The Alchemy of Happiness

Ghazzali 37 SIME journal (majalla.org)
this reason Abu Suleiman has said, "A good wife is not a blessing of this world merely,
but of the next, because she provides a man leisure in which to think of the next world";
and one of the Caliph Omar's sayings is, "After faith, no blessing is equal to a good
wife."
Marriage has, moreover, this good in it, that to be patient with feminine peculiarities, to
provide the necessaries which wives require, and to keep them in the path of the law, is a
very important part of religion. The Prophet said, "To give one's wife the money she
requires is more important than to give alms." Once, when Ibn Mubarak was engaged in a
campaign against the infidels, one of his companions asked him, "Is any work more
meritorious than religious war?" "Yes," he replied, "to feed and clothe one's wife and
children properly." The celebrated saint Bishr Hafi said, "It is better that a man should
work for wife and children than merely for himself." In the Traditions it has been
recorded that some sins can only be atoned for by enduring trouble for the sake of one's
family.
Concerning a certain saint it is related that his wife died and he would not marry again,
though people urged him, saying it was easier to concentrate his thoughts in solitude. One
night he saw in a dream the door of heaven opened and numbers of angels descending.
They came near and looked upon him, and one said, "Is this that selfish wretch?" and his
fellow answered, "Yes, this is he." The saint was too alarmed to ask whom they meant,
but presently a boy passed and he asked him. "It is you they are speaking about," replied
the boy; "only up to a week ago your good works were being recorded in heaven along
with those of other saints, but now they have erased your name from the roll." Greatly
disturbed in mind as soon as he awoke, he hastened to be married. From all the above
considerations it will be seen that marriage is desirable.
We come now to treat of the drawbacks to marriage. One of these is that there is a
danger, especially in the present time, that a man should gain a livelihood by unlawful
means in order to support his family, and no amount of good works can compensate for
this. The Prophet said that at the resurrection a certain man with a whole mountain load
of good works will be brought forward and stationed near the Balance. (1) He will then be
asked, " 'By what means did you support your family?' He will not be able to give a
satisfactory answer, and all his good works will be cancelled, and proclamation will be
made concerning him, 'This is the man whose family have devoured all his good deeds!'
"
Another drawback to marriage is this, that to treat one's family kindly and patiently and
to bring their affairs to a satisfactory issue can only be done by those who have a good
disposition. There is a great danger lest a man should treat his family harshly, or neglect
them, and so bring sin upon himself. The Prophet said: "He who deserts his wife and
children is like a runaway slave; till he returns to them none of his fasts or prayers will be
accepted by God." In brief, man has a lower nature, and, till he can control his own lower
nature, he had better not assume the responsibility of controlling another's. Someone
asked the saint Bishr Hafi why he did not marry. "I am afraid," he replied, "of that verse