Narratives of Celebration Fall 2020

privilege it is to love a
woman better than a
man can! I learned a lot
from my biological
father and mother’s
marriage. He was really
abusive emotionally and
mentally to my mother.
After their divorce, my
mother spiraled through
depression and lost
herself repeatedly
throughout my
elementary years.
As a third grader,
I remember the long
night trips with my
mother to Walmart as
she plays the saddest
Hmong song she knows
that reminds her of my
father. The sound of her
gasping for air as tears
are rolling down her
cheeks unstoppably. The
constant word of
reassurance I would
have to tell my mother
in hopes that she knows
someone is listening to
her hopelessness. Even
though ten years have
passed since, I still feel
like the little eight year
old who reassures my
mother that things will
be okay. My mother is
one of the women I
uplift in my life
constantly because I
know she needs me and
has hope in me as the
next generation to do
better.
I may have grown
up witnessing the
argument from my
father to my mother but
I did not learn how to be
an abuser. Actually,
quite the opposite of an
abuser. Something in
me as a kid knew that I
was going to love the
women my brothers, in
my community, could
not. Witnessing all the
internalized oppression
upon Hmong women
made me build a sense
of admiration and deep
care for them. For
example, my current
girlfriend, I treat her
with a lot of respect. I
believe that everyone
deserves respect and
consensual
permission(s)
throughout a
relationship.
Now, my identity
of being queer has
caused me some trouble
too. Since a lot of
Hmong folx know each
other, they would tell
my mother their
thoughts and opinions
about my sexuality. My
mother used to shame
me in front of my family
in hopes that it would
turn me into a woman
who can take a man’s
hand in marriage. In my
sophomore year of high
school, she called me
into the living room for
a family meeting. Before
I knew it, she began
asking my siblings if
they recalled something
happened to me when I
was a little kid.
Indicating if someone
has touched me or tried
to touch me physically
inappropriately. My
mother believed that
incidents like that may
be the reason why I do
not want to spend my
aging life with a man.