Bonus: This issue is strong enough for a man - University of Windsor

.The Oyez salutes one of h<strong>is</strong> most beloved unsung
heroes, SLS VP Keely Duncan for her years
of service in making Windsor Law a safer place.
No stranger to beat-downs, Duncan has been patrolling
school events for three years now, pouncing
at the first signs of trouble. Duncan, a trained
wrestler and personal bodyguard of Dean Gold’s
Jaguar, credits her skills to her extensive training
and experience. “There are more threats to that car
than you would imagine, snow, salt, and doordings
are just some of the dangers I would face on
a daily bas<strong>is</strong>.” I pity the fool that dared ding that
door.
Known primarily for her grappling skills, Duncan <strong>is</strong>n’t afraid to stand in there and throw
some punches either. Just ask Arun Kr<strong>is</strong>hnamurti, who felt the wrath of a Duncan punch at
last-weeks SLS meeting. “I put forth a motion for vegetarian pizza at our next meeting”
says Arun, “She yelled ‘PEPPERONNI!” and wham! Knocked me to the floor.” When
Arun awoke he was in the grips of Duncan’s patented fin<strong>is</strong>hing move, the head-lock, or
“Dead-Lock” as Duncan calls it.
In response to the recent rash of violence amongst and against Windsor Law students, the
SLS has beefed up security around the law building in order to make students feel more at
ease. The SLS approved the hiring of “Kimbo” Keely to the post of law school bouncer,
effectively immediately. Keely will be checking ID’s at the University Ave entrance daily
and monitoring the free alcohol intake of Windsor students at upcoming school celebrations.
Duncan also intends to protect students from bio-terror<strong>is</strong>m, prom<strong>is</strong>ing to take a nibble
out of every sandwich provided at Speaker’s
Committee Event just to make sure there <strong>is</strong> no
tainted meat. As a big-fan of these freesandwiches,
it feels good knowing there <strong>is</strong> someone
out there watching over us.
Keepin’ out the riff-raff since 2006.
the oyez | vice-president dominations| 20
Y’all best stay in line, lest ya be cru<strong>is</strong>in’ for a bru<strong>is</strong>in’.
For her hard work and dedication to keeping the
peace and protecting our welfare, the Oyez salutes
you Keely Duncan. Please don’t hurt us.