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34—SATURDAY Vanguard, MARCH 23, 2019<br />

A<br />

very gruesome murder caught<br />

my attention recently. One<br />

agbaya (a good for nothing person)<br />

butchered his 99-year-old aunt.<br />

According to the report, the nephew<br />

is a gambler. He had “permed” some<br />

numbers and was sure of winning a<br />

betting game, but his dream did not<br />

come true. Mind you, hundreds of<br />

thousands, if not millions of people,<br />

played the same game, so his<br />

probability of winning was about<br />

0.0000001! Yet, he blamed the<br />

aunt for bewitching him and making<br />

it impossible for him to win! He also<br />

accused the aunt of being<br />

responsible for his impoverished<br />

life. He not only killed, but beheaded<br />

the old woman.<br />

Sad as the tale is, it is<br />

commonplace in Africa.<br />

Underachieving children hold their<br />

aged parents responsible for their<br />

lack of success. In some situations,<br />

they kill their parents. Nephews and<br />

nieces blame their uncles and aunts<br />

for their lack of breakthrough in life.<br />

If these aunts and uncles do not have<br />

their own children, they are in big<br />

trouble. They get bullied or/and<br />

killed like the case above.<br />

Old age has become a huge burden.<br />

Ironically, nobody wants to die<br />

young, we all want to die at a ripe<br />

old age. Some people, in fact, want<br />

to inherit the earth. So, we are all<br />

potential “suspects” in future unless<br />

our children, nephews and nieces<br />

become “successful.” Nature has not<br />

helped matters. As many people<br />

age, they wrinkle, shrink and begin<br />

to grow “ugly.” All of a sudden the<br />

dashing young man or ravishing<br />

beauty of yesterday becomes a bag<br />

of bones and cuts the image of that<br />

old, wicked witch or wizard in those<br />

horror movies. But it is a phase in<br />

life.<br />

I am troubled by a few<br />

misconceptions and I want to share<br />

them with these people who see<br />

elderly parents, uncles, aunts and<br />

other relatives as witches and<br />

wizards that hinder their progress.<br />

Let us start with the life of our<br />

subject matter above. He wants to<br />

be rich by gambling. Go through the<br />

list of rich people globally and how<br />

they made their money. I am yet, to<br />

Burden of old age;agony of ignorance<br />

see anyone whose source of<br />

wealth is gambling. People do not<br />

gamble their way to stupendous<br />

wealth and remain wealthy. Most<br />

wealthy people became rich<br />

through systems and processes<br />

that create, sustain and protect<br />

their wealth. Google lottery<br />

winners, who went home with<br />

millions of dollars; most of them<br />

have blown their entire winnings.<br />

Only a very negligible number<br />

are still around and doing well.<br />

Betting is not a career or source<br />

of livelihood. So why blame<br />

anybody for your financial<br />

predicament when you are not<br />

engaged in any meaningful<br />

economic activity?<br />

I know quite a handful of people<br />

who blame older relatives for all<br />

their predicaments in life and I<br />

am going to categorise them<br />

presently. Some of them are like<br />

the servant in the Bible who dug<br />

his talent in the ground. They do<br />

not do anything; they do not<br />

know they can do anything. All<br />

they do is the blame game;<br />

lamentation is their hobby.<br />

There is another set. They are<br />

engaged in economic activities,<br />

but they will not commit to it<br />

properly. Some are not reliable<br />

and have lost many clients in the<br />

process. I know a tailor, a genius<br />

for that matter, who can<br />

disappear with your dress for six<br />

months. If the dress is meant for<br />

an occasion, what happens? I<br />

know another genius, the best<br />

electrical person that has worked<br />

for me, but he is irredeemably<br />

fraudulent. I could not just put<br />

up with him and we had to part<br />

ways. The last time I saw him,<br />

he was not looking good. In<br />

spite of the prodigious talents,<br />

he cannot retain clients. How<br />

can a business survive without<br />

retaining clients? Tomorrow,<br />

he will blame some old people<br />

in the village for his financial<br />

misfortune.<br />

And yet there is another<br />

group; they are immensely<br />

People<br />

who are so<br />

fixated on<br />

witches and<br />

wizards, do<br />

not make<br />

progress in<br />

life<br />

talented and good at their jobs,<br />

but price themselves<br />

miserably cheap. I used to<br />

know this mechanic; he was<br />

very good. He could spend a<br />

whole day fixing a car. When he<br />

is done, you ask him,”how<br />

much is your bill?””Oga, give anything<br />

when you get.” Then if you insisted that<br />

he named his price, he would call one<br />

ridiculous amount for a whole day’s work!<br />

At a point, we thought he was making<br />

money from the spare parts he sourced.<br />

Even when we bought the parts or when<br />

no parts were replaced, he still charged<br />

ridiculously low. So how does he meet up<br />

with his financial obligations? In no time,<br />

such a person will feel that he is hard<br />

working, but does not see the fruits of his<br />

labour. Witches and wizards must be after<br />

him!<br />

Finally, we have those who are very good<br />

at what they do, charge premium for their<br />

services or products, but do not seem to<br />

know where all the money goes. When I<br />

was young, I knew somebody who made<br />

about N1,000 monthly. Mind you, a brand<br />

new Mercedes Benz 200 was N13,000<br />

then, so you do the arithmetic. He was<br />

always broke before the middle of the<br />

month. It was a mystery and he decided<br />

to consult a native doctor. Trust native<br />

doctors, he told him that before his<br />

N1,000 salary is handed over to him in an<br />

envelope at the end of every month,<br />

diabolical family members would have<br />

opened the envelope and spent the<br />

money! Looking back now, the man had<br />

two problems: he did not know how to say<br />

no to friends and family members who<br />

asked for assistance. Secondly, he loved<br />

life and lived it to the full. He was an<br />

unrestrained unrestrained and nobody<br />

can build a fortune with unbridled<br />

spending.<br />

Now the conclusion of the matter; most<br />

of the people I know, who blame parents,<br />

aunts and uncles for their lack of progress<br />

in life, are Christians. They serve an allpowerful<br />

and all-knowing God, who is<br />

above all principalities and powers. Yet<br />

witches and wizards are holding them<br />

down? Something is wrong somewhere.<br />

Witches and wizards might be there, but<br />

look within yourself; there lies the solution<br />

to your problems: take a second look at<br />

your means for earning a living (that is, if<br />

you have one), how you manage your<br />

resources and your relationship with your<br />

God. One more thing, people who are so<br />

fixated on witches and wizards, do not<br />

make progress in life. They either live in a<br />

permanent state of anxiety or look for<br />

excuses instead of facing life’s challenges<br />

squarely. Cling to your God and face life<br />

squarely.<br />

C<br />

M<br />

Y<br />

K<br />

2023 and our grammar-blowing<br />

politicians<br />

In the days when the leg<br />

endary Lamidi Adedibu<br />

reigned over Oyo state with<br />

his Amala politics, his cunning<br />

as well as the culinary skills of<br />

those in his massive kitchen were<br />

the main sources of his political<br />

power.<br />

His reach- which stretched as<br />

far as Abuja and even beyond<br />

the shores of Nigeria- was reinforced<br />

not by his ability to speak<br />

grammar but his genius at networking<br />

and bringing people together.<br />

It is fabled that one of the candidates<br />

for the governorship in<br />

his home Oyo state whom the<br />

kingpin favoured had been<br />

mocked by political opponents<br />

and their sympathisers for the<br />

latter’s poor grasp of the English<br />

language. The poor fellow had<br />

approached Adedibu for inspiration,<br />

and the story goes that the<br />

kingpin had in comforting him,<br />

brought out two currency notes<br />

from his pocket in full view of<br />

other visitors.<br />

Charging the candidate to ignore<br />

(his) detractors, he held up<br />

the 1000 and 200 naira notes and<br />

asked the latter to name the notes,<br />

which he duly did. “How then<br />

can they say you do not understand<br />

English?” he was said to<br />

have asked rhetorically.<br />

Another insider gist was of the<br />

so called Oracle of Molete promising<br />

the now embattled Rasheed<br />

Ladoja the governorship of Oyo<br />

state in 2003 with the conveyed<br />

intention of unseating the incumbent,<br />

Lam Adesina, who incidentally<br />

also had strong ties to<br />

the old man. On a visit to the<br />

Molete compound of Adedibu<br />

where legend has it that at least<br />

a hundred people were fed daily<br />

in the precursor to ‘stomach infrastructure’,<br />

Ladoja had seen his<br />

arch rival Lam Adesina in a strategic<br />

position in the Molete complex,<br />

devouring a bowl of hot<br />

amala and gbegiri for which the<br />

venue was famous and appearing<br />

totally relaxed and at home.<br />

In protest, Ladoja was said to<br />

have drawn the attention of<br />

Adedibu to the scene while registering<br />

his displeasure. In the<br />

conversation that ensued, the<br />

former governor was said to have<br />

asked in the native Ibadan dialect:<br />

“You said I would be governor;<br />

is that not Adesina eating<br />

amala in your compound?”<br />

Adedibu was said to have replied<br />

him in the words now written on<br />

marble:” Lam is eating amala<br />

and that is all he will eat. You<br />

will be the one to ‘eat’ the governorship”-<br />

playing on the word<br />

“eat”, which connotes a dual<br />

meaning of both mastication and<br />

ascendancy. Things turned out<br />

exactly as the godfather had predicted.<br />

A fortnight or so before the 2019<br />

presidential polls, female presidential<br />

candidate Oby<br />

Ezekwesili shocked her followers<br />

when she dropped her candidature<br />

of the Allied Congress<br />

Party of Nigeria to do what some<br />

pundits had predicted she was<br />

planning to do all along. The<br />

pundits laugh last, freely casting<br />

aspersions on her integrity and<br />

claiming she led them astray. The<br />

truth is, this is what politicians<br />

do everywhere in the world and<br />

the problem with our crop of new<br />

age presidential candidates is not<br />

that they do not know what is<br />

wrong with Nigeria or even that<br />

they cannot fix it, but that they<br />

do not understand politics<br />

enough. It is like a man who<br />

wants to go to London by foot and<br />

thinks he will get there before the<br />

man going by air. You cannot<br />

reach a destination without a<br />

vehicle and leave it or take it,<br />

politics is the only vehicle by<br />

which the destination of political<br />

office can be reached creditably,<br />

and technocracy or elitism cannot<br />

make up for that.<br />

The reason Adedibu was a better<br />

politician in his era than the<br />

grammar speaking lot is that he<br />

understood the value of local influence.<br />

This influence is believed<br />

to have been acquired by the<br />

daily provision of steaming amala<br />

and gbegiri/ewedu to all who<br />

thronged in. Some swear that he<br />

fed the stuff to hundreds of devotees<br />

daily.<br />

But while stomach infrastructure<br />

has its own value- and it is<br />

remarkable within certain economic<br />

climates- it takes a combination<br />

of psychology and networking<br />

skills to be able to wield<br />

the level of influence that he did,<br />

even on far more educated folks.<br />

As the political class once more<br />

has influenced us with a view to<br />

electing them into various positions<br />

this 2019, it is only to be<br />

expected that every tactic imaginable<br />

under the sun has been<br />

deployed. Unfortunately, politicking<br />

is no more as fun-filled as it<br />

once had been.<br />

The new age politicians are a<br />

tad too serious, though human<br />

rights activist and lawyer Femi<br />

Falana recently called into question<br />

the very continuity of their<br />

existence, referring to the expansion<br />

of the democratic space as<br />

exploitation by people of ill-motivated<br />

agenda who set up all<br />

kinds of political associations and<br />

proceeded to register them as political<br />

parties.<br />

Their dismal performances<br />

while expected, might more accurately<br />

be a reflection of their<br />

weakness as the constituted opposition<br />

to the ruling APC and<br />

their very raison d’etre might<br />

well have been for the devastation<br />

and fractionalization of existing<br />

opposition.<br />

In the next four years, the new<br />

age politicians have all the time<br />

in the world to learn how to build<br />

structures, begin conversations,<br />

explore networks and just play<br />

politics.

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