Hemispheres 2019

Lights down on Shakespeare’s portion of the stage (stage right), he will silently continue his soliloquy,
making up words. Lights up on stage left. From stage left, Joseph walks in holding a paper. He is an
ordinary, modern teenager who knows all the ins and outs of modern slang.
JOSEPH (reading the paper): Dr. Highbarger gave me an F on my Romeo and Juliet test?! Are you
kidding me, bro? “You need to spend more time with William Shakespeare and truly understand
his language.” What does that even mean, spend more time with him?
Lights down. Lights back up on the whole stage. Joseph is now in Shakespeare’s world.
Shakespeare is not yet aware of Joseph’s presence and continues his soliloquy, while Joseph will
say his lines in an aside.
SHAKESPEARE: Where once I was able to captivate audiences and move the hearts and minds of
England, now only glazed eyes and hard souls look upon what would have been my masterpiece:
Romeo and Juliet!
JOSEPH (shocked): That’s William Shakespeare! How is that even possible, man? (light bulb clicks).
My teacher must have put a time travel spell on those words so that when I read them I would be
taken back to Elizabethan England!
SHAKESPEARE: Wherefore art thou, my former writing skill! Alack, I am lost.
JOSEPH: Dude, Shakespeare needs help with his language. (light bulb clicks again). If I can teach
Shakespeare modern language, his plays will be easy to read, I’ll get a good grade, and it’ll solve his
problem!
SHAKESPEARE: Hence I go to mine abode, hoping for some distant miracle to grace mine page.
The Bard is gone, now only remains the once proud Shakespeare.
JOSEPH (approaching Shakespeare): Yo, Billy, I can hook you up with that sweet new language skill
you looking for.
SHAKESPEARE (completely stunned): ……
JOSEPH: Too soon? All righty then…I’m here to help you Billy.
SHAKESPEARE: Where didst thou come from, apparition? What language dost thou speak? How
dost thou know mine name?
JOSEPH: Yuhhh, I’m from the future, I speak English like everybody does, and you’re a famous
playwright, man.
SHAKESPEARE (jaw dropping): ……
JOSEPH: Hmmm…Clearly that did not help the situation. Think of me as…your new homie!
SHAKESPEARE: How canst thou be a home when thou dost not even have a roof over thine head?
JOSEPH: Now I’m the confused one, bro! Forget what I said. Think of me as your dictionary to the
modern English language.
SHAKESPEARE: Thou dost not speak English, knave.
JOSEPH: Ummm…wouldst thou prefer me to speaketh liketh thiseth?
SHAKESPEARE: Ay! Now thy speak Shakespeare’s language.
JOSEPH: (I never was a good English student) …Anyway, I’m here to teach you to speak like the cool
kids, bro. You need new writing? Well, a whole new language is just what you need!
SHAKESPEARE: Thou may be right…I may be crazy…but it just may be a lunatic thou art looking
for…Shakespeare moves to the front of the stage for another soliloquy. This strange person whom I
do not know may be the answer to mine prayers! Nay, Shakespeare no longer, the Bard will reenter
the stage upon a grand scene of applause---