Avescope HORROR

A U G U S T E V O N O S T E R O D E
NO.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO
SAY?
Hey, Cats and Kittens! Auguste von Osterode here and today
I’m going to talk about every woman’s horror. “No.”
What? You didn’t say assault? I don’t need to. That’s low
hanging fruit. I’m actually talking about when to use the word
no. Why? Because we aren’t very good at it. In fact, I know of
women who get a little anxious when the whole ‘no.’ issue
comes up.
No is actually part of a family of words. No. Stop. Enough. Get
your hands off me. Fuck off. They all say, this is happening and I
don’t want it to. It seems so easy to say no, but as women, we
are often not as good at actually saying it as we think we will be.
1. A guy (or girl) does X and you don’t really like it but you don’t
want to be THAT girl.
2. A guy does X and you feel like you have kind of lead him on
so maybe you shouldn’t and it will be over with soon enough
and maybe if you don’t react he will get the message.
3. A guy does X and you have always thought you wanted to do
that but the execution isn’t what you thought it would be but
you kind of said he could do it so...
4. A guy does X and you REALLY like him, even though you
don’t like what he’s doing and you don’t want him to stop
liking you so you let him do it anyway even though it’s not
what you want.
5. A guy does X and you are worried if you say no he might get
mad and it’s just not worth it.
6. A guy does X and you want it to stop but you know he’s really
turned on and he probably won’t stop anyway.
Do any of the above sound familiar? And then you sit/lay there
just praying for it all to stop while inside your brain is screaming
‘Why isn’t this stopping?’ It’s a horror. It really is. Because if
something is happening and you don’t want it to? It’s a form of
assault. The problem is, a lot of guys don’t know what’s going
on if you don’t tell them. It’s a catch 22.
#MeToo, of which I’m a member a few times over, is a
movement that I believe in. At the same time, there are men
who have been accused of assault who didn’t honestly know or
understand that they were assaulting someone because the
woman involved didn’t say a word.
Avescope | 15
Now you are mad at me, but let me explain.
Aziz Ansari was accused of assault by a woman and he was
floored by it. They went on a date, they fooled around and she
went home. Later she said that she wanted him to stop the
whole time, but she didn’t really tell him. There is no doubt in
my mind that he pushed a little too hard, but at the same time,
she stayed. Then she accused him of sexual assault. For the
woman involved, I think she absolutely believes he assaulted
her. For Ansari? I don’t think he realised just how much she
didn’t want what he was laying out.
Men need to know and women need to tell them. The problem
is, women aren’t good at the telling and men aren’t mind
readers. Men so aren’t mind readers… And women know that…
except in the bedroom, it seems.
‘No. Stop. Get your hands off me.’ It seems so easy to say. Until it
isn’t.
About a year ago, I had that date. I was out with someone who
I’d had flirted with a lot, and then we parted. We were both off
travelling. Then we crossed paths again. I thought I wanted him.
I really did. We had some drinks. We talked. He had gotten into
some stuff on his travels that made me pause a bit and wonder
if he was the person I had thought he was. Then he turned into
an octopus. No. A Kraken. There were literally tentacles
everywhere. On one hand, I was like… I really liked this man and
previous fooling around had been good. On the other, I wasn’t
so sure I liked this new incarnation and didn’t know if I wanted
to do this.
So I sat there and for a good half hour, I sort of let him do what
he wanted. A few times he said, ‘you ok?’ and I did the female
‘um hum.’ You know. The, ‘if you really knew me, you would
know I’m not ok but I’m not going to rock the boat and you
should know that by my not being enthusiastic, I’m NOT OK!’
Ever had those thoughts come tumbling in that sort of jumble?
I’m sure you have.