CCChat-Magazine_9-The-Freedom-Flowers-Edition

FREEDOM'S FLOWERS
by Pat Craven
I wrote the Freedom Programme in 1998 after
working in Probation Service Perpetrator
Programmes.
Since then, I have heard hundreds of firsthand
accounts from women who have escaped from
abusive relationships because they have attended
the Freedom Programme or read my books ‘Living
with the Dominator’ and the ‘Freedom
Programme Home Study Course’. Others have
escaped because they joined the Freedom
Programme Forum which is an online community
for women who need information and support to
deal with abusive partners.
The complete Freedom Programme is now
available online in a variety of languages. Women,
girls, men and boys have now sent me their
harrowing accounts stories of childhood abuse
and violence. I have included them in this book.
Women have chosen to be identified by the name
of a flower. I have also trained thousands of
‘professionals’ to facilitate the Freedom
Programme and the majority of these trainees
have also been survivors. They have also told me
that, until they did my sessions on the ‘Effects of
Abuse on Children’ in the programme, they had
blamed themselves for failing to protect their
children.
After completing this session, many said they
“finally realised” that the blame lies with the
Dominator and not with them.
When we do become aware of how our children
have been affected by the Dominator, we often say
“I wish I had left sooner” and we blame ourselves.
However, the only acceptable and responsible
reply is: “You left when you could. If you could
have left sooner you would have done so!” I also
clearly recall my own delusional and confused
thinking from the days before I wrote the
Freedom Programme.
I colluded with abusers in my role as a Probation
Officer and put countless women in danger,
because I had no understanding of how abusive
men think and function. Since 1998, I have
radically changed my views, and have reached
some very different conclusions. For example,
there is no such being as an ‘abused woman’.
We are not a breed apart and we do not live in a
bubble. We are not in abusive relationships
because we are stupid, evil, alcoholic, poor, ill
educated, mentally ill, unemployed or drug users.
We are from every social, professional and
economic group. We do not know that we are
being abused. Therefore, we do not know that our
children are being abused. We do not make the
connection between their behaviour and the man
in our life. Why should we? No one else does.
Many professionals involved in the child
protection industry do not have this information
either. Many blame women for deliberately
colluding with abusers.
2018 is the Year For Making The Invisible Visible