publishers
Slamming the Door Sheeder Bonanno, Kathleen Alice James Books Poems of power, truth, rage and beauty by a mother whose daughter was murdered. Murder
General Parental
Grieving
I've read many books on grief in the past seven months. This one is one that every person who
questions the unexpected, unexplained loss of a loved one must read. I especially recommend this
for reading if someone has experienced tragedy associated with the unexpected loss. I found the
book to be comforting, honest, helpful and reassuring. I understood in ways I wish I never had to
Sittser, Jerry Zondervan Press
A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through
Loss
General Parental
Grieving
know why the tragic loss of a loved one does in so many ways turn out to be a grace disguised
I admit it. I've never read a Danielle Steel book. I've never been interested enough, although I
know many people who rave about her. Her stories just aren't necessarily my "cup of tea."
However, I was highly recommended this true-story book about her son's life by a friend of mine..
Not only was the story sad yet uplifting, but "His Bright Light" helped me to understand manic
depressive behavior intimately as DS learned it herself over the years. I highly recommend this
book for anyone wanting to know more about the disease, her son's life, as well as DS's life.
Reflections for grieving parents from a mother who learned to cope following the deaths of her
two oldest children. Recommended by three parents.
It is a daily meditation for working through grief. Honestly, I can’t fall asleep without reading the
daily meditation. It gives hope everyday. My copy is ragged now from daily use. It reaches to the
depth of your sadness and makes you feel not so alone. We are now in the habit of giving to
friends and family who have suffered the loss of someone they so love. Bestseller among grieving
parents
It offers 100 practical, action-oriented tips for embracing grief, such as writing a letter to the child
who has died; spending time with others who will listen to stories of grief; creating a memory
book, box, or Web site; and remembering others who may still be struggling with the death. The
guide also addresses common problems for grieving parents, including dealing with marital stress,
helping surviving siblings, dealing with hurtful advice, and exploring feelings of guilt.
a chronicle of Nicholas Wolterstorff’s journey through the loss of his 25-year-old son Eric in a
mountain-climbing accident. Dr. Wolterstorff is a professor of philosophical theology at Yale
Divinity School, but as he writes in this journal-style lament, first and foremost he is a father who
has buried a son.
Experiencing Grief is written for a person who is in the wake of despair grief leaves. This brief but
powerful book will help lead readers out of their grief experience through five stages of grief. At
the end of the journey is peace and a seasoned, more mature faith.
Words of comfort, encouragement and reassurance. A #1 bestseller written as if Jesus is speaking
to you directly
His Bright Light Steel, Danielle Delta/Random House
General Parental
Grieving
The Death of a Child Stillwell, Elaine E ACTA Publications
General Parental
Grieving
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations Whitmore Hickman, Martha Harper Collins
General Parental
Grieving
Wolfelt, Alan D., Ph.D Companion Press
Healing a Parent’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical
Ideas After Your Child Dies
General Parental
Grieving
Lament for a Son Wolterstorff, Nicholas Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Experiencing Grief Wright, H. Norman B&H Publishing Group
Spirituality of the
Grieving Process
Jesus Calling Young, Sarah Harper Collins
1

APPENDIX 22 1
SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE
< YOUR LOGO>
One-Day Retreat
Saturday,
In Loving Memory
Your Child’s
Memorial Candle Today
Was Donated
In Loving Memory of
By His Beloved Parents,
Please Pray for Them.
159

APPENDIX 22 1
SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE
Emmaus Ministry
for Grieving Parents
WELCOME!
PLEASE CHECK IN HERE
< YOUR LOGO>
160

APPENDIX 22 1
SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE
Emmaus Ministry
for Grieving Parents
Please take any materials
you would like.
< YOUR LOGO>
161

APPENDIX 22 1
SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE
One-Day Retreat
Saturday,
ALL OF THE
THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING TODAY
WAS COMPASSIONATELY DONATED
BY
Thank You!
< YOUR LOGO>
162

APPENDIX 22
SAMPLE RETREAT SIGNAGE
Emmaus Ministry
for Grieving Parents
“Handmade Hugs”
Please take one of these
Prayer Shawls
As you wear this shawl…
May you be cradled in hope,
kept in joy,
graced with peace, and
wrapped in love.
With Many Blessings,
163

APPENDIX 23 1
OTHER RETREAT ITEMS NEEDED
ITEM
RESPONSIBILITY
FOR YOUR
INITIAL RETREAT
[EMFGP =
We will bring]
164
1
2
3
ENVIRONMENT (in addition to items mentioned in CHAPTER 4)
15-20 boxes of tissues available in all meeting spaces and in the
Sacred Space where candles will burn and where Prayer Services
and Mass will be celebrated [Try to use tissue without lotion, as
lotion causes teary eyes to burn.]
CD player, MP3, Ipod or other method to play meditation music in
the Sacred Space used to house Memorial Candles
Meditation music playlists or CD’s to be played during the Prayer
Services and when the Sacred Space is not in use for Prayer
Services or Mass, but candles are burning throughout the day
4 Six-foot table in Sacred Space for Memorial Candles
5
6
Large Group Room with eight six-foot tables arranged in a
square to accommodate 25 people; three small group rooms to
accommodate 6-8 people each
Two six-foot tables for prayer shawls (if offering them) and
handouts in Large Group Room
Cloth table cloths for Memorial Candles, Handouts, and Prayer
7
Shawls tables
8 Basket/container for Comfort Cross distribution
9
PROGRAM ACTIVITIES:
A Paschal Candle, or in its absence, a sanctuary candle substituting
for the Paschal Candle, representing the Light of Christ and from
which all other candles will be lit
EMFGP
EMFGP
For Opening and Closing Prayer Services, a brass candle lighter
10
with bell snuffer, typically used by altar servers in parishes
EMFGP
11 Wax lighting tapers for candle lighter EMFGP
If you plan to use incense in either the Mass or Closing Prayer
12
Service:
12a • Thurible and censer boat with spoon
12b • Quick lite charcoal
12c • Incense

APPENDIX 23 1
13 A method to call participants back to activities—a singing prayer
bowl or bell of some sort*
14 If you plan to do parent letter writing and to burn the letters to be
offered with incense:
14a • Paper and pens for writing. NOTE: we suggest using resume
paper or some other high cotton content paper for the letters. We
have found that this burns best into fine ash, while normal copy
paper does not. You might want to try burning a piece of the paper
you plan to use to determine that it does indeed burn to ash.
14b • An appropriate receptacle in which to collect the completed
letters (You can reuse the basket or container used for the
Comfort Crosses)
14c • A metal bucket or a large disposable aluminum casserole pan in
which to burn the letters
14d • An appropriate receptacle to hold the burned ash of parents’
letters (we will use our –or your—prayer bowl)
15 Business-card-sized pieces of paper folded in half containing each
retreatant’s name. These will be used to draw names for small
group discussion and the Emmaus Walk.
16 An appropriate receptacle in which to deposit the above single
names, from which they will be prayed over and drawn before the
small group discussion or Emmaus Walk. (You can reuse your
basket or container for the Comfort Crosses.)
17 Preparing name tags and candles for Walk-Ins:
EMFGP
EMFGP
EMFGP
17a • 4-6 blank name tags with Emmaus graphic EMFGP
17b • 2-4 blank candles with extra candle back labels to affix if
necessary
EMFGP
17c • Scissors to cut photocopies of photos parents bring with them to
size; double face tape to affix photo to candle
EMFGP
17d • Extra blank Avery #22822 clear labels to handwrite child’s name
and affix on candle
EMFGP
17 Optional Alternative for Walk-Ins: EMFGP
17e • Polaroid Zip Zink Instant Printer EMFGP
17f • Polaroid 2”x3” Premium Zink Adhesive Paper EMFGP
18 Comfort Crosses EMFGP
19 Optional: prayer shawls or scarves
* You can purchase a 7”diameter brass singing prayer bowl online for about $50.
We use it for multiple purposes, including #’s 13, 14b & 14d.
165

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS TEMPLATES
• PARISH BULLETIN ADS
• PASTOR EMAIL SAMPLE
• DIOCESAN BROCHURE SAMPLE
• BROCHURE INSERT SAMPLE
• PARISH PRESS RELEASE SAMPLE
• DIOCESAN NEWSPAPER ARTICLE SAMPLE
• LOCAL NEWSPAPER ARTICLE SAMPLE
166

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE PARISH BULLETIN ADS
Serving the Spiritual Needs
of Grieving Parents
Losing a child under any circumstance is horrific.
Focusing on the spirituality of the grieving process
can help tremendously.
A ministry for parents whose children of any age
have died by any cause, no matter how long ago.
Please join us. All are welcome.
Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
At
One-Day Spiritual Retreat
9:30am-7:30pm
For more information or to register,
Call at
Or call at
Or see www.emfgp.org
Emmaus Ministry for Grieving
Parents Whose Children of Any
Age Have Died by Any Cause, No
Matter How Long Ago
One-Day Spiritual Retreat
Call
Or see www.emfgp.org
167

APPENDIX 24 1
PASTOR EMAIL SAMPLE
REQUESTING PUBLICATION OF ADS
Dear Father:
Working with grieving parents whose precious children have died can be daunting.
There are no words, and seemingly no comfort. Yet the promise of eternal life and
the rich teachings of our Catholic faith can tremendously help these parents who
need it so much.
Now available in …
The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving parents, which serves the spiritual needs of
Catholic parents whose children of any age have died by any cause, no matter how
long ago, is now available in . For more information on
this unique ministry, which has been in operation for almost 10 years, see www.
emfgp.org
We will be offering a One-Day Spiritual Retreat on < YOUR DATE> at . All are welcome. To help us get the word out, please publish the
attached ads several times in your bulletin, if possible. And post or distribute the
attached Information Sheet.
We deeply appreciate any help you are able to give, as this is our only means of
communication. On behalf of the many parents who will receive peace and some
comfort from this retreat, thank you.
Many blessings,
Attachments: Ads/Information Sheet
168

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE DIOCESAN/PARISH BROCHURE-OUTSIDE
169

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE DIOCESAN/PARISH BROCHURE-INSIDE
170

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE BROCHURE INSERT
(Bulletin ad resized to 3.5” x 8.25”)
Serving the Spiritual Needs
of Grieving Parents
Losing a child under any circumstance is
horrific. Focusing on the spirituality of the
grieving process can help tremendously.
A ministry for parents whose children of
any age have died by any cause,
no matter how long ago.
Please join us.
All are welcome.
Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents
At
One-Day Spiritual Retreats
9:30am-7:30pm
For more information or to register,
Call at
Or call at
Or see www.emfgp.org
171

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE PRESS RELEASE
To Offer Spiritual Retreat for Grieving Parents
For more information, contact
On , will offer a One-Day Spiritual Retreat for
Grieving Parents at from 9:30am-7:30pm. The retreat is open to
parents whose child of any age has died by any cause, no matter how long ago.
All are welcome, regardless of situation or religion.
Very few things in life are more painful than the death of one’s child. A parent’s
life changes drastically and dramatically forever. Focusing on the spirituality of the
grieving process and the very real promise of eternal life can help.
This retreat is offered in cooperation with the and
the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents, a unique, ongoing Catholic program that
has been serving the spiritual needs of grieving parents for almost 10 years. See
www.emfgp.org or for more
information. Or call at at .
172

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE DIOCESAN NEWSPAPER ARTICLE
1/18/17
Emmaus Ministry Retreats for Grieving Parents
Offered in Archdiocese
By DAN PIETRAFESA
Marypat Hughes believes that the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents can spiritually help parents
cope with the pain of losing a child.
The Ossining woman led a spirited effort to bring the Catholic ministry to the archdiocese for three
one-day Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents retreats at St. Joseph’s Seminary on Saturdays, Feb.
11 and 25, and the Church of the Magdalene in Pocantico Hills on Saturday, April 1.
“This will be meaningful for a lot of people on their journey,” said Ms. Hughes, who attended a
retreat five months ago after her 29-year-old son Thomas James died in 2015.
“The prayer network that you engage in during the retreat stays with you. It’s very powerful.”
The three one-day retreats are serving as pilots for the program in the archdiocese with the goal to
have the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents available at parishes throughout the archdiocese.
The 10-hour pilot retreats will include group talks, the sacrament of reconciliation, Mass, prayer
services and letter writing to God, child or another person.
The retreats open with a candle-lighting ceremony. Each candle has the child’s name and picture and
stands as a symbol of constant prayer.
“We hope to have people come and get a few seeds out there to bring into their own parish. It’s the
kind of ministry they found parishes rally around,” said Sue DiSisto, coordinator for parenting and
family life in the archdiocese.
“I received a number of contact references and called around. Every comment heard was all
extremely positive. It’s something very special for a group of people who are often having a hard
time.”
Diane and Charley Monaghan, founders of the Emmaus Ministry, are scheduled to participate in
the three New York retreats. The Monaghans, whose son Paul took his life on Thanksgiving Day
in 2002, started Emmaus in Boston in 2009 with a mission to serve the spiritual needs of grieving
parents whose children died at any age of any cause and to assist those interested in bringing this
ministry to their parish or region. One-hour and one-day retreats are now held throughout the
Northeast.
173

APPENDIX 24 1
“You’re part of a club no one wants to be a part of,” Ms. DiSisto said. “Mothers and fathers grieve
differently. This ministry is not a support or therapy group. It’s a spiritual journey.
“You really have a whole gamut of individuals coming to this to find healing spiritually in their walk
and journey. A person can engage as much or as little as they want. Many people go to more than one
of these retreats.”
Ms. Hughes’ son Thomas James, a Northwestern University graduate, was a successful investment
banker for Moelis & Co. in Manhattan who turned to cocaine to cope with his professional demands. On
May 28, 2015, Thomas fell to his death from his 24 th -floor apartment in Manhattan. Signs of drinking and
cocaine use were found in the apartment, police reported.
Ms. Hughes said attending bereavement group meetings at church were initially helpful. Feeling she
needed more, she attended the Emmaus Ministry retreat in Boston in August.
She returned from the retreat and wrote a letter to Cardinal Dolan, hoping he’d bring this ministry to
the archdiocese. The cardinal welcomed the idea and the archdiocesan Family Life/Respect Life is
organizing the retreats.
“After this happens to you as a parent, you don’t know where to turn,” Ms. Hughes said. “When you’re
in a room with other people who have been through this, you understand the glance from another person
and where they’re coming from.”
Information: www.emfgp.org/archny or call (646) 794-3191.
174

APPENDIX 24 1
SAMPLE LOCAL NEWSPAPER ARTICLE
St. Anthony Shrine’s Emmaus Ministry
helps grieving parents go on
‘I felt like a load had been lifted’ Marie Szaniszlo
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
PROGRAM ‘HELPED SAVE ME’: Barbara and Rocco Favuzzi, above, look at a picture of their son, Dan, who killed
himself in June 2014 at the age of 27. They found solace through the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents at St.
Anthony Shrine in Boston. Dan Favuzzi is seen at as a child in a photo at right.
STAFF PHOTOS BY MATT STONE Boston Herald (MA)
Volume 34, Issue 293
October 19, 2016
Marie Szaniszlo
Copyright (c) 2016 Boston Herald
Record Number: 31956403
VIDEO ON YOUTUBE AT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i470dpE6f7E
175

APPENDIX 24 1
‘I felt like a load had been lifted’
Shrine’s Emmaus Ministry helps grieving parents go on
She still has all of his clothes. She doesn’t want to wash them. Their scent reminds her of him.
Photos of Barbara Favuzzi’s son are everywhere in the Scituate home she shares with her husband,
Rocco, and their son’s dog, Axel. On the living room mantel is one of Dan at 17 in a blue shirt and beige
tie, his dark hair peeking out behind his collar. And another of him at 26, his hair short and tinged with
grey.
Upstairs, they keep the seven-string acoustic guitar they were going to give him as a birthday present
before he killed himself on June 2, 2014, after a long struggle with drugs, alcohol, anxiety and
depression. He was 27.
“From my perspective, that was the ultimate failure as a parent — everything you should have done,
shouldn’t have done,” she said, her voice trailing off as she sits at the dining table. After Dan died, his
AA sponsor — one of the friars at St. Anthony Shrine in Boston — put her in touch with its Emmaus
Ministry for Grieving Parents, and in October 2014, the Favuzzis went on their first Emmaus retreat.
“The Emmaus Ministry helped save me,” Barbara Favuzzi said. “It helped me realize there are some
things that are out of your control. Forgive yourself. God gave you this child for however many years,
and you did the best you could. Do the things your child would have wanted you to do. And one day,
you’ll be together again.”
One of more than two dozen outreach programs at St. Anthony Shrine in Boston, the Emmaus Ministry
offers parent-to-parent companioning, retreats, and monthly Scripture readings and coffee socials for
parents whose children of any age have died by any cause.
Although the ministry focuses on the spiritual needs of grieving parents, for the Favuzzis, it also has
had many of the benefits of a support group. They’ve developed friendships with other parents, swapped
recipes and checked in with one another regularly, especially on their children’s birthdays.
On that first retreat, the Favuzzis were asked to write a letter to the child they had lost.
“I asked Dan to forgive me,” Barbara Favuzzi said, and she begins to cry. “As much as he and I talked, I
couldn’t understand the depth of his pain.”
A nun at the retreat talked about prayer — to, not just for, their children — as a powerful conduit to
peace. The group talked about Christ’s mother, Mary, who lost her own child when he was crucified, and
about using her as a source of strength “because she would understand your pain better than anyone,”
Barbara Favuzzi said.
“We talked about the spirit of your child still being with you, but in a different place, a place where
eventually you’ll be together again,” she said. “By the next day, I felt like a load had been lifted off my
shoulders.”
Rocco Favuzzi remembers initially finding that first retreat daunting.
“I probably wouldn’t have gone if it weren’t for my wife,” he said.
“When your child dies, you really don’t know what to do or where to turn. You build up a lot of hurt and
guilt. But the (retreat’s) a place where you can release some of it without being put under any pressure
to talk. You hear other people tell their stories, and you realize there are people there who’ve had similar
experiences. Knowing that helps in its own way. It helps you not get over your loss, but get through it.”
176

APPENDIX 25 1
SAMPLE WEEKEND RETREAT SCHEDULE
[See APPENDIX 11 FOR RECOMMENDED RETREAT TEAM MEMBERS]
FRIDAY
ACTIVITY LOCATION RESPONSIBILITY
3pm
4:00pm-6:00pm
5:45pm-5:50pm
6:00pm-7:00pm
7:00pm-7:30pm
7:30pm-8:00pm
Set-up
Check-In
Retreat Team Prayer
Dinner
Welcome/Introductions
House Considerations/Labyrinth
Group Considerations
Opening Prayer Service
Parent Companions
Parent Companions
Entire Retreat Team
Retreat Site
Parent Retreat Leader
Retreat Site Rep
Parent Retreat Leader
Spiritual Leader, Parent
Retreat Leader, or Parent
Companion
8:30pm-9:30pm Coffee/Wine/Dessert Social Parent Companions or
Retreat Site
Ongoing:
8:30pm Friday to
Noon Sunday
SATURDAY
Candles Burning in Chapel/
Prayer/Reflection
Candle Vigil Sitters?
8am-9:00am Breakfast Buffet Retreat Site
9:00am-9:30am
Welcome
Morning Prayer Service
Parent Retreat Leader,
Spiritual Leader, Parent
Retreat Leader, or Parent
Companion
9:30am-10:30am Reflection Spiritual Leader
10:30-10:45am
Break
10:45am-11:30pm Parent Witnessing Parent Companions
11:30am-12:00pm
Prayer/Reflection/Free Time
12:00pm-12:45pm Lunch Retreat Site
177

APPENDIX 25 1
12:45pm-2:00pm
ACTIVITY LOCATION RESPONSIBILITY
Small Groups: Mothers/Fathers
Reflection Question: Have you felt
the presence or the absence of God
in your pain?
Parent Companions
2:00pm-2:30pm
2:30pm-2:45pm
2:45pm-3:45pm
3:45pm-4:30pm
4:30pm-5:30pm
5:30pm-6:00pm
6:00pm-7:00pm
7:00pm-7:30pm
Large Group Sharing of
Small Group Insights if desired
Break
Introduction to Emmaus Walk
Blessing/Incensing Prayer Bowl
Choose Partners/Emmaus Walk
Letter writing to Jesus or your child
Place in Prayer Bowl (to be burned;
ashes used in incense during Mass
on Sunday, then processed and
spread onto sacred ground outside)
Optional:
Reconciliation
Spiritual Direction
Prayer/Reflection/Free Time
Wine/Coffee/Hors d’oeuvres Social
Dinner Buffet
Evening Prayer Service
Laying On of Hands
Sacrament of Anointing
(if approved)
Parent Retreat Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
Spiritual Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
Priest (if available)
Spiritual Director
(if available)
Parent Companions or
Retreat Site
Spiritual Leader, Parent Retreat
Leader, or Parent Companion
Priest (if available)
Priest
7:30pm-9:00pm Wine/Coffee/Dessert Social Parent Companions or
Retreat Site
SUNDAY
8am-9am Breakfast Retreat Site
10:30am
11:30-12pm
12pm-1pm
1pm-1:30pm
Mass w/ashes mixed with incense/
quiet procession to sacred space
Check-out
Lunch
Feedback Evaluations
Closing Prayer Service
Blessing
Sending Forth
Priest
Retreat Site
Parent Retreat Leader
Spiritual Leader
Parent Retreat Leader
178

APPENDIX 26
ONE-HOUR RETREAT
SAMPLE GUIDELINES
WELCOME
GUIDELINES (Please be sure to read to the group & follow)
In keeping with the mission of The Emmaus Ministry to serve the spiritual needs of
grieving parents, we gather today to refl ect on a Scripture reading and to support
each other in friendship
To ensure the comfort and confi dentiality of all parents gathered here today, you will
not be asked to introduce yourself or expected to tell your story to the group (that
is, we will not “go around the room”) as some parents may want to participate
here today by listening only—and that is perfectly fi ne. Please plan on contributing
as much—or as little—as you like and respect the wishes of others. Also, please
understand that the only person in the room who has all the answers is the Holy
Spirit. Avoid judgments and keep all comments confi dential.
OPENING PRAYER
SCRIPTURE READING (Gospel of the day that you photocopy ahead of time)
DISCUSSION
CLOSING PRAYER
179

APPENDIX 26
ONE-HOUR RETREAT
SAMPLE OPENING PRAYER
Gentle Spirit of God,
You call us to come together today
to share our grief and to hear your Word.
Be with us during this special time so that each of us
may listen prayerfully and share openly and reflectively.
May we deepen our relationship with you
through the gift of one another.
We ask this, through Christ, our Lord.
Amen.
180

APPENDIX 26
ONE-HOUR RETREAT
SAMPLE CLOSING PRAYER
Loving God,
Thank you for bringing us all together at this time,
in this place.
Help us to be open to your healing waters
as they wash over us and those we love.
Give us comfort and peace…
And hold our children in the palm of your hand.
We ask this, through Christ, our Lord.
Amen.
181

APPENDIX 27a
182

APPENDIX 27b
183