A8 ews Lite The Californian’s Time-Honored Humor SectionThursday, October 13, 2022Cal High hijinks back in full forceA new yearmeans moreabsurdities oncampusDhruv KommuriStaff WriterThe the first quarter of the2022-23 school year is alreadyin the books, and Cal Highis off to a bit of a rough startonce again.A new school year alwaysseems to mean the same thing:more expectations that won’t bemet, entertaining club activities,and more “appetizing” foodfor lunch.With new Principal DemetriusBall taking over, some newrules were introduced. Whensome of the rules regardingseating during lunch for thisyear were announced, lots ofstudents immediately thoughtCal was going to be like glorifieddetention.These rules prevented studentsfrom going to the backparking lot during school hours,and restricted all students to thecommons and the quad duringbreaks.As a compromise, severalnew tables were added aroundthe quad, that way only mostof the students would have toeither stand or sit on the warm,comfy concrete.What a luxury.Students, reasonably enough,felt like they were going to bepacked in like sardines. Tocombat this, they had decidedto protest with a walkout.However, because of therules students were protesting,they couldn’t go through thegates to commence said walkout,making it more of a walk-in.Illustration by Pavani BalajiCrafty crooks quickly carry away candy during Club Fair, just one of the many interesting events that has already taken on a strange twist this school year.Trying to protest seating rulesonly to be stopped by seatingrules. Oh the immobile irony.Speaking of being stuck inthe quad, last month studentsgot to experience the wonderof Club Fair, where every singleclub-seeking student wascrowded into a small ring aroundthe quad. Spectacular.Many of the students wereinterested in joining new clubsfor their own interests, to widentheir perspective, to add newactivities into their lives, andto meet new people.So, to make sure studentswouldn’t miss out on suchan opportunity, several clubmembers represented theiractivities in the most effectiveway possible. They shouted atthe top of their lungs that peopleshould join their club.Now, this isn’t entirelydifferent from what happensevery other year, but when youhave a river of people slowlyshambling their way through aclub alley, all that noise blendsinto one big cacophony.I would love to pursue myinterests, but it would help justa bit if I could actually hearmyself think.On the other hand, a largenumber of students were moreinterested in collecting candythan joining clubs, as manyclubs offered candy or othertreats for those who would join.The “thieves” managed totake candy by proclaiming theywould join the club, only to goback on their word and enjoythe ill-gotten goods.If this deception didn’t work,they would just pilfer the candyand run away with all thegrace and subtly of a raccoon.Sometimes, a sweet tooth isn’tthe best thing.To add onto all of this, morningtraffic around campus hassomehow gotten worse. Didn’tthink that was possible, right?With the elimination ofA-Period, everybody arrives atschool simultaneously. Now,trying to get past the river ofautomobiles into Cal is likewhitewater rafting.As the school year progresses,more notable events willhappen, no doubt, and some willeven carry on to the followingyears to come. But if history isany indication, Cal students willalways find a way to add theirown interesting twist.The newest craze: Schoology biosNew feature toschool gradingplatform leadsto unsurprisingoutcomesDallas NowlinStaff WriterSay goodbye to Instagramand Snapchat.A new form of social mediahas risen. It’s the grading platform,Schoology. All otherspale in comparison.Many students discoveredat the start of the year thatthere’s a new option allowingthem to “write a short bio” inthe Schoology settings. Alongwith the bio option, students caninclude interests, activities, andcontact information. Studentscan even insert a profile picture.With an endless amount ofoptions for their bios, manystudents have made the mostof this opportunity.“I was messing around [onSchoology] and saw it [the biofeature], and I love it!” sophomoreSophia VanDerbeek said.Other students, however, feelindifferent to the function.“I clicked many buttons onSchoology and accidentallyfound it,” sophomore DakshSingh said. “It is strange. I do notknow why there’s a bio feature.”I agree. It’s unexpected, butlet’s run with it. The opportunitiesare limitless.Although it’s a hidden, outof-placedetail, many studentshave already taken advantageof the new tool for comedicpurposes.“Have a nice day. Why areyou here?” Singh’s profile read.Good question, yet somehow,I don’t even know. Yikes man,are you gonna make me havean existential crisis about whyI chose to publish an article onSchoology bios? Oh, and I hopeyou have a nice day too.VanDerbeek added to theoverall humor of the situation,stating in her bio, “I love AustinButler.”Apparently, VanDerbeek is abig Butler fan.“I love his face and his voiceand his face!” she said.I couldn’t agree more! I mean,look at him.One student took this humoreven further. Sophomore SrinathParvatine’s bio includedmultiple links to Rick Astley’sPhoto by Wyatt GollaStudents such as News Lite Editor Wyatt Golla have made the most out of the new Schoologybio feature by highlighting their interests, hobbies and, of course, their cleverness.notorious “Never Gonna GiveYou Up”. After all, a rickroll istruly a hallmark of the internet.Side note, Astley turns 57next year! Don’t you think hisage is the real rickroll? I don’tthink I could imagine him in anyother scenario than an odd videofound within the intricate fibersof the internet. Man, time flies.From asking around campus,the consensus on the bios waseither “What do you meanyou can write a biography onSchoology?” or “Uh, yeah,I’ve seen it, and well...it existsI guess.”Not many people seem to careabout this endearing aspect, lovinglyincluded by the creatorsof Schoology. Hopefully morestudents will take note of thefeature during the school year,and everyone could have theirown profile.Mainstream social media isperfect for meeting companions.But there are many otherways to be outgoing, such asmaking a phone call, meetingup for brunch, or my favoritemedium, the free-to-use, hipand trendy Schoology.Who knows, maybe afterthis is published, other studentsmight want to make their ownbios on Schoology. Doubtful.
Get a new sense of style with fall fashion trends.Read more about it in A&E on page B8.Graphic by Judy Luo
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