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www.theasianindependent.co.uk<br />

By – Farzana Suri,<br />

Victory Coach<br />

mail@farzanasuri.com<br />

www.farzanasuri.com<br />

“No!” she screeched. “You<br />

need to cut the sandwiches<br />

diagonally not horizontally.”<br />

She continued.<br />

The man, “How does it matter?”<br />

The woman looked at him<br />

and spoke between clenched<br />

teeth, “It does, to me.” He<br />

rolled his eyes and sighed. She<br />

went taut, ready to retort then<br />

sat down and went into some<br />

strange ritual of breathing. He<br />

looked at her, acquiescent as<br />

she blew her last breath and<br />

then, miraculously smiled at<br />

him. “It’s okay, I’m fine. Cut it<br />

whichever way you want, it<br />

doesn’t matter.”<br />

The subject of eloquence<br />

was – sandwiches. The woman<br />

wanted them cut her way – the<br />

perfect way.<br />

You may have experienced a<br />

situation similar to this, at some<br />

point. This need – to do it<br />

‘right’. So, what is right? Is the<br />

output more important than the<br />

process? Diagonal or horizontal?<br />

Would the sandwich taste<br />

different?<br />

Striving for excellence is<br />

great. The pursuit leads to the<br />

discovery of capabilities that<br />

may surprise you. However,<br />

when the craving for excellence<br />

deprives you of the ability<br />

to appreciate your own<br />

labour and accomplishments,<br />

the scales are tilting, precariously.<br />

Making you fall prey<br />

into the clutches of the ‘P’ word<br />

– Perfection. The definition of<br />

Perfectionism is, ‘straining<br />

compulsively and unceasingly<br />

towards unobtainable goals and<br />

measuring their self-worth by<br />

productivity and accomplishment’.<br />

“Being harsh on yourself”,<br />

says my Aunt D “is what perfection<br />

is all about.” Perfection<br />

is the unreal halo of expectation<br />

you place upon your head. And,<br />

which in a flash, can transform<br />

into that tightening noose<br />

around you. Perfection is a<br />

double-edged sword. Which<br />

side of that sword are you<br />

sharpening? If it’s getting in<br />

your way of your life then it’s<br />

becoming a malady.<br />

How do you know whether<br />

you are suffering from the<br />

Perfection Malady?<br />

Ruthless focus on detail –<br />

when the need to nit-pick and<br />

worry about each painstaking<br />

detail is high and causing discomfort<br />

to you and those<br />

around you i.e the comma or<br />

the tilt of the photo frame.<br />

The need to ‘be better’ –<br />

when you are wracked with the<br />

need to be flawless or feel ‘I’m<br />

not enough’.<br />

Fear of rejection – when<br />

the pressure to please people in<br />

early childhood has cemented<br />

itself in other areas of your life.<br />

The constant need to keep<br />

pushing the bar higher for<br />

approval.<br />

Avoidance – when you are<br />

caught between, ‘if I don’t win<br />

UNITED KINGDOM<br />

The Perfection Malady<br />

then I don’t want to do it’ and<br />

tend to skirt issues because you<br />

would like to do it your way.<br />

The guilt of being or doing<br />

‘less’ is tantamount to failure to<br />

you. The innate urgency to ‘fix’<br />

things You feel only ‘you can<br />

do it best’. Your impatience<br />

gets you taking on the work<br />

done by others. Leaving you<br />

with constant anxiety, frustration<br />

or and worry about how<br />

things ought to be or get done.<br />

If more than 3 of the above<br />

points resonated with you, then<br />

read on. Remember, seeking<br />

excellence is important for success<br />

however obsessing about<br />

it, gets you infected with the<br />

Perfection Malady.<br />

I have been a seeker of perfection<br />

throughout most of my<br />

life. Making life harder for<br />

myself in the pursuit of the high<br />

standards I uphold. Each time,<br />

the Perfection Malady stalked<br />

me; I invited stress into my<br />

world. My success seemed like<br />

a long path wrought with the<br />

pain I afflicted on myself due to<br />

my self-judgments. I found<br />

myself caught in the web of my<br />

UK govt defends decision to refuse right to live,<br />

work in Britain for Indian professionals<br />

London : The UK government<br />

has defended its controversial<br />

decision to deny residency<br />

rights to hundreds of highly<br />

skilled professionals, including<br />

Indians, who made legally<br />

acceptable amendments to their<br />

tax records, claiming the applicants<br />

caught up in the visa row<br />

are guilty of misconduct.<br />

Following a long-drawn campaign<br />

by the Highly Skilled<br />

Migrants Group, the UK Home<br />

Office had opened a review into<br />

Tier 1 (General) visa cases<br />

involving teachers, doctors,<br />

lawyers and engineers from<br />

countries like India, Pakistan<br />

and Bangladesh being refused<br />

indefinite leave to remain (ILR)<br />

under a national security clause<br />

At the conclusion of the first<br />

phase of the review, UK minister<br />

for immigration Caroline Nokes<br />

reported in a letter to the House<br />

of Commons' influential Home<br />

Affairs Select Committee<br />

(HASC) that her department's<br />

decision to refuse applications<br />

under Paragraph 322(5) of the<br />

UK's immigration rules due to a<br />

discrepancy in reported earnings<br />

had been "correct". The letter,<br />

however, also acknowledged<br />

that the review had thrown up<br />

38 cases of Home Office<br />

refusals being overturned and<br />

allowed on appeal "Although<br />

the earnings issues were considered<br />

on appeal, the majority<br />

were overturned solely on<br />

human rights grounds rather<br />

than because of decision-making<br />

errors relating to earnings,"<br />

Nokes said. The Highly Skilled<br />

Migrants Group expressed<br />

shock at the minister's attempt<br />

to downplay this figure, where<br />

applicants won their appeals in<br />

at least 38 instances - a figure<br />

expected to go up once the<br />

review into the remaining 1,671<br />

cases is completed in the next<br />

few weeks "It just proves our<br />

point about Paragraph 322(5)<br />

being used disproportionately,"<br />

said Aditi Bhardwaj, coordinator<br />

of the group, which has been<br />

lobbying ministers through<br />

major protests outside the UK<br />

Parliament since early this year.<br />

"The very fact that these<br />

appeals are being allowed on<br />

human rights grounds should<br />

hopefully prevent the future<br />

disproportionate use of this<br />

clause and prevent applicants<br />

having to challenge Home<br />

Office decisions in court,"<br />

Bhardwaj said.<br />

"It does show they (Home<br />

Office) were making mistakes.<br />

This should tell them that at the<br />

very least not to refuse people<br />

where there are serious human<br />

rights grounds, such as family<br />

ties in the UK and young children<br />

involved," Bhardwaj said.<br />

Nokes confirms in her letter to<br />

HASC that the outstanding Tier 1<br />

(General) visa decisions remain<br />

on hold pending the outcome of<br />

the review, holding out hope for<br />

the protesters that Paragraph<br />

322(5) may be used in a "fairer"<br />

manner in future Home Office<br />

decisions for these applicants.<br />

obsession to find fault in everything<br />

and everyone, until one<br />

day I realised how it affected<br />

my health and my relationships.<br />

Was it worth it? No, not at<br />

all. I learnt to cope with this<br />

monster called perfectionism, a<br />

long time ago and I’m still coping.<br />

I daresay, I haven’t got<br />

over it, but yes, I’m aware<br />

when it snakes its head up to<br />

take over control and I know,<br />

it’s time to quash it. I’m sharing<br />

what I’ve learnt in the hope that<br />

you find something useful to<br />

live a life of ease.<br />

Here are a few ways to<br />

handle perfectionism:<br />

Awareness – this is the first<br />

step. Have you set standards for<br />

yourself? Are they unrealistic?<br />

Is your confident dependent on<br />

your success? To find a solution<br />

you need to know that<br />

there IS a problem to be<br />

resolved.<br />

Perspective – Take a reality<br />

check. Look at the bigger picture.<br />

Will the need for perfection<br />

have an impact on the outcome?<br />

You’ll know how to<br />

answer this.<br />

Fair Assessment – If you’re<br />

obsessing over, ‘it is not up to<br />

the mark’ then perhaps you<br />

need to step back and ask yourself<br />

what is the need of the hour<br />

and, then what is your benchmark?<br />

Acknowledge your<br />

effort. You did your best.<br />

Progress is key – At times,<br />

you may give in to the need to<br />

do it ‘right’ than give it on time.<br />

What good is a perfect proposal<br />

compared to submitting it<br />

past the deadline? Being on<br />

time pips perfection, anytime.<br />

Failure is okay – Don’t beat<br />

yourself over your mistakes. It<br />

is okay to fail. Success is all<br />

about failing. It is the ladder to<br />

growth. Learn from it and be<br />

kind, to yourself and others.<br />

Flexibility – There is always<br />

another way to do it. There is<br />

July <strong>2018</strong><br />

3<br />

always help to get it done. Try<br />

doing things, differently. Let go<br />

of the need to be rigid.<br />

Acceptance – People are<br />

doing the best they can. Don’t<br />

dump your high standards on<br />

them and expect them to perform<br />

like you.<br />

Learn from nature – Is<br />

there anything perfect? The<br />

trees are misaligned, the river is<br />

not constant and take a look at<br />

your body, even that is a tad<br />

asymmetrical.<br />

Choose joy – Choose to<br />

enjoy the journey. You’ll find<br />

yourself in a better space.<br />

Focus on what you have<br />

accomplished than what you<br />

haven’t done or done ‘correctly’.<br />

Choose gratitude over anxiety,<br />

guilt and depression.<br />

These emotions are a waste of<br />

your precious time on earth.<br />

One of the things, I do often<br />

is ask myself this question:<br />

Is what I’m doing taking<br />

me ahead or pulling me<br />

back?<br />

This is my cue to shift my<br />

gear from the perfection of<br />

unrealistic expectations to<br />

achieving real results. That’s it.<br />

Perfection is about control over<br />

things beyond you. Surrender<br />

and self-forgive so you can<br />

wrest control of your life and<br />

enjoy the journey instead of<br />

being fixated on the destination.<br />

It’s time to bring the<br />

magic into your life, right now!<br />

None of us are perfect, and that<br />

is perfectly fine.

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