Priest_by_Sierra_Simone 3

become their mistress. But I never accepted. Even though many of them were
handsome, even though I wasn’t in a place where I could pretend money was
no object. But something about it was antithetical to my very nature, and I
couldn’t imagine accepting any of those offers. Isn’t that a ridiculous notion?
A stripper insisting on preserving her virtue?”
She didn’t seem to expect an answer and kept going. “The sad thing was
that I was actually starved for sex while I was turning down all these offers.
I’m sure you know the feeling, Father, like the slightest breeze is enough to
send you over the edge, like your skin itself is combustible.”
God, did I know that feeling. I was feeling it right now. I offered her a
weak smile, which she returned.
“I was so combustible, Father Bell. I would get wet watching the men
stroking themselves through their custom-tailored trousers. In the private
rooms, I’d pull my thong to the side and let them watch as I brought myself
off. They liked that, they liked it when I teased myself and rubbed myself and
rode my hand until I shuddered and sighed.”
I realized my hands were gripping the arms of the chair very hard now, and
I tried to flush out all the images her words were conjuring, but I couldn’t and
she continued on, oblivious to my sudden discomfort, innocently secure in
the mistaken notion that I was simply an input for information, an output for
advice, and not a twenty-nine-year-old man.
“But it wasn’t the same, getting myself off,” she said. “I wanted to be
fucked, fucked and used. I wanted to be filled with someone’s dick, I wanted
to have fingers in my mouth and in my cunt. In my ass.” She took a breath.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t breathe.
“What’s that sin called? I know it has to be one. Is it just lust…or is it
something worse? What kind of prayer should I pray for that one? And what
if I don’t feel bad about what I’ve done, the things I wanted to do? Even now,
even after what happened last month, I still want it. I still feel lonely, I still
want to be fucked. Which is confusing as hell because I have no idea about
anything else I want out of my life.”
Despite everything, I still wanted to respond to her last sentence, the
ultimate motivation for her being here in this office. I wanted to take her hand
and give her soft intimations of wisdom, but fuck, nothing about me was soft
right now.
Her words.