Pink Camouflage by Gemma Morgan sampler
Her husband found her by the roadside, delirious and choking on her own vomit. Gemma Morgan was 33, happily married with two young children, an outstanding army service record and a first-class international sporting career. But underneath she was a wreck, surviving on a cocktail of vodka, Valium and sleeping pills. Misogyny, sexual abuse and toxic masculinity had been the daily realities of her Army career long before being deployed unarmed and unsupported to the blood and mayhem of a war zone. Motherhood left her lost and alienated, a soldier who had deliberately suppressed her femininity with no idea how to cope. Together, these experiences triggered a mental health crisis that left her suicidal, battling PTSD, betrayed and abandoned by the institution to which she had devoted seven years of her life. With the support of her family Gemma has since been on a long, hard and bumpy road to recovery. This is her story in her own words. She has told it to inspire others, especially those who have been affected by the toxic and coercive leadership culture that continues to pervade the British Army.
Her husband found her by the roadside, delirious and choking on her own vomit. Gemma Morgan was 33, happily married with two young children, an outstanding army service record and a first-class international sporting career. But underneath she was a wreck, surviving on a cocktail of vodka, Valium and sleeping pills.
Misogyny, sexual abuse and toxic masculinity had been the daily realities of her Army career long before being deployed unarmed and unsupported to the blood and mayhem of a war zone.
Motherhood left her lost and alienated, a soldier who had deliberately suppressed her femininity with no idea how to cope.
Together, these experiences triggered a mental health crisis that left her suicidal, battling PTSD, betrayed and abandoned by the institution to which she had devoted seven years of her life.
With the support of her family Gemma has since been on a long, hard and bumpy road to recovery. This is her story in her own words. She has told it to inspire others, especially those who have been affected by the toxic and coercive leadership culture that continues to pervade the British Army.
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<strong>Pink</strong> camouflage<br />
valued and needed. When I first pulled on an England<br />
shirt, I remember the look in Dad’s eyes. The pride and<br />
excitement were things that we shared together, special<br />
moments that would stand the test of time. At home<br />
there was no prize for second best.<br />
When I was a child, it never occurred to me that<br />
people expected less of me because I was a girl. Being a<br />
girl never limited me. I never understood the boundaries,<br />
to the amusement and more often frustration of my<br />
teachers and parents. I had always been unconventional,<br />
challenging the path laid out for me. I played football<br />
and outperformed many of the boys, but I was restricted<br />
to the garden or park as girls were not allowed in the<br />
clubs back then. In swimming lessons, I was determined<br />
to wear the same as the boys and persisted each week<br />
in a pair of trunks. I saw no reason to squeeze into<br />
a restrictive costume or, worse still, a flimsy bikini. I<br />
wanted to swim unrestricted, to run, climb and wrestle<br />
in the mud. Dad joked that I should have been born<br />
a boy. Looking back, it would have been a whole lot<br />
easier.<br />
Every Sunday, Sandhurst cadets went to church in<br />
the redbrick Memorial Chapel in the middle of Chapel<br />
Square, which is framed <strong>by</strong> pretty Georgian houses. It is<br />
a peaceful spot, full of reflection and memory. Solemn<br />
but beautiful, it was a place where you could close your<br />
eyes and breathe for a moment.<br />
The main entrance faces a bronze statue dedicated to<br />
the soldiers who died in both World Wars: a reminder of<br />
the close link between officers and other ranks, that we<br />
are there to serve them as well as our country. Inside, the<br />
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