2018 Spring Kansas Child
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A publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2018</strong> Volume 17, Issue 2<br />
ALL ABOUT<br />
RELATIONSHIPS<br />
REAPING THE REWARDS<br />
OF WORKPLACE<br />
8 FLEXIBILITY<br />
UNPLUG!<br />
CONNECTING<br />
12 WITH BABY<br />
14<br />
RESPONDING<br />
TO TRAUMA<br />
IN STUDENTS
LEADELL EDIGER<br />
Executive Director<br />
<strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ®<br />
of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
<strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong><br />
is a publication of<br />
<strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ®<br />
of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
Executive Director<br />
Leadell Ediger<br />
Editors<br />
BWearing Consulting<br />
Angie Saenger, Deputy<br />
Director<br />
Publication Design<br />
Julie Hess Design<br />
On the Cover<br />
Genesis Abigail Matthews,<br />
age 4, of Salina.<br />
<strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>,<br />
1508 East Iron, Salina, <strong>Kansas</strong> 67401,<br />
publishes <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> quarterly,<br />
which is made possible through the<br />
financial support of the members<br />
of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong> and<br />
sponsorships from our corporate,<br />
private, and foundation partners.<br />
<strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> is intended to provide<br />
a forum for the discussion of child<br />
care and early education issues and<br />
ideas. We hope to provoke thoughtful<br />
discussions within the field and to<br />
help those outside the field gain a<br />
better understanding of priorities<br />
and concerns. The views expressed<br />
by the authors are not necessarily<br />
those of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
or its sponsors.<br />
Copyright © <strong>2018</strong> by <strong>Child</strong> Care<br />
Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>, unless<br />
otherwise noted. No permission<br />
is required to excerpt or make<br />
copies of articles provided that<br />
they are distributed at no cost.<br />
For other uses, send written<br />
permission requests to:<br />
<strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>,<br />
1508 East Iron, Salina, KS 67401<br />
<strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> is distributed at<br />
no cost to <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ®<br />
of <strong>Kansas</strong> donors. Single<br />
copies are available<br />
to anyone at $5 each, prepaid.<br />
Sadly, greeting cards are a bit of a lost art,<br />
but I love them. There is something special<br />
about knowing someone took the time to pick<br />
out a card, jot a message and then actually<br />
drop it in the mail. Recently, I received a really<br />
lovely card. On the cover, it read:<br />
Close Your Eyes and Dream a Dream …<br />
And Seek the Courage to Make it Real.<br />
Reflect on the Past, Envision the future and<br />
embrace today with an open Heart and Soul.<br />
It was the perfect message for me.<br />
Close your eyes and dream a dream …<br />
Every year for 28 years my colleagues, our<br />
staff, volunteers and partners have worked to<br />
make our dream for <strong>Kansas</strong> children a reality.<br />
The dream is a bold one. It’s big, it’s visionary,<br />
it’s full of hope and promise. ALL children in<br />
<strong>Kansas</strong> should enter school ready to learn!<br />
And Seek the Courage to Make it Real.<br />
At times, I believe we have been courageous,<br />
working to change policy, to enact laws that<br />
keep <strong>Kansas</strong> children safe and protected<br />
while their parents are working. Working<br />
to make child care a topic in boardrooms<br />
and employment handbooks. Working<br />
for recognition of child care teachers and<br />
caregivers.<br />
Reflect on the Past, Envision the future …<br />
It does help to reflect on the past when<br />
envisioning the future. Recently, our board<br />
of directors completed a comprehensive<br />
look at where our organization has been,<br />
took time to evaluate our strengths,<br />
weaknesses, opportunities and threats, and<br />
then thoughtfully updated our strategic plan<br />
through 2020. It’s always a good exercise, and<br />
it feels good to have our path defined.<br />
… and embrace today with an open<br />
Heart and Soul.<br />
But when it really comes down to it, the past<br />
is past and the future is not certain, so what we<br />
really have is today.<br />
The <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware of <strong>Kansas</strong> program<br />
staff are reading the book Inspired Work<br />
Showing Up & Shining Bright by Erin Ramsey<br />
(see her feature article on page 4).<br />
And I was inspired, even before I<br />
read a single chapter, because in her<br />
acknowledgments, Ramsey gives her<br />
wholehearted thanks to her early childhood<br />
professionals and teachers! It was such<br />
meaningful recognition of the powerful<br />
work done by often humble people<br />
who typically do not see themselves<br />
as leaders who spark creativity and<br />
lifelong learning skills.<br />
Yet, every day they are helping<br />
to construct the architecture<br />
of children’s brains, teaching<br />
them the enjoyment of<br />
books, building their<br />
curiosity. With an<br />
open heart and soul,<br />
they are creating<br />
the foundation for<br />
tomorrow’s authors,<br />
doctors, firefighters<br />
and teachers.
This issue of <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> addresses a<br />
variety of topics that look at the social/<br />
emotional aspects of early childhood and<br />
how those of us in the field are working to<br />
support young children, their families and<br />
caregivers.<br />
Inside that greeting card it says: May<br />
each day of the coming year be a gift that<br />
you open with joy and gratitude!<br />
I can’t think of a better way to approach<br />
our work, or a better sentiment to share<br />
with all of you!<br />
p. 4<br />
p. 14<br />
p. 16<br />
IN THIS ISSUE<br />
Joyful Life = Joyful Work............................4<br />
The Triple P............................................... 7<br />
Reaping the Rewards of<br />
Workplace Flexibility................................. 8<br />
Eye Contact & Body Language.................9<br />
Building a Classroom Community<br />
Through Circle Time............................... 10<br />
Start Talking!............................................11<br />
Unplug! Connecting with Baby...............12<br />
Family Conversations..............................13<br />
Responding to Trauma in Students....... 14<br />
Learning with Our Heads, Hearts,<br />
and Hands: The Family Project...............15<br />
Recognizing and Encouraging<br />
Resilience in Kids:<br />
a Working Metaphor............................... 16<br />
Motivational Interviewing<br />
Overview..................................................18<br />
Choosing Empathy................................. 19<br />
Highlighting Conscious Discipline........20<br />
Book Nook: The Big R............................ 22
joyfulLife =<br />
ERIN RAMSEY<br />
Author and<br />
Inspirational Speaker<br />
Erin has worked in the non-profit<br />
sector for more than twenty-five years.<br />
Beginning her career as a family child care<br />
provider. She served as Executive Director<br />
of a <strong>Child</strong> Care Resource and Referral<br />
agency for twelve years and later the<br />
Director of Early <strong>Child</strong>hood for the third<br />
largest urban school district in Indiana.<br />
She also led the statewide marketing<br />
initiative for the QRIS in Indiana.<br />
Erin is the author of Be Amazing:<br />
Tools for Living Inspired, Be Amazing<br />
Workbook, and Inspired Work: Showing<br />
Up & Shining Bright. She speaks to<br />
audiences throughout the country and<br />
internationally to inspire others to<br />
greater service. She lives in Kentucky on<br />
her family lavender farm, Big Roots Farm.<br />
10 Tools for Creating Vibrant Energy<br />
Life can be stressful. Many of us feel like there isn’t enough time and too<br />
much to do. Rushing, worrying, and feeling frazzled are all too commonplace. These<br />
feelings and types of negative energy impact our families, our workplaces and our spirits.<br />
The good news is that with a few easy-to-use tools we can learn to make new choices<br />
in how we respond and transform the way we are living. We can create more fun in our<br />
lives, develop positive relationships and begin to see new possibilities.<br />
We are intended to live joyously and abundantly. We can learn to focus on what we<br />
want; not what we don’t want. Here are a few tools to get started:<br />
1<br />
Look for Beautiful Moments.<br />
Look for beautiful moments during<br />
your daily activities. It can be<br />
anything: someone’s smile, seeing people<br />
hug, watching a child laugh, listening to<br />
a bird sing, a ray of light coming in the<br />
window, a good song, feeling soft sheets or<br />
a warm towel out of the dryer. Beautiful<br />
moments are all around us. It is in the<br />
noticing that they become beautiful. It is<br />
in the noticing that we become present.<br />
Give energy to the beautiful.<br />
2<br />
Create a Goodness Jar. As<br />
you notice beautiful moments,<br />
write them down and put them in<br />
a Goodness Jar. My Goodness Jar is from a<br />
consignment shop and sits on my kitchen<br />
table with a pen and scrapbook paper close<br />
by so my family can write their beautiful<br />
moments down, too. It is so fun to read<br />
them periodically or celebrate at the end of<br />
the year. You can do this in the breakroom<br />
for your team at work, in your classrooms,<br />
or with your own family. Focus on<br />
beautiful moments and then<br />
treasure them.<br />
3<br />
Expect the Best and Give<br />
Others the Benefit of the<br />
Doubt. When we expect<br />
the best, we are breaking down<br />
our defense mechanisms<br />
that protect us from<br />
disappointment, fear of<br />
failure and rejections.<br />
When we give others<br />
the benefit of the doubt<br />
we are helping them<br />
break down their<br />
defense mechanisms<br />
of rejection,<br />
failure and<br />
disappointment.<br />
These two<br />
premises,<br />
expecting the best<br />
and giving the benefit<br />
of the doubt, are<br />
completely<br />
4 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
joyfulWork<br />
interchangeable in creating a higher level<br />
of energy for yourself and for others.<br />
We don’t have to be afraid and doubtful.<br />
Expecting the best and giving the benefit<br />
of the doubt is the fastest road to an open<br />
mind and an open heart. It feels good<br />
to be optimistic and kind. When we feel<br />
good, we welcome more joy into our lives.<br />
4<br />
Watch less news. Finding<br />
positive ways to nourish your<br />
mind creates joy. The information<br />
we let into our minds can be<br />
compared to food. If we<br />
eat healthy<br />
and stay<br />
nourished,<br />
we will be<br />
healthier<br />
and<br />
have more energy. The same goes for<br />
what we let into our minds. If we wake<br />
up and read positive things and think<br />
about the contributions we would like to<br />
make for the day, we are off to a healthier<br />
start. If we end our day with proactive,<br />
self-consideration and positive reading<br />
material we are nourishing our minds<br />
as we go to sleep. Watching news in<br />
the morning and the evening interrupts<br />
opportunities for you to generate joy in<br />
your life. Constant bad news drains our<br />
energy and distracts us from our purpose.<br />
Be informed, just don’t be consumed.<br />
5<br />
Laugh harder and more<br />
often. There is a plethora of<br />
research on how healthy laughing<br />
is for the body and the mind. Laughing<br />
gets your blood flowing; it releases<br />
endorphins, relaxes your body and boosts<br />
your immune system. Laughing gets us in<br />
a better mood and inevitably spreads joy to<br />
those around us. We all like a good laugh,<br />
but most of us wait for something funny<br />
to happen or for a funny thought to<br />
come to mind.<br />
About twenty years ago I saw a story<br />
on television about a laughing club<br />
that would meet to laugh together. I<br />
tried to make myself laugh by making<br />
funny noises and fake laughing sounds.<br />
It worked. I looked in the mirror and<br />
literally cracked up! I started doing<br />
it with my children and their<br />
friends, which led to lots<br />
of laughter. Try it<br />
in your<br />
classrooms, around your dinner tables<br />
and with yourself. Laughing is our hearts<br />
singing. Make your own funny. You will<br />
have more fun.<br />
6<br />
Live<br />
in Gratitude. Gratitude is<br />
the fastest way to create more joy in<br />
your life. A woman who attended<br />
one of my workshops created a “Joy Door.”<br />
She put up a sign with “Don’t Postpone Joy.<br />
Find Joy Every Day,” and each one of her<br />
family members puts something up on the<br />
door every day. She told me that even if<br />
her kids were struggling to find something<br />
joyful they would talk it out and dig deep<br />
to write something down. When you focus<br />
on what you are grateful for you tend to<br />
focus less on the things that drain you.<br />
Build Gratitude Practices into your rituals.<br />
You can also create a Gratitude Line with<br />
string and clothes pins. Hang what people<br />
write or draw that they are grateful for.<br />
This is a joyful way to decorate a hallway,<br />
classroom, or for a party.<br />
Tell people what you admire or are<br />
grateful for about them. Write down what<br />
you are grateful for. Find at least one thing<br />
every day. You will have more vibrant<br />
energy and you will create more good in<br />
your life.<br />
7<br />
Make<br />
Smiling a Habit.<br />
Smiling creates presence and<br />
presence brings joy. You can build<br />
a habit of greeting your daily routines<br />
with joy. One of the first steps in creating<br />
more joy is ensuring your mood is good.<br />
Practicing and intentionally smiling at<br />
yourself and others is an essential tool for<br />
Continued on page 6<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 5
Continued from page 5<br />
improving your mood and thus creating<br />
joy. Building a smiling habit throughout<br />
your daily routines will bring a “top of<br />
mind” awareness to how you are feeling<br />
and what you are projecting. Both of these<br />
are directly related to how you are living<br />
and what you are welcoming into your life.<br />
If we want more joy it is essential to feel<br />
good and be open. Smiling is a catalyst for<br />
these things<br />
Every morning when you rise, say out<br />
loud or in your mind, “Thank you for<br />
another day.” Walk into the bathroom and<br />
while you are putting toothpaste on your<br />
toothbrush, smile and say out loud or in<br />
your mind, while looking straight into your<br />
eyes in the mirror, “Good morning, good<br />
looking!” Do this even if you are exhausted,<br />
stressed out or dreading the responsibilities<br />
of the day. This habit will help you change<br />
the way you navigate for the rest of the<br />
day. Depending on your mood, you may<br />
think it is funny or you may think it is the<br />
stupidest thing ever. It doesn’t matter what<br />
you are thinking, do it anyway; build a new<br />
habit in the morning. Slap on a big smile,<br />
wink, give yourself thumbs up, make eye<br />
contact with yourself and greet your spirit<br />
and your day in a new light.<br />
8<br />
Be a Giver. Enter life with the<br />
most important question: How can<br />
I serve? Look for ways to help, to<br />
contribute, to support and encourage. Be<br />
brave by sharing your gifts and talents and<br />
opening your heart. This does not mean<br />
give until you have nothing to give. This<br />
means you give from a place of abundance.<br />
A place of joy and love. You enter places,<br />
conversations and situations with a lens of<br />
what you have to offer, not what you are<br />
going to walk away with.<br />
If you want to be happy and feel valued,<br />
focus on giving.<br />
If you want to be promoted and offered<br />
better opportunities, focus on giving.<br />
If you want more doors to open and<br />
the right people to come into your life,<br />
start giving.<br />
Create win-wins. Approach situations,<br />
decisions, and actions in a manner that<br />
makes sure there are no losers. Win-wins<br />
bring everyone to a positive energy level!<br />
Being a giver doesn’t mean being a<br />
doormat. A doormat lets people run over<br />
them. A giver identifies what their greatest<br />
contributions are and shares them. A<br />
giver is open to receiving but doesn’t act<br />
in order to receive. The giver’s actions are<br />
aligned with her values, vision and legacy;<br />
not what she can get. When we align our<br />
actions with our values, vision and legacy,<br />
we will be given tenfold.<br />
9<br />
Do<br />
Things You Enjoy. Pay<br />
attention if you are not enjoying life<br />
because you think you don’t have<br />
enough money, time or support. Flip the<br />
switch and shift your focus by taking steps<br />
to enjoy life. Begin with small things. As<br />
you practice, big beautiful enjoyment will<br />
become a part of most of your days. The<br />
hard days will still arrive, but they will<br />
depart way faster. Think about what you<br />
can do right now to start bringing more<br />
enjoyment into your life. Try not to make<br />
excuses by blaming money, time or people.<br />
Insert opportunities to create joy<br />
throughout your day. It can be having<br />
your most favorite uplifting song ready<br />
on your playlist when you get in the car,<br />
or a beautiful mug for your coffee. It can<br />
be a full bear hug for a family member or<br />
fresh-cut flowers on your desk. It could<br />
be a clean and organized workspace at the<br />
end of the day or your favorite pajamas.<br />
Remember to do the things you enjoy.<br />
10<br />
Be Hard to Offend. Put<br />
your energy and your focus on<br />
what you are doing and how you<br />
are responding, not what others are doing.<br />
If we are busy thinking about what “so and<br />
so” did to us or what “so and so” didn’t do<br />
for us or what “so and so” took credit for<br />
or what “so and so” said, we are draining<br />
our energy. We are literally handing our<br />
joy and optimism over to “so and so.”<br />
Stop wasting your energy on “so and so”<br />
and start investing it in your vision, your<br />
values, your legacy and your purpose.<br />
Being hard to offend doesn’t mean letting<br />
people walk all over or say abusive things<br />
to you. Being hard to offend means that<br />
you don’t take everything personally. Don’t<br />
get distracted from your joy.<br />
Let joy be your guide for work and life.<br />
Joy isn’t knocking down your door, but it<br />
is waiting for you to open it. Joy can’t be<br />
taught; it can only be shared. Joy comes<br />
from the inside.<br />
Can you think of anyone that you know<br />
who comes into a room and lights it up<br />
with their energy? A person with a feeling<br />
of refreshing, light-hearted kindness who<br />
helps everyone feel and think a bit brighter.<br />
Maybe you are that person, but if you<br />
aren’t, you can be. You can choose what<br />
you bring into the room. Let’s try to create<br />
a larger pool of people who are lighting up<br />
rooms and people. It begins with you.<br />
Think about what you are talking about.<br />
Is it full of judgment about people and<br />
wrongdoings? Is it ideas and possibilities?<br />
Are you complaining about traffic and<br />
the weather when you get to work? Or<br />
are you talking about a beautiful moment<br />
you experienced that morning? Are you<br />
talking about solutions or creating more<br />
challenges? Make your conversations less<br />
about what show you watched and more<br />
about something you are going to do. Be<br />
active. Be humorous. Be learning. Be<br />
accepting. Ask questions.<br />
Use joy as a guide in deciding how you<br />
spend your time.<br />
When making a decision about what<br />
to do, ask yourself: “What would bring<br />
me and those around me the most joy?”<br />
Think about joy at home and at work.<br />
Will watching trash TV or playing a<br />
board game with my children bring the<br />
most joy?<br />
Will zoning out on my phone or talking<br />
with my partner bring the most joy?<br />
Will watching trash TV or playing a board game with my children bring the most joy?<br />
Will zoning out on my phone or talking with my partner bring the most joy?<br />
Will approaching a new assignment as an opportunity or a burden bring the most joy?<br />
Will approaching a new assignment<br />
as an opportunity or a burden bring the<br />
most joy?<br />
Sometimes joy feels like how exercise<br />
feels to a lot of us. Once we do it we are so<br />
glad; it’s just a matter of busting through<br />
the mental blockades or bad habits and<br />
doing it.<br />
Do joy! Everyone wins, especially<br />
children. n<br />
The tools in this article are excerpts from Erin’s books,<br />
Be Amazing: Tools for Living Inspired and Inspired Work:<br />
Showing Up and Shining Bright. www.erinramsey.com<br />
6 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
The Triple P<br />
Positive Parenting<br />
Program® (Triple P®)<br />
KATRINA LOWRY<br />
Building Blocks Program<br />
Director, Russell <strong>Child</strong><br />
Development Center<br />
During my time as a toddler<br />
teacher, I was asked more than once by a<br />
parent, “Will you potty-train my child?” It<br />
was usually said in a joking manner, but<br />
with a look of panic on the parent’s face.<br />
Gently, I would explain that we could not do<br />
it for them, but that we would support them<br />
in their journey, backing up strategies used<br />
at home and offering suggestions of things<br />
that we had observed to be effective. The<br />
parent and child worked together to figure<br />
it out, and in the process, built a stronger<br />
bond with each other, rather than with us,<br />
which was precisely the goal, aside from the<br />
practical aim of successful toilet training.<br />
The Triple P – Positive Parenting<br />
Program® (Triple P®) offers a structured<br />
framework to accomplish these same goals.<br />
Parents may choose to work on a specific<br />
goal, such as potty-training, tantrums, or<br />
sharing; they may want to learn general,<br />
effective parenting strategies; or they may<br />
want do more intensive parenting coaching.<br />
No matter which path a parent chooses,<br />
they all lead toward “developing positive<br />
relationships, attitudes, and conduct,”<br />
(www.triplep.net). The parent-child bond is<br />
strengthened, and families learn and grow<br />
together in a positive environment.<br />
Through an Early <strong>Child</strong>hood Block Grant<br />
awarded by the <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong>ren’s Cabinet<br />
and Trust Fund, Russell <strong>Child</strong> Development<br />
Center (RCDC) has systematically<br />
introduced and implemented Triple P® in<br />
19 counties in Southwest <strong>Kansas</strong>. Over<br />
the past several years, providers have been<br />
trained in various levels of Triple P®: Level<br />
1 is a public awareness strategy designed to<br />
reach the general population with positive<br />
parenting information; Level 2 provides<br />
general strategies in a short, group format;<br />
Level 3 is more focused on an issue or<br />
an aspect of parenting that a parent finds<br />
challenging; Level 4 can be offered in a<br />
group or individual format and covers<br />
Triple P®’s 17 core positive parenting skills,<br />
which can be adapted to a wide range of<br />
parenting situations; Level 5 offers intensive<br />
support for families with complex concerns.<br />
In addition, Triple P® can be adapted to<br />
meet the needs of families with children<br />
with special needs, families going through<br />
a separation or divorce, or other specific<br />
situations. (Information about levels<br />
adapted from www.triplep.net).<br />
RCDC connects with parents in various<br />
Katrina Lowry is the Building Blocks<br />
Program Director at Russell <strong>Child</strong><br />
Development Center, overseeing the ECBGfunded<br />
Triple P Positive Parenting Program,<br />
Learn & Play Parent <strong>Child</strong> Interaction<br />
Groups, and HealthySteps Program in 19<br />
counties in Southwest <strong>Kansas</strong>. Katrina<br />
lives in Garden City with her husband and<br />
her two (very spoiled) dogs.<br />
ways. Sometimes a parent hears a radio ad<br />
and calls for more information. Sometimes<br />
parents are referred by a community agency<br />
or partner. However, we have found that<br />
our best advertisement is word of mouth.<br />
Once a connection is established, a Triple<br />
P® coach works with a family to identify the<br />
best level and format of Triple P® for them; a<br />
Triple P® coach then works with the family<br />
one-on-one, in a group, or supports them<br />
in completion of Triple P® Online, a recent<br />
addition to the Triple P® suite of offerings.<br />
The successes that parents and children<br />
experience with Triple P® are inspiring<br />
and range from increased confidence in<br />
parenting to reunification of families.<br />
Parents work hard, and we are proud to<br />
support them as they reach their goals.<br />
For more information on Russell <strong>Child</strong><br />
Development Center, visit www.rcdc4kids.<br />
org. For more information on the Triple<br />
P – Positive Parenting Program®, visit www.<br />
triplep-parenting.com. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 7
Control schedule: personal time off<br />
Sick leave: includes family<br />
Reaping the Rewards of<br />
Workplace<br />
Flexibility<br />
Within human services,<br />
we regularly tout the importance of<br />
investing time with children and family.<br />
At The Family Conservancy (TFC) we<br />
want to practice what we preach. Not<br />
only is it important to demonstrate our<br />
commitment to our own employees, but<br />
we strive to lead by example and show<br />
other employers what implementing this<br />
philosophy looks like. We’ve even found<br />
that by implementing some simple workplace<br />
benefits that encourage our staff to<br />
prioritize their families, they are often<br />
more engaged while at work.<br />
Providing flexibility has proven to be<br />
one of the greatest tools in improving<br />
employees’ perception of work at<br />
TFC. We’ve accomplished this through<br />
a generous leave allowance, a broad<br />
definition of family, and allowing staff to<br />
compress and flex their work weeks. We<br />
attribute our average annual turnover rate<br />
of under 10 percent to these benefits.<br />
Knowing they can take time off, or shift<br />
their work week so they can take their<br />
child to a doctor’s appointment or pick<br />
their child up from their preschool or a<br />
care provider, gives our team members<br />
the freedom to focus more fully on their<br />
tasks while at work. When they don’t fear<br />
being penalized for meeting their own<br />
family needs, staff feel more secure, and we<br />
believe it improves services to the families<br />
TFC serves.<br />
The flexibility to control their own<br />
schedule scores highest on TFC staffs’<br />
satisfaction surveys every year. Though<br />
the amount of leave may seem high by<br />
industry standards, we have found that<br />
our staff are passionate and want to do the<br />
work, and we don’t want to stifle the fire<br />
in their hearts. By allowing employees to<br />
have more control of their schedules, they<br />
can do the work that they love, and can be<br />
with the ones they love when needed.<br />
With a broad definition of family, our<br />
staff can use their sick leave not only for<br />
themselves but for anyone they consider<br />
family. New staff are often amazed that<br />
sick leave is not just for their own sick<br />
days, but also to care for loved ones when<br />
they are ill.<br />
In recent years, TFC began offering paid<br />
medical leave for staff who have an FMLA<br />
Flex work week: Pick up from provider<br />
8 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
MICHAEL S. MURPHY<br />
SHRM-SCP, Human Resources Director,<br />
The Family Conservancy<br />
(Family Medical Leave Act) qualifying<br />
event. They can accrue up to twelve full<br />
weeks of paid leave in under two years.<br />
Some employers might allow full pay<br />
for maternity leave, and others also have<br />
begun to include paternity leave, but we<br />
felt it was important to also allow leave<br />
for all FMLA situations; we feel our staff<br />
deserve to have some support for those<br />
times as well.<br />
These ideas might seem basic, but<br />
employers often fear staff will take<br />
advantage of such generosity. At TFC,<br />
we rarely see staff exploit these benefits,<br />
and we get the added bonus of retaining<br />
the knowledge and experience of our<br />
skilled staff – our average tenure is<br />
almost nine years. That tenure saves<br />
resources. It reduces the time needed<br />
for hiring and onboarding new staff,<br />
reduces the lower productivity during<br />
introductory and training periods, and<br />
retains the knowledge and quality of<br />
our early learning and behavioral health<br />
professionals. There is an investment of<br />
money and trust, but the rewards have<br />
proven worthwhile.<br />
Granted, not all employers can offer all<br />
these benefits. Some positions require a<br />
certain number of people available at a<br />
certain time, and the options for flexing<br />
within a week are limited. But offering<br />
consideration for employees to spend<br />
time with their family when needed goes<br />
a long way in having all employees feel<br />
appreciated. n<br />
Eye Contact &<br />
Body Language<br />
By Angie Saenger, Deputy Director, <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware® of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
Eye contact and body language play an important part<br />
in everyday conversations and interactions. Think about<br />
important parts of your day where you interact with others<br />
-- meetings, shopping at the grocery store, child care drop-off<br />
and pick-up, or at dinner with friends or family.<br />
Take the opportunity to step back and observe these<br />
important interactions. Pay attention to the nonverbal<br />
behaviors and eye contact skills of other people. Focus on the<br />
details, and take note of how eye contact and body language<br />
influence, both positively and negatively, the tone of the<br />
exchange. You may even pick up some new strategies you’d<br />
like to try!<br />
Most research and statistics indicate that the majority of<br />
communication is carried out through body language. In<br />
some reports it is as much as 60%!<br />
Think about that, and keep these tips in mind when you are<br />
visiting with friends and family:<br />
Keep your arms open -- not crossed;<br />
Sit in a neutral position (feet on the floor)<br />
or stand facing the person;<br />
And keep your cellphone in your pocket or purse.<br />
Finding a healthy, comfortable eye gaze during<br />
conversations can make a big difference in how connected<br />
someone feels to you and possibly even the topic you are<br />
discussing. Effective eye contact will go a long way in<br />
demonstrating that you are actively listening. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 9
Building a Classroom<br />
Community Through Circle Ti<br />
Ms. Kayla walks<br />
over to the rug and invites<br />
the children to come and sit<br />
down with her. The children<br />
soon make their way over and<br />
she starts to sing the “The<br />
Morning Song,” a welcoming<br />
song to start the beginning of<br />
their circle time. The group<br />
exchanges smiles and giggles<br />
with each other as they all clap<br />
their hands and sing. Then<br />
Ms. Kayla calls on each child<br />
individually.<br />
Tyra stands up, and the class<br />
begins to sing to her, “Tyra’s<br />
here today, Tyra’s here today,<br />
we‘re so glad that Tyra’s here,<br />
‘cause Tyra’s here to play!”<br />
Feeling acknowledged by her<br />
peers, Tyra smiles and sits back<br />
down.<br />
The narration above<br />
illustrates one way circle<br />
time can be used to build<br />
a community while also<br />
acknowledging each individual<br />
child. Circle time is one of<br />
the few moments out of the<br />
day that the classroom is<br />
together as a whole, much like<br />
a community. In order for a<br />
classroom and a circle time<br />
to function properly, teachers<br />
need to be intentional when<br />
using this time to establish<br />
connections with one another.<br />
The tone for Ms. Kayla’s<br />
circle time was set by starting<br />
with a welcome song. As she<br />
continues the rest of circle<br />
time, her plans for the group<br />
are centered on meeting the<br />
needs of each child so their<br />
experience together feels<br />
positive and successful.<br />
Ms. Kayla decides<br />
the activities for her<br />
circle time based on<br />
developmentally<br />
appropriate<br />
expectations she<br />
has determined for each child<br />
in her class. She specifically<br />
considers the children’s<br />
attention spans as well as their<br />
personal interests. Making<br />
circle time meaningful to each<br />
child will increase the chance<br />
that children will choose<br />
to participate. By offering<br />
choices to children (where to<br />
sit, what songs to sing, etc.)<br />
children have opportunities<br />
to be active participants in<br />
their own learning. Though<br />
EMILY RIOS &<br />
LAUREN BOWSER<br />
Lead Infant/Toddler Teachers,<br />
Project Eagle/Educare<br />
Emily Rios is a lead infant/toddler teacher at Project Eagle/<br />
Educare <strong>Kansas</strong> City. She graduated from University of Central<br />
Missouri with a B.S. in <strong>Child</strong> and Family Development. Emily<br />
has been working with children ages birth-6 for 10 years and is<br />
passionate about teaching young children by building on their<br />
interests.<br />
Lauren Bowser is a lead infant/toddler teacher at Project<br />
Eagle/Educare <strong>Kansas</strong> City. She graduated from <strong>Kansas</strong> State<br />
University with a B.S. in Early <strong>Child</strong>hood Education. Lauren is<br />
passionate about taking advantage of teachable moments in the<br />
classroom and creating a strong classroom community.<br />
10 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
me<br />
individual child expectations<br />
may be different, Ms. Kayla<br />
keeps consistent the location,<br />
order of activities, and<br />
transitions in and out of circle<br />
time. This allows children to<br />
learn what comes next and<br />
what is expected of them<br />
during the different parts of<br />
circle time.<br />
Ms. Kayla makes it a priority<br />
to reflect on past circle times<br />
in order to ensure that her<br />
current circle time is best<br />
meeting the needs of each child<br />
and her class. Below are some<br />
questions she considers during<br />
her reflection:<br />
•§<br />
Are there parts of circle time<br />
that feel more stressful?<br />
•§<br />
Are certain children more<br />
engaged than others?<br />
•§<br />
Do children ever leave circle<br />
time? If so, when?<br />
•§<br />
Where is circle time<br />
facilitated?<br />
•§<br />
Do children participate more<br />
when standing or moving<br />
their bodies?<br />
The teachers and children<br />
are enjoying the current circle<br />
time routine, but there will<br />
inevitably come a time for<br />
change or improvement. Ms.<br />
Kayla will need to reconsider<br />
the above questions and<br />
make revisions to the routine<br />
in order to successfully<br />
continue building a classroom<br />
community. n<br />
Start Talking!<br />
By Christi Smith<br />
Quality Initiative Director, <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
Meaningful conversations build trust, which is a key foundation for<br />
relationships and promotes children’s development.<br />
<strong>Child</strong>ren learn best by interacting and communicating with their<br />
friends and family. Think beyond a simple “yes” or “no” question,<br />
and beyond the standard “fine” answer. By simply adding the word<br />
“why,” you expand the discussion to allow for more back-and-forth<br />
exchanges. These exchanges set a great example for children as<br />
they begin to develop their own skills for learning about others and<br />
to identify their own feelings, thoughts and opinions.<br />
Meaningful conversations can happen throughout any day. Try<br />
visiting during transition times, which can be stressful. Other key<br />
times could be during handwashing, family-style meals, at drop-off<br />
and pick-up, or in the car ride to the latest event.<br />
Try to focus on a strategy that can reduce stress and promote<br />
development. Here are some questions to get the conversations<br />
started:<br />
•§<br />
What is your favorite silly face to make? Silly sound?<br />
•§<br />
What are two things that you were thankful for today?<br />
•§<br />
What is your favorite day of the week? Why?<br />
•§<br />
What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Why?<br />
•§<br />
What is your favorite thing about yourself?<br />
•§<br />
If you were an animal, what animal would you be? Why?<br />
•§<br />
What is your favorite fruit? Vegetable? Why?<br />
•§<br />
What is the best thing you have ever smelled?<br />
•§<br />
If you could have dessert for breakfast what would you eat?<br />
Be ready for lots of giggles. Hopefully, some of these questions<br />
will inspire children to think of their own questions. <strong>Child</strong>ren are<br />
social by nature and need healthy interactions<br />
with people who care about them.<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 11
SARAH LANNING<br />
M.S., CCC-SLP, is a Speech-Language Pathologist at<br />
Arkansas <strong>Child</strong>ren’s Northwest, <strong>Spring</strong>dale, AR.<br />
Sarah Lanning provides diagnostic and therapeutic<br />
services to children with a variety of medical<br />
conditions that might impact their communication<br />
and feeding skills. She believes it is her professional<br />
goal, responsibility and passion to promote positive<br />
communication skills for children of all ages.<br />
Connecting<br />
Unplug!<br />
Amazingly, the desire to communicate with the world<br />
begins from day one, when our babies first use their voices to<br />
announce their arrival, soon followed by cries telling us when they<br />
are hungry, sleepy, hurting, or in need of a diaper change.<br />
Before long, their ability to communicate expands: they express<br />
pleasure through a social smile, cooing, babbling, and laughter<br />
(4-6 months); they express anger or frustration through crying,<br />
shouting, and pouting. Babies respond to their environments<br />
when hearing new sounds and perk up when they hear their<br />
names. Soon, they are imitating sounds and facial expressions and<br />
listening intently to the sounds that their caregivers are making (8<br />
months). They enjoy social games and rhymes such as Peek-a-Boo<br />
or Patty-Cake and can entertain themselves (and their parents) by<br />
producing long strings of babble in what seems to be their own<br />
language (10 months).<br />
Next comes the excitement of baby’s first words (Will it be mama<br />
or dada?), along with gestures and pointing to indicate their wants<br />
and needs (12 months). By this time, our babies have developed<br />
their own personalities and, in most cases, their communication<br />
skills expand by leaps and bounds as they head into toddlerhood.<br />
We may grimace when every request is returned with an<br />
emphatic “no” and/or roll our eyes after being asked “why?” for the<br />
tenth time, but secretly, we are delighted to know that our babies<br />
are gaining confidence, independence, and curiosity.<br />
Perhaps what parents of newborn babies take for granted is<br />
that all of these communication “milestones” are learned. While<br />
evidence suggests that the human brain is wired for development<br />
of language, it does not happen spontaneously. Babies learn to<br />
communicate, and are motivated to communicate, by human<br />
interaction. They connect with their caregivers through smell,<br />
touch, eye contact, facial expression, modeling, and imitation.<br />
They thrive on social interaction, and they respond to the feedback<br />
that they receive from the people close to them.<br />
This is why I am dismayed at the babies and toddlers I see every<br />
day who are interacting not with their parents, but with their<br />
parents’ phones. It seems that the ubiquitous smart phone has<br />
become the new entertainer, distraction, and bribing tool for our<br />
babies and toddlers. While it may serve these purposes, it is not<br />
providing our children with foundational motivation and skills for<br />
communication and socialization.<br />
Moreover, too much and/or poor quality “screen time” has<br />
been linked to a number of concerns, including poor sleep habits,<br />
12 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
with Baby<br />
LISTEN<br />
Family<br />
Conversations<br />
SHARE<br />
Hold your baby in a position that allows her to make eye<br />
contact with you while you recite nursery rhymes or sing songs.<br />
Use exaggerated facial expressions and vocalizations, and<br />
notice how she intently watches your face and mouth. If you do<br />
something she seems to enjoy, do it again!<br />
Celebrate vocal play! Your baby is exploring his voice, his<br />
lips, and his tongue, just like he explores his fingers and toes.<br />
Make sounds with him to demonstrate low and high, soft and<br />
loud, even nonvocal sounds such as raspberries and tongueclicking.<br />
Don’t worry about bothering the people next to you …<br />
chances are that those sweet sounds will bring a smile to their<br />
faces and memories of special times with their own children.<br />
When your baby smiles, coos, or babbles, consider this an<br />
invitation! Respond to her by saying things like, “I hear you!<br />
Tell me more!” or “You got my attention – let’s play!” This is a<br />
foundation for conversational turn-taking skills.<br />
Share books and toys with your baby. Use simple<br />
language with gestures to describe how you are playing, e.g.,<br />
“Shake, shake, shake!” with a rattle; “Up! Down!” with a ball;<br />
“Look! Bird!” and point to pictures in a book. When your baby<br />
points at something, be sure to affirm his action and build his<br />
vocabulary skills by giving him the word for it. “Truck! You<br />
found the truck!”<br />
Talk with your baby about familiar routines as you do<br />
them. Daily events like snack time, bath time, getting dressed,<br />
diaper changes, and trips to the grocery store provide perfect<br />
opportunities to engage and connect with your baby, expand her<br />
vocabulary, and help her to explore her world!<br />
And the phone? Use it if you must – but only to share in a<br />
pretend conversation with baby!<br />
reduced play skills, behavioral problems, and childhood obesity.<br />
The evidence of these side effects is so great that the American<br />
Academy of Pediatrics recommends that from birth to 18 months,<br />
children have zero screen time (with the one exception of video<br />
chatting).<br />
Parents, take heed of these recommendations! I assure you,<br />
your children will get plenty of screen time in their lives. Use this<br />
precious time when they are totally dependent on you to teach<br />
them the art and joy of interpersonal communication.<br />
Above are a few simple things you can do to connect with your<br />
babies anywhere, anytime – no electronics required! n<br />
I have had the opportunity to be a parent in some difficult<br />
conversations. I have also been on the other side of those<br />
conversations as a teacher. I have worked with families who<br />
have children with special needs as well as parents of typically<br />
developing students, where I have needed to be a part of a<br />
difficult conversation. Sometimes it was about behaviors that<br />
needed attention. Other<br />
times the conversations<br />
were more significant,<br />
such as dealing with<br />
learning differences and<br />
needed interventions for<br />
student success.<br />
No matter which<br />
side you are on, some<br />
conversations are just<br />
difficult.<br />
As a preschool teacher,<br />
I start the year focusing<br />
on the most important<br />
part of teacher–parent<br />
relationships --<br />
communication. I make a<br />
commitment to regularly<br />
share with parents and ask<br />
parents to commit to open<br />
communication with me.<br />
Most of my interactions with parents are positive<br />
and encouraging. However, there are always those<br />
“other” conversations.<br />
My first rule of thumb is to NEVER surprise a<br />
parent or catch them off guard. I start a conversation<br />
with them at the first sign of concern, instead of<br />
waiting and just and hoping things get better.<br />
I am careful not to under- or overreport<br />
concerns, but instead, just communicate the<br />
facts. Parents will either listen and understand,<br />
or they may deny. If they are listening and asking<br />
questions, I try to be honest without going into<br />
too much detail. An overwhelmed parent can<br />
be a concern, too. A natural tendency for some<br />
parents is to deny there is a problem. That is<br />
understandable. I try to be patient with parents as<br />
they hear news that might be difficult.<br />
BETH REEDER<br />
Teacher, Trainer<br />
and Consultant<br />
Beth Reeder has been a float for<br />
preschools, classroom teacher in<br />
public education, and in middle<br />
management for Head Start and<br />
Rainbows United. She is currently<br />
teaching 3- and 4-year-old children<br />
for Wichita Collegiate School. Beth<br />
has a training and consultation<br />
business, Make A Difference<br />
Training, where she trains early<br />
childhood professionals in a threestate<br />
area. She also teaches for<br />
Butler Community College.<br />
FACTS<br />
HONEST<br />
UNDER-<br />
STAND<br />
In addition to the conversations I have with parents, I<br />
am careful to keep records that include complete and accurate<br />
documentation. When sharing concerns with parents it is<br />
important to make sure there is good documentation of what<br />
I have seen or experienced with a student. There have been<br />
times that I have taken pictures of the student, so the parents<br />
can see what I’m seeing. With the appropriated documentation<br />
many parents will, in time, come to understand concerns. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 13
Responding to Trauma in Students<br />
The study of Adverse <strong>Child</strong>hood<br />
Experiences, known as ACES, is becoming<br />
increasingly important in the world<br />
of education. Creating safe learning<br />
environments that rely on care and support<br />
has been shown to be more effective in<br />
producing high school graduates than<br />
simple, punitive approaches to discipline.<br />
In the Abilene Public Schools, our<br />
teachers are learning about what it means<br />
to be trauma informed – that is, how the<br />
adverse experiences that students come to<br />
us with can often result in outward acts of<br />
defiance and classroom disruptions. For<br />
many decades, the school-based response<br />
to these behaviors has been to impose<br />
punishments in the hopes that behaviors<br />
will change.<br />
What we are learning is that punitive<br />
school discipline frequently replicates the<br />
trauma that some students experience<br />
outside of school, which not only produces<br />
more negative behaviors, but can also<br />
cause a child to lose the sense of safety that<br />
a school should provide. Reinventing the<br />
purpose of school discipline plans requires<br />
education and training, so that supporting<br />
the emotional needs of the student, while<br />
reinforcing their value as people, becomes<br />
the primary role of school discipline.<br />
Over the last three years, the Abilene<br />
Public Schools have been implementing<br />
Positive Behavior Intervention Systems,<br />
or PBIS. In short, this approach to school<br />
discipline requires two main areas of focus.<br />
First, school staff is trained to identify<br />
and then immediately recognize the<br />
behaviors that promote good citizenship<br />
and learning in school, such as acting<br />
respectfully, following directions, and<br />
making good decisions. Second, the school<br />
continues to utilize its traditional behavior<br />
plan, where inappropriate behavior may<br />
result in disciplinary consequences. When<br />
necessary, this reinforces the societal<br />
expectation that consequences result from<br />
poor behavior. When done in tandem with<br />
a PBIS, the nature of those disciplinary<br />
In-School<br />
Suspension<br />
dropped by<br />
81 %<br />
2017<br />
<strong>2018</strong><br />
2017<br />
<strong>2018</strong><br />
Out-of-School<br />
Suspension<br />
dropped by<br />
87 %<br />
conversations are supportive of student<br />
growth, even though discipline has to<br />
occur.<br />
At Abilene High School, the use of a<br />
PBIS, which began in the spring of 2017,<br />
resulted in a dramatic decrease in negative<br />
behaviors. Compared to the previous<br />
DR. BENJAMIN SMITH<br />
Principal, Abilene High<br />
School, USD 435 Public<br />
Schools, Abilene<br />
Ben Smith has been an educator in<br />
<strong>Kansas</strong> for 21 years and has served as<br />
the principal at Abilene High School since<br />
2010. He currently serves on the board of<br />
directors for the Quality of Life Coalition,<br />
and was a four-year representative on<br />
the board of Learning Forward <strong>Kansas</strong>.<br />
14 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
Learning with Our Heads,<br />
Hearts, and Hands<br />
The Family Project<br />
spring, we experienced 153 fewer Office<br />
Discipline Referrals (ODRs). In-School<br />
Suspensions were reduced by 81%, and<br />
Out of School Suspensions dropped by<br />
87%. In total, for the 2016-17 school year,<br />
the amount of increased student contact<br />
time was equivalent to two brand new<br />
students enrolling in Abilene High School,<br />
and not missing a single period of class<br />
for an entire school year. Interestingly, we<br />
showed dramatic increases in ACT scores,<br />
and posted a graduation rate of 95%.<br />
There is still much work to be done,<br />
but teachers in our schools have seen<br />
the potential of what a trauma-informed<br />
approach to learning can do for students.<br />
For more information, visit the Centers<br />
for Disease Control and Prevention,<br />
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/<br />
acestudy/about_ace.html.<br />
For an inspirational visit to one<br />
of the pioneers in trauma informed<br />
schools, visit https://www.facebook.com/<br />
PaperTigersDocu/ n<br />
We have a long shared sentiment<br />
among parents, students, community<br />
members and school district<br />
personnel in our community: “We<br />
get to know students better in our<br />
small school than we could in a<br />
larger school.” But believing this was<br />
true wasn’t enough. We wanted to be<br />
CRAIG GANTENBEIN<br />
Principal,<br />
Bennington Grade School<br />
even more intentional about this strong belief and put it into practice!<br />
The <strong>Kansas</strong> Social, Emotional and Character Education Standards aligned<br />
perfectly with this belief. The Family Project is where we started as a basis for a<br />
new curriculum. The three themes of this project focus on character development,<br />
growth mindset and team building. All themes are supported with already<br />
developed activities and books that are assembled by the leadership team. This has<br />
eliminated the need for a lead teacher to develop a curriculum. The curriculum<br />
focuses on the following ideas: learning with our heads, hearts, and hands, to be<br />
caring and civil, to make healthy decisions, to effectively problem-solve, to be<br />
respectful and responsible, to be good citizens and to be empathetic and ethical<br />
individuals.<br />
So, our journey began. To create the “Family” environment, we blended groups<br />
of students, preschool through 6th grade, with a lead staff member (classroom<br />
teacher, administration, or support staff). After we assembled the groups, the<br />
“Families” were made. We then were able to begin the curriculum.<br />
Each group meets at least once a week. During the initial family meetings, the<br />
families establish unity by creating family handshakes, family waves and a family<br />
crest, which can be seen on walls and windows throughout the school. A rotation<br />
has been established so each of the families work on the themes and activities from<br />
the curriculum. The rotations continue throughout the school year, ensuring all<br />
curriculum themes will be completed by each of the families by the end of the<br />
school year.<br />
To strengthen our commitment to getting to know our students, the families will<br />
remain together until the student graduates to junior high. New students entering<br />
Bennington Grade School will be added to existing families. The group structure is<br />
a great opportunity for older students to mentor younger students during activities.<br />
With this type of structure, continuity for the students and adult is a primary<br />
focus. They will be able to build relationships with each other and form a true<br />
family bond. It is exciting to see the kids and staff smile at each other as they see<br />
one another between family meeting days. Sometimes that one little exchange can<br />
make a difference for a child. Like Dr. Seuss says, “To the world you may be one<br />
person; but to one person you may be the world.” We want to make this experience<br />
something that the students will remember and enjoy every day. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 15
Recognizing and encouraging Resilience<br />
Robert Brooks, Ph.D., a psychologist<br />
from Boston, has done a great deal of<br />
work on the topic of resilience. He<br />
noted, “Our strategies to motivate<br />
youngsters unintentionally<br />
result in our punishing<br />
suffering children rather<br />
than helping them develop<br />
a sense of self-worth and<br />
dignity.”<br />
A number of years<br />
ago, Brooks coined a<br />
metaphor, Islands of<br />
Competence, which<br />
I found very useful<br />
in terms of helping<br />
me to look beyond<br />
the deficits<br />
that typically<br />
prompted a<br />
referral to<br />
the mental<br />
health center.<br />
Islands of Competence was presented in a<br />
context citing resiliency as being “linked<br />
to a sense of optimism, ownership and<br />
personal control.”<br />
Throughout my career, I have<br />
been continually impressed<br />
with the capacity of many<br />
people to cope with and<br />
even thrive in the<br />
face of significantly<br />
adverse events.<br />
Some of these<br />
were parents<br />
who managed<br />
to work and<br />
provide for<br />
their family<br />
despite<br />
their own<br />
horrific<br />
history<br />
of abuse<br />
and neglect.<br />
However, even<br />
so, some were roundly<br />
criticized for how they managed their lives.<br />
One parent I can remember worked as<br />
a “masseuse.” She was sexually abused as<br />
a child and adolescent, didn’t complete<br />
high school and actively used marijuana<br />
(later telling me that she came to a number<br />
of family therapy sessions when she was<br />
high). Her children had been removed<br />
from her care after the older boy set the<br />
house on fire while playing with matches.<br />
Yet despite having no models for being a<br />
parent, and experiencing the negative<br />
judgment of the court, she clearly<br />
communicated a deep<br />
16 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
in Kids - a working metaphor<br />
JOHN H. PRESLEY<br />
MSW<br />
love and affection for her boys. Our work<br />
was easier and successful for that reason.<br />
Her resilient nature helped provide a<br />
caring home for her children, though not<br />
in a way that was consistent with the<br />
values of many people around her.<br />
Another memory is that of<br />
a 5-year-old girl whose<br />
mother murdered<br />
her older sister<br />
and attempted to<br />
suffocate her. She<br />
was brought<br />
to therapy to<br />
help her deal<br />
with that<br />
trauma.<br />
It didn’t<br />
take many<br />
sessions<br />
to help her<br />
get past the<br />
nightmares<br />
and some<br />
intrusive<br />
thoughts,<br />
but we<br />
spent a<br />
significant<br />
amount<br />
of time<br />
working<br />
on her aggressive and even<br />
rebellious behavior.<br />
Frankly, I was thrilled<br />
to work with her and her<br />
guardians on those issues,<br />
simply because that quality<br />
was what kept her alive in a<br />
situation many of us would<br />
not have survived.<br />
These examples illustrate what I think<br />
of as inherent resilience – that is, people<br />
who seem to have an inborn quality,<br />
that allows them to combat the effects<br />
of trauma. Their management may not<br />
conform to a generally accepted manner,<br />
but it demonstrates their coping capacity.<br />
Looking for and finding this capacity is<br />
essential as we work with the children<br />
entrusted to our care and skill.<br />
This emphasis helps those of us who<br />
work with children to look past the<br />
presenting behavior for elements of<br />
resilience. Part of this process has to do<br />
with our presence. Nearly every child<br />
who develops into a resilient person<br />
has an adult mentor/role model. Brooks<br />
cites Emmy Werner’s description as:<br />
“a person in their lives who accepted<br />
them unconditionally, regardless of<br />
temperamental idiosyncrasies, physical<br />
attractiveness, or intelligence.”<br />
In addition to the unconditional<br />
acceptance cited here, there are a number<br />
of specific steps we can take to promote<br />
our mutual awareness of the strengths and<br />
capacity of children. A question I learned<br />
to ask right after hearing the recitation<br />
of the “problem statement” (a phrase I<br />
learned in graduate school) was, “What<br />
are you good at?” A common reaction to<br />
this question made it clear that the child<br />
(and sometimes the parents) had trouble<br />
thinking about him/herself in positive<br />
terms. The focus on “the problem” made it<br />
difficult for both the child and the parents<br />
to think in these terms.<br />
When it was difficult for the child<br />
or parent to respond, I would look for<br />
descriptions of preferred activities that<br />
provided clues about the child’s interests<br />
and abilities.<br />
Once the initial strengths have been<br />
identified, it is important for the adult to<br />
comment, typically restating what was said<br />
by or about the child. However, it seems<br />
important to make that restatement in<br />
a direct and “businesslike” manner. An<br />
over-the-top “Gee-Whiz, that’s great!!”<br />
reaction frequently undermines the<br />
impact. Restating it in a way that suggests<br />
John Presley, MSW, has worked in juvenile<br />
justice, child psychiatry, residential treatment,<br />
pediatrics and community mental health. He<br />
retired from Central <strong>Kansas</strong> Mental Center<br />
after 24 years. He focused on work with<br />
children and families throughout his career.<br />
the child’s strengths come as no surprise<br />
reinforces the notion that you suspected<br />
that the child always had it in them to do<br />
something positive.<br />
Finally, it becomes important to include<br />
the identified strengths in the planning<br />
for whatever is to take place in the school,<br />
center or wherever the child is being<br />
engaged. Using the strengths as a starting<br />
point allows the child some degree of<br />
control and freedom to grow on his or<br />
her terms.<br />
There are several benefits to taking<br />
this approach of identifying the Islands<br />
of Competence. The first is that children<br />
start to see themselves as capable people,<br />
something that may be a very different<br />
experience for them. Secondly, parents<br />
and even professionals change their<br />
perspective from seeking out the problems<br />
to starting out with an assumption that<br />
the child has abilities that deserve to be<br />
recognized and can be used to promote<br />
their development.<br />
Discovering the Islands of Competence<br />
builds a larger model of competency that<br />
carries over into managing life’s routine<br />
issues, which can minimize an emphasis<br />
on “problems” and maximizes the mindset<br />
of capability.<br />
Finally, the idea of developing a model<br />
of strength-based work is simply more<br />
pleasant for all concerned. Constantly<br />
attending to failures/problems wears<br />
people down emotionally.<br />
This model allows tension to be reduced,<br />
problems to become manageable and<br />
promotion of a positive, life-long approach<br />
to the issues that confront us all. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 17
Accepted<br />
Trusted<br />
Listened<br />
Believed<br />
Motivational Interviewing Overview<br />
Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a collaborative, personcentered<br />
communication style that strengthens a person’s internal motivation and<br />
commitment to make behavior changes and reach their goals. MI is an evidence-based,<br />
effective strategy to enhance communication including workplace and stakeholder<br />
relations as well as improving family communication.<br />
Motivational interviewing is centered on communicating effectively with others in<br />
a meaningful, nonjudgmental and accepting manner by building rapport and creating<br />
a mutually respectful and collaborating relationship. The communication exchange<br />
consists of foundational skills of OARS: Open-ended questions, Affirmation, Reflective<br />
listening and Summarizing statements, all while maintaining the spirit of MI.<br />
The spirit of motivational interviewing is essential. The spirit acronym is ACCE;<br />
Autonomy (every person has the right to decide what’s best for them), Collaboration<br />
(it’s a two-way relationship), Compassion (belief in the wellbeing of another human<br />
being) and Evocation (eliciting from the other persons the changes being made). The<br />
spirit is the calm, reassuring friendly affect.<br />
Here is an example of the spirit of MI. Think about someone who made a profound<br />
difference in your life; who is your all-time favorite person? It may have been a teacher,<br />
coach, parent, grandparent, relative or a friend. What qualities and characteristics<br />
made him or her your favorite person?<br />
Your list may include: they accepted you unconditionally; they wanted what was best<br />
for you; you trusted them; they cared about your wellbeing; they listened to you when<br />
you went through a difficult life experience; you knew unequivocally that they were in<br />
your corner; or they believed in you when no one else did. Take a moment and reflect<br />
on the way your favorite person made you feel. That feeling is what having the spirit of<br />
MI is like.<br />
Motivational Interviewing provides strategies that make communication purposeful.<br />
MI provides a comfortable and collaborative experience for engagement with a goal of<br />
eliciting change. Motivational Interviewing can be learned in a variety of ways; from<br />
a 1-hour overview to a two- or three-day skill-base training. To become proficient in<br />
MI, it takes practice.<br />
“Motivation can be understood not as something that one has, but as something that<br />
one does. It involves recognizing a problem, searching for a way to change, and then<br />
beginning and sticking with that change strategy,” (Miller and Rollnick, 2002). n<br />
BRIDGETTE FRANKLIN<br />
MA, PHR, SHRM-CP<br />
Bridgette Franklin, MA, PHR, SHRM-CP owns<br />
a Motivational Interviewing Training and<br />
Consultation business and is a member of<br />
MINT (Motivational Interviewing Network<br />
of Trainers) - International. In 2016, she<br />
was selected to attend UCLA as one of ten<br />
MI practitioners from the U.S and Puerto<br />
Rico to participate in the first “Motivational<br />
Interviewing in a Group Setting” training for<br />
trainers. Franklin has trained practitioners to<br />
be MI trainers for agencies across <strong>Kansas</strong>. She<br />
is currently working on her doctorate degree<br />
in organizational leadership. Bridgette can be<br />
reached by email: franklinbiz@msn.com.<br />
REFERENCE<br />
Miller, W. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing:<br />
Helping People Change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford<br />
Press.<br />
Miller, W. & Rollnick, S. (2002). Motivational Interviewing,<br />
2nd Edition: Preparing People for Change, New York, NY:<br />
The Guilford Press.<br />
18 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
Choosing Empathy<br />
I confess I have not always been<br />
a fan of empathy. I felt few deserved<br />
the effort involved with “walking a mile<br />
in their shoes.” Plus, I was afraid to<br />
STEFANIE OLSON<br />
take on the problems and heartache of<br />
Research Project Specialist,<br />
others and end up miserable myself. I<br />
KU’s Center for Public<br />
thought the safer ground of giving<br />
Partnerships and Research<br />
sympathy, holding one at arm’s<br />
length while wishing them well, Stefanie Olson works at KU’s Center for<br />
was just fine. Even sympathy I Public Partnerships and Research. She is the<br />
doled out sparingly, preferring coordinator and a trainer for the Lemonade<br />
to assign blame.<br />
for Life program. Lemonade for Life teaches<br />
helping professionals to use the ACEs<br />
My journey toward a life<br />
questionnaire as a tool to promote healing<br />
lived with empathy began from trauma while using hope and resilience<br />
with my daughters’ baptism. to build a bright future.<br />
Baptism at our local UCC<br />
church included an oath to<br />
“see in your child’s face all the children of the world.” I felt this was a pretty<br />
tall order. Surely I was not expected to love all kids as much as I loved my<br />
girls. Sympathy would do. I could think good thoughts for those other children<br />
but keep my heart and energy saved for MY girls.<br />
So I pledged with a false heart. Over time I heard many other parents make<br />
this same promise, and these words began to worm their way into my psyche.<br />
Continued on page 21<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 19
Highlighting<br />
Conscious<br />
Discipline<br />
MARIDEE ARMSTRONG<br />
Early <strong>Child</strong>hood Educator<br />
Maridee Armstrong has been an Early <strong>Child</strong>hood Educator for 37<br />
years at the former Salina YWCA, Heartland Programs and currently<br />
as a Social Emotional Coach for Heartland Programs. She also<br />
teaches at Cloud County Community College. She has an Associate<br />
Degree in Early <strong>Child</strong>hood, a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary<br />
Education and an endorsement in Early <strong>Child</strong>hood Special Education<br />
from <strong>Kansas</strong> Wesleyan University. She has been incorporating<br />
Conscious Discipline in her work and her personal life since 2003.<br />
Conscious Discipline is<br />
a comprehensive, multidisciplinary, and<br />
self-regulating program that integrates<br />
social-emotional learning, school-home<br />
culture and discipline. It is based on<br />
internal resources of safety, connection<br />
and problem solving, instead of external<br />
rewards and punishment.<br />
Conscious Discipline is also based<br />
on current research that indicates that<br />
our internal state dictates our behavior.<br />
Fostering the emotional intelligence of<br />
the adult first and the child second is the<br />
premise that makes this program successful.<br />
The program is skill-based and designed<br />
to help adults to resolve conflicts and<br />
enhance brain development by creating<br />
optimal and safe learning environments.<br />
It supports self-regulation in ways that<br />
strengthen relationships instead of<br />
destroying them. It helps children build<br />
respectful relationships within themselves<br />
and others.<br />
“Stress and trauma are crossing all<br />
ethnic and economic lines with grave<br />
effect on health, learning, social-emotional<br />
development and brain development,”<br />
according to Dr. Becky Bailey in her<br />
2015 book, Conscious Discipline Building<br />
Resilient Classrooms. Conscious Discipline<br />
is designed to teach effective<br />
social-emotional skills and<br />
embed resiliency into<br />
the environment<br />
to counteract<br />
the stress and<br />
trauma that are<br />
so prevalent in<br />
our society.<br />
<strong>Child</strong> care<br />
workers,<br />
teachers and<br />
parents have a<br />
tough job. Our<br />
EYE CONTACT<br />
society has been instrumental in creating<br />
children that demand instant gratification<br />
and are disconnected because of trauma<br />
and stress in their lives. The need for new<br />
tools in our tool belt is crucial to working<br />
with children and their families. Building<br />
connections creates trust and respect<br />
with children and families. Connections<br />
have four important components:<br />
1. Being present with your child<br />
2. Eye contact with your child<br />
3. Some kind of touch<br />
4. Being playful with your child<br />
Basically, these connections are<br />
telling your child, “I notice you.”<br />
Connections stimulate the<br />
impulse control center in the<br />
brain. This helps a child be<br />
aware of their helpfulness<br />
and contribution to their<br />
family and community. The<br />
connection given to a child<br />
enhances their ability to sustain<br />
attention. Someone is noticing<br />
them and cares about them.<br />
Through connection, children<br />
become more willing partners<br />
with adults and peers. All<br />
learning progresses from<br />
that willingness.<br />
Through<br />
Conscious<br />
Discipline the<br />
adult learns<br />
new strategies<br />
to respond<br />
from their<br />
prefrontal<br />
lobe, which<br />
is the highest<br />
center of the<br />
BE PLAYFUL<br />
BE PRESENT<br />
brain, and where the best decision making<br />
occurs. When a child is having a tantrum,<br />
they are operating from the lower center of<br />
their brain, called the brain stem. The adult<br />
can begin to model a calm state for the<br />
child and thus bring them up to the higher<br />
centers of their brain where they can make<br />
better decisions.<br />
Understanding that we must first change<br />
20 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
SOME KIND OF TOUCH<br />
ourselves and model our expectations for<br />
others is a very good first step. Change<br />
doesn’t happen overnight. In her book,<br />
Easy To Love Difficult To Discipline, Dr.<br />
Bailey reminds us that, “Discipline is a<br />
lifelong journey, not a technique. Enjoy it.”<br />
I encourage you to visit the website at<br />
www.consciousdiscipline.com, where you<br />
will find many helpful resources. n<br />
Continued from page 19<br />
Ultimately they began to change me from<br />
a sympathetic bystander to an empathetic<br />
participant in life.<br />
This oath, and empathy in general,<br />
is about choice and action: will you<br />
see? If I decide to see your child’s face<br />
when I look at my own dear child, I<br />
immediately know them and can make<br />
an empathic connection I didn’t formerly<br />
value. Though circumstance may be<br />
very different for your child and mine,<br />
their essence is very similar. In knowing<br />
my own child’s fragile body, tender<br />
emotions, irrational fears, spontaneous<br />
joy, boundless spirit, I know your child,<br />
too, and he or she touches my heart.<br />
Judgment and blaming, tools that make<br />
it easy to stay in the land of sympathy,<br />
are hard to summon when evaluating the<br />
worthiness of a child.<br />
It is a small leap from seeing the shared<br />
humanity of our children to seeing how<br />
we as parents are bound together. The<br />
emotional depths and daily challenges<br />
of loving and caring for a child are so<br />
varied that there is little of the human<br />
experience that is not lived as we parent.<br />
Whether parenting through crushing<br />
disappointment or the most glowing<br />
pride, I have been there and know<br />
how that feels. Blame is slippery when<br />
discussing parenting since there are no<br />
experts in this game!<br />
Eventually, I began to see in my<br />
daughter’s face the one child that I still<br />
judged harshly -- myself. Loving my<br />
children unconditionally through their<br />
struggles and having them love me as I<br />
fumbled through parenthood allowed me<br />
to forgive my own shortcomings.<br />
Alas, we all were children, so this net of<br />
empathy can be cast wide! Rather than<br />
finding my life paralyzed with sharing the<br />
sorrows of others, I found truly standing<br />
with others involves participating in<br />
more joy than sadness. Nothing in<br />
the definition of empathy restricts our<br />
being there for each other only during<br />
hard times. If we can lay aside the fear<br />
that feeds the distance of sympathy<br />
we can also lay aside the jealousy and<br />
competitiveness that prevents us from<br />
sharing in the good.<br />
Now, I embrace a life of empathy. By<br />
seeing the whole world in my daughters’<br />
faces, my heart has known and imagined<br />
harrowing sorrow but also known more<br />
joy than I ever thought possible. n<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> 21
BIGR<br />
THE<br />
Alice Eberhart-Wright, <strong>Child</strong> and Family Specialist<br />
I call it the Big R – RELATIONSHIPS. I don’t<br />
have to go running to the library for books to review<br />
today because my collection of children’s books is<br />
full of stories of relationships.<br />
How do we help children<br />
become compassionate, caring<br />
adults? Through stories – told,<br />
listened to, and read. Here are<br />
some of my new favorites.<br />
The Pillow Fairy was<br />
written by Marcia G. Riley<br />
and illustrated by Joni E. Patterson, two Kansans.<br />
It’s a delightful story about a 3-year-old who would<br />
not sleep in his own bed. His mother helped him<br />
do that by making up a story about the pillow fairy,<br />
who left a little gift under the pillow of a child who<br />
was able to stay in his own bed all night. Obviously,<br />
this author knows how hard that feat can be for<br />
some young children and how the adults caring for<br />
them have to know how to turn on the magic to<br />
help children take a developmental step that seems<br />
gigantic.<br />
I Love You, Little Monkey, by Alan Durant and<br />
illustrated by Katharine McEwen, is written as much<br />
for adults as for children. It’s all about adults needing<br />
to get everyday tasks done while the children just<br />
want someone to play with them. When an adult<br />
is busy with some necessary chore, the child will<br />
amuse him or herself by doing something that<br />
either undoes what the adult has accomplished or<br />
creates a new, time-consuming job. <strong>Child</strong>ren seem to<br />
particularly enjoy an activity that invariably breaks<br />
something or makes a mess. Sometimes this is very<br />
hard, but we have to teach them to be sorry while<br />
helping them understand that we love them, but<br />
sometimes not their choices. In this delightful book<br />
the little monkey throw all the figs Big Monkey has<br />
gathered for dinner, jumps on the bed Big Monkey<br />
has carefully made, and climbs and lands on Big<br />
Monkey when he’s trying to take a nap. Then, by<br />
some miracle, Big Monkey talks to<br />
Little Monkey and he apologizes. Big<br />
Monkey forgives and plays with him.<br />
One more important thing, Big Monkey<br />
apologizes for yelling at Little Monkey.<br />
What a monumental task for parents<br />
and teachers! Use discipline to teach<br />
rather than punish. And, notice that<br />
Big Monkey is a he, not a she. We have<br />
moved beyond thinking that it’s only<br />
mothers who do household chores.<br />
Billy Tibbles Moves Out! is another<br />
story about relationship challenges<br />
that routinely occur in the course of<br />
development. Billy Tibbles is a darling little<br />
boy cat that is supposed to welcome his<br />
little brother, Eric, into his personal space.<br />
He doesn’t want to, and storms around the<br />
house insisting this will not happen. He<br />
will show his parent. He would rather sleep<br />
in the bathtub or move out to the shed. He<br />
protests sharing bedtime stories with both<br />
Eric and little sister, Twinkle. Then the 3<br />
little kittens find they can find some fun in<br />
the midst of all their fighting and anger. They<br />
can be wild and noisy, cling together<br />
when there are scary things, and<br />
begin to create havoc for parents.<br />
Dad is not sure he wants to share<br />
all this noise and commotion in<br />
his haven of a home, but the kids<br />
remind him that he has to share,<br />
too. Time, space, different needs –<br />
all are part of being a family.<br />
What about the babies? The Big<br />
R is all about relationships. Any<br />
board book, a lap, and time to<br />
encourage and develop babies’<br />
skills to learn words, turn pages,<br />
and begin real communication is<br />
all that is required. Find the time<br />
to do it, frequently. n<br />
22 <strong>Kansas</strong> <strong>Child</strong> A Publication of <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware ® of <strong>Kansas</strong>
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There are so many<br />
reasons to celebrate...<br />
Make a gift this spring to <strong>Child</strong> Care Aware® of <strong>Kansas</strong><br />
to honor those who help nurture and grow bright<br />
futures for <strong>Kansas</strong> children.<br />
Welcome<br />
<strong>Spring</strong>!Week of the Young <strong>Child</strong> TM<br />
April 16th-20th<br />
For your convenience,<br />
you may make a donation<br />
by check at the address<br />
below, or electronically<br />
through our website or<br />
Facebook page.<br />
<strong>Child</strong> Care Provider<br />
Appreciation Day<br />
Mother’s Day<br />
May 13th<br />
May 11th<br />
PO Box 2294<br />
Salina, KS 67402-2294<br />
855-750-3343<br />
www.ks.childcareaware.org