Issue 2018
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www.theasianindependent.co.uk<br />
By – Farzana Suri,<br />
Victory Coach<br />
mail@farzanasuri.com<br />
www.farzanasuri.com<br />
“No!” she screeched. “You<br />
need to cut the sandwiches<br />
diagonally not horizontally.”<br />
She continued.<br />
The man, “How does it matter?”<br />
The woman looked at him<br />
and spoke between clenched<br />
teeth, “It does, to me.” He<br />
rolled his eyes and sighed. She<br />
went taut, ready to retort then<br />
sat down and went into some<br />
strange ritual of breathing. He<br />
looked at her, acquiescent as<br />
she blew her last breath and<br />
then, miraculously smiled at<br />
him. “It’s okay, I’m fine. Cut it<br />
whichever way you want, it<br />
doesn’t matter.”<br />
The subject of eloquence<br />
was – sandwiches. The woman<br />
wanted them cut her way – the<br />
perfect way.<br />
You may have experienced a<br />
situation similar to this, at some<br />
point. This need – to do it<br />
‘right’. So, what is right? Is the<br />
output more important than the<br />
process? Diagonal or horizontal?<br />
Would the sandwich taste<br />
different?<br />
Striving for excellence is<br />
great. The pursuit leads to the<br />
discovery of capabilities that<br />
may surprise you. However,<br />
when the craving for excellence<br />
deprives you of the ability<br />
to appreciate your own<br />
labour and accomplishments,<br />
the scales are tilting, precariously.<br />
Making you fall prey<br />
into the clutches of the ‘P’ word<br />
– Perfection. The definition of<br />
Perfectionism is, ‘straining<br />
compulsively and unceasingly<br />
towards unobtainable goals and<br />
measuring their self-worth by<br />
productivity and accomplishment’.<br />
“Being harsh on yourself”,<br />
says my Aunt D “is what perfection<br />
is all about.” Perfection<br />
is the unreal halo of expectation<br />
you place upon your head. And,<br />
which in a flash, can transform<br />
into that tightening noose<br />
around you. Perfection is a<br />
double-edged sword. Which<br />
side of that sword are you<br />
sharpening? If it’s getting in<br />
your way of your life then it’s<br />
becoming a malady.<br />
How do you know whether<br />
you are suffering from the<br />
Perfection Malady?<br />
Ruthless focus on detail –<br />
when the need to nit-pick and<br />
worry about each painstaking<br />
detail is high and causing discomfort<br />
to you and those<br />
around you i.e the comma or<br />
the tilt of the photo frame.<br />
The need to ‘be better’ –<br />
when you are wracked with the<br />
need to be flawless or feel ‘I’m<br />
not enough’.<br />
Fear of rejection – when<br />
the pressure to please people in<br />
early childhood has cemented<br />
itself in other areas of your life.<br />
The constant need to keep<br />
pushing the bar higher for<br />
approval.<br />
Avoidance – when you are<br />
caught between, ‘if I don’t win<br />
UNITED KINGDOM<br />
The Perfection Malady<br />
then I don’t want to do it’ and<br />
tend to skirt issues because you<br />
would like to do it your way.<br />
The guilt of being or doing<br />
‘less’ is tantamount to failure to<br />
you. The innate urgency to ‘fix’<br />
things You feel only ‘you can<br />
do it best’. Your impatience<br />
gets you taking on the work<br />
done by others. Leaving you<br />
with constant anxiety, frustration<br />
or and worry about how<br />
things ought to be or get done.<br />
If more than 3 of the above<br />
points resonated with you, then<br />
read on. Remember, seeking<br />
excellence is important for success<br />
however obsessing about<br />
it, gets you infected with the<br />
Perfection Malady.<br />
I have been a seeker of perfection<br />
throughout most of my<br />
life. Making life harder for<br />
myself in the pursuit of the high<br />
standards I uphold. Each time,<br />
the Perfection Malady stalked<br />
me; I invited stress into my<br />
world. My success seemed like<br />
a long path wrought with the<br />
pain I afflicted on myself due to<br />
my self-judgments. I found<br />
myself caught in the web of my<br />
UK govt defends decision to refuse right to live,<br />
work in Britain for Indian professionals<br />
London : The UK government<br />
has defended its controversial<br />
decision to deny residency<br />
rights to hundreds of highly<br />
skilled professionals, including<br />
Indians, who made legally<br />
acceptable amendments to their<br />
tax records, claiming the applicants<br />
caught up in the visa row<br />
are guilty of misconduct.<br />
Following a long-drawn campaign<br />
by the Highly Skilled<br />
Migrants Group, the UK Home<br />
Office had opened a review into<br />
Tier 1 (General) visa cases<br />
involving teachers, doctors,<br />
lawyers and engineers from<br />
countries like India, Pakistan<br />
and Bangladesh being refused<br />
indefinite leave to remain (ILR)<br />
under a national security clause<br />
At the conclusion of the first<br />
phase of the review, UK minister<br />
for immigration Caroline Nokes<br />
reported in a letter to the House<br />
of Commons' influential Home<br />
Affairs Select Committee<br />
(HASC) that her department's<br />
decision to refuse applications<br />
under Paragraph 322(5) of the<br />
UK's immigration rules due to a<br />
discrepancy in reported earnings<br />
had been "correct". The letter,<br />
however, also acknowledged<br />
that the review had thrown up<br />
38 cases of Home Office<br />
refusals being overturned and<br />
allowed on appeal "Although<br />
the earnings issues were considered<br />
on appeal, the majority<br />
were overturned solely on<br />
human rights grounds rather<br />
than because of decision-making<br />
errors relating to earnings,"<br />
Nokes said. The Highly Skilled<br />
Migrants Group expressed<br />
shock at the minister's attempt<br />
to downplay this figure, where<br />
applicants won their appeals in<br />
at least 38 instances - a figure<br />
expected to go up once the<br />
review into the remaining 1,671<br />
cases is completed in the next<br />
few weeks "It just proves our<br />
point about Paragraph 322(5)<br />
being used disproportionately,"<br />
said Aditi Bhardwaj, coordinator<br />
of the group, which has been<br />
lobbying ministers through<br />
major protests outside the UK<br />
Parliament since early this year.<br />
"The very fact that these<br />
appeals are being allowed on<br />
human rights grounds should<br />
hopefully prevent the future<br />
disproportionate use of this<br />
clause and prevent applicants<br />
having to challenge Home<br />
Office decisions in court,"<br />
Bhardwaj said.<br />
"It does show they (Home<br />
Office) were making mistakes.<br />
This should tell them that at the<br />
very least not to refuse people<br />
where there are serious human<br />
rights grounds, such as family<br />
ties in the UK and young children<br />
involved," Bhardwaj said.<br />
Nokes confirms in her letter to<br />
HASC that the outstanding Tier 1<br />
(General) visa decisions remain<br />
on hold pending the outcome of<br />
the review, holding out hope for<br />
the protesters that Paragraph<br />
322(5) may be used in a "fairer"<br />
manner in future Home Office<br />
decisions for these applicants.<br />
obsession to find fault in everything<br />
and everyone, until one<br />
day I realised how it affected<br />
my health and my relationships.<br />
Was it worth it? No, not at<br />
all. I learnt to cope with this<br />
monster called perfectionism, a<br />
long time ago and I’m still coping.<br />
I daresay, I haven’t got<br />
over it, but yes, I’m aware<br />
when it snakes its head up to<br />
take over control and I know,<br />
it’s time to quash it. I’m sharing<br />
what I’ve learnt in the hope that<br />
you find something useful to<br />
live a life of ease.<br />
Here are a few ways to<br />
handle perfectionism:<br />
Awareness – this is the first<br />
step. Have you set standards for<br />
yourself? Are they unrealistic?<br />
Is your confident dependent on<br />
your success? To find a solution<br />
you need to know that<br />
there IS a problem to be<br />
resolved.<br />
Perspective – Take a reality<br />
check. Look at the bigger picture.<br />
Will the need for perfection<br />
have an impact on the outcome?<br />
You’ll know how to<br />
answer this.<br />
Fair Assessment – If you’re<br />
obsessing over, ‘it is not up to<br />
the mark’ then perhaps you<br />
need to step back and ask yourself<br />
what is the need of the hour<br />
and, then what is your benchmark?<br />
Acknowledge your<br />
effort. You did your best.<br />
Progress is key – At times,<br />
you may give in to the need to<br />
do it ‘right’ than give it on time.<br />
What good is a perfect proposal<br />
compared to submitting it<br />
past the deadline? Being on<br />
time pips perfection, anytime.<br />
Failure is okay – Don’t beat<br />
yourself over your mistakes. It<br />
is okay to fail. Success is all<br />
about failing. It is the ladder to<br />
growth. Learn from it and be<br />
kind, to yourself and others.<br />
Flexibility – There is always<br />
another way to do it. There is<br />
July <strong>2018</strong><br />
3<br />
always help to get it done. Try<br />
doing things, differently. Let go<br />
of the need to be rigid.<br />
Acceptance – People are<br />
doing the best they can. Don’t<br />
dump your high standards on<br />
them and expect them to perform<br />
like you.<br />
Learn from nature – Is<br />
there anything perfect? The<br />
trees are misaligned, the river is<br />
not constant and take a look at<br />
your body, even that is a tad<br />
asymmetrical.<br />
Choose joy – Choose to<br />
enjoy the journey. You’ll find<br />
yourself in a better space.<br />
Focus on what you have<br />
accomplished than what you<br />
haven’t done or done ‘correctly’.<br />
Choose gratitude over anxiety,<br />
guilt and depression.<br />
These emotions are a waste of<br />
your precious time on earth.<br />
One of the things, I do often<br />
is ask myself this question:<br />
Is what I’m doing taking<br />
me ahead or pulling me<br />
back?<br />
This is my cue to shift my<br />
gear from the perfection of<br />
unrealistic expectations to<br />
achieving real results. That’s it.<br />
Perfection is about control over<br />
things beyond you. Surrender<br />
and self-forgive so you can<br />
wrest control of your life and<br />
enjoy the journey instead of<br />
being fixated on the destination.<br />
It’s time to bring the<br />
magic into your life, right now!<br />
None of us are perfect, and that<br />
is perfectly fine.