February 2018 Issue

DIARY
OF A
LEARNED
SOUL
SHIVANI JHA
Dear You,
I could stay for you, I wanted to.
But only if you knew the value.
I would have poured my heart, every ounce of Love that I had,
every pinch of affection that I knew, I would have loved you
with everything at my disposal.
But
I guess you were a bit too busy looking for something else.
May you get what you needed.
I wish you all the luck.
I am going away, not because I stopped loving you. I never
possibly can. I left because I know that as much I love pouring
my heart on you, I need some of it back too.
It empties me to keep waiting for you.
It kills me to see you going everywhere.
It empties me to see you do not care.
I sound stupid to you, don’t I?
I look stupid when I fall for your smile.
I look stupid when I skip that stair because I was looking at
you.
I look hopeless when I come back to you over and over again.
Yes, it’s true I love you, but I love me too.
I am going because I am a river, you won’t be able to take me.
I am going because I deserve an ocean, one who can dare to
open his arms for me;
One who can hold me with all my raging waves.
Thank you for staying away.
Had you not, I would have spent my life fitting into a dam,
a pond,
Or a vessel
Now, I am free to flow
To break dams,
To trickle down the cheeks,
To rise in a wild oceanic wave
To settle like a dew on the flower.
Not needed to fit in “we” and “our’
I am free to be me,
I am free to pour
Free to devour.
“It is not easy to trust, not easy to be heartbroken,
not even easy to accept that the relationship will
fail. But the toughest thing is to see and learn. This
brings the courage to close certain doors, and open
others. This is an honest reflection of a learned
soul.”
www.inkdrift.com Ink Drift Magazine 23