Men's monologues The Notebook © 2004 by Wendy Kesselman ...

Men’s monologues
The Notebook
© 2004 by Wendy Kesselman
WARREN:
I have a secret. A terrible secret. No one knows. No one in the world.
Except my parents. They have to. They live with me. But my secret…I
like to read. What am I saying… “like.” Get up every morning, go to bed
every night, breathe, dream, tremble, live to read!...I mean, I’ll read
anything—cereal boxes, graffiti…But books! That first moment with a
brand-­‐new untouched book. Running my hand over the sleek shining
cover. Opening it in the silence of my room. That first page. Those first
words. And you know what’s even better than a new book? An old one.
The worn leather cover, the soft secret smell! What hands have
touched these pages, devoured these words in some faraway room
long ago? War and Peace. My favorite! Exactly one thousand, four
hundred and forty-­‐four pages long. Why does it have to end? I bought it
from this amazing man at a secondhand bookstore on the Lower East
Side. And in it I found the one person I’d waited for my whole life, the
person I’d die for, my favorite, my only heroine—the radiant, the
divine…Natasha! But I can’t go into that now.

Lobby Hero
© 2002 by Kenneth Lonergan
JEFF
[to female cop]
Hey, can I ask you something, Officer?...
Remember how a long time ago, like when we were kids, the police
uniforms used to be all dark blue? And then around the 1980s I guess,
they switched them to dark blue pants and a light blue shirt? And then
recently they switched ‘em back to dark blue pants and a dark blue
shirt again? What I always wondered was, Did they throw out all the old
dark blue pants when they did that or did they just throw out all the
light blue shirts and then get dark blue shirts that matched the old dark
blue pants, so they wouldn’t have to buy all new pants? Because that
would be quite a savings.
If you think about it, you could be wearing pants rights now that were
being worn by some lady cop in 1975, if you think about it. Except I
guess the women police officers didn’t wear pants back in 1975. I don’t
mean they didn’t wear pants, like they were walkin’ around in their
underwear. I just mean they were still wearin’ skirts back then, weren’t
they? I know I’m blathering, I’m just completely in love with you, can I
just say that?

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
written by Roald Dahl
Slugworth: I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. You found the fifth Golden
Ticket. May I introduce myself. Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth
Chocolates, Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going to make you
very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this moment working on a fantastic invention:
the Everlasting Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I want you to do is
to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me so that I can find
the secret formula. Your reward will be ten thousand of these. (he flips through a
stack of money) Think it over, will you. A new house for your family, and good
food and comfort for the rest of their lives. And don't forget the name: Everlasting
Gobstopper.

You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown
written by Clark Gesner, based on the characters of "Peanuts" by Charles M.
Schulz
Snoopy: (on top of doghouse, speaking over music) Here's the World One I flying
ace high over France in his Sopwith Camel, searching for the infamous Red Baron!
I must bring him down! Suddenly, anti-­‐aircraft fire, 'archie' we used to called it,
begins to burst beneath my plane. The Red Baron has spotted me. Nyahh, Nyahh,
Nyahh! You can't hit me! (aside) Actually, tough flying aces never say 'Nyahh,
Nyahh, Nyahh'. I just, ah...Drat this fog! It's bad enough having to fight the Red
Baron without having to fly in weather like this! All right, Red Baron! Where are
you? You can't hide forever! Ah, the sun has broken through...I can see the woods
of Montsec below...and what's that? It's a Fokker triplane! Ha! I've got you this
time, Red Baron (SFX: machine gun fire) Aaugh! He's diving down out of the sun!
He's tricked me again! I've got to run! Come on Sopwith Camel, let's go! Go,
Camel, go! I can't shake him! He's riddling my plane with bullets! (SFX: machine
gun fire) Curse you, Red Baron! Curse you and your kind! Curse the evil that
causes all this unhappiness! (SFX: plane engine sputtering towards
silence) Here's the World War I flying ace back at the aerodrome in France, he is
exhausted and yet he does not sleep, for one thought continues to burn in his
mind...Someday, someday I'll get you, Red Baron!

You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown
written by Clark Gesner, based on the characters of "Peanuts" by Charles M.
Schulz
Schroeder: I'm sorry to have to say it to your face, Lucy, but it's true. You're a very
crabby person. I know your crabbiness has probably become so natural to you
now that you're not even aware when you're being crabby, but it's true just the
same. You're a very crabby person and you're crabby to just about everyone you
meet. Now I hope you don't mind my saying this, Lucy, and I hope you're take it in
the spirit that it's meant. I think we should be very open to any opportunity to
learn more about ourselves. I think Socrates was very right when he said that one
of the first rules for anyone in life is 'Know Thyself'. Well, I guess I've said about
enough. I hope I haven't offended you or anything. (awkward exit)

Back to the Future
written by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale
Doc Brown: Let me show you how it works. First, you turn the time circuits on.
This readout tells you where you're going, this one tells you where you are, this
one tells you where you were. You input the destination time on this keypad. Say,
you wanna see the signing of the declaration of independence, or witness the
birth or Christ. Here's a red-­‐letter date in the history of science, November 5,
1955. Yes, of course, November 5, 1955...That was the day I invented time travel.
I remember it vividly. I was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the
porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the edge of the sink. And when I
came to I had a revelation, a VISION, a picture in my head, a picture of this. This is
what makes time travel possible. The flux capacitor...It's taken me almost thirty
years and my entire family fortune to realize the vision of that day, my god has it
been that long. Things have certainly changed around here. I remember when this
was all farmland as far as the eye could see. Old man Peabody, owned all of this.
He had this crazy idea about breeding pine trees. (gets weird faraway look in his
eyes and shakes it away)

Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio, screen story by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio,
Stuart Beattie, and Jay Wolpert
Jack Sparrow: The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and
what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept the fact that your father was a
pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have
to square with that someday. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I
can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under
the command of a pirate, or can you not?

To Kill A Mockingbird
written by Horton Foote, from the novel by Harper Lee
Atticus Finch: Gentlemen, I shall be brief, but I would like to use my remaining
time with you to remind you that the case of Mayella Ewell vs. Tom Robinson is
not a difficult one. To begin with, this case should have never come to trial. The
state of Alabama has not produced one iota of medical evidence that shows that
the crime Tom Robinson is charged with ever took place. This case is as simple as
black and white. It requires no minute sifting of complicated facts, but it does
require you to be sure beyond all reasonable doubt as to the guilt of the
defendant.
Miss Ewell did something that in our society is unspeakable: she is white, and she
tempted a Negro. The defendant is not guilty, but someone in this courtroom is. I
have nothing but pity in my heart for the chief witness for the state, but my pity
does not extend so far as to her putting a man's life at stake. She knew full well
the enormity of her offense, but because her desires were stronger than the code
she was breaking, she persisted. The state of Alabama has relied solely upon the
testimony of two witnesses who's evidence has not only been called into serious
question, but has been flatly contradicted by the defendant.
I need not remind you of their appearance and conduct on the stand. They have
presented themselves in the cynical confidence that their testimony would not be
doubted. They were confident that you, the jury, would go along with the evil
assumption that all Negro's lie, and are immoral. Mr. Robinson is accused of rape,
when it was she who made the advances on him. He put his word against two
white people's, and now he is on trial for no apparent reason-­‐ except that he is
black.
Thomas Jefferson once said that all men are created equal, a phrase that the
government is fond of hurling at us. There is a tendency in this year of grace,
1935, for certain people to use that phrase out of context, to satisfy all conditions.
We know that all men are not created equal in the sense that some people would
have us believe. Some people are smarter than others, some people have more
opportunity because they are born with it, some men have more money than
others, and some people are more gifted than others.
But there is one way in this country in which all men are created equal. An
institution that makes a pauper the equal of a Rockefeller, the ignorant man the
equal of any president, and the stupid man the equal of Einstein. That institution
is the court. But a court is only as sound as its jury, and the jury is only as sound as
the men who make it up.

I am confident that you gentlemen will review without passion the evidence you
have heard, come to a decision, and restore the defendant to his family. In the
name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, gentlemen, believe Tom
Robinson.